What does it mean to be feminine?

[yms]

Hi

This word - feminine - gets used a lot here.

I have asked several female friends over the years what they think it means to be feminine and in each case I was met with a shake of the head and a blank stare.

I hear fashion designers and fashion journalists use this word to describe clothing and the silhouette created by clothing styles and shoe styles.

On the other hand, the question "what does it mean to be a woman" is one that many women have and will respond to and has been discussed by women for years.

Years ago, instead of talking about femininity, the phrase may have been "lady-like."

But it seems to me that the question of what is feminine is a question that only men ask and answer, and the answer usually revolves around the things that men find attractive, arousing and erotic in women. Discussions - here and elsewhere - that label this or that feminine usually involve a woman's visual presentation, and not her state of mind, whereas being a woman is more a matter of state of mind than visual appearance.

For example, in Western culture, excessive body hair is not considered feminine on women. Does this mean that as a woman grows older and her body chemistry changes and she develop more body hair she is not a woman?


Would some of the GGs who come here get as upset with the discussion if a crossdresser said "I dress in a more feminine manner than my wife" rather than say "I am more feminine than my wife?" While the two sound very similar, the first is bestowing femininity on the clothing, the second on the person. My sense is that the second kind of remark may be getting interpreted by GGs as "I am more of a woman than you," which would rightly piss somebody off, especially because it's not true.

I think the question "what does it mean to be feminine" makes sense only to men, since it speaks to what men find attractive in women. Crossdressers seem to have the ability to separate femininity from being a woman. I don't think women distinguish between the two.

Speaking for myself, I don't equate being feminine with being a woman, so I wonder if sometimes, in the discussions here, the two get used interchangeably.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

[Bev06 GG]

You made some good points Yvonne. And like you I dont necessarily equate feminism with women. Infact I know quite a few regular guys who I'd say were very effeminate or feminine in their ways. Bless.

Neither would I describe myself as particularly feminine. Maybe occassionally but certainly not on the whole. I am mostly a go get it done with the least amount of fuss and no nonsense type of a person. Haven't got time to be feminine or ponse around. Not that there is anything wrong with ponsing around its just not my style. So if A CD said she was more feminine than me then I'd probably be inclined to believe her.
Take care
Bev

[Donna Michelle]

Look up the definition of feminine in the dictionary. There are online dictionaries. "Characterized by or possessing qualities generally attributed to a woman." Okay, who defines what qualities are attributed to a woman? Society? This may include attire, behavior or physical attributes.

I try not to compare people and simply accept them as they are. Differences are what makes people unique and special.

[Kate Simmons]

Beats me Hon. I'm just myself. Whether that is "feminine" or not is in the eye of the beholder most of the time.

[Sophia KT]

Dunno,

It might help to consider it as like the 'theory of forms' [see Plato, etc.]. The idea is that there is something 'good' which other things that are good share in. Perhaps there is something feminine which lots of other people share in.

It will do me for now anyway,

[Deborah Jane]

When i dress i try and look as girly as i can, but as for being feminine, i think it depends on your view of femininity.
I think personally, i,ve got to many male traits to really be feminine!!

[amber 07]

There is a definite difference between being a female and being feminine. A person is born a female, or not. A person can be feminine no matter which gender he or she is born. I think that a lot of the misunderstanding that has come to pass on this forum is a misunderstanding of the two words. Its possible for a CD to be more feminine than a GG but a female he/she will never be. A quick glance at folks while out and about should confirm this. Hugs, Amber

[victoriamwilliams1]

Unless we as CD/TG where raised as girls we could never truly understand or even grasp what is feminine. I know when I am dressed I appear feminine however I am no where near as feminine as a GG especially while shopping!

Shopping Male Mode: 90% Hunter
Shopping Female Mode: 80% Hunter
Finding a great deal in hunting mode.

Priceless!

Finding a great deal not hunting.

Extreme savings and super priceless!

[battybattybats]

This is a complex subject.
Most of what we associate with gender is purely cultural but some isn't.

Functional MRI scans are showing more and more brain differences in the averages of men and women showing even similarities in some parts of the brains of gay men and straight women that are more different betwee straight men and straight women.

Some studies have shown that MtF transexuals have brains more like womens than mens.

I'd expect lesser versions of those same phenomena in crossdressers.

For me femininity includes: Everything I wasn't suppossed to do or like as a kid teen and adult because I was 'a boy'. Everything that triggers the emotions and feelings I locked away with my crossdressing over the years. Whatever I choose femininity to be. So it includes notions of strength, logic and power that I have seen in women that are not traditionally seen as feminine.

[DemonicDaughter]

Here's a link to the thread I started on the same topic. Interesting stuff.

True femininity, what does it mean for you?

[Satrana]

Femininity is what society tells you it is. It is a group of human attributes and emotional states of mind that have been (traditionally) allocated to women largely based on their historic social roles as wives/mothers and also other things like being the physically weaker sex and lack of personal/political power denied to them.

Ideas of femininity change from culture to culture. Femininity to an Eskimo has many differences to that understood by a bushwoman in Africa.

In Western society there is a major focus on the shallower aspects namely the visual look of clothes and makeup and the sexuality of women's minds and bodies. This is why crossdressing is more prevalent in Western societies than in other countries where other aspects of traditional female roles are more important to defining femininity.

Another interesting factoid to think about is how we all agree in the West that women are the more beautiful sex. It never occurs to us to think it could be otherwise but in fact there are societies who think males are the more beautiful sex. Even in the West this has been the case. The ancient Greeks for example adored and idolized male beauty and thought women dowdy in comparison.

But the true essence of femininity is that it has to be the complete opposite of masculinity and vice versa. Whatever women are, men are not. And whatever men are, women are not. The problem today is that male and female roles and aspirations are increasingly overlapping with each other which means identifying what is masculine and what is feminine is becoming ever more blurred to the point where people are no longer able to agree what it means anymore.

[Laura_Stephens]

For me, being feminie goes beyond the clothing, makeup, hair, etc. Being feminine has to do with the way one's brain is wired. I see myself as feminine even though I am in no way attractive when dressed. I get very tired of pretending to be a stereotypical macho male.

[Wendy me]

know what i think????.....What does it mean to be feminine????????........if you have to run out and tell every one how feminine you are ..... most likely you need a ego pumping ...most here MTF'S could never pull off being truly feminine even while working on it ..... while any GG just being who she is ,......is more feminine than we could ever think of being...........

mtf's and ftm's might try as they will to pull off the other genders look and how they act ... sit.... walk........and bathroom habits or what ever one might need to study ..... to truly master the other genders ways i believe there is only one group that can do this and that my Friends is the persons of what ever gender we are looking at........

[TGMarla]

Femininity is what society tells you it is.

Only partly. There are inherent traits of femininity that transcend societal lines. Even in societies that are predominantly matriarchal, there are feminine traits that are found commonly in women.

This is presupposing that traits common to women are common traits of femininity. But this can be held to be true. What causes femininity? Is it behavior that is displayed or felt in a lack of testosterone, or a behavioral result of the effects of estrogen? Perhaps partly, but that would not explain my penchance for being feminine. I have no lack of testosterone, and I'm not overtly feminine when I'm just being a guy. Yet I gravitate towards feminine clothing and behave with feminine mannerisms when I get the chance to. So in part, I'm actually forcing myself into feminine behavior voluntarily.

Not all feminine traits are common to all women, but across the board, women tend to be more nurturing, have an eye for color coordination, are more interested in emotional bonding, and are drawn to that which is soft and delicate to the eye and the touch. Of course this varies from woman to woman. But whether a woman is in a position of power or in one of submission (or anywhere on that curve), these and other traits show up to one degree or another.

So what does it mean to be feminine? We have to resort to stereotypes in order to come to a definition. There are certain behavioral patterns and mannerisms we equate with femininity. Women are granted the right to be feminine by birthright, so they can "be" feminine just by being themselves. It shows up in their thought patterns and their mannerisms. They must go out of their way to bring out the masculine in themselves, and some do. The same goes for transgendered males, who have to put a little work into it in order to bring out the feminine. But it can work this way, and does sometimes.

[Karren H]

Beats me... I'm not really a woman so I wouldn't know .... I'm just me... Femish... no matter what I'm wearing...

[Tina Dixon]

When I dress I try my best to be a women and when I walk in my heels the Frankenstein Monster is more feminine than me, there thats my explanation

[Fab Karen]

Here's a link to the thread I started on the same topic. Interesting stuff.

True femininity, what does it mean for you?

I was gonna mention that you'd done this subject.