I know about his CDing... he doesn't know I know

[SAMANTHA_IN_MT]

Let me put my 2 cents worth in here, My wife gf at the time found some pic's of me on my computer. She is a pretty up front girl and flat out confronted me about them. Asked all the normal questions, are you gay?, do you want a sex change?, how long have you been dressing? etc. well after about an hour of a very embarassing conversation on my part she accepted it. The point im trying to make is this is a very embarassing thing to talk with a spouse or friend about. This is the most private thing a person does and its hard to open up and share it with somebody, in some ways it is a kinda of stripping down and showing that you arent that macho man you may have married and its very hard to admit that. look at the carears post on this forum you will see a good majority of us have very macho carears. I am an EMT for example also was a firefighter for a few years. A lot of us try to over masculate to compensate for our fem feelings. Something that may help him is getting him some info off the web or leave a book out like "My husband wears my clothes" it may help him come to tearms with the confusing feelings that he is having. Reassureing him that a lot more men than he may think crossdress and being labeled a crossdresser is a badge of honor not a demeaning label. It shows the world that we are in touch with our masculanity and feminaty that is the only complete person in truth. Sorry for rambling and I hope to chat with you some more feel free to e mail me and I would be happy to pass it on to my wife if you so desire.

[Bev06 GG]

. The point im trying to make is this is a very embarassing thing to talk with a spouse or friend about. This is the most private thing a person does and its hard to open up and share it with somebody, in some ways it is a kinda of stripping down and showing that you arent that macho man you may have married and its very hard to admit that. .

Exactly. My hope for him would be that he would do in time because I dont think its healthy to keep these things a secret and bottle them up inside of you. But very well said Samantha
Bev

[TGMarla]

Where subtlety doesn't work, sometimes blunt objects do.

Reinforce the love and commitment you feel. Be disarming and sure. Place him (her) at ease.

Then just bluntly tell your SO that you know, and that you want to be a part of it. These are the words that many of us long to hear.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Tell him bluntly that you know he is a crossdresser, that you love him and accept him. Then wait for him to talk to you. Using myself as an example, I am very thick headed at times and don't big up on huge hints at times.

Kimberly votes for the bluntness approach.

[DemonicDaughter]

For a while I had my suspicions, having been with a cder before, but also knew that if I was wrong and just blurted it out... oh the mess that would have been...

But then, the day or so before Valentine's day, I had a conversation with a few friends. My days in the theater were mentioned and someone asked about a friend that crossdresses. Unfortunately, this started this big huge argument about it and I was so infuriated I must have been purple!

Valentine's day: I'm sitting with Kayla (not knowing Kayla existed yet) and began to relay the whole conversation. As I talked I realized she had no adverse reaction, didn't say it was "gay", "gross".... really she didn't say much of anything. So suddenly I figured, what the hell. I asked her if she ever dressed before. She kind of didn't answer. I asked if she'd be upset if someone dressed her as a female. She said no, I said, "great, let's go into the bathroom!" In a short amount of time, Kayla (makeup done and in some of my clothes) sat before me and finally admitted she was a cder.

I've been madly in love ever since. Talk about a hell of a Valentine's gift. I now consider that Kayla's birthday as well.

[Jacqui]

Since you've only known him for a year, there must be some things that he doesn't know about you.

Wait for the proper cue and tell him about the first great love of your life who happened to be a cd. You loved the feminine side of him as much as his masculine self.

The reason you broke up was that he wouldn't dress often enough and seemed to withhold the feminine side of his personality which you truly adored. You still think of him to this day!

Maybe that'll give him an opening...


Jacqui


p.s. Kayla, you are some lucky dudette!

[Jilmac]

First of all because this is only your second post, I'd like to welcome you to the forum. You'll find the "sisters" here to be friendly and helpful.

My advice would be to 'fess up and tell your partner what you found. Tell him how much you love him and that you would very much like to be a part of his journey. Offer to take him on a fabulous shopping spree, help him with makeup and accessorizing, and offer him your unconditional support. Be direct, some people (including myself) can't recognize a subtle hint if it bites them on the butt. Good luck and keep up posted on yours and his progress.

Luv and Jill

[Randy]

I side with Karen Hutton. Tell him what you found and stress that this is OK with you. Encourage him to share what he'd want to share and take it from there. He may be a little scared about letting you in on this because of past experience or just plain fear (probably been afraid of being found out for longer than you realize).

Good luck - really.

[Beth-Lock]

Ask your partner if they have ever dessed up as a girl on Halloween, after getting around to tht topic with some loosely related chatter. That might be one way of subtly introducing it, but be more than a hint of an opening.

[racquel]

Where subtlety doesn't work, sometimes blunt objects do.

Reinforce the love and commitment you feel. Be disarming and sure. Place him (her) at ease.

Then just bluntly tell your SO that you know, and that you want to be a part of it. These are the words that many of us long to hear.

This sound like it would work,no room for mis-understanding's.

[Kimberly Marie]

Well here is a thought ....could the teens have anything to do with that? Maybe he doesn't want them to ever find out. And affraid if you know they some how might find out. Just a thought.

[Pamela Julie]

I suspect he got your hints and brushed them off, hoping they would go away. He may not accept his crossdressing or possibly being transsexual himself, and is afraid it may mess up your relationship. Many are strong on the outside in their male persona, but fragile inside about their femme side. You don't want to do anything to hurt your relationship or him. When he can accept his femme side, then he will be ready to confide in you. Just continue to show your caring, loving, and open minded self.

Pamela

[AmandaM]

OMG, do you have a sister! Seriously, this is probably a good way for our beloved poster to approach her man.

For a while I had my suspicions, having been with a cder before, but also knew that if I was wrong and just blurted it out... oh the mess that would have been...

But then, the day or so before Valentine's day, I had a conversation with a few friends. My days in the theater were mentioned and someone asked about a friend that crossdresses. Unfortunately, this started this big huge argument about it and I was so infuriated I must have been purple!

Valentine's day: I'm sitting with Kayla (not knowing Kayla existed yet) and began to relay the whole conversation. As I talked I realized she had no adverse reaction, didn't say it was "gay", "gross".... really she didn't say much of anything. So suddenly I figured, what the hell. I asked her if she ever dressed before. She kind of didn't answer. I asked if she'd be upset if someone dressed her as a female. She said no, I said, "great, let's go into the bathroom!" In a short amount of time, Kayla (makeup done and in some of my clothes) sat before me and finally admitted she was a cder.

I've been madly in love ever since. Talk about a hell of a Valentine's gift. I now consider that Kayla's birthday as well.

[Sarah_GG]

Thank you all for your advice. And I'm afraid I don't have a sister, twin or otherwise! I am going to have to learn to be patient and take it as it comes - little by little I suspect. I have thought about films (to open the dialogue) but can only think of 'Priscilla...' which we watched very recently (but before I found out for sure). Are there any other titles you could recommend? I can understand his reluctance to share and he has hinted that there's something but "not yet". In the meantime, I will just concentrate on other things in my life and try not to let this 'secret' become the overwhelming part of it, which it's in danger of becoming! Thank you all - I'm sure I'll be back!

[Angie G]

Tell him you have a strong feeling he liks to dress and you like the idea maybe he'll open up then hun.
Angie

[immike]

I 'found' some images of my partner (we've been together for one year) and am now quite confident that he has cross-dressed in the past (and therefore is a cross-dresser). I am open-minded and would like him to share his secret. I've left openings a mile wide but he isn't 'taking the bait'. I don't want to admit that I know... because I shouldn't have looked in the first place. How can I get him to 'open' up to me? I've known for about three weeks now and sort of known for five months so I've had plenty of time to get used to the idea - reading forums and every piece of information available. I'd like to be on this 'journey' with him... perhaps he wants to keep it to himself? Any ideas how I can get him to open up? I've offered him my silk panties to wear ("I'd stretch them") and offered to paint his toenails. I'm left with the feeling that it's me visiting this thing on him rather than me helping to facilitate this part of his personality... which I'm happy to embrace! Thwarted!

Maid of Honor-I am a closet CD,absolute secrecy? I am guilty of wearing my mothers clothes&I'd be PETRIFIED if she found out.I love to wear all of her good outfis,especially
her mini skirts&tops&all her business suits.I really love taking fresh pkgs of pantyhose out
of her drawer&wearing them with heels

[Sharon B.]

Instead of offering him(her) your panties to wear, take charge and make him(her) wear them.
Once you get her into your panties take if farther and make her go all the way as far as dressing goes and see where it goes.
Just my two cents worth.

[CowGurl Rachel]

I have thought about films (to open the dialogue) but can only think of 'Priscilla...' which we watched very recently (but before I found out for sure). Are there any other titles you could recommend?

See if you can find "To Wong Foo, thanks for everything Julie Newmar". It was released in 1995 and stars Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes of all people. It's about Drag Queens that get stranded in a small and very conservative town while on a road trip. It is great fun to watch and might actually get him/her to realize that CDing is OK!



Rachel

[AmandaM]

Well, you could tell him you like it and it turns you on. OR you could just toss him a pair and tell him, "oh, go ahead, no one cares".

[Carly D.]

I have a thought.. maybe he has given up on cross dressing for you.. thinking now he has what he really wants, does he want to risk screwing up the relationship by introducing another person into it, although it is him.. also the pictures of him dressed up, are they real or photo shopped?? someone might have made pictures for him to give an idea what he would look like dressed up.. kind of a reach I know but still.. and finally have you found any clothes around the house that aren't yours.. if he really is a crossdresser or has these tendencies a way to get him to snap into that mode would possibly be a dare.. Halloween is a good time to get just about any guy to dress as fem.. I'd love to be dared to cross dress and go out to a party...

[Sarah_GG]

The Halloween thing doesn't work too well in the UK! The nearest I could get is tickets for the next Rocky Horror Show! The images are definitely him, not photo-shopped and taken about ten years ago (detective work on the surroundings). He could've decided to put it behind him until the teens have all left home. It could be the reason his last relationship failed. He could be waiting until he can really trust me... although we're living together as one big happy family so it's a bit late for that! There is no evidence (whatsoever) of anything being hidden around the home and I haven't (won't) looked at his computer. We're going on holiday soon so the opportunity may present itself then... and I could always read a book (fiction) any recommendations for good literature on the subject?

Thanks all!

[TommiTN]

is on YouTube. I watched the entire movie in segments a couple of weeks ago. It's mostly a bit of fluff but does show CDers in a positive way.

[KandisTX]

is on YouTube. I watched the entire movie in segments a couple of weeks ago. It's mostly a bit of fluff but does show CDers in a positive way.

Sorry, I must disagree with you but that movie is NOT about crossdressers, it is about three drag queens who get "stuck" in the middle of Nebraska and have to cope with it. The three of them NEVER identify themselves in the movie as crossdressers, and they portray themselves as somewhat flamboyant drag queens in their outfits and the hairstyles etc. Please do NOT use this movie to bring out someone who you feel is closeted as a CD, it may do worse damage than you are ready to deal with.

While it does portray the Drag Queen aspect in a somewhat positive light, please remember that we (CD's) are NOT drag queens.

Kandis

[sterling12]

The absolute best film is called: "Just Like a Woman." It's a British Film, but I think the Male CD is a "Yank."

Anyway, it's lighthearted, actually portrays a CD and other CD's, treats the subject with compassion, has a love story as a subplot, and it's pretty entertaining. No TS Gurls, no Drag Queens, it's about CD's. It may be exactly what you need!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Bonnie D]

“My Husband Betty: Love, Sex and Life with a Crossdresser” by Helen Boyd

“My Husband Wears My Clothes: Crossdressing from the Perspective of a Wife” by Peggy Ed. D Rudd