I was wondering - for those of you who have told your wife about your cd'ing - looking back, was telling her the best thing you ever did, or do you sometimes wish you had kept it secret (and why)?
I was wondering - for those of you who have told your wife about your cd'ing - looking back, was telling her the best thing you ever did, or do you sometimes wish you had kept it secret (and why)?
I don't think you can expect to keep something like that a secret for long. At some point there will be a slip up.
I also think for a marriage to last you must have honesty and communication.
So in other words you got to talk about it with your SO.
I told my wife before we were married, & yes, it was probably the best thing I did. She would prefer it if I didn't do it, but she understands that it,s not something I could give up. Over the years she's been very helpful, buying things, & even making outfits for me. I don't think I could have kept it secret, & I know that I'm very lucky to have a girl like her.
I just wish I'd done a better job telling my wife about the CDing before we were married. At the time, my own self-acceptance was low and I really downplayed the whole thing. We are getting divorced (not primarily because of this issue), but I am going to be very open about this issue with any future partners.
It too told my wife soon after we met and before we were married. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Its worked out wonderfully well.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Positively the best thing I've ever done
It took 15 years before I could come out to her, but once I did it proved to be the best thing - I only wish I didn't wait so long.
My wife views on CD'ing are that so long as I don't ever adopt a 24/7 lifestyle, she is not going to stand in the way of my happiness.
In fact, it has proven to bring us closer. Since we work for the same employer when she borrows one of my tops for the day it's a great little secret between us - makes for interesting conversation on breaks.
We have been shopping together several times and always have a great time. It's great being able to look at a dress and voice how cute it is to my best friend and then follow it up with, "Wanna get it and share it?" Or laugh till we cry when we see a blouse that looks like the designer took 'being green' to the extreme by recycling last years table cloth into this years newest fashion.
Nicole
[SIZE=2]My crossdressing desires lay dormant, for the most of the first ten years we were married; then some other issues in my life caused them to re-surface. I told her then and we have been dealing with it ever since. I’m not saying it was easy, but we’ve worked through it and she is fairly accepting of me. We have gone out together a few times with me dressed, around home and out of town. Occasionally she’ll buy me some clothes, and there are times when we’ll go out shopping together. Usually when we go out shopping I’m in drab, it is better that way if we are close to home. My wife is the one the picked my name and has helped me a lot. She would rather I didn’t do this, but understands that it is part of me.
I think that telling her was the right thing to do.
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Dana Ryan
For me it's by fare the best thing I ever did and wish I had done it years sooner. If you do tell her I hope you have the luck of having a wife like mine.
Angie
Yes, couldn't and wouldn't want to keep that secret from her.
Bonus is we share some clothes, as most of "our" blouses, skirts, suits, dresses fit both of us.
OK I will be a downer and say it was a bad idea. I waited 23 years to tell her and two years later we still have and elephant in the room and she never wants to see me dressed. I think it really depends on your wife sees you after see knows about "her".
Not telling my first wife cost me a marriage.......telling my present wife while we were dating has resulted in wonderful support and understanding....
Yes. Best thing I did for the sake of our relationship. Should've done it years ago.
Sarah...
I felt I HAD to tell her before we married. I feel that we shouldn't keep secrets and that being a CD is a rather BIG secret to most of us.
It has been an UP and DOWN road over the years with being a CD and her acceptance. Someyears it is OK and others she would rather not deal with it.
Now? We are planning complimentary halloween costumes!! Me femme her male. so-o-o-o go figure?
It appears to OK for the time being, so I'm going to enjoy the ride!!
Lisa Elizabeth
The trouble with a secret is in keeping it. I did not tell my wife, or anybody for that matter. But it leaked out, and the s**t hit the fan. My wish list includes that it was still my secret, and/or that she was more accepting of it.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
You MUST tell, it's not really an option unless you crave problems...
[SIZE="3"]Starting a relationship as serious as marraige based on hiding things leads to huge mistrust issues that WILL, not maybe, explode on you one day. Then she's not going to trust you on a number of things, not just this one department. Being hubby and wife is all about faith and trust. ANYTHING that breaks that bond is extremely dangerous; whether it's crossdressing or buying a new bass boat and hiding it from her.
My wife has been very supportive. I think once they understand it's just the way we're wired up, the success stories are a lot more common than the disaster tales. If she loves you, your choice of undies shouldn't matter all that much.
Take care and God bless... and tell her asap. And do it with love... she'll enjoy having an objective shopping partner! [/SIZE]
Put me in the, "Best Thing I Ever Did" column. Maybe this will make some sense to you... by telling her, our relationship took on a similar feeling of freedom that I felt when I was able to dress. It opened new understandings for both of us and gave us new ways to relate to one another. No regrets here whatsoever.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
I had no idea that I was a cross-dresser for the first decade of my relationship (yes, seriously), so there wasn't anything to tell when the relationship started. But once I knew for sure that I liked cross-dressing and that cross-dressing was somehow important to me, hiding it from my wife became emotionally quite hard on me.
My attitude in life has been "Do the best you can at the time, and be honest"; I don't spend much time feeling guilty, because I know that I did my best the first time around (guilt arises largely from feeling that you did not do your best.) But when it came to my cross-dressing, I wasn't being honest and wasn't feeling like I was doing the best I could; it was quite draining on me, and I wasn't being the kind of person I wanted to be.
By the time my wife asked me about my stash, I had already decided that I was going to tell her (it just wasn't a "good time" due to a family illness), and I had already decided that if she asked me about it that I wasn't going to lie. So when, one Sunday morning, she asked me "Why do you have fake boobs downstairs", instead of denying or making up some story or claiming "It was a moment of weakness!", I thought for just a few seconds and answered, "So that's where they got to!"
My first wife found out the hard way after 7 years of marriage. We were young and she was narrow-minded so I didn't think she'd accept under any circumstance - which turned out to be correct.
I told my 2nd wife while we were dating. She doesn't enjoy it or get off on it but she doesn't condemn it or restrict it either. She says she knows it's part of me and she is fine with it.
Having done it both ways, I think up front is definitely the way to go...
There are days for sure, but I am very glad I told her for me, and a little sad that I told her for her. Now she feels as though I have placed part of the burden on her and I regret that she feels that way. I understand her feelings, but I think she could shed them if she wanted to. Easy for me to say. Not really, I know what it is like to carry such a load for a very long time, and as they say, the truth shall set you free.
Even if I tried to keep it a secret, I think she would have found out. She didn't believe me at first and still doesn't like to know I'm doing it. I try to tell her when I'm dressing so that she doesn't come home and freak.
It is very hard to keep secret and if you don't and she finds out then there are trust issues. My wife knew before we were married, didn't really accept it but gave me some time.
Absolutely the best thing I ever did. Her reaction was so positive that I now kick myself for procrastinating. The relief from the anxiety was the best feeling for me.
Babette
Hands down one of the best things I ever did.
No hiding, no secrets, no fear of being caught. Best of all? Someone I love and adore that I can talk to.
I don't have a wife but this guy I grew up with and his wife I told. I wish I would have told them years ago. Probably would have saved alot of hiding and kinda being rude by pushing them out of the house or not going to theirs due to me wanting to get dressed. Now I can do both.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Telling her was the best thing I ever did, aside from marrying her!!!
Wish I had told her years earlier.
Missy Anne
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