GG confession about dating CD (detailed)

[Emily Anderson]

Carrie,

Great post. Thanks very much for sharing!

I think it is quite possible to find a loving CD partner, and one who has all the characteristics you are looking for. The only issue I see is that crossdressing is not a very common lifestyle, and therefore the pool of available partners is much smaller than that of non-CD'ers.

Secondly, you may well find that many of the CD'ers with whom you would get along like a house on fire are actually in the closet, and not ready to expose themselves.

It's a tough situation, because of these two issues, and I only wish I could suggest a better way of approaching the search. Hmmm, food for thought!

[Eileen]

Carrie you did a marvelous job of describing your thoughts and feelings. If only more women could look at the trans community with an open mind. One question came to my mind. Are you ruling out those who have left their male identity for a life only as a woman? You are a refreshing spirt and are to be admired for your honesty. May you find that special someone that will bring happiness to you both.

Eileen

[Sharon B.]

Carrie,
If only more woman could see your side of it, I do think there would be more couples and less divorce.
So what I enjoy dressing as a woman, I do not hit any woman, do illegal drugs or any type of drugs.
I do feel I am trust worthy, understanding, compassionate and have a romantic side to me.
My only hang-up is I enjoy dressing completely as a woman, including shaving all body hair.
I do some outdoor actives but at the end of the day I enjoy taking a bubble bath or shower using scented feminine body wash and applying scented feminine body lotion.
We as crossdressers just have something to offer a woman that can see the benefits of being out of the ordinary.

[Fab Karen]

Hi Deja,
I suppose as a community we should try and understand peoples problems with it in the same way that we ask people to understand us. We can do this by not thinking of them as not particularly liberal in their thinking or narrow minded, just a tad uneducated in that particular area.
Take care
Bev

There's a difference between not understanding it, and the guy who basically accused her of being a freak by association. That IS narrow-minded & speaks volumes of his character. No-one needs to suffer bigots gladly.

[Celeste]

Nice post Carrie.I do like the way you are going about this.I think you'll know you're on the right track when you meet a guy who will value your decision in friendships and not belittle you because of them.It seems like you need someone serious,considerate and honest, like yourself.I certainly hope you won't be discouraged by those unfamiliar with cding.

[KateSpade83]

It shouldn't be hard for you to find a good partner cd! It's harder for us cd's to get a good woman partner! Find one in your size and you can share clothes!

It's nice to see women like you. Maybe you should enlighten other women in other forums on the internet!

[Carrie]

Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful words, encouragement and advice! I’m actually surprised that anyone would read what I wrote because it’s so long (and here's another long post). I had 3 of my friends read this before I posted it to see what I should leave out to make it shorter - they all said that everything was relevant and to post it. I am also surprised at the number of responses that I have received (posted here and private messages) this is humbling and flattering. Thank You!

Bev, Deja and others: I am very open and honest about every aspect of my life and I expect honesty in all of my relationships, including friendships. I do not tell a non-CD about the others that I’ve dated immediately. It usually comes up in a conversation because eventually, they will ask what does “I’m CD and TS friendly” mean (from my profile). The question alone is a disappointment to me because if they don’t know what it means, they are probably not one. I have actually started making up reasons not to go out with someone after I know they are not a CD. Isn’t that sad?

I had one guy tell me that he thought ”CD” meant Christ Devoted or something religious. Sometimes I do openly share my preferences in hopes that the person will admit to being a closet CD – how else will I know unless I tell him that I’m OK with it?

I had one non-CD say that he’d wear panties and stockings for me if I’d sleep with him. I told him, CD is not just about the clothes; it’s much deeper than that and to me that is part of the appeal. BTW, no, he didn’t understand and no, I didn’t sleep with him.

Jenn and Jenny Beth: I agree. Anything worth having is worth waiting for!

Di: It’s sad and refreshing to know that I am not the only one who has had these experiences in dating. It is very encouraging to know that finding THE ONE is possible. Thank you for your post!

All: I am keeping my options open and although I would prefer a CD; I don’t know who my soul-mate is, what he/she will look like or how he/she will dress. I am having fun meeting new people and making new friends. I just hope that I don’t get warts from kissing too many frogs until I find my prince/princess!

Biggest hugs for my dear friends!
~C

As for my preferences, whether you are a "girly-girl" or not, it's not a big deal to me. I can find a woman attractive even if she's wearing just a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. She doesn't need to be "dressed to the nines" to be attractive/pretty.......a beautiful personality goes a long way.
I wish you all the luck finding your "CD soulmate", and hope that everything turns out happy for you.

Dear Miss Alana,

Thank you - your kind words made my day!

Another confession: I am a GG but I don't even own sweatpants. I do have some Capri-length leggings that I wear at the gym - does that kinda count?

Hugs back to you!
~C

Are you going to get private PM's and get "hit on?" Oh, you bet! But please be aware, DD (Demonic Daughter) pointed out something a few weeks ago that is very important. Some, (A few) of the lunatic fringe are going to get weird and perhaps a bit nasty with you. You probably have experienced some of that stuff on other dating sites. But, the majority of us are kind, and caring human beings. I hope you can understand, and sort through all of that garbage to find the right people. The old adage is correct: "there are a lot of frogs out there."

(Sigh) I'm sad, your in Colorado....I'm in Florida. I'd take a fling at grabbing The Ring, but geography puts the damper on that idea. But, welcome to our little club, good luck and have fun!

Peace and Love, Joanie

Dear Miss Joanie,

To date, I have talked with several people from the forums and not one has been mean or rude and I might add that the married CDs that I’ve talked to here have all been upfront about their status. Kudos! I have met some weird people on dating sites including the guy that I quoted in my post.

If your journey ever brings you to Colorado, I’d be happy to play tour guide. ..

Smiles,
~C

Carrie,

You are not a freak. Last year I was looking for a girl like you....and she found me. She thinks she's a bit odd, but not for loving CDs. I think she's wonderful, and count myself lucky.

From your post I see are thoughtful, eloquent, have integrity, affectionate, compassionate, generous, open-minded, and have the courage of your convictions.

You will find a CD to complement you, and this person may be as rare among CDs as you are rare among humans in general. (Actually, when I do the math, its a bit scary. Damn the math! love is for fools anyhow!)

Keep searching with Passionate Patience to find your match.


Happy Hunting !

Roberta

Dear Miss Roberta,

You are so sweet! I can see why you’re already taken. She is very fortunate to have you.

BTW, Even though I’m in engineering; I don’t like math all that much. It’s too easy to skew the numbers so that the data will appear to agree with your agenda. Sit in on any management meeting and you’ll see creative math in action. Gotta love PowerPoint…

Thank you,
~C

Carrie you did a marvelous job of describing your thoughts and feelings. If only more women could look at the trans community with an open mind. One question came to my mind. Are you ruling out those who have left their male identity for a life only as a woman? You are a refreshing spirt and are to be admired for your honesty. May you find that special someone that will bring happiness to you both.

Eileen

Dear Miss Eileen,

For several months, I have been dating Jackie (sort of). She is full-time MTF pre-op TS. We are together quite a bit. We have so much in common. We are both single parents. Our teenage daughters are best friends (they connected instantly; they think they were separated at birth).

Prior to meeting Jackie, I was sure that I would not want to be with a girl who is full-time. Now I am reconsidering my thoughts. Having never been with another GG and not feeling attracted to other GGs, I don’t know if I could become a lesbian after her SRS.

Because of these concerns and others, we have agreed to just be friends. She tells me about her dates and I tell her about mine. Jackie has become one of my best friends and I love hanging out with her!

Hugs,
~C

[Joann0830]

Hi Carrie, I really loved your post. There's not much I can add to what the others Ladies have said, Its difficult being who we are and trying to relate this to a Genetic Female, who we are interseted in and hope that we are accepted. I had a wife that was a professional, A registered Nurse who accepted my Joann side but I lost her on July 11, 2001 the anniversary day of this post is when she passed away. I read your story and it makes me feel grand that there are ladies like yourself who are out there and it gives me hope that I will again meet someone like you and my Wife again. I hope that you find what you are looking for, it may take a while but the wait will be worth it.
Its also nice to see someone who sees and can understand the two sides we live in day by day. Joann0830

[emmicd]

Carrie,

You are very special in our community and we are so happy too because of your understanding and by reaching out as you have. You write so eloquently and have a lot to say. I feel sorry for the people who don't understand and accept. They are narrow minded. You are very kind and truly a friend.

I hope you find someone nice you can relate to and establish an LTR regardless of whether they crossdress or not. For me crossdressing is a big part of my life because it has been a part of my life since I'm 5 years old.

I am happily married with a son and I pretty much keep the crossdressing activities to myself. I don't force it on my family or anyone for that matter. It is only done in privacy.

A crossdresser/tg would be lucky to find a girl like you. I hope you find one that appreciates you and allows you to express yourself as a girly girl too.

emmi

[Empress Lainie]

Carrie you seem an answer to a dream. I had felt that I wanted t get married again after 3, two passed away. Then I had my unexpected change and thought then well who would want a transwoman? I even ended a promising courtship because of that. Then lovely Cynthia and I got together. I really was glad because I felt I was really restricted to other trannies.

Our age difference of 42 years is no factor, except I think some of the things she likes in movies and games are rather childish, but never would say that, I just let her do her thing.

I really do wonder what most GG's think of hooking up with a transwoman. I guess they would think it too weird, or too lesbian. I can not now feel much interest in a relationship with a man, but of course i am taken anyway.

[Claire3]

We're all differant,and thankyou Carrie for your honesty

[Alaceann]

Someone as open and honest as you will surly find the right person for you. When you least expect it and are not looking is when he/she will apear. I had quit looking and gave up when she walked into my life 19 yrs. ago and we are probably going to get married next month so don't give up hope, you are a rare and obviously careing person. Good luck in your endevors.




alaceann
:

[DemonicDaughter]

First, I'd like to say, that as much as some of us GGs might accept, support and embrace crossdressing, this DOES NOT mean the relationship will work out. Simply wanting to date us because you want to be accepted is as ridiculous as wanting to date a seamstress because she can make you skirts. There's so much more involved in a real relationship.

Second, Carrie... I've been there with ya! I recently added numerous "unusual" friends on my MySpace page. Oddly I've lost other "friends" over it. I'm far from "average", far from sweet and innocent looking and very far from what one would consider normal. But even knowing how outlandish and eccentric I am, I've STILL had people tell me they won't come hang out with me because they fear one of my "other" friends will be there and will weird them out. Good, because if I had to pick, I'd take my "unusual" friends any day.

And you are so right! Its not just about the clothes! Its their form of expression, their passion, their art! I think its one of the biggest attractions to cding for me is that it is such a beautiful form of self expression.

It is difficult to find someone who doesn't try to live out their sexual fantasies with you just because you are accepting (see Online Etiquette in my signature) but then, as you pointed out... this happens in every situation regardless if they are a cder or not.

As a bisexual woman, I was asked if my sexuality was the reason I liked cders. Honestly, no. It helps when it comes to the bedroom of course, but outside of that, no. I think my love of art is the biggest factor in my love and acceptance of cding. I can't see it as "just clothes" or "a hobby" or any other choice of words that make it sound like it is less than it really is. Art is ingrained into my life, personality, soul, being, flesh. I believe the same is true for cders. It is simply who they are.

Kayla would be the same person were she dressed in a burlap sack (and I think she could pull that off ). The clothes only show an outward expression of the inner self.

So if you're a freak, then so am I! If you have "issues" well... I'd take these sort of issues over what could be any day! I hope you continue to be a "freak", "strange" or whatever else they want to call it. For without a doubt, when you finally do find that "one" it would be worth any bit of slander to have it.

Thank you for sharing Carrie.

[Sheena Pink]

Hi Carrie,
I'm a freak too. I'm attracted to CD'ers. Married to Bre Rue. I've been introduced to the whole lifestyle this year. Before that she was in the closet. I've made some great friends here and we've met up with quite a few too!
The funny thing is when we go out, I usually get picked up. (I tell them I'm there with my husband, I guess when there's a GG around men or gurls have to try.) I'm not attracted to the men, I'll dance all night long with the gurls, but when a man asks for a dance I get the heebies. Weird, huh.
What I hate is that every gurl says how "lucky" Bre is. How "supportive" I am. This makes me feel like the freak to tell the truth. Like I'm the unobtainable thing in the culture. Like I don't belong there. They usually then tell me their sad story. Sorry honey, I'm there to have a good time, besides a club isn't the place to talk. It's too loud!
Good luck with finding you gurl, she's out there waiting for you.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Carrie,

Wow! what a lovely heart warming post, in the sense that you sound like an absolutely wonderful and lovely person. I can't believe that you don't have a long line of equally wonderful and caring "nice" CDs at your door.

Some of the things you wrote are almost exactly what my wife Marla has said to me. In particular how you met your CDing boyfriend is very similar to how me and Marla met. Thinks like:

I was initially attracted to his values and character traits of openness and honesty - qualities that I hold in high regard. Those qualities totally over-powered the fact that he wears dresses.

And also:

When I first saw her, I was immediately attracted to her because I had already gotten to know and to like the person underneath the clothes. Her dressing was never an issue for me.

And .....

The best part was taking her out and showing her off; whether we were shopping, dining or clubbing. She’s such a flirt; she would purposely swish her short skirt to get my attention….. Mmmmmm…. irresistible!

Marla likes to flirt with me when I am dressed.

However, she also agrees with you that:

I think finding my soul-mate among CDs might be even harder than finding that proverbial needle in a haystack. I have been to local CD events. I mostly meet married CD or some that have too many personal issues to even think about a relationship.

Like you, Marla wanted a crossdressing partner but not at any cost. That said, I think it's only a matter of time before you find the CDing partner of your dreams. I might be wrong, but I'm thinking that perhaps you are attracted to men who are soft, kind, caring, and emotional, rather than aggressive macho types. And that perhaps you see a connection between crossdressing and these “feminine” personality traits? If so, then I totally think that you are just like my wife, and "your girl" is just around the corner.

Unfortunately though, just as with all other non CDing partners you have to "kiss a lot of frogs before your find your prince(ss)"

Remember "there's some one for everyone" ... you just have to find them. It took me 12 years of being a singleton! Hopefully it won't take that long for you. Sending you "cupid vibes" ...

Hugs
Rachel

[Amy Hepker]

Thank You for being honest and open. I myself am honest and open and always have been with all my GGirlfriends which the other day I figured I have had around 21 in my time. Not all were accepting of my dressing while others helped for a while and then I was over whelming to them. I am very passionet and find it hard to find GGs that are also. I am with a Great Lady now, she puts up with my dressing, but does not really like it. She has bought me many things in the past. She refuses to go out in the world with me dressed as a female. She will let me dress around the house and she will kiss me when I am dressed too, but she refuses to make love while I am dressed. Although we did a little while after we met.

I LOVE her and she LOVES me, but there are many times when she does not like me. Figure that one out??? Mt dressing is not a fantasy, but is part of my real life. I am mostly Female inside and I am also and mostly male on the outside. I am very sensitive and honest as I have said I have been open with all my GGirlfriends.

I do hope you can find that special person out there that you will be perfect with, I guess if I were looking for that perfect match for me, I would still be by myself too. I cannot stand to be alone in this world and life is just way to short not to have someone in it.

I really feel for the CDs like myself that were cast aside because we were not so-called all Male. So far I have not heard what a perfect male is, many have so many conflicts within themselves they take it out on others.

[TxKimberly]

Carrie,

I share this to give you hope, not to rub your nose in it, but a LOT of us here are in marriages that have thrived for 2, 3, and 4 decades. Myself, Holly, Sally, and Gina, and I know there must be so many more.

A lot of us want a great deal more than a quick romp in the sack or a fling. In fact, I'd have to admit that I've never had a one night stand. Not that I would have declined when I was single had a gorgeous hottie ever offered . . . lol

Just like you, there are many of us that want and need that special person to love and be loved by. Much as you have said a bout your own life, our being cross dressers tends to complicate our lives and make it much harder to find that special person. I promise you that right now, there are a large number of good and decent cross dressers who are on the verge of tears asking them selves "Will I EVER find a woman that will love me?"
Please don't stop looking for the one you want, he is out there, and he is at least as lonely as you are.
For my own part, I'd like to say thank you.
Thanks for giving us a glimpse into YOUR life and thoughts.
Thanks for giving us hope that there are women who will not only tolerate us, but may actually want us.

[Deelite]

Hi Carrie, like others here - you sound the perfect person for me!

I have just come out of a long term relationship (13 years) and i am starting to look for that understanding 'special person'.

You are quite unique, but not a freak, i just wished other GG's understood like you.

I thought there was no chance i would find a person like you, but you have opened my eyes, and i will hopefully find a GG like you.

You are a special person, and whoever you find, they should consider themselves very lucky to have you.

Kisses, Dee.

[kristytv]

i wish there was more girls like like you! and btw, car shows, outdoors and cd , i am in love! , being the nut i am i so overly obsessed with cars and mix in a little cd/ts and bam, you have me! kristy

[FL_Nessa]

Carrie,

I at one time thought I had a girl like you, I told her about my dressing, and at first she was supportive. She even picked out my name for me, as time has went on though, she has become less and less supportive. I am one of the most generous people in the world. If she wants to do something, buy something, go somewhere... I say Ok... lets do it, Ok... go get it. I bring up I would really like to have a makeover done... it is all about Why?... I don't understand... and end result is me being irritated at her, and she doesn't know why I'm feeling that way.

I wouldn't trade my wife or family in for anything in the world... even a sane mind. I so wish that the mindset my wife had so many years ago will come back... but as most of us know... wishes don't go our ways.

Point I am working toward is... anybody that manages to become a part of your life is lucky beyond words. You are very attractive, kind and hopefully very soon you will also be happy with finding your perfect... honest person.

Hugs,

Nessa

[heidi99]

One unexpected obstacle that I have encountered is that when I get to know a non-CD they freak out when I tell them that I have dated CD (I don’t even get to the fact that one was a drag queen). I’ve had 3 guys dump me just for that. They mistakenly think that CD is perverted and that by my association, I must be as well.

Wow, I never thought about it from that perspective. I think most people here would agree that you are quite a bit more evolved than the close-minded fellow about whom you wrote.

BTW, I'm a girly-girl and I'm straight - I'm not attracted to other GGs. With a CD, when we get intimate, even if she's dressed, there are still the all-important boy parts. Why am I not repulsed by seeing a CD with a short skirt? Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?

Carrie, you ARE NOT A FREAK. We are all diverse, beautiful beings. I think you answered your question regarding the attractiveness: it has to do with recognizing the beauty on the inside; the outer packaging is just that - packaging.

Hang in there, girl!

[Joy Carter]

Carrie, may you find the perfect match, that has the heart and sole you richly deserve.

[JulieLynn]

What a wonderful and beautifully thought out post Carrie. You are special to me! Julielynn

[Jean Ann S]

All I can say is you would be suprised how many nice single CDs
there are out there
Just wish you lived closer
Guess you know you are a "Dream Girl" to
lots here and an inspiration to keep looking

Jean Ann

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

Although I'm still very deep in the closet, I often think about how great it would be to have a TG friend who would take turns with me. One night, I'd be a guy and take her out as a girl, the next I'd be the doll and have him escort me somewhere nice. Neither of us would be looking for sex with each other, just fun "dating." Especially if I got to wear a cocktail dress or gown.