Hi! I have seen many posts from CD discussing their problems and concerns with dating. As a single GG attracted to CD, here’s my perspective; my experiences and challenges. For background, I will start by describing how I got involved in the CD community:
I've been divorced for many years but only recently decided it was time to start dating again. I joined a regular on-line dating site last fall. One of the first flirts that I received was from a guy with only femme pictures posted. I had never been exposed to CD before that. I read his profile where he discussed his boy side and his girl side and I was initially attracted to his values and character traits of openness and honesty - qualities that I hold in high regard. Those qualities totally over-powered the fact that he wears dresses (he’s actually a drag queen). I look at what is on the inside of a person, not the outside.
We got to know each other over e-mail and the phone. He was patient with me and answered all of my naïve and dumb questions. When we discussed meeting, he told me that I would have to meet him in drag first because that is part of who he is and if I couldn’t accept that, it would never work between us. I agreed. Having never met a CD before, neither of us knew how I would react. When I first saw her, I was immediately attracted to her because I had already gotten to know and to like the person underneath the clothes. Her dressing was never an issue for me.
I started doing my own research and reading books and articles. For a couple of months I joined a site to meet CD and I talked to many CD/TV there – I have made many friends, some I now consider my best friends and I can’t imagine not ever being friends with them.
So far, I have gotten to know over 70 men (ages 24 – 65) through IM, e-mail and phone calls; most are non-CDs. I have had face-to-face dates with 12 different men including 4 CD/TG. I have still not found that “one” special someone that I connect with.
One unexpected obstacle that I have encountered is that when I get to know a non-CD they freak out when I tell them that I have dated CD (I don’t even get to the fact that one was a drag queen). I’ve had 3 guys dump me just for that. They mistakenly think that CD is perverted and that by my association, I must be as well.
One non-CD that I had several dates with sent me this e-mail regarding my CD friends: “Your unusual friends make me uneasy. It makes me wonder what you are really looking for. Obviously, you are not into semi-traditional relationships. A person can normally be judged based upon their interests, friends, and recreation. What should I presume? You have played your hand and continued to pursue interests that are not tolerated by "reasonable” people.” … He then gave me an ultimatum – give up my “unusual” friends or give up him…he’s been gone for a while now.
According to him, "reasonable people" will have nothing to do with me because of my friends and "interests" (meaning my attraction to and friendship with CDs). I know that in some ways he is right. People from church, work and even my own family will not or do not understand. Sometimes I feel that I'm wearing a scarlet letter. Have I basically alienated myself from the vast majority of single heterosexual non-CD men?
I think finding my soul-mate among CDs might be even harder than finding that proverbial needle in a haystack. I have been to local CD events. I mostly meet married CD or some that have too many personal issues to even think about a relationship.
I am currently on a couple of regular dating websites; I just registered at a new one the other day. My profiles say that I’m CD and TS friendly. I have met many CD, unfortunately, despite the fact that they say they are looking for a real relationship, most are only looking for sex with a GG while dressed, or are more interested in their own fantasies/fetishes without any regard to my preferences or getting to know me.
Of course, many non-CD are also only looking for sex. If I was only looking for sex, I could have it every night of the week with someone different. I am not looking for indiscriminate sex so I am not on some of the sites that do allow CD/TS/TG/TV specific postings. Any suggestions for other sites?
If I may vent for a moment - I have had several guys (mostly CDs) lie to me about their marital status. And yes – being in a committed relationship (even if there is no ring) counts. I don’t play those games. Be HONEST!
Ultimately I am looking for a LTR and I would enjoy it very much if my partner where a CD (actually I would prefer it). I love having a girlfriend and a boyfriend in the same person. I love the contrast; the masculine side and the femme side. I love the fact that CD can relate to some of the things that girls go through and I will never be questioned on why it takes so long for me to get ready to go. I would enjoy outdoor activities, car shows, etc. with “him” one day and a girl’s day of shopping, pedicures, etc. the next day with “her”. Redefining traditional gender roles, as the mood dictates. Going from casual to dressy in a single day (I have a wide range of interests)…
The last CD that I dated was my best “girlfriend” and confidant until we started dating (we split up recently; I’ve discovered that losing your girlfriend is harder than losing a boyfriend). We have so much in common and we connected on several levels. He has a good balance of boy and girl. I went out with “him” and with “her” and enjoyed every aspect of our outings. I enjoyed “girl” talk; sharing ideas to be discussed; talking about fashion or sharing makeup tips. I could tell when he was thinking more like Jessica instead of Jesse (not her real names) and I would just follow along.
When my friend was femme; she would give me fashion shows so I could help her choose an outfit to wear. I bought things for her. I styled her hair and helped her with the process of becoming femme. The best part was taking her out and showing her off; whether we were shopping, dining or clubbing. She’s such a flirt; she would purposely swish her short skirt to get my attention….. Mmmmmm…. irresistible! The passion when she’s femme was more intense for both of us than when he was in drab. The details I will leave to your imagination…
Everyone who has met me says that I'm very rare in how accepting and encouraging I am. I don't understand why other women don't realize the advantages of having their man dress. I love to be treated like a lady and I can appreciate others wanting the same. I think every male should go through some type of femme lessons, maybe there wouldn’t be as many divorces if both partners understood each other better.
BTW, I'm a girly-girl and I'm straight - I'm not attracted to other GGs. With a CD, when we get intimate, even if she's dressed, there are still the all-important boy parts. Why am I not repulsed by seeing a CD with a short skirt? Why do I find this so attractive? Am I a freak?
In conclusion, while I would prefer to be with a CD, I am keeping my options open as it is very difficult to find single CD actually looking for a real relationship. And then to find that one special person that you connect with and who shares enough common interests (besides CD) to make it worth exploring… My search so far has not been in vain, I do have several platonic friendships with CD/TG that I am thankful for.
Knowing the answer to these questions is just as elusive as that needle in a haystack; I’m sending these uninhibited thoughts out into the vast cosmic cyber universe for consideration and commentary. Now where’s my fairy godmother when I need her? Thank you for listening to my ramblings and sorry it’s so long, I tend to type what I feel!
Hugs to all,
~C
Originally Posted by Carrie
Roberta 
)
.So I say just continue to talk and be friends without " looking" and THE ONE will find her way to you.
