Wish I could retract that

[jill s]

I just came out to someone on the phone that may spread the word to others I know. She wouldn't do it to be mean or anything but she is a talker and the chain of who we know and are related to is quit the spider web. I know every time I talk with anyone in that web I will have knots in my stomach and wonder if they know. I usually don't worry about what I can't fix but this one subject has always made me so nerves. Guess I will try and put this deal in perspective but for now that won't be easy.

Somewhat embarrassed, Jill

[TommiTN]

I just came out to someone on the phone that may spread the word to others I know. She wouldn't do it to be mean or anything but she is a talker and the chain of who we know and are related to is quit the spider web. I know every time I talk with anyone in that web I will have knots in my stomach and wonder if they know. I usually don't worry about what I can't fix but this one subject has always made me so nerves. Guess I will try and put this deal in perspective but for now that won't be easy.

Somewhat embarrassed, Jill

Oh, to be able to say "on with his head" after we've said "off with his head"! Probably gonna be hard to do, but just be your normal self around them. If they know you'll be able to tell. Beyond that you're gonna have to just play it as it lies.

[Emily Anderson]

Jill,

You need to ask yourself why you mentioned it in the first place. Were you confiding in this person, secretly hoping they would "gently spread the word", or perhaps you just weren't thinking?

Anyway, the cat's out of the bag, and you'll need to take the consequences... good or bad. Hopefully for you they're good.

Emily.

[jill s]

Yes I have been wondering why I blurted it out. The conversation was about gay marriage, she's my female cousin's wife. She said that I am straight but not narrow and out it came.

[CD Susan]

The conversation was about gay marriage, she's my female cousin's wife. She said that I am straight but not narrow and out it came.

You say she is your 'female cousins wife' so I am assuming she is a lesbian. If so she should be understanding and respect your privacy. I would call her and explain that you felt you could confide in her and would appreciate confidentiality from the phone conversation that you had. I think that she will respect your wishes. I wish you the best in this situation that you are going through.

[Alan]

You say she is your 'female cousins wife' so I am assuming she is a lesbian. If so she should be understanding and respect your privacy. I would call her and explain that you felt you could confide in her and would appreciate confidentiality from the phone conversation that you had. I think that she will respect your wishes. I wish you the best in this situation that you are going through.

One of the most talkative, least-respecting-of-privacy people I knew was gay. /shrug. They come in all sorts; just because she's a lesbian doesn't mean she's not chatty.

[jill s]

No Alan is right, she is very open about being gay and is sorta scatterbrained as well. I know this sounds stupid but when I told my wife 2 years ago I said no expanding the closet, if I share this with someone I don't fell I have the right to say what they do with that knowledge. Well life moves on.

[melissaK]

Hmm, well, heck, how'd Han Solo put it Star Wars:

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneakin around." ;-)

hugs,
'lissa

[Emily Anderson]

Jill,

Sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with her. Just call her up, and tell her that you'd prefer she doesn't discuss it with anyone until you feel more comfortable with it. I'm sure she'll understand.

[Nicole Erin]

Loose lips sink ships.

[trannie T]

It is impossible to squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube. Don't worry about being outed, if it happens you can deal with it then, others who have posted here about being outed hav suffered little harm.

[Nicole Erin]

It is impossible to squeeze the toothpaste back into the tube. Don't worry about being outed, if it happens you can deal with it then, others who have posted here about being outed hav suffered little harm.

Yeah and at least you can plan for it if anything comes up, it is not like you were out and about and the wrong person saw you.

[Carly D.]

You have my sympathies here.. this is my biggest worry about telling someone.. I guess the question I have is did she see you in your fem clothes.. the reason I ask is you can always deny the conversation or just tell her and anyone who asks if this were true that you just wanted to see what her reaction would be.. or you could go the brave route (not the way I would go) and just admit that you do like to crossdress..

[Melinda G]

Never tell anyone, for any reason. Your friend today, may not be tomorrow. Your wife today, may be fighting you in court next month, for custody of the kids. Enjoy it, but keep it a secret, always!

[Nadia-Maria]

Never tell anyone, for any reason. Your friend today, may not be tomorrow. Your wife today, may be fighting you in court next month, for custody of the kids. Enjoy it, but keep it a secret, always!

You may not be wholly wrong, but you certainly put it in a pretty extreme way, I find.
Maybe it works for you. So, well, happy for you.

Nevertheless, I doubt it is the best way for everybody, I guess.
It's not my choice, in any case.

Being sometimes too confident has caused a bit trouble for me in the past.
However I don't regret it. I'm happy to have been myself in those occasions. And now I know better who loves me and who doesn't.

Kisses

Nadia

[Jonianne]

My ex was going to tell everyone in my life, so I ended up sharing with many of them first. That was about 12 years ago. And I'm glad I did. Most of the people I shared with didn't mind as long as they knew I was still going to be the same person and that I was not going to allow the crossdressing to affect my relationship with them. I was blessed with a lot of good friends. And guess what, some of them started sharing some deep stuff with me.
I don't recommend telling anyone unless, like in the military those with secret clearance still don't get the info unless, there is a "need to know".

I understand your worry and hopefully it will be OK, but know, it will not be the end of the world no matter what.

[teresa jeen]

if their not on the ntk list...their not. most "friends" will just go home and have a spirited conversation then go on as bus. as usual.if you don't present yourself as a risk to their "two cars and a garage" image, most wont onestly care. Just be yourself to whatever degree and let the chips fall as they will.

[Sheri 4242]

I would call her and explain that you felt you could confide in her and would appreciate confidentiality from the phone conversation that you had. I think that she will respect your wishes.

Just call her up, and tell her that you'd prefer she doesn't discuss it with anyone until you feel more comfortable with it. I'm sure she'll understand.

I wouldn't assume she would automatically do as you might ask, but it is certainly worth asking her. These are good ideas! Good luck!

[marny]

I'm with melinda G. Hide! Keep your life a secret. Maybe you'll enjoy youtself in the next life!!! Marny

[Brooke Smith]

I'm not out to the public at large but I'm sure some friends must know. I have an ex wife and several ex gf's that know all about Brooke and I have no doubt they have talked about it. As far as I know it has not changed my relationship with anyone and the sun still rises every morning.

[ManInBra]

I did that years ago, then after I thought about it awhile if anyone was to ask me about my "crossdressing" (way before I was able to accept myself) I would simply say something like "Yes I told her that,, However I was looking to see how fast a rumor would spread, and how long it would take to get back to me and how many people I would hear it from" Sort of turn it around on them for gossiping about things they really know they should be keeping to themself.... Years ago also I had fell asleep in my living room, My roommate came in for lunch from work, I was sound asleep,, later I woke and found a note that said "nice dress",, I was wearing lingerie and long silky nightgown, just woke up and went and made coffee, and somewhere I fell asleep,, I find out a year later he told about everyone he knows, (I knew them too) I was suprised NO ONE treated me any different after they knew or thought they knew about me,, Now they may have laughed behind my back or was disgusted by what they were told,, but I never knew it,, But YES,, If your going to tell someone MAKE SURE you can trust them to keep it to themself,, or tell them "Please keep it to yourself"

[Amy Hepker]

Don't be nervious be PROUD!!! You should be Proud of who you are, I know I am.

[Wendy me]

the thing i wonder abought is the people that tell all the secrets to the people that tell every one why do the tell them in the first place????.........

[TommiTN]

the thing i wonder abought is the people that tell all the secrets to the people that tell every one why do the tell them in the first place????.........

Yeah! What up with that?

[Vivian Best]

Don't be nervious be PROUD!!! You should be Proud of who you are, I know I am.

I would be concerned too if the spider web contained my immediate family and my job. Not knowing you situation it's easy for me to agree with Amy. Many constantly mention public acceptance of us and the way we dress, well things like this certainly speeds the knowledge of who is cding along and hopefully eventual acceptance and not harm.

Jill is wish you the best in the outcome and hope whatever happens does not cost you in relationships and job. This is one of the lessons in life you may have to meet head-on and deal with however it rolls out. Good luck!