Can you relate to my peculiar sexuality ?

[daniisummers]

This description of my turn ons and turn offs may be a little graphic (i dont think so) but if you might find offence dont read further!


I have a sexuality that is extremely complex and kind of difficult to explain, but here goes.. it would be interesting to see if you feel the same way

what i think happened is when i started dressing up at 13 years old I kind of created a sexual orientation of myself based on the dressing..

so here's how it break down.


MEN:

1.) I love sex with men, i think about it constantly.
2.) I dont find them sexually appealing (only privates really!)
3.) I have never got a crush or fell in love with a man
4.) have had discreet realtionships with several men based on purely sex
5.) i love teeling myself i'm gay, been doing it since i was 17 and it turns me on, but i never truley belive i'm actually gay. its like i have to convince myself
6.) I dont like kissing guys and never have (but lately i've started warming to the idea)



WOMEN:
1.) I love their bodies but i couldn't get sexually excited over it. My brain goes sex crazy over their bodies but i'd never get an erection over it
2.) I love looking at womens bodies just as much as any hetero guy would. This is what keeps me closeted so well to close friends. I just have to perv too.
3.) when i check out a woman's nice body i get all butterflies but its because i'm internalising the womans body.. so its like "i love her butt i wish i had a butt like that!" etc
4.) I cant get an erection with a woman without viagra and even then its diffcult. I never have that problem with men
5.) never dated a woman or had sex with one for free (i'm 32)
6.) Have fell in love and had crushes on women
7.) during masturbation and internal mind fantasies I have never really visualized having sex with a woman because it doesn't turn me on
8.) I do enjoy passionately kissing women



PORN:
1.) I have never masturbated over strictly gay porn - ever.
2.) I have no interest in lesbain porn whatsoever either.
3.) i like hetero porn but its like i internalize the female role and kind of "get off" over the guy and the interaction.
4.) I guess i'm getting both on both sexes' sex organs, but i'm squarley in the position of being the woman.

can you sort of see whats happening ? I saw some "official " term for it the other day it was called "cross gendered sexual orientation" which i kind of like that label but it kind of leaves me in loveless, sex based realtionships based on CD fantasies of being a woman.

I guess to add to this I would say I'm 100% gay and proud but something just doesn't feel right.

[Margot]

Hmmm! Nothing unusual in those feelings. I'm sure we've all experienced them before (metaphorically speaking). If you're confused why not seek professional advice.

Margot

[Kimberley]

One word: Therapy!

[daniisummers]

yeah i been down the therapy route.. but once they hear (5 psychologists and one shrink over a 10 year period) hear that i dress and stuff they are very black and white about it: "you are gay" they say. to them it doesn't matter if you had sex with women all your life beforehand. i'm not kidding either.

there aren't any proper sex therapists near here but i will have to look further afield. I just thought others might have the same kind of thing because everybody i know/spoken too seems to think in such black and white terms. We live in a society where even external things such as the car you drive, the music uyou listen to, the clothes you wear or pierced ears "create sexuality".

When its not black and white, as it is for many, I guess thats what creates the confusion.

ps.. feel free to boot the thread or move it somewhere else rather than the TS forum

[Kimberley]

Hi Dani,
A major problem with many psychologists is their adherence toward Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It doesnt work with transgender. You need a therapist who takes a Humanist Existentialist approach. Secondly, many therapists hear trans whatever and freeze. They dont get any training in this area save a two hour lecture during graduate school and often the information is dead wrong. (Blanchard and co. again)

Dont be disheartened by the responses. Maybe this information can be of some help. I am not sure but you might be able to get a referral toward someone in your area from WPATH. It might be worth looking into?


Kimberley

[Holly]

Personally, I can't relate to your stated senario... that doesn't make you right and me wrong or vice versa. The only thing it does define is that you are you, with your own feelings and I am me with mine. My I offer a suggestion? Stop letting other people define you and be happy with who you are. As long as you treat any potential partner with dignity and respect, what difference does anything else make?

[MJ]

we are all different and there is nothing wrong with that. from my point of view anyone who can respect and love me for who i am is fine with me. be that a man or woman or any trans person if it come to more than friends " playmates " then i am thankful enough to enjoy there company .
i don't worry about labels gay bi or lesbian as long as there is genuine respect for each other . only thing i don't like is some who is pushy that scares me .just try to accept yourself for who you are .

[María José]

Is that what you feel? What´s the problem? Enjoy it!

People think there is a "normal" sexual behaviour. And a lot of people like to tell other poeple what is a "normal" sexual behaviour. And a lot of people worries about their sexual behaviour.

And I´m not speaking only about people who condem homosexual sex, but people who like to tell other people what is "normal" homosexual behaviour.

Do you love sex with men? A lot of people does. Do you like kissing a woman? A lot of people does. Enyoy what you like. Yours is your "normal" sexual behaviour.

[docrobbysherry]

I can't relate to your particular sexual confusion. However, as a straight guy who is presently more sexually attracted to my female persona than to my real GG dates, I should't be giving ANYONE advice on this subject!

I DO think many of us here r sexually conflicted in one way or another! And I'll bet so r a lot of supposedly "normal" folks out there also!

[AmandaM]

You might have your CDing, or possible TSism, too tightly coupled to sexual desire. It's hard to know if you are gay or not without first seeing how the sexual desire is, devoid of any cross-gender identity. Work on that.

[RobertaFermina]

I can identify with that so easily.

I have fantasized about being the woman, inhabiting a female body at rest, at play, in self-play, and playing *with others*.

It is a beautiful fantasy, and could be aided by live play with men or women.

Perfectly natural.

Enjoy !

Roberta

[Emily Anderson]

I don't think there is really such a thing as a complex sexuality. We all have different likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs at various times thoughout our lives. You need to accept this fact, and learn to understand what is essential to your well-being as opposed to the "nice-to-haves", taking into account your health and lifestyle, including family, friends, career, etc.

For example, when thinking about your sexuality, try to differentiate between what you fantasize about, and whether you would actually want to act on those fantasies. There's no harm in fantasy: I would love to be able to parade down the streets in a frilly fantasy costume, but would I do it... No!

It's all a question of balance...

[KayR]

Nope! I dont identify with your profile.
I am totally hetero, which I understand is how most CD/TV people are.
I love women, and don't feel attracted in the least to men. I love having sex - in all its variety - with women.
I am a CD because I enjoy it. I think (but I don't know) that its a mostly physical thing around the textures and feelings of womens clothes. My fantasies include having sex ( I won't talk about "making love", which I differentiate) with all the gorgeous women in the world.
Having said all that, if you like being who and what you are, and you're harming no-one, whats the problem? I know a small number of gay men who enjoy CDing, but the 2 aren't necessarily inclusive at all.

[DonnaT]

Bisexuality is on a scale, much like transgender is on a scale.

Accordingly, somewhere along that bisexual scale, one can be romatically attracted to one sex and sexually attracted to another sex.

https://www.msu.edu/~alliance/faq/faqbisexuality.html

[Emily Anderson]

Nope! I dont identify with your profile.
I am totally hetero, which I understand is how most CD/TV people are.

I believe a lot of CD's, including myself say they are hetero, but are in fact attracted to other CD's/TV's, whether they act upon that or not.

[karynspanties]

I am bi. Predominately hetro, but still bi. If that makes any sence? I prefer women over men, but I do enjoy the company of a man every once in awhile. You I feel are more gay. Nothing wrong with that at all. I makes you....you. Roll with it, enjoy it and never look back.

[Sophie_C]

To be perfectly honest, you simply seem to be bisexual. That's really what's probably the most confusing orientation these days, since all of society likes placing people in to "Team A" (straight) or "Team B" (gay). Even most GGs think that a guy who says he's bi is just "not gay yet" which is probably what makes certain people like yourself to force yourself to be more homosexual than you are.

Not that you don't like guys - as I said, you are bi, but i've spoke to gay men (non-CD/TG/TS/TV) and had them admit they "liked making out" with women. As was said earlier in this thread, there are degrees of sexuality as well as degrees of gender. Most people fall on the extremes, but some fall in the middle and I think you're one of those people clearly in the middle.

That's what the problem is here. You are not 100% gay and you know it. It's too bad society has regressed for people born men, where the belief is now that such a thing does not exist, but it's the truth.

[valenstein]

I believe a lot of CD's, including myself say they are hetero, but are in fact attracted to other CD's/TV's, whether they act upon that or not.

I'm with Emily. I know what the statistics say and I know what Kappa Beta says, but out of all the CD/TG's I've met, I can count on my digits the number of them who were purely "straight", not to mention all the "straight" guys that leave me messages in internetland.

To the point: Love a woman, have sex with men. There's someone out there for everyone.

[ReineD]

Sorry for the new label!

Anyhow, don't know if it fits, but it might be worth a read.

Wikipedia definition

A discussion by the sexologist, Ray Blanchard who coined the term

[Alex!]

"I'm sure we've all experienced them before" ??

I think not. We are all individuals and the fact that we seem to share elements of transgenderism doesn't mean we think alike or are attracted to the same things.

I find the idea of sex with a man totally disagreeable. I am attracted to women, and most definitely have no interest in sex when I crossdress. I'm also not at all attracted to guys who dress up as women.

Remember to separate gender and sexual preference. These are totally different things.

[Emily Anderson]

Remember to separate gender and sexual preference. These are totally different things.

I disagree inasmuch as a man dressed up as a women can be sexually attractive, whereas I would never be attracted to a man dressed as a man. I know your point was to say there are gray areas, but in fact that are even more gray areas than what you expressed.

It's not as simple as seperating gender and sexual preference. To me, a man dressed as a man is of male gender, whereas a man in a dress can be of female gender. My sexual preference is definitely toward females, but I can be "turned" on by other CD's whether I'm dressed up as a female or in drab.

Basically, we get too hung up about trying to put labels on everything, and trying to put everything into categories, rather than just enjoying what we know we like.

[Karin A]

Ivy,
I couldn't have said it better...being with a man is different from being with a woman.... I consider myself bi, but could only be with men sexually. With women, it is the whole package... love, sex, and intimacy in the most complete way. With men, it is purely sexual and never reaches the depths that I feel with women.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I consider myself heterosexual and consider sex with a man wrong, but when I look at an extremely attractive CD'er, I have the normal sexual desires of a man, I am sexually attracted to the gender. My mind would keep me from having sex with the man tho.

It gets just as confusing when I dress up feminine, I take up the female role and become a sexually alive women. I want to look attractive and appealing to the opposite gender, when I listen to music, I end up dancing and caressing my body. As Shania Twain would say, "Man! I feel like a Woman!" Kim

[Empress Lainie]

[SIZE=4]As Andrea said: separate gender (between your ears) and sexual preference (which SEX or GENDER you prefer for sex).

How utterly confusing it is: to pre-ops have sex, they are mentally having lesbian sex and physically having gay sex.

Then take a couple lesbian females, one of them realizes he is really a transman. Now they are a heterosexual couple, and the non-trans partner is a little uncomfortable with suddently being seen as a heterocouple.

For me, Genderly speaking, I am absolutely 100% female even though I am pre-op (wishful thinking there, nearly wrote post-op).

I have considered my self lesbian, strangely even before I knew I was female I had put lesbian in my sig on another site.

However, I have found that I love dancing with men, being kissed by men (they have actually come over to me on the dance floor and kissed me on the lips!), and I notice that I have come lately to more appreciate good looking guys.

So I might just possibly become bi-sexual in my preference for sex. I can certainly see a possibility. And if I did have surgery, I would think I might even be more inclined to have sex with a man, but right now it would be a far far stretch for me to think I could love a man, not saying it is forever impossible.

I have an SO I love dearly and it is returned, but not much in the way of sex.[/SIZE]

[docrobbysherry]

I find the idea of sex with a man totally disagreeable. I am attracted to women, and most definitely have no interest in sex when I crossdress. I'm also not at all attracted to guys who dress up as women.

Remember to separate gender and sexual preference. These are totally different things.

Andrea, as a straight male, I would have agreed with u 100% 6 years ago.

I disagree inasmuch as a man dressed up as a women can be sexually attractive, whereas I would never be attracted to a man dressed as a man. I know your point was to say there are gray areas, but in fact that are even more gray areas than what you expressed.

It's not as simple as seperating gender and sexual preference. To me, a man dressed as a man is of male gender, whereas a man in a dress can be of female gender. My sexual preference is definitely toward females, but I can be "turned" on by other CD's whether I'm dressed up as a female or in drab.

After my experience meeting Katoi in Thailand, I NOW agree 100% with Emily. Here's why:
What if u met a woman u find VERY attractive, who looks, talks, smells, and feels exactly like a GG, wouldn't u be attracted to her?
But u know she's really a male down there. So, you're turned off and that's the end of it. Which is what happened with me.

But that doesn't change the fact that u were ATTRACTED to her/him. I now readily admit to being attracted to certain CDs. I wouldn't act on my attractions, but that doesn't change the fact that I am attracted!