Please help me, My uncle's secret

[girl_in_pantyhose]

My uncle is a TG and she has been ostracized by my family. I am very supportive of her to the dismay of my family but whenever i try to sympathize with her she kind of pushes me away and treats me with contempt. I have done everything just short of reveling that i am a CD to my family to make them understand that she is a part of our family and we should love her no matter what. I want to tell her that i know what she is going through but i am fearful that she will reveal me being a CD to my family to get back at everyone in my family that has hurt her thus destroying me. I so want to trust her but she has been badly hurt by my family and i don't know how to fix it!

thank you for your advice in advance, everyone.

[racquel]

I am very supportive of her to the dismay of my family but whenever i try to sympathize with her she kind of pushes me away and treats me with contempt.

Seems to me that she has decided to have nothing to do with the 'entire' family and you may have to sit back and let her go her own way.

[charlie]

You are obviously lumped in with the rest of the family. Perhaps if you sent a card and flowers saying that you want to be a relative of hers, respect her as she is and find it disgusting that the rest of the family won't, she will at least talk to you. Don't trust her with your secret though. It would come out big time! She has nothing more to lose in the family. You and the rest of your family do!

[RobertaFermina]

If she is badly hurt, the best thing you could do is listen with an open mind and heart.

If she is hurt so bad that she'd lash out, then clearly you must keep your secrets to yourself.

If she ever heals beyond the potential for uproar or revenge, then you might reconsider....get the advice of someone who has some emotional distance from your family before revealing.

Roberta

[KayR]

As Charlie says; Its probably best if you write a nice card and offer to be the family she deserves instead of the rejection she has suffered. Might it be useful to mention to her that you know other TG's, and ask if she wants you to get in touch with them for her? It may be that she is literally isolated and without support such as our group offers.

[DonnaT]

Maybe she doesn't want sympathy.

If you told her -- you support her transition and even told the rest of your family you support her --, ask her why she pushes you away. I'm assuming your mention of TG meant TS.

If she's transitioned, or in the process, you miight want to call her your Aunt.

If she's CD and not TS, then she may have a problem accepting herself, and doesn't want your acceptance at this time. In this case, she may need a forum like this, or need to seek out a therapist.

I wouldn't suggest opening up about your own trans nature until a good solid rapport is established.

If she's just going to be bitchy about it, then be done with it. You can't force someone to change.

[Bev06 GG]

Its very admirable that you can not only empathise but feel able to fight your uncles corner for him within the family. However, it does seem like he has made his mind up to cut all ties. I expect he is afraid of being hurt even more but all you can do is let him know that you support him and are there if he needs you. There is no helping some folk and you have to give them time to come round on their own. He has made a life changing decision and I expect he is more concerned with coming to terms with that than anything else.
Just keep being there and I am sure in the long run you will win the day.
Take care
Bev

[Chari]

You are to be praised that you want to help your uncle/aunt, but he/she has his/her own major situation that he/she has been rejected from the family. Continue to be there in his/her time of need. Keep the communication lines open as he/she may feel eventually you may be the only family member that understands him/her. Telling him/her of your CD situation at this time would only add more stress to his/her life and do nothing for you but cause rejection of your life style to the family.

[Michelle S]

Here are a couple of thoughts. It may be that your uncle does not want to be seen as coming between you and your family. She may be trying to protect you. Also, it can be hard for an older people to lean on a much younger person for support.

Do you still live with your parents? How far do you live from your uncle? Is your uncle married? Does your uncle have children?

[Emily Anderson]

Uh, why don't you just reveal that you CD? If your uncle does anyway, what is there to lose?

[Angie G]

I'm with Charlie on this one it may be the only wat to get to her.
Angie

[Joanne f]

Could it be possible that she is reading your support in the wrong way therefor wondering why you are supporting her while the others are not, so some sort of explanation as to you supporting her might help the situation.





joanne

[Jonianne]

Walking a similar path sure makes one feel empathay for others. Its wonderful that you want to help. Continue to do what you can to show love and support, but don't risk your relationships unnecessarly.

[TSchapes]

short of relieving your own CDing. Once you tell one person, unless you know exactly how they will handle that information, you have lost control.

I've been slowly coming out to a number of people, but I have a good idea how those people will handle it. If a person has any kind of vindictive nature, or has an ax to grind, you can bet they will use that information against you. You also have to ask yourself, if everyone knew you were a CD, what would the ramifications be?

Bottom line, go slow. I think it is wonderful that you want to reach out, it shows what a good heart you have. But don't let that heart get crushed by this. Your uncle has to come halfway and not be pushing you away first.

Love, Tracy

[DAVIDA]

I agree with Michelle. The very first thought I had as I read this post was that the Uncle was trying to protect GIP from being ostracized by the rest of the family just for being supportive.