Where do you draw the line in determining an affair

**Misty_cder** · 08-01-2008, 02:52 AM

My wife and I were talking about the numerous threads on this site that ask about how do we CDer's see ourselve when it comes to sexual preferance and desires while dressed. This evolved into many other questions about our own relationship, and what others find acceptable when they dress. For us, we have a look, but no touch rule. But we began to talk about what would that rule be if I were passable. We both agreed that the look but no touch rule applied if I were out without her, but if she were to join me, then lite touching and kissing maybe acceptable if she appoved of the guy. I should mention I'm bisexual.

So my question to you ladies is this: Where would you, or your SO, draw that line while your dressed?

**gagirl1** · 08-01-2008, 02:57 AM

anything that would constitute unfaithful behavior sounds like an affair to me. be true to your wife. i know you are confused, but you made a promise to her, and her to you. don't let her down.

**tanya3** · 08-01-2008, 03:51 AM

We have had the same conversation before too . there is a big differance between having an affair and having a sex buddy . having an affair is out of the question we both agree on that but a sex buddy is not . i am bi and she knows thwt too . i hope that answers you question .

**Karen_Ski** · 08-01-2008, 04:03 AM

Although at the moment I am free and single I have been in LTR's before. Granted they are not a marriage but I have always been a bit conservative in this aspect. I am a one man gurl, totally monogamous and expect the same. Years ago it may have been different but the health issues running around there today make it an issue but more importantly to me relationships are built on trust. I feel that if a relationship is to work it must be built on that trust, an affair destroys it! Nuff said?

**Sally24** · 08-01-2008, 05:20 AM

My agreement with my wife is that dancing, flirting, and casual touching are ok. Kissing is a big no no (just like in the film "Pretty Woman"). And of course any other intimate touching is not allowed. It works for us and gives me some freedom. I am mostly hetero but when dressed feel very much the woman.

**kaitlin** · 08-01-2008, 06:23 AM

Hey Girls, My wife and I have had this talk too, and agreed we can't bring another person male or female into our bed. the reason...they wouldn't be able to survive it! (haha) But, we have talked about me in full fem with another guy for her viewing pleasure, I want to experence it and she wants to watch but we dont know anyone around here that we would trust. I guess it's a good thing in a lot of ways that we don't, there is no harm done by dreams! Kaitlin

**TGMarla** · 08-01-2008, 06:37 AM

I just don't cheat on my wife. Period. End of discussion.

**Carol A** · 08-01-2008, 06:43 AM

Been married 45 years, came close a couple of times but never did.

**Sara Jessica** · 08-01-2008, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by TGMarla

I just don't cheat on my wife. Period. End of discussion.

Ditto times a million.

**Brooke Smith** · 08-01-2008, 08:45 AM

That's an easy one. My wife has drawn the line for me. No fooling around with anyone. We came to that agreement over 20 years ago when we met. you see in another life I was something of a bad actor and that was the major cause of the failure of my first marriage. I may be a slow learner but apparently I'm trainable.

The only downside is she's not very keen on letting Brooke out of the house. My wife is pretty perceptive and being the wild child Brooke is,she could easily be led into temptation.

**Bev06 GG** · 08-01-2008, 09:03 AM

Yes Im the old fashioned type too. Im afraid I wouldn't like anything not even casual flirting. The mind is a pretty powerful thing and what starts off as pretty harmless fun can escalate into something you didn't plan because being human we are never satisfied and always want to go that bit further.

I also struggle with CDs chasing my SO on line making suggestions for meets who are married and know that he is as good as. When I confront them their answer is that dressed they are a completely different person so theyre not actually being unfaithful. DUUHHH well I guess some CDs still have their brains stuffed in their underpants.

Bev

**Jenny Beth** · 08-01-2008, 09:11 AM

We've been together close to 28 years because we both have what we want in life....there's no room for an extra marital affair.

**tamarav** · 08-01-2008, 09:28 AM

[SIZE=4]I think the "I am a different person when dressed" argument is just a cover for the lack of control they have in any guise. Becoming a completely different person while dressed seems to be an excuse for whatever the "other person" may think up.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Give us a break, if you are married, stay faithful. Your SO is supportive at this point, why drive a wedge into it?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]My wife knows that when I am out, I am still the same faithful person she has been married to for 24 years, whether she is with me or not. What is wrong with the male psyche?[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

**Sara Jessica** · 08-01-2008, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by Bev06 GG

I also struggle with CDs chasing my SO on line making suggestions for meets who are married and know that he is as good as. When I confront them their answer is that dressed they are a completely different person so theyre not actually being unfaithful. DUUHHH well I guess some CDs still have their brains stuffed in their underpants.

Bev

So true, Bev. Such behavior amounts to nothing more than an excuse, justification in their own minds that somehow being with someone else while they are presenting in girl mode is not cheating. These people couldn't be any more mistaken.

**Sandra** · 08-01-2008, 09:45 AM

Originally Posted by tamarav

[SIZE=4]I think the "I am a different person when dressed" argument is just a cover for the lack of control they have in any guise. Becoming a completely different person while dressed seems to be an excuse for whatever the "other person" may think up.[/SIZE]

I have thought this for a long while, it is just an excuse.

What people do if all parties are in agreement is their business, but when one goes off on their own it's wrong and it's cheating whether your dressed fem or not.

Some people just seem to want their cake and eat it.

**abundantly_me** · 08-01-2008, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by gagirl1

anything that would constitute unfaithful behavior sounds like an affair to me. be true to your wife. i know you are confused, but you made a promise to her, and her to you. don't let her down.

my sentiments are exactly the same!

**KandisTX** · 08-01-2008, 10:12 AM

My wife and I have a unique situation. When we are at Faire, I am a lech and she is a flirt. We both know this and we accept this for one reason; WE BOTH KNOW WHERE THE LINE TO NEVER BE CROSSED IS. As long as we maintain control of the situation and that line is never crossed then all is good.

Kandis

**MsJanessa** · 08-01-2008, 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by Misty_cder

My wife and I were talking about the numerous threads on this site that ask about how do we CDer's see ourselve when it comes to sexual preferance and desires while dressed. This evolved into many other questions about our own relationship, and what others find acceptable when they dress. For us, we have a look, but no touch rule. But we began to talk about what would that rule be if I were passable. We both agreed that the look but no touch rule applied if I were out without her, but if she were to join me, then lite touching and kissing maybe acceptable if she appoved of the guy. I should mention I'm bisexual.

So my question to you ladies is this: Where would you, or your SO, draw that line while your dressed?

well obviously it would be whatever the two of you agree on

**Samantha43** · 08-01-2008, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by TGMarla

I just don't cheat on my wife. Period. End of discussion.

I agree.

**Sarah...** · 08-01-2008, 12:34 PM

I am faithful to my wife. That's the agreement we made long before our wedding day.

A re-evaluation of me as a person of intermediate gender does not in any way re-define the love and commitment I have always felt, and still do, to my SO.

So, I'm the same person whether dressed or in drab. Which all means neither of us is fair game. Oh happy day!!!! That's easy!

Sarah...

**AmandaM** · 08-01-2008, 12:40 PM

If you're going to do it, why be married?

**DonnaT** · 08-01-2008, 01:02 PM

A big NO to cheating/affair.

**Misty_cder** · 08-02-2008, 01:04 AM

After reading some of the replies, I realized I should have stated the question differently. I am in no way suggesting that I am looking for acceptance to cheat on my wife. She is very supportive of my dressing and we have a wonderful marriage. I would never do anything to screw it up. What I should have asked is what is the line that you and your SO have established. As I wrote above, we have the look but no touch rule. If we were to expand our sex lives, then it will be together with both of us agreeing to what we're doing.

**osteph** · 08-02-2008, 01:47 AM

Originally Posted by TGMarla

I just don't cheat on my wife. Period. End of discussion.

Have to agree.
Why cheat and stay?
Why not be honest and go?
Or just don't cheat in the first place.

**DawnRodgers** · 08-02-2008, 02:12 AM

Well, I guess there always has to be somebody from the other side. What's the big deal. I'm not looking for a new, permanent relationship. Not even sure I could live full time with a guy. I consider sex to be enjoyable and fun. My wife doesn't agree but I wouldn't hold her back either. After all it is only sex. Love os something else. As long as safe sex is practiced and you don't bring back any communicable disease, I say give it a whirl. We are all influenced by society and its hang ups.
Dawn

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