Bad day!!

[Megan72]

Hi girls, well I really don't want to transfer my problems to you all but I need a bit of moral support. Seems my wife of 7 years can not get past the crossdressing v. being gay debate. she had previously been very supportive of my dressing but now has had a change of heart. Just a little background, I am a straight crossdresser with no interest in men. I don't resent her in the least for that but I have put everything on hold until she decides what she is going to do.

Last night was the first night that we had been apart in 12 years, save business trips ect. That really hurt. I am trying to give her space to come to her own resolution, fighting the urge to call her cell phone at 3:30am. This whole thing really sucks bad, and is proof that if you with hold secretes in the beginning of a relationship that it will come back to bite you in the butt!!

[Jonianne]

Hi Kelliann,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. What caused her to have a change of heart?

It sounds like you are having the right attitude in giving her space. Just hang in there and be paitent and when you have the opportunity give her lots of love and reassurance. Relationships, even great ones, tend to have their ups and downs anyway.

I'm glad you shared, that is what this is all about.

Hugs,

Joni

[Megan72]

Thank you Jonianne, you response means a lot. I am not really sure what the change of heart was about, other than crossdressing was always kind of the elephant in the room. she said that she would be home after she got off today, not sure if I should be here or just let her come home and let me know what she wants.

[Empress Lainie]

[SIZE=4]Get her on the site and let her see that CD doesn't mean you are gay or bi.

There are straight CD's.

There are gay CD's.

There are bi CD's.

Sexual orientation does not change because you are cross dressing. What about the women who wear pants?????
Are they all lesbians?

And on another slightly different note:

There are transwomen who prefer women (I am one!)
There are transwomen who prefer men.
There are transwomen who are bi.

And again, realizing you are trans does not change your sexual orientation.

I hope she is open minded enough to discuss this with you and wasn't made to have a change of heart by some religious fanatical person.

GOD MADE STRAIGHTS.
GOD MADE TRANS PEOPLE FOR VARIETY.
GOD MADE GAYS FOR INTEREST.
GOD MADE LEZZIES FOR MORE INTEREST.
GOD MADE US ALL EVERY WAY WE ARE.
THANK GOD!

End of the sermon of the day. Go forth in peace.[/SIZE]

[LisaElizabeth]

Kelli,
I have been going through my wife 'waxing and waning' on the subject of Crossdressing for 32 year!! We are still together, very much in love and have decided to deal with each other's quirks!
She still changes moods about me being a CD. Right now she is ok with it and is even going to a 'T' halloween party with me in October! RIGHT NOW..... Life is good!!
Only God knows what will happen after October 25th!! things could change or they could remain the same, we just have to see.
I agree with one of the above comments.....
Communicate!!... Communicate!!... Communicate!!!
It's the ONLY thing that will get the 2 of you through this!! And... YOU really, really, really need to LISTEN to her and her concerns!!
Have a good talk tonight! Let us know what happens!!
Lisa ELizabeth

[PamelaTX]

Tell her exactly how you feel, and don't hold anything back -- not anything. Tell her that you love her and you need for her to be part of your life. And remind her that you can't love her completely unless you love yourself too. And the most important part of loving anyone, yourself included, is accepting that person for who they are.

[Angie G]

Sorry to hear what your having to deal with Kelliann hang in there Hun. lots of friends to talk to here hun If you need A one on one you can PM me or anyone. See if you can get her here to talk to some one on this gay thing.
Angie

[PamelaTX]

After reading my own post, I don't think I was clear enough about what I meant. I'd be willing to bet that gay or not gay isn't the issue at all. The issue is do you love her, will you always love her, and will you always love her the way she wants to be loved. You've got to convince her that the answer to these questions is emphatically YES. If you hold even the slightest thing back, you won't be able to do this. You've got to strip yourself bare emotionally and leave yourself completely vulnerable. Remember that if she didn't care about you, she wouldn't give a damn what you do.

Remember that sometimes you need to look beyond what somebody says, and answer the question that's in their heart.

I hope this helps.

[janexx]

Kellyann,

I am on my third mariage and none of them knew I dress - thats the way I like it.

All I can say is when a woman askes for "Space" you are in trouble!!!!!!

Closeness is the only real thing that matters.

Sorry, I realy know this is not what you want to hear but I dont believe distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Good luck!

jane

[Joanne f]

I wonder if one of her female friends have been saying things to her which could be putting doubt in her mind, as i know this is quite often the case.





joanne

[KimberlyS]

... I am not really sure what the change of heart was about....

Kelliann, my experience has been she talked to someone or read something somewhere. Make it know that you would like to sit down and talk about what has caused this change. But do not push hard to do it as she may also need some time to go through it in her mind before talking about it.

[paula jessica rains]

i am proud of who i am and some of these days who i well become just let her know that you are there for her because i wasn't there for my exwife but now we are better friends and roommates then we were husband and wife i am there for her but my love for her is different but she said it is going to take some time for her to get use to me as a gay crossdresser wanting to be more like her.........................jessica r.

[Magickman]

Now, granted, folks, I am a sourpuss and a misanthrope. Strictly straight, though.

All through my misspent life, I have heard about other folks marital misadventures, quarrels, separations, divorces, and unhappiness.

Even for plain vanilla people, who regard miniature golf as exotic excitement, marriage is a chancey proposition, with a high failure rate. For those with more unusual predilictions, the likelihood of dissolution seems higher yet.

Having a once a week girlfriend is stress enough. Getting married is so unnecessary and dangerous.

Living single suits me. I have done it for decades. When girlfriends become annoying, I can just cut them off. That is so much simpler.

If a woman decides to tell me what to do or how to dress, I withdraw from the association. Works every time.

Marriage? Not in 59 years, and likely never.

[susan fuller]

I feel that the others are right and that it is all going to depend on communications between the two of you. Sounds like she might want to talk if she let you know she is going to be home this afternoon. She might have told you that so you would be there for her to talk to. Just be yourself and be completely honest and up front about everything and it may work out alright.

[Stargirl]

Now, granted, folks, I am a sourpuss and a misanthrope. Strictly straight, though.

All through my misspent life, I have heard about other folks marital misadventures, quarrels, separations, divorces, and unhappiness.

Even for plain vanilla people, who regard miniature golf as exotic excitement, marriage is a chancey proposition, with a high failure rate. For those with more unusual predilictions, the likelihood of dissolution seems higher yet.

Having a once a week girlfriend is stress enough. Getting married is so unnecessary and dangerous.

Living single suits me. I have done it for decades. When girlfriends become annoying, I can just cut them off. That is so much simpler.

If a woman decides to tell me what to do or how to dress, I withdraw from the association. Works every time.

Marriage? Not in 59 years, and likely never.

I agree, and I am a bachelor GG. We only have so many calories to use up in one day, and it's best to spend them doing things that bring a certain level of contentment.

[Megan72]

I want to thank all of you for your encouragement, the thoughts may really not have been what I was wanting to hear, but I probably needed to none the less.

I took off early to get my thoughts together for the coming discussion I am hoping that occur. I hope it is the right thing.

[charlie]

Pam had the advice that I would go for. Toss it all out..exactly how you feel. Then say that you will do your best not to dress in front of her. Only when you believe that she will not be around. Come up with rules she can live with. Best of luck. You have all our good wishes and thoughts.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Kellianne, I guess the thing that bothers me the most in your situation is the 180 degree turn your SO has made. Like one of the other girls have said" One of her girlfriends may have said something to her to have her change her mind" This could be!!!
Now I'm going to ask you something: Perhaps you pushed her to far to fast????? Perhaps she thought that you wanted to start SRS or Hormones??? Think about it, now don't get me wrong, I'm not taking her side but a total examination of the situation is in order here. And yes hun, I do Feel you pain!!!!
Please try to talk to her and also let us know what she wants or what is happening.

Mollyanne

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

Kelliann,
This is actually obessed's ex wife.Yes we are still friends. I have to tell you that i can feel what your wife is going through AND what you are going through. As someone who was married to a crossdresser for 14 yrs i can say that at times it is confusing. you often wonder why he likes it and is not "satisfied" with the woman you are(i know that has nothing to do with it but we do think it), we also wonder what if he IS gay or bi where does that leave me? what if he decides that he doesn't need me? what if he wants someone like him? these thoughts ran through my head and I knew about obessed's dressing from the very begining. I aslo knew that I had nothing to do with the fact that he likes to cd. If you withheld this info from her then she is probally angry, hurt and wondering what she did wrong, that is a normal reaction. Time and talking are the only things that will help her. text her just to let her know you still love her and are willing to answer any questions, just be there for her and if she truly loves you she will be alright with it. Time is the key---don't be clingy even though that is what you want to do... understand that she needs to work it out in HER head--you have come to terms with it and now she needs to. remember you have known about you cd'ing a lot longer than her.

[Megan72]

Kelliann,
This is actually obessed's ex wife.Yes we are still friends. I have to tell you that i can feel what your wife is going through AND what you are going through. As someone who was married to a crossdresser for 14 yrs i can say that at times it is confusing. you often wonder why he likes it and is not "satisfied" with the woman you are(i know that has nothing to do with it but we do think it), we also wonder what if he IS gay or bi where does that leave me? what if he decides that he doesn't need me? what if he wants someone like him? these thoughts ran through my head and I knew about obessed's dressing from the very begining. I aslo knew that I had nothing to do with the fact that he likes to cd. If you withheld this info from her then she is probally angry, hurt and wondering what she did wrong, that is a normal reaction. Time and talking are the only things that will help her. text her just to let her know you still love her and are willing to answer any questions, just be there for her and if she truly loves you she will be alright with it. Time is the key---don't be clingy even though that is what you want to do... understand that she needs to work it out in HER head--you have come to terms with it and now she needs to. remember you have known about you cd'ing a lot longer than her.

This post means so much to me in this situation. We spent the last several hours talking about this and kind of come to a conclusion. I think that our relationship is more emotional and I seriously neglected her physical needs, that is my fault. She still thinks that I want something different than I do, meaning the gay issue. I don't have that interest, but I still drove her away by not fullfilling all of her needs, CDing or not, i was not the other half I should have been.

I guess we are going to live together as partners for a time, free to do what we want. I doubt I will engage in any extra curricular activities but I will not stop her from seeking fulfillment. Kinda sucks! but thats me.

I guess Kelliann can get out more often now if she wants.

[marny]

my wife and I have many Gay friends. she knows I am not gay and having a gas

[katrinacd]

Kelliann -

Can't express enough how sorry I am to read of your situation. Some people just can't seem to change their ideas about things no matter what evidence there is to the contrary. My wife (from whom I'm currently separated) has never bothered to read one single article on CDing, but keeps insisting I must be gay (which I'm not and haven't given her any evidence to make her think that I am) and thinks the only guys that would shave any part of their bodies must be gay (just because she had some gay male acquaintances back in the day that liked to shave).

In my case, it's obvious that my wife has her own sexual issues and I think she clings to her arguments about my CDing to avoid dealing with them. Who knows - maybe she's gay!

[Megan72]

I can at least say that we are still int he same house, which may be strange but it does allow for the continued comfort of each others company, who knows maybe things will work out for the best. still hurts like the dickens, but there is no hatred in my case, only disappointment.

[Jonianne]

Hi Kelliann,

I can only imagine how you must feel. It doesn't sound like a good situation. Is she willing to go to marriage counseling with you? Just know we are here to listen and to support you however we can.

Hugs,

Joni

[Sally2005]

Well, you better start asking her out on some dates before someone else does. You have to win her back and while you are at it tell her you crossdress and help her understand what that really means. You can't change the past, but you can make a new beginning. Try to look at it as an opportunity instead of being bummed out if you can. I hope it works out. Also...take her out to meet gay people so she can see what 'gay' people are really like.