Originally Posted by RikkiOfLA
Why do you think this
Thats like saying a spouse or a CD who goes out on there own can date anyone
What about trust
Maybe thats a concept you find difficult
Why do you think this
Thats like saying a spouse or a CD who goes out on there own can date anyone
What about trust
Maybe thats a concept you find difficult
What a load ofwhy does it open the door, or should cders who SOs won't go out with them go off and date others, Geez This is the stupidist comment I've heard in this thread. I just hope your SO does go out with you, I dread to think what you're doing if she doesn't.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Couldn't disagree more. SO participation in going out in and of itself has nothing to do with whether or not the TG partner will cheat on her. If one decides to cheat, there are other things going on in the relationship. Also, cheating is not a boundry in the sense of this particular thread. Instead, it goes against the vows of one's marriage and speaks to the character of the cheater. And if the partners are not married, then cheating lessens the commitment which has been made.
I remember a recent thread about the lack of merits of cheating, comments such as this belong there instead.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
[SIZE=4]Without boundries most of society would be incarcerated or institutionalized. We as CDs tend to go even further so setting boundries is a must, otherwise the "pink fog" completely envelopes us and we get lost.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]For all intents and appearances I am a full time girl. I work and shop and do everything dressed. I am pretty outgoing and quite vocal. But, when I am at homw with my wife of 25 years there is a distinct meeting of the minds. She helps me stay out of the pick fog and has set some very specific boundries that keep me sane. [/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]I do not wear acrylic nails or dangling earrings in any of my 9 pierced ear holes,(generally I wear nothing in them while at home) and I keep the dangling belly jewelry off while making love. We live the "normal" married couple life, going to the movies (me in drab 99% pf the time), dinner, out and about. We look like any other married couple.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]When I go to work, I am Tami.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Boundries are necessary for every aspect of life, dogs have them, people obviously need them also. And yes, they can be fluid as long as the boundries of the fluidity are defined.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your sis,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.
My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com
I have over 2,500 pictures on my Flicker site located at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9315394@N02/
Although my dear wife and I have never discussed boundaries, for my part I impose some of my own out of respect for her.
For example, although she is fully supportive of me - buying me whatever I require, be it clothes, makeup etc - she would be extremely nervous of going into the public domain with me if I was dressed en-femme. Although I would be "in disguise", so to speak, she wouldn't be, and the thought of bumping into friends, family, work colleagues etc., would cause her too much anguish.
I am also aware that when we shop for something I require, I behave in a "typically male" way. She does the actual shopping whilst I operate her "choice" by remote control. All of this is as much to hide my hobby from the outside world as it is to present a "normal" relationship to others.
It was very tempting for me to dive headfirst into the "pink cloud" when I first recognised my interest in CDing, but I managed to pull back from the brink in order that we may both live an ordinary existance without CDing dominating our life together.
[SIZE="4"][/SIZE]"You can have my stilletoes when you can prise them from my cold, dead feet"
Boundaries, are apart of life, how we dress for work, how we behave towards people. Rules and Laws are boundaries set by society. But who gets to set the boundaries? If they don't work for the both of you, then they won't work. Society says a MAN has to wear male clothing, that boundry does not work for CD'ers, so if you set them to hard, they will get over run. you both have to find what can make you both happy. not enough outlet makes for an unhappy CD'er, to much an unhappy SO. but if both of you can be reasonalble with you expectations of the other one, there is no reason you can't have a very happy life together.
my wife will buy things for me, and give me tips on makeup and wardrobe, but no she does not get involed with my dressing, but then I don't get involed with her dressing either. But I don't hide in my own house, when it is just the two of us here either. Sex while dressed, is not an option, it makes her feel strange, she never wanted to make love with a woman, but we are good girlfriends, when i am dressed, and the best of friends when I am not.
It takes time but you can find away to fulfill both of your needs, with enough Love and understanding for each other
Good Luck with it.
Tina B.
Sorry I rambled, but this is a subject close to the hearts of most of us!
[SIZE=2]My feeling is that you need to determine what both of you want not only today but in the future. As you both learn about this and explore the possibilities it will make it much esier to determine which boundries will be fluid and which ones are set in stone.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]For example,[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]You want him to be totally female all the time vs his desire to only do it on weekends. Or the inverse could be what you both want or expect.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]One thing that may help you also is to learn as much as you can about his need or desire to dress up. You have done the best thing possible so far by just being here and asking questions. The main thing to do is always keep the comunication lines open and share your thoughts about things with him and also let him know that he can be open and honest with you as his needs or desires change.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]You may never cross some of the bridges that others have but it never hurts to play a few games of "what if......______?" on occasion to see where you are and where you might want to go.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=2]If you find ways to enjoy what you have together and add this to it then you may just end up having the time of your life.[/SIZE]
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By their very nature boundaries are restrictive. They are going to deny somebody...something. The more restrictive we are, the less likely we are to gain compliance. So, always remember the more boundaries that you two set up, the more likely that it's not going to happen.
Especially, if one person in reality is setting all the Boundaries! Too often have I seen the scenario where one spouse dominates the other, and supposed boundaries are just forced ultimatums from the dominating person.
It's OK to try and come up with some realistic guidelines that people can live with. I'm just suggesting that you all should be very careful about "pushing it." I've seen a lot of unhappiness come of that sort of thing. I've seen a lot of CD's who "cheat" and don't abide by their spouse's arbitrary "boundaries."
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 08-13-2008 at 01:50 AM.
Yes. Yes. and Yes.
In the beginning (6 years ago) even though my wife thought crossdressing was kinda fun, she did have a couple of boundaries, going out in public with me being one of them. However, after spending lots of time with me every time I was dressed and joining this forum and reading about all the folks here going out, sometimes with their partners, she felt that I should be going out too. Add to that, just as Sandra did, my wife had all the control as to when I dressed, for how long, and what I wore .... and let me tell you, that was the "magic bullet" because there wasn't any concerns for her anymore just so long as I was obedient to her decisions on this. Before long she was really "getting into it" and started to push me to go further and also help me ease my nervous feelings. Marla says that for some women, each progressive step taking the CDing further can sometimes be like tasting new food .... you have to try it at least 10 times before you start to get a liking for it.
Today, I have no boundaries at all except for permanent body modifications (which I don't want anyway). My laser hair removal on my face, neck and body while somewhat permanent, are not quite the same. I am not full time yet, but we have discussed the fact that I "could" be, outside of work, and Marla says she is totally ok with that. We have come a long way and are still moving it would seem.
Last edited by Rachel Morley; 08-12-2008 at 11:02 PM.
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The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I think boundries are a good thing, we all have them in our lives not just becasue of our life style but in about everything we do, my cd and I have boundries that make us both happy and keep our relationship stable. We know how far we want to go and when the times are right so its very good for us. ...chrerrywine
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