What is cross-dressing?? *thread moved to mtf*

[GinaHoney]

I just wanted to pick up from where I left off on friday.I just wanted to understand the psychology of others on here.I'm only recently able to understand my own mentality and why I behave the way I do-particulary denial issues.

I can't say I fully understand the reasoning behind transvestism,per se.How is it possible to be straight and still enjoy dressing up en femme? I personally don't think it can be a very sucessful 'supressing' these urges by compartmentalizing them,dipping in and out of that part of the psyche at will.
It's a very tricky and dangerous thing.I've been there.It causes disruption and paranoia-not the thrill of 'discovery',but the kind that comes from hiding the truth from yourself.

Surely having a strong female side is synonomous with a homosexual instinct-albeit with differing degrees of intensity rom individual to individual.But I reckon,gay you are to some extent.No getting away from it.Surely 'bi-sexuality' is just the manifestation of the male urge to mate and is conditional on the strength of your own particular libido.The fact that active 'gay men' eschew from bi-sexuality could be all down to 'politics'-whatever that is;although I've oft heard it banded around.

I just want to know how dressing up as a woman and behaving accordingly enhances a 'straight' relationship with a wife or girlfriend? Don't GG's think men who do this are 'cissies'-lesser men in some way(if they don't express it to your face then then they certainly silent adhere to this belief-or is just my experience?).Aren't female partners on the whole just going along with your fantasies for your sake?

Personally,whilst being attracted to females,emotionaly,and despite having tried a number of times,I can't achieve any satisfaction from physical contact with women.It feels odd and I get a feeling of nausea.I actively try to avoid generating any attention now from females in this way-although as I said I love female company outside of my peer group and feel comfort from the sharing of female empathy-and gossiping!!

I see myself as female though I can't do anything about changing physically due to financial and social reasons;mentally I see EVERYTHING through a female 'filter'. This can sometimes make things awkward.
By pretending to be a woman surely you are acceding to the idea of a 'yin and yang'-a sense that a feeling of spiritual completion can only be achieved with a male component-this is usually sexually,but if you're lucky ,you might find a greater metaphysical feeling of wholeness by having a full time male loover/partner in your life too.

A woman's body is designed to bring children into the world and to nurture them and to give pleasure to men.Aren't we trying to get back to those fundementals when we try to alter our bodies either with hormones or padding? The greater the achievement of verisimiltude,the happier we are,aren't we?

I'm not trying to be 'controversial'(boring,boring,whatever).I just want to UNDERSTAND other aspects of this confusing mental life I'm living-and which you're living too.

How can the 'comforts' of leading an emotional life with a woman outweigh the natural female instincts that by cross dressing you are trying desperately to stimulate? Isn't it just the comfort of a 'mother' figure? Do you really think you're empathising to a normally prohibited extent with your loved one-that you're understanding the female condition just a little deeper by dressing up so that the two of you can be 'closer'?

I'd like to know what the rest of you girls think.Be kind to me!

[Fab Karen]

If you were born with a male body but you feel like who you are inside is female, & wish you could change your body, you're transsexual.
As more people are learning these days, sexuality & gender ( two different subjects ) are not black-&-white.
You said "A woman's body is designed to bring children into the world and to nurture them and to give pleasure to men" - this is a chauvinistic viewpoint. You're not viewing them as full people who are individuals. You talk of "natural female instincts"- not all women want children, not all women feel nurturing toward children.

[Jenna Lynne]

I'm only recently able to understand my own mentality and why I behave the way I do-particulary denial issues.

Good for you for working on self-understanding! In my experience, this is a process, not just one sudden "aha!" moment. My self-understanding has deepened over the years ... and some of my insights today are very different from the insights I had 20 years ago.

Surely having a strong female side is synonomous with a homosexual instinct-albeit with differing degrees of intensity rom individual to individual.But I reckon,gay you are to some extent.No getting away from it.Surely 'bi-sexuality' is just the manifestation of the male urge to mate and is conditional on the strength of your own particular libido.The fact that active 'gay men' eschew from bi-sexuality could be all down to 'politics'-whatever that is;although I've oft heard it banded around.

I feel it's almost impossible to make any blanket statements of this sort -- especially statements about other people (that is, statements that say "you"). I feel your formulation here is just too simple to be accurate. For one thing, you aren't making a distinction between sexual turn-ons and romantic attraction. My experience is that those can be quite different from one another.

Also, unless you're a gay man yourself and have extensive experience talking with other gay men, I think it would be perilous for you to even speculate that their failure to have sex with women is due to "politics". That is almost certainly not the case.

Personally,whilst being attracted to females,emotionaly,and despite having tried a number of times,I can't achieve any satisfaction from physical contact with women.It feels odd and I get a feeling of nausea.I actively try to avoid generating any attention now from females in this way-although as I said I love female company outside of my peer group and feel comfort from the sharing of female empathy-and gossiping!!

Sounds like you and I are similar in this respect. I consider myself romantically heterosexual, but not sexually heterosexual. Sexually I'm a fetishistic, mildly masochistic bisexual. (And there's no single term for that....)

By pretending to be a woman surely you are acceding to the idea of a 'yin and yang'-a sense that a feeling of spiritual completion can only be achieved with a male component-this is usually sexually,but if you're lucky ,you might find a greater metaphysical feeling of wholeness by having a full time male loover/partner in your life too.

Again, generalizing is dangerous. There are, in the world, some MtoF transsexual lesbians. It's not unknown at all.

A woman's body is designed to bring children into the world and to nurture them and to give pleasure to men.Aren't we trying to get back to those fundementals when we try to alter our bodies either with hormones or padding? The greater the achievement of verisimiltude,the happier we are,aren't we?

I'm sure there are a lot of women (genetic females and others) who would bristle at this formulation. A woman's body is designed for ... digesting food, intelligible speech, ambulatory activities (that is, walking and running), carrying and using objects with the hands, observing nearby and distant things (with the eyes), smelling odors, bringing children into the world, giving pleasure to men, receiving pleasure from men, repairing itself when wounded, and probably dozens of other things that are not popping into my head right at this moment.

To put it simply, most of the things women's bodies are designed for are exactly the same things that men's bodies are designed for.

Verisimilitude ... I may agree with you about that.

How can the 'comforts' of leading an emotional life with a woman outweigh the natural female instincts that by cross dressing you are trying desperately to stimulate?

I think it's up to each individual to balance these factors in their own life (or try to). I don't think it's possible to make any blanket statements that one will outweigh the other. It may change not only from one individual to another but within one individual from year to year.

***Jenna Lynne***

[blogging at jennalynne.wordpress.com]

[curse within]

Well Gina ,

If it could be explained I would but maybe this will help. If a Gay person (someone attracted to someone of the same sex) was attracted to femme quilitys then would be considered a lesbian same as a male he would only be attracted to the male features. So I really can't explain Bi to you but Men who dress are every much and sometimes more of a Man then those who don't. We can related to women better than most, sometimes more sensitive at home more, spend more time with the spouse (best friends most of the time) and it goes on or you can have hanging out with the buddies getting drunk beating up wife as a domanite male I think you can get the idea from here.

[skirting]

It simple really. I am attracted to femmine things. I like girls. I like girls in pretty clothes. I also like the pretty clothes on me. I don't feel any attaction to men when dressed.

Guess I'm just a fem lesbian in a mans body.

[Dragonfly]

I would like to understand more about me myself

For me, I have no sexual preference or interest at all in other people...I have never seen a person who I am sexually attracted to. When I was in a sexual relationship, I hated it. It bored me and I didnt like the claustrophobic feeling of having to second guess someone who I didnt really understand. Even sex itself bored me, I found it totally underrated (I must tell the Formula One story sometime ).

Maybe this is because I didnt understand myself...still don't, really. I see myself as an androgyne, mentally - I can see the beauty in both sexes. I have very few 'masculine' traits and relate far more easily to women. In the roleplay gaming I do, I am far more comfortable playing as female characters. Partly because it is a bit of an escape, partly because I do not understand the 'masculine' mindset.

For me, my fledgling CD behaviour is not an "I wish I was a woman" OR "this is exciting, it arouses me" whatsoever. To me, it is just fleshing out the other half of my persona. Expanding myself, not changing myself.

Sometimes I do wish I were a woman, but only because I am jealous of the beauty of the feminine form. I am somewhat jealous of well-physiqued male bodies too, but not fascinated with them to the same extent. As has been mentioned by others in another thread recently, I am glad I am male for other reasons. But to me, I dont think I will ever be satisfied with whatever I am, and it is too late for me to really physically become what I wish I could.

I am satisfied with my dreams, in any case.

[charlie]

I believe you are trying to qualify and rationalize an activity that is confusing to even those that do it. I love women of all shapes, colors, and sizes. I also love their clothes. When I first cross dressed it was for the fabrics. However, when I put the clothes on I saw a woman in the mirror. With tweaking I made that woman in the mirror closer and closer to my ideal sexy woman. That made the CD sexual in a hurry. I then dressed and had sex with myself (the woman in the mirror). Then that changed as well. Now I still admire and study all women, but dress and try to be one as well. I go out dressed and enjoy acting the part. While I understood the sexual part, I don"t understand the need for dressing and going out. I need to do it, but don"t know why. Ideas?

[Screenager]

Guess I'm just a fem lesbian in a mans body.

That's how I see myself too. All the characteristics of a feminine (or at least girly punk) lesbian, just happen to be in a man's body. A male lesbian. A Mesbian, if you will.

[curse within]

I have one idea it's the high you crave from the urge you get from your femme side. I think everyone has it ,to feel your femme clothing in an unknown enviroment to be seen with no suspect to blend in and feel accepted is all part of the high. I feel all of us closet CDers is fighting the urge to get out and the more we fight it the stronger it gets trust me I fight it daily. On the other hand I also fear what may happen after the fact of people pointing, laughing and look at you differently if someone you know see's you in femme. I don't mind the fact of being accused of being gay hell thats part of the act but I know who I am confident in my straight sexuality so who cares.

[heterocd]

i spend most of my time dressed as male. i have a strong feminine emotional side. i behave and think about relationships from the female perspective a lot. i have since i was little been attracted to girls and girls things equally. certainly different the my three brothers. in studying my desire/need to crossdress i came across a study that details a common factor for many cd's is that during their early development years, an absent and violent when present father figure, caused a connection to female traits, that also keeps the CD from liking/being attracted to males.

so here i am feminine, soft, emotional, passionate and loving/giving in a female manner. emulating the positive traits i saw as a child. also not trusting, not liking and certainly not attracted to males/ especially fearful of aggressive testosterone laden gorrillas.

my wife of 14 years saw me choosing not to be the aggressive/business dominant man that she wanted me to be in life. yet she domineered at home which was fine with me. when the crossdressing became a factor/escape mechanism from male driven life, she decided she didn't need me in her life anymore.

i've been divorced a year now and only in finding the self acceptance and inner strength to cross dress publicly have i been able to find an accepting gg. she and i have been dating for 2 weeks. we went to the gay bar the other night(that's where CDing is very publically acceptable) though i'm not there to attract males). i was in heels, skirt, blouse, makeup, the whole nine yards. she was thrilled with me. even said i was beautiful, sexy and hot. i'd been there times before and danced with lesbian/bi girls that are accepting of CDs. but the feelings of being there with a gg who truly likes and accepts and adores me no matter what i wear, was truly incredible.

it does seem a little odd for males who so closely identify with female traits, to not be gay or bi. but just as there are lipstick lesbians, i really like women. so much so that i can't get attached to women who act like/dress like/ or carry very many manly traits. i really like girly girls.

so for me bi girls are a godsend. they are capable of liking, if not loving, both sides of me. the biggest part of my success though has been in deciding i'm not wrong. that i can and will be just what i want, and that there is certainly acceptance somewhere out there. life may be dangerous but that may be also what makes it worth living. morgan

[Kayla Shadows]

I think...to believe that all crossdressers are gay in some way is the same as thinking that all women are straight.A woman can be strong on her own as well.To think like a woman isnt the same as thinking as women in a whole.People are different and dont have the same views.Many times I see people express the idea of what being female is as the expectations of society...and not the reality of individuality.

I believe the only thing a woman is born into is...choice!

[Jolene]

It simple really. I am attracted to femmine things. I like girls. I like girls in pretty clothes. I also like the pretty clothes on me. I don't feel any attaction to men when dressed.

Guess I'm just a fem lesbian in a mans body.

I have always felt this way as well.

Jolene

[SusanLaine]

Jolene summed it up for me as well...I've long thought of my femme self as a lesbian

[PaulaPts]

For me only one part of this maze of terms and orientations seem clear, if you were born in the wrong body - you identify as a woman 24/7 then you must be a transexual. This is how I see myself. I see myself female and have a preference for men 24/7. I guess if you have a preference for woman you could be lesbian and also a TS.

As for identifying as male and just liking to dress, having preferences for woman - identifying as male and liking to dress. I have no idea what the term for that is.

It seems that as long as the person and any of their partners enjoy the lifestyle they choose and no one is harmed - why not?! Getting hung up on terms seems like a lot of effort with no real end to it.

[skirting]

As for identifying as male and just liking to dress, having preferences for woman - identifying as male and liking to dress. I have no idea what the term for that is.

I'd call that "Crossdresser"

[deja true]

Sorry kids, but all this over-generalized stuff in the OP sounds like someone cut up a 50 year old psych textbook and then read just random parts.

You trying to write a term paper or something?

It's impossible to ascribe any particular feeling or desire or quality to any labelled group of people. By doing that you make us sound like screened cohorts in a lab experiment.

Each soul is different in it's needs and wants and desires and dislikes.

Stop trying to analyze whole groups to see where you fit into them. Just be you!

[Ásfríðr]

yikes i don't know where to begin. i'd quote a lot but i'm lazy.

erm, first gender and sexual orientation are completely seperate things. and as far evolutionary biology goes, the thing we have to take away from this is simply that we have become social over survialist. this allows all sorts of phenomenen ie crossgender behaviour, but even more rudementry things like drug culture, pursuit of ideas whatever.
so to say things like 'women are made to carry children and pleasure men' is a horrid abhoration of what the human mind has become.
although it brings up some interesting points, like how much is 'trans' a result of biology (you know effects of hormones on the foetus in the womb, esp on the brain) and a manifestation of those things in a social context. basically "where there caveman transsexuals?" does cross gender behaviour nessesitate a basic level of social consciousness? weird one.

transsexuality is indeed a strange one, but if you want to further yer understanding you have seperate your ideas about gender, sex, and orientation. and even beyond that, labels like gay and straight start to fall apart when you're looking at trans people. an ftm can fancy men, so if you take into acount their identification as a male then hes gay, but biologically he is 'female' so in that sense shes straight. same the other way, an mtf can fancy women, taking into acount their identification as female, shes gay, but in a biological sense she is male and that makes him straight. then bisexual trans people are.....well...you see how gender and sexuality aren't linked in any meaningfull way.

you do bring up another interesting thing, the way people will 'dip' in and out of femme mode, and are attracted to men whilst dressed but not when in drab. this i can't understand, how can you only be orientated one way or another depending on what you're wearing?

ugh, i haven't got time to ramble on (i'm being reproached for spending all my time on the laptop) ramble ramble