Regaining confidence

[Kay Sterling]

After many attempts to go out other than just driving and buying gas, I ventured to a fast food drive through. Things went okay until I went to pick up my meal. It was quite obvious that the teenage girl made me and even called a male coworker over to see. In my mind I thought I had spent alot of time getting ready for this trip but obviously not well enough. Now the problem. It seems like a major step backwards and I'm wondering how long it will take me to gain enough confidence to go out. After reading all the posts here about getting made it would seem that it shouldn't make any difference, but it does. Any help with this would be appreciated.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]Oh hun, don't let some teen aged couple rain on your parade. If you hold onto this type of stuff you will eventually find excuses to never go out again. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Remember, you are the star. These people talking about you were lucky to have even had you in their presence. Don't let some kids run your life. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]If I had done this sort of thing I would still be fuming over a sales associated at a cosmetics counter loudly saying "transvestite" as I passed her counter on March 4, 1999. . but I am over that, pretty much...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Hold your head up and go anywhere you want with confidence that you have a whole lot more on the ball and are a lot more compassionate than 99.99% of the people out there. We all hit little dips but that just drives us forard to work harder.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your pic looks great and there is no reason to think that you did not do a good job, so stop it![/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Your sis,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[joank]

It bothers me too. Usually I can end up say oh well after a bit. Your avitar looks really great so maybe you were over reacting to a teenager with no cooth. There are alot of them. Just like when you fall off the horse, dust yourself off (or put the powder on) and get back in the saddle. I suggest going to a mall when school is back in session if not before. Keep up the good attitude--You will never see that kid again.

[Shannen]

Kay,

It's not a step back, it's 2 steps forward! You've now faced someone face to face, and you've been "made" by someone without the world ending!

So, now your next adventure can only get better!

In my experience, which is limited, I've found that the more nervous I am, the more I draw attention to myself. Hold your head up, smile, act like you are the beautiful woman that you are, and do your thing! (don't forget to smile!)

Oh, and don't forget to smile! That "Are you going to be mean to me?" look that I often carry around causes wrinkles!

And remember, you've got a great bunch of friends here that will hand out all the encouragement you will ever need!

[Jenny J]

Kay-

First of all you look fabulous and I wouldn't worry about what a bunch of teenagers did or said. It's just a bump in the road; Hey, there's a cliché or how about it's like riding a horse. Once you've fallen, get back up and ride some more.

Nothing in life's going to be perfect. Some days are good and some aren't. I'm still working on how I look and being my worse critic I need more work. But if you aren't happy with the way you look then keep at it. It will all come together eventually.

Seriously, you look great. I'm a bit envious.

Jen

[Liz Pepper]

Kay I think you look very nice. You should not feel bad about your drive thru experience. I stop at a drive thru most nights when I go out. I have had the same thing happen to me, and its no big deal. Sometimes I think that the people working there are so bored, that anything out of the ordinary is something they notice. Imagine its 300am, and a well dressed and made up person comes to the drive thru, of course you will be noticed. I have also had positive experiences from work staff too. One night I stopped with a friend, and the counter girl asked if we were entertainers from a local show, she went on to say we looked great, and had a pleasant conversation while we were waiting for our order. So, dont be discouraged. Go out, enjoy yourself, and dont worry about drive through people. At least your not the person working the graveyard shift.

[tracigirl_tv]

Dear pretty Kay,

1. Your avatar shows a very attractive woman.

2. Being "made" is just part of the process, and the first time is the most traumatic. My first was by a toll taker, who very clearly said "Thank you SIR" when I gave him my money. Of course, it probably didn't help me that I was driving a pickup truck at the time *lol* It didn't feel great, but I survived and so will you.

3. Did I mention that you look great?

xxx

[Holly]

Don't sweat it, Kay. I'm sure that they had no problem taking your cash for the food you purchased. The advice to hold your head high and smile is dead right. Wherever you go, walk in as if you own the place. Look at it this way, you were out looking wonderful and having a great time, they were at work probably doing something that they don't particularly enjoy... who's having more fun? The bottom line is that you don't need their or anyone else's approval.

[Kay Sterling]

Thank you everybody for the positive responses. I'm sure with a little time and encouragement from you girls. I'll be back on the road and maybe even a trip shopping. Luv ya all.

[LisaElizabeth]

Kay,
I have probably been made every time I'm out!!! So-o-o What? If only one or two people make out that you are not what you seem, then you have passed with how many hundred that you saw before then??
It truly gets easier every time you go out. Maybe you just get used to it, maybe you get 'made' less often because you aren't as nervous! Who knows, I just know that if I am out alone I get made less than when out with a group (herd?, gaggle?, Pride?, Coven?) of crossdressers. I think just being in a group is what draws the attention and then a lot of my 'girlfriends' do not have very femme voices. So the laughter and comments from our group tend to not correlate with the visual cues. BUT! We have always had a great time and have even managed to educate a few people that we don't bite!!
So have some fun and go out for a 'sit down dinner' somewhere!! It's nice to be 'miss'd' by the staff!!
Lisa E

[curse within]

Hi Kay,
Hey Kay you gotta ask yourself does it really matter I mean does it? I see an attractive lady who is just trying to get out don't let that ruin it for you. Go back and order some more food with a big ole stoogie next time hanging out your mouth. That will really give them something to gawk about then ask for some extra sauce. Kids these days I think some of thier parents need slapped.

[TxKimberly]

You know, I just can't imagine saying it any better or any where near as eloquently as TamaraV did! If I she were next to me I'd give her a hug for that post because it says it ALL!
I go out a lot, and you know what? I get this a lot too. So what?! Let 'em look and let 'em talk, but while they are stuck in a little box handing out French Fries, YOU were out having a ball and enjoying your life.
As stupid as this sounds, drives through's can be a bit tough. When you place your order all they hear is a voice, and most of us still sound male, so the preception is already set in their mind when you approach the window that you are going to be male.
OK, so this analogy may be going over board but here it goes. I've heard a lot of soldiers say that the way they got through patrols in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, etc, was to get in the mind set that they were dead already. To accept it in your mind that you will not be getting out alive so there is no point in worrying about it. Well most of us are not perfectly and 100% passable so when you head out, you pretty much need to have the mind set that some people ARE going to read you. It's up to you if joining the world on these terms is acceptable and worth it to you.
I get read every single time I head out and I'm just not gonna let it shove me back into the house and closet.

[shannonsilk]

I understand what you're going thru. I was very obviously made yesterday. The guy even mumbled "What the F***" I convinced myself that I couldn't let that bother me, and so wandered around at Walgreens after I psyched myself up again.
The world will continue to spin, and life will go on even if someone is on to ya.

Best wishes.

[RikkiOfLA]

Kay Honey,

If I had a penny for every time I've been made, I'd be a millionaire! I've been full time for over ten years, been told countless times (by long timers as well as newbies) how "passable" I am and I still get made regularly by strangers!

Yesterday my neighbor's elderly mother, who has cataracts and is deaf, told her, "is that a woman or a man?" So what!

I've had a woman on the subway scream "THAT'S A MAN IN A DRESS!!!" And I wasn't even wearing a dress! (She apologized to ME so I know I'm who she was talking about.)

I've had a drunk come up to me and ask "Are you real?" That was easy to answer. I replied "Of course I'm real!" But I did NOT invite him to pinch me to prove it. After all, a lady has standards!

Truth is, we just get used to it. Your money's as green as anyone else's. Be nice to people, smile a lot, tip well, be courteous. And you'll find the vast majority of people will be courteous to you.

After all, you're not alone out there. If they open their eyes, they've seen others like us. For many years, I lived in a small town of 8000 people. Within a year of coming out, I had met four other crossdressers who lived in my town!

Keep going out, and you'll notice you have more courage around other people. Not just crossdressing--it carries over into work and to social situations where you're dressed male. And judging by your picture, it won't be long before you have new girls coming up to you and saying "You're so passable!"

And when they do, I just smile and say thank you. And chuckle to myself and think "If you only knew!"

Hope this helps,
Rikki

[bgirl]

You have just been doing your public service to make people aware that we do exist!
I must smile as I have been in that situation. By far I have run into many more people that are at least tolerant of me, and treat me like everybody else.
One time after being made, I told the assistant that I was making this day a little different that the dull routine I was sure she was used to. She smiled and said yes you are and I thank you for that.
A pleasure to be of service miss!! I replied! And we got on with our business.
I am glad that at most it has only been uncomfortable. I am worried that I couldn't kick ass in a skirt and high heals! I don't have the courage to train in them at the gym. Oh dear!

[carolinoakland]

Well, we all seek that acceptance that we got it ' right '. And that can either send you hiding or challenge you to spend more time working on it. On the other hand, I just don't really care what people think about what I do, it's only for me. The one's who laugh the hardest at us are the one's I care the least about. I mean think about it, they're live's are so mundane and boring that picking out other people's diference's is their way of trying to validate their meaningless excistence. Ask yourself this, is some fast food workers opinion of you worth anything to you? Carol

[Chari]

Could be that the teengirl was guessing and did not know for certain your gender. When you reacted that you "got read" she knew and had to get someone else involved. Don't fret what others say or do! Just smile and be confident and comfortable in who you are! BTW, your avatar shows a very pretty gal!

[Bev06 GG]

Hi Kay
I know what your saying and I can hazard a guess as to how this has knocked your confidence but dont let it. Letting people rent space in your mind just isn't worth the hastle because you will never be free to be the person you want to be.
OK so its a knock. Like alot of the girls have said it has happened to them too. If its any consolation its happened to my SO and he didn't even realise but I did and it made me quite cross. The only reason I didn't challenge them was because he hadn't noticed and I didn't want him to either.
Like the others have said you look very attractive so thank your lucky stars that even if you do get read, atleast they'de have to admit your damned good looking.
Take care and I hope that you soon recover from somebody elses small mindedness. I think you look quite hot and if I'd have seen you out you would have probably been on here complaining that some pervert pinched your bum and called you gorgeous.
Bev

[Fab Karen]

Listen to your Auntie Tamara V, she wouldn't steer you wrong.
And remember: Worrying about the future is like paying interest on a loan that was NEVER TAKEN.

[deja true]

Well Kay, hun...I'll tell ya what...I hope your getting your confidence back, 'cos all these posts from these brilliant ladies are sure helping with mine...

I've only been out in "real" public shopping once, and I got read. But instead of a shocked look I got a smile ...from a nice shoe store manager and his assistant. And like bgirl said, it was because I had made their day special instead of the same old, boring shelf stocking day they usually had. We even had a nice little chat about ladies like me!

I think I'd avoid places with pimply faced teenagers and go to places that are run by adults. Even if they have no prior experience with trannies, at least they'll act like adults!

Get out there again, sweetie! I'm going to!

[Kay Sterling]

Wow...I can't believe all the positive response I've gotten. Thank you all very much. The next two days are already taken but I'm going to shoot for Friday to take a trip to the mall. Wish me well.
Hugs
Kay

[Nicole Erin]

Hell with what some acne-ridden teenager thinks.

I have read that the idea of going out en femme is to have fun, not to "pass" or not.

But yeah we seem to be the stars out there. To each other we are just a bunch of other CDs but to the general public, it is like "WOW I saw a REAL CD today..."

The poor guy at the drive up window will probably go out and buy his first makeup set now. And then he will come here and tell us how it started cause when a CD came to his drive up window, he realised there were others like him...

OK speculations...

[charlie]

Thank you everybody for the positive responses. I'm sure with a little time and encouragement from you girls. I'll be back on the road and maybe even a trip shopping. Luv ya all.

Hello Kay!
All my bad experiences center on teens. They seem to make the biggest fuss and make us feel "busted". So be it. Try another venue besides a fast food joint. Try a more upscale restaurant and it will be better. Or try a gay or TG bar for total acceptance. For my two cents, I think you look great in your picture!

[Chryl]

Hi Kay, I get made everytime someone gets within 25 feet, well maybe further than that, and I always will. I laugh at their expressions and get on with my night, I usually go to the same gas station and supper market so the clerks and stock boys know.

Enjoy i know I am

Cheryl

[Christinedreamer]

When someone reads you or gives you grief about your presentation, just tell them this: "What you think of me is none of my business." and walk away.

Leaves them speechless