A New Room in the House

[PamelaTX]

I've had an interesting journey the last few weeks. (Interesting in the sense of the Chinese curse.) And I was lying in bed this morning trying to put everything into perspective. Having recently "come out to myself" I've been trying to figure out a way to best describe what's happening to me. The best analogy I've been able to come up with is it's like finding a new room in your house. You've walked down that hallway a thousand times, you knew the door was there, but you never walked through it. Then one day you think "I wonder what's in there," and you open the door. When you look inside, you find that it's not just a dusty old room, it's really a treasure trove of beautiful and wonderful things. These things are so beautiful and so wonderful that you want to spend all your time in there getting to know them. (I guess that's the pink fog.)

Then I began thinking about the gifts that God has given us. (I'm deeply religious, so I use the word God. If you're not, then substitute, "the forces of nature," "evolution," or whatever word you wish.) We all know that some of us have been given more gifts than others, why, nobody knows. What I realized is that I have been given so many gifts that they won't fit in a room labeled "Male" or "Female". I imagine that most of you are the same way.

But society won't accept that. Is it because they are envious? The especially gifted are often subject to repression, so we've got to take our some of our gifts and hide them to make ourselves seem more "normal."

People keep asking "What's wrong with us?" "Why are we broken?" There's nothing wrong with us, and we're not broken. And those aren't even the right questions.

Thank you for all you've given me.

[adelle]

hi Pam yes interesting as i could see what you are trying to say here, i saved many lives in my career in the emergency medical and rescue services as a male and had some thank you's and would it be the same if i had done it in fem? no people dont see the skill they see the person and people out side there are some times very shallow and they judge the book by it's cover, seeing only what they whant to see wonder if i would fight a fire differently with red painted toes or would i do life saving different wearing a bra under my flight suit?

[deja true]

Darling Pamela...that is among the most beautiful analogies of our blessing/curse that I've ever read.

And a parablelike this is ust what many of us here need to read to help engender some deeper thoughts about our situations that just what color nal polish goes with that outfit.

Bless you, Pam. I hope you'll spend a lot more time musing in bed if this kind of wonderful post you end up with.

respect & love,

deja

[PamelaTX]

hi Pam yes interesting as i could see what you are trying to say here, i saved many lives in my career in the emergency medical and rescue services as a male and had some thank you's and would it be the same if i had done it in fem? no people dont see the skill they see the person and people out side there are some times very shallow and they judge the book by it's cover, seeing only what they want to see wonder if i would fight a fire differently with red painted toes or would i do life saving different wearing a bra under my flight suit?

Any man (or woman) who saves my life can do it wearing any damn thing he (or she) pleases. Those people who don't understand you don't define you. YOU define you. Look at it this way. By wearing only male clothing while performing your duties you are giving less gifted people an image of you that they can understand. You have a deeper understanding of the world than they do, and you are being kind to them by restricting yourself in this way. You're a hero, and yes, heroes do come with painted toenails.

[KimberlyG]

I loved the analogy.

Not unlike yourself I finally have "Come out to Myself" after years of denial.

For me (if I could use your analogy). The room was a place that was always there. I wouldn't want to go there because, in that room were some experiences people coming out to themselves have to face. To name a few, self-acceptance, a sense of self worth, shame etc. These are what I had to learn about and accept. The rest of the world as we know it may never - that's their issue.

In that room one can find about ones self. I love a bubble bath. I love soft, silky, pretty clothing. Those heels are on sale now and you got to get their after work before the store closes because it's the last day of the sale. You may find yourself relating to SO's/spouses/lady friends on a new level - just think you've improved your relationship(s) because you have found you.

One can find out things about ones-self if one will allow it.

So, open the door and find out what the fear of the unknown is all about.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Glenda]

Hi Pam. God bless Texas and Texans. A few of us look at something and see it differently than others. You do. Me too.

[Joy Carter]

Pam, I have only read two of your threads/posts, and you come across clear and beautifully dear. I sense you have a heart and that you know what's real in life. Please continue to grace us with your thoughts and wisdom.

[Ruth]

Pam, I had some counselling regarding my CDing and I used to take my dreams to my counsellor. One of them concerned finding an extra room in the house that I had not known was there. My counsellor was very pleased with this and explained that we commonly think of the mind as a house (subconsciously), so what I had done in the dream was to affirm to myself that the CDing self represented a part of my personality.
I had thought, before that, of the CDing and the sensual and emotional experiences as a new space that I was occupying, but only in the abstract. Apparently my subconscious was more concrete and saw it as literally another room in the household!
Anyway, your thoughts make perfect sense to me.

[CD Susan]

Pam, very well put! I ejoyed reading this post and thank you for sharing your insights with us. I agree that we have been given a special gift and it our own personal decision to accept this gift or not. I struggled with this for many years but I accept it fully now. I have never been happier since I discovered myself.

[PamelaTX]

Pam, very well put! I ejoyed reading this post and thank you for sharing your insights with us. I agree that we have been given a special gift and it our own personal decision to accept this gift or not. I struggled with this for many years but I accept it fully now. I have never been happier since I discovered myself.

I've never been happier either. I can relate to friends in ways I never could before, and I like myself infinitely more than I ever have.

That being said, I think that denial is a way of coping with things. It just isn't a very good way.

[vivianann]

I really appreciate the way you express yourself and as I read what you typed, I think to my self yeah that is the same thing I experienced. When we finally accept this side of ourself it is like we found the beautiful side of our personality, for me it has helped me to be more compassionate, and I am happier and peaple around me has told me that since coming out that I am happier and have alot of confidence, and that my personality has blossomed.

[Jenna Lynne]

Thanks for the beautiful metaphor, Pamela. I've quoted from your post on my blog (jennalynne.wordpress.com).

***Jenna Lynne***

[PamelaTX]

Thanks for the beautiful metaphor, Pamela. I've quoted from your post on my blog (jennalynne.wordpress.com).

***Jenna Lynne***

Thanks! And I love your blog!