dual personality

[Susan Dee]

Bridged

First of all, a big thank you for being so open, and supportive of your husband.

For me, I am a softer and gentler person when dressed. There is a very strong emotional feeling, together with the attraction of the style and the fabrics. It is a feeling of just being so alive and at the same time there's a great calmness (the balance between them varies, with one sometimes stronger than the other). It's so unlike the expectation of society for the male to be aggressive and competitive.

It is somehow like having another dimension to who your are, still conscious that it is you but in a very different and fulfilling way. It just seems right.

Let you both be there for each other.

Susan

[Toni_Lynn]

My personality doesn't change drastically. I suppose at one time it did, but then I realised that I didn't have to (or want to) try so hard to be the girl within. I am just me.

The one think that my wife Debbie seems to notice is that I did get a bit more giggly. I do this thing where I kind of clap my closed fists together, giggle and say 'Oh goodie goodie!'. Its my 'girl thing'.

I have to wonder which has happened ... has the girl within become more integrated into the boy, or has the boy become integrated into the girl within. Anyone have ny thoughts on that?

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Nadia-Maria]

Bridged, your husband will be essentially the same person you love, whatever the clothes he wears. When he's dressed, you will have to face your own fears, and it is really very difficult for most of wives. I hope you will do it successfully. Your husband needs acceptation.

Love

Nadia

[Jocelyn Renee]

Standard disclaimer: Everyone is unique. With that said, I have often wondered if crossdressing is the mind's way of coping with our inability to display the "real" us to the world as men. My wife and friends have often commented that I am much more outgoing, gregarious, and seemingly more relaxed when presenting as Jocelyn. I'd like to think I'm the same person no matter how I'm dressed, but if I'm honest I know their observations are correct.

Since coming to terms with that I do believe that the two sides have grown closer together. Now the major difference seems to be more in the realm of mannerisms. I suspect that many of us are quite masculine in our day-to-day lives, but my wife marvels at the effortless way way deportment changes to match the clothing I am wearing. This leads me to believe more strongly in the idea that, for whatever reason, I am a fairly equal mix of both female and male spirits.

As to your husband's reluctance to share, I would chalk that up to nervousness at your potential reaction. We spend a great deal of our lives being confused by our desires and worried about what the world will think of us. Add in the fact that our wives are the most important people in the world and you've got a big case of nerves to contend with. Give him some time and he'll come around.

[Petra Harper]

Hi Bridged. If she is anything like me, she will be able to drop the pretence of being a man and learn to relax. Most of my friends thought I was way too masculine to be a t-girl, but I had to explain to them that my manliness was a show and it was a great strain. All day the Mr Manly Man, but, unseen to them, tears at night.

She may develop a dual persona, as I have, but you will find the man mode much softer and gentler than he used to be. This is the relaxing and calming effect of the feminine persona. If everything is ticking over smoothly, you will just love the feminine persona. You will have a husband AND a girl friend, who can, and will, spend hours shopping with you.

[Bridged]

the first and most obvious question is now' do you know about Melissa. And since you clearly do,, why haven't you and melissa had a talk?

we haven't talked yet for a few reasons. The main reason is that I actually just brought it up last night! Prior to that we were just talking as husband and wife trying to find some common ground about this situation. As the days go on, i am feeling a greater need to meet Melissa, but he is quite reluctant to do this. I think this mostly has to do with the fact that "he" is worried that I will freak out once "she" is standing before me. My reassurance isn't enough just yet. Another reason for my not meeting her is that unfortunately we need to go shopping. We both agree that her current attire(my clothes) would just seem weird. Apparently she has none of her own yet. Well she did, but I threw them out a few years ago( another story for another day).

[Farrah]

You're going to get a great new friend. She is going to be nothing like her man "alterego" trust me. She'll be compassionate and very understanding.

[KayR]

Dear Bridged
If he is anything like me, being a CD fills in the gaps between being a "manly man" and a caring and sensitive person.
How about trying to meet Melissa in the dark? As she gets used to you being around her when dressed, then perhaps she will gradually be able to meet you in full light, so to speak?
My wife and I discovered my CDism during those harmless and exciting bedroom games, when I was horrified to discover I liked wearing womens underwear (to start with). For a long time I was afraid to face my wife in the light, so thats how we did it - gradually and with judicious use of the dimmer switch.
When we went shopping for clothes for me, we shopped for Kay as if she was a third person. "Do you think she'd like that?" my wife would ask.
I found that having my own clothes helped in revealing Kay to my wife, purely from the point of view that we both wanted to see what she looked like in them.
You are a very special lady, just like my wife.

[Bev06 GG]

I dont believe we have split personalities or personality changes. I think everyone has a multifaceted personality and it could be Bridged that you just haven't seen this side of his personality as yet.

Very difficult to imagine really what he'd be like because to be honest just because a CD donns a dress doesn't mean he necessarily acts feminine. On the other hand some are totally different in their mannerisms when dressed in Drag as apposed to Drab. To start with it seems to be an act but because its carried out so very well it eventually becomes a part of their personality.

So you could be in for a surprise hey. Hope you share your findings with us. I always call my Cd a big sissy anyhow because even when in drab he's a big girls blouse. LOL
Bev

[Charlene Ogden]

I'd keep a couple hand puppets ready at all times to use as communication tools just in case you find yourself in THAT moment. :-)
Ok, I'm just kidding. Sorry :-) I really agree with most everyone else that personalities don't really change that much while en femme.
I think you'll find that he's a more gentle man who would love to play out his fantasy in perhaps a more child-like manner of innocence. In other words, I think he'll be very receptive and will appreciate your encouragement of his femme self.

[deja true]

I like the idea that you're going to help him shop...before meeting Melissa.

In that way, you will already be seeing something familiar, the clothes you helped pick out..and...

He'll be seeing something familiar as well, the clothes that you helped pick out!

That gives you both, at the very least, a common ground on which to get the conversation going.

And your participation in his dressing in that way should help calm some of his fears of acceptance. If you're gonna see him as a woman for the first time, you surely would want him to be dressed well, yes?

[Ruth]

Bridged, it sounds like there's some history here (those clothes that got thrown out) which could account for Melissa's nerves. It sounds like you are moving towards accepting Melissa so that's good. You two really need to talk about it though. As for the change in personality, well, as we've all said, that's an unknown quantity, and you know your SO better than we do, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

[just-me]

i think it is down to how much you dress like a female .or this is how i see thing some full dress with wigs and make up and some how take on female rolls .my self its just the clothes .so im just-me .just the same in jeans and a top or a dress no change hope this helped

[Cathytg]

Personality Change? I am more inclined to say "Behavior Change". At least that is true for me. I am told that my manner is much softer and easier when dressed. I am still the same person, though.

I agree that you are in a position of being very helpful and gentle when you do meet Melissa. He is likely to scared to death and you need to be supportive as, indeed, you seem to be.

But he is the same basic person whether dressed or not.

[sterling12]

Sometimes the two persona's are not blended as a defense mechanism. A lot of folks could not allow femme mannerisms or mindsets to slip into their male life. I have no doubt it relates to a fear of getting "read."

However, an idea for us to chew upon....what would be wrong with taking the best non-gender related traits from each personality and blending those with your other self? Could only be a positive thing right? Your wife would now get to see a new person, maybe one who could be tolerable to be around.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Michelly]

In male mode, I am an alright person, but in Female mode I am more at ease with everything. I am bright, happy go lucky, and love to be female. I am more apt to be generious and kind, I am my real self and I can finally live my life as I should be able to.

Amy,

It seems that you and me have a lot in common.

Michelly my female side is much differerent than my male "Mike" side.

Michelly is also a lot more open, friendly, and fun. she is a real social butterfly.

I am interested how you have transitined in the work place.

[Sally2005]

For me I am the same person except in fem mode you have to act the part so I put effort in to looking and acting female. I then also tend to feel female but that's a dual personality except it may appear that way to the person who sees me in both modes.

[kimmy p]

I'm not sure how to word this, but I will try my best. Since i don't quite have the open honest relationship with my cd husband that i hope to have one day, i was curious, how much does your personality change. My husband is a "manly man" he is the last person on earth that you would imagine likes to where womens clothes(well you all would imagine it, but i don't think anyone would guess!). I haven't met Melissa yet, (his alter ego), but I can't imagine she is anything like him.
So I am just wondering if I could get some insight into what to expect when the day comes that I meet her. thanks Bridged

Hi Bridged, I am the first to admit that I am not a testosterone driven He-Man no matter what I am wearing. I am pretty much just myself. This is not true for everybody. I don't know you or your husband so I cannot give you a definitive answer. What you need to do (if you don't mind some advice) is to go ahead and meet Melissa. At that point you can decide between you what you like (or can tolerate), what is out of bounds, and reach a compromise. There are members here that will say that you should just step aside and let Melissa go on unfettered. But I will always believe that you married a man and unless you like having a girlfriend better you are entitled to having a husband most of the time. All that I ask of you is to not go into this with a closed mind. I wish you and your husband good luck.

[wishonastar]

For me I am suppression my female side when in normal mode. I suspect that when dressed up especially if you treat him like a women he it no longer suppressing this side of him.

I do not see it as a dual personality. Everyone has different sides. You are a different person when you are at work with subordinates then when you are with your kids, very different.

You are different with your spouse then with your good friends.

Not a dual personality just putting on "different hats".

[tricia_uktv]

My two personas were different when I started, but they are gradually merging into one. Iain is taking on a lot of Tricia's best characteristics and Tricia Iains.