Shame or Embarassment?

[PamelaTX]

Most of us start out in life ashamed of being TG because so many of our "wise and holy leaders" denounce us. After all, their so-called "Holy Book" condemns us. Only later in life do many of us realize these leaders are neither wise nor holy.

One of the most important things that Holy Book says is "Love thy neighbor as thyself." It was written to lift us up and comfort us, not to condemn us. Anyone who uses it to denounce us is preaching ignorance and stupidity, not religion.

Crossdressing is not a sin, but hating other people definitely is.

PM me if you want to discuss this further.

[Shayna2008]

I've accepted myself as a crossdresser. I'm not ashamed or embarrased by it. I do fear for my safety mainly - since I don't really trust people (with the exception of family/loved ones/close friends). Seems to me people nowadays (especially ones my age (20's)) are looking for any reason they can to be violent and angry. This has resulted in me generally looking down on society and being embarassed to be a part of it. What do you expect in a country where it takes major disasters for us all to actually care about one another?

I guess this lack of trust and embarassment for others that I feel results from always having an "outside-looking-in" view of the world and it's events. Another issue I have with society is their view on being who you really are. That is; everyone says "be yourself" and "do your own thing", but when they actually someone doing just that, they alienate them, make them feel bad or inferior, and often attack/abuse them.

It's just another double standard. Quite fitting actually for a country founded by slave owners who wanted to be free...

[PamelaTX]

I've accepted myself as a crossdresser. I'm not ashamed or embarrased by it. I do fear for my safety mainly - since I don't really trust people (with the exception of family/loved ones/close friends). Seems to me people nowadays (especially ones my age (20's)) are looking for any reason they can to be violent and angry. This has resulted in me generally looking down on society and being embarassed to be a part of it. What do you expect in a country where it takes major disasters for us all to actually care about one another?

I guess this lack of trust and embarassment for others that I feel results from always having an "outside-looking-in" view of the world and it's events. Another issue I have with society is their view on being who you really are. That is; everyone says "be yourself" and "do your own thing", but when they actually someone doing just that, they alienate them, make them feel bad or inferior, and often attack/abuse them.

It's just another double standard. Quite fitting actually for a country founded by slave owners who wanted to be free...

Yeah, dealing with the world is hard sometimes, especially when you feel frustrated and out of control. We're supposed to care about one another, celebrate our differences, and lift one another up. But so often it just doesn't happen that way. And there isn't anything you can do to change it.

When I get frustrated about the world I sometimes think to the world, "OK, so I can't change you. But you can't change me either. I'm a kind, loving person and you're not going to take that away from me. You can hate me, but I'm going to love you in return, and you're not going to stop me from doing that because I'm stronger than you."

Love hard, Shayna! The world is broken, and it needs all the love you can give it.

[justmetoo]

I used to feel shame. Until I figured out there is nothing bad or wrong about liking different clothes. Now I sometimes feel embarassed, but not shame (does that make me shameless? ).

[Sheri 4242]

I believe there was a time when all of us were either ashamed or embarrassed or even both by our cross dressing but for me that time is long behind me. As I emerged from the closet I came to realize that not only was Karen an important part of me but she was my essence, my inner peace if you will. Over the past 20 years as I have grown to the woman I am now those feelings of shame or embarrassment have long been replaced by those of pride and happiness. I am proud of the lady I have become, well at least in public , and happy I have the resources to live my life as I please. Don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed by who or what you are just be the best person you can be!

We are who we are!!! I, as many of you, spent a great amount of my youth believing I was "the only one" . . . and there was a great amount of guilt and shame associated with CDing. As has been discussed in other threads, we didn't have the internet back then and finding others "like us" was difficult if not impossible, which added to the feelings we had. Some of us have kept the walls up and around us and some of us have moved beyond them to a greater or lesser degree. One CD is open only with himself/herself, the next is out to the wife but both are unhappy with the situation, another is out to wife and they are relatively happy with the whole thing, still another has a small group she goes out with, and on and on and on.

IMHO, many of us seem to grow "into our own" as we age. While maybe not embracing this fully, it seems age gives us some amount of courage to say "this is who and what I am, and the heck with those who don't accept me." Karen is absolutely right about the inner peace many of us find in this maturity!!!

When my wife and I had our second "wedding" (where I got to be the bride) the part of the ceremony where we did a photo shoot out on the Las Vegas "strip" had an unexpected effect on me. I had been glowing in the warmth of that day and what we were doing. It was very special in so many ways!!! Yet, the photo shoot out in public caught me a bit off guard! Well OKAY -- it caught me A LOT OFF GUARD!!! But, as the shock, wore off (embarrassment) I found myself totally warming to the simple act of going out for a series of photos! (Forget the part about how everybody stops and stares at a bride --lol.) I found I was feeling great pride in who I am -- and the highest of love and pride in my wife!!! Heck, we now have two anniversaries to celebrate each year and that IS love and lovely!!! We both celebrate who and what we are -- to our selves and to all who happen to be there!!!

[bimini1]

Actually, Valenstein, none of the items u listed r "acceptable". However, u r more likely to be forgiven for any/all of them, sooner than for CDing!
And, coincidentally, I don't do anything on your list. But I DO CD! The one unforgivable sin!




Melinda, I could give a rat's behind if folks thot I was gay. But, unfortunately, CDing ranks closer child molesting, etc., in many people's minds. Many think of us as perverts! THAT is what u risk being compared to, if your CDing comes out!

If I thot the worst thing in people's minds, was that I was gay, I'm down buying my milk and bread in shorts and a halter top today!

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.
We are forever at the bottom of the totem pole. And that is just too big a pill for me to swallaw at times.
I try and try to get past it. Come on here, read one another's stories for support but sometimes I get even more depressed to know that I am part of the group. Can anyone relate?

[Christinedreamer]

For 35 years I have been a professional in the audio visual presentation business. I have handled the AV presentations for medial conventions of every anatomical specialty and many conferences for groups like the American Psychiatric Assoc. These were multi-day conferences with attendees from all over the world and discussing/ presenting on every aspect of human emotional, behavioral, psychiatric variation and psychological bent.

Let me assure that these "professionals" also represent some of the scariest, most looney-tunes characters you will ever meet. This fact was also a subject of self analysis workshops of the psych community itself. Some of these folks have pecadilloes so bizzarre they make us look like nuns.

I have also been aware as have millions of others of the dark secrets held by many many members of the clergy.
We have heard of the really depraved actions of many.

I find it so strange that these same people so readily condemn us and try to force a guilt on us that has no basis in Christian teaching. To prove it, get a Bible with the words of Jesus in red.

Read every word. NOWHERE, in any quote of Jesus, does He mention crossdressing, homosexuality, or any aspect of transgender activity. It seems to me that if someone claims that what we do is un-Christian, they should be able to reference the Man Himslef somewhere in His own words. Can't be done!!!

If we were not intended to be the way we are from birth, why have so many of us had the same general experience from the single digit ages? The average age we start actively exploring out emotional TG world is 6 years old and many started even earlier; long before we saw Jerry Springer shows, or Penthouse magazine.

The only possible source for guilt is being less than honest with SOs and family but it is to be expected as we have been taught by those who do not feel as we do.

Just try to follow the Golden Rule and teach it to others and you will have accomplished a major goal of humanity.

Christine

[Anna the Dub]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.

I don't care any more if there is something wrong with us. I am what I am, I couldn't give a flying whatever what any clergy person thinks of me or what I do. Nothing anyone says or does is ever going to change how I feel inside. I was born this way, I am a gentle person who wouldn't hurt a fly, so what if I like to wear pretty clothes? Is it immoral behaviour? Well, there are far more evils in the world than just wearing a few pretty things. Where's the harm in that?

[PamelaTX]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the positive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something wrong with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.
We are forever at the bottom of the totem pole. And that is just too big a pill for me to swallow at times.
I try and try to get past it. Come on here, read one another's stories for support but sometimes I get even more depressed to know that I am part of the group. Can anyone relate?

This post points out something truly important. That no matter how trivial crossdressing may seem (it's just putting on clothes after all), the underlying reality is supercharged with emotion and very, very, very important. That underlying reality is so powerful that it's scary. And not just a little scary, a whole lot scary.

Many people here have stressed the importance of self-acceptance, but self-acceptance is only the first step. There are many more steps beyond that. You can accept something about yourself, but still believe that it's broken or wrong. Put on your best female outfit and look at yourself in the mirror. Doesn't that hit you with a wave of emotion? (It practically knocks me over!) Doesn't it just feel right? How many other people get to feel that way?

Crossdressing is only the visible part of a tremendous gift that we have been given, a gift that not everyone has. We are not at the bottom of the totem pole. We are standing on the mountain top seeing the world in ways that others will never be able to comprehend.

Unfortunately, the world often condemns what it cannot comprehend. Galileo was condemned for saying that the earth moves through space -- but it moves nonetheless. But the world can be taught. Through patience, understanding, and an outpouring of love we will prevail.

[valenstein]

You see it is this kind of post that paints the sad reality for me. No matter the postive things you say, it just seems like trying to justify something that is inherently wrong. Like one poster said even at 3-4 years old, we knew we had better not been caught.
Is it simply socialization? Or is there really something worng with us? Of course we are gonna be biased when answering the question because it is us who participate in the "immoral" behavior.

What is wrong about it? Most of the stories I've read about boys being caught dressing up at 5 or 6, the parents response was a beating, or to be told, "that's not what boys do". How is "that's not what boys do" an acceptable explanation? That is a learned statement, not an inherently wrong idea. Jumping off the roof to see if you can fly is wrong, not matter how you slice it. At what point does it become wrong? Is playing with dolls okay? Hugging a friend of the same sex? Wearing your mommy's shoes? If your sister wears your baseball cap, is that wrong? I'm not going to get into the "how come girls can wear boy's clothes argument", or this post would turn into War And Peace.

Right and Wrong are taught. There are laws I believe are wrong, when the public sees them as right and vice versa, but overwhelming public opinion and government mandate does not make something right. If that were true, all of the globes in our classrooms would be shaped like pancakes.

P.S. - Okay, if your life's ambition is to appear on "Jackass", feel free to jump off the roof, but I wouldn't recommend it.

[Cindi Johnson]

[SIZE="3"]

Many people here have stressed the importance of self-acceptance, but self-acceptance is only the first step. Put on your best female outfit and look at yourself in the mirror. Doesn't that hit you with a wave of emotion? (It practically knocks me over!) Doesn't it just feel right? How many other people get to feel that way?

Crossdressing is only the visible part of a tremendous gift that we have been given, a gift that not everyone has. We are not at the bottom of the totem pole. We are standing on the mountain top seeing the world in ways that others will never be able to comprehend.

[/SIZE]

So right, PamelaTX!!! It does "just feel right". And for me, it just feels normal. For me, it is normal!! I am TG: I was born TG and will die TG. What can be more normal for a TG than to crossdress?

No more will I be ashamed for being me. No!

Yes, we do stand on the mountaintop. I am Neitzche's "superman" (or supergirl??). I see and experience this world in a unique manner. I am proud to be TG.

Too often, it seems to me, TG's bow to the perceived wishes of the masses. Well, for one, I don't give a damn what the masses think of me; and two, I've come to realize the masses don't really care anyway. Yes! The joke's on us! We spend most of our lives fearful of losing face before the masses, when in fact the masses don't really care. In fact, most "normal" women seem to enjoy encountering a CD, as it adds a bit of spice to their day.

But enough. I seem to be ranting... It's a Texas thing, you know.

Cindi Johnson