She Was Gone...

[paulaN]

Wow am I glad you and your loved ones are all ok. I think Holly will be back, when she is damn good and ready. Remember not to purge all of your Holly stuff no matter how long it takes her to come around.

[Jilmac]

Holly Dear, Please tell us who's gone. You probably need a supportive shoulder now more than ever, but none of us can give you support without knowing of your grief. Did you lose a loved one to death? If so dear, I can sympathize because I lost my wife a year ago to cancer. you have all the girls on this board concerned for your well being.

[Audrey34]

Hang in there. Holly will be back! Even Audrey once went away for a year and a half and she's still with me!
-Audrey

[CD Susan]

Holly, you know how much you are appreciated here and how much we care about you. When you are ready to come back we will be here with open arms. If you need time to sort things out we understand and will be here for you when you return. My best wishes go out to you.

[Alice B]

Pending retirement plays strange games with ones mind. It causes feeling of self doubt, worries about what will you do, etc. They pass quickly once the acceptance of retirement sets in and then a whole new world of possibilities opens up. I'm sure she will return as an even stronger person at all levels. Good luck.

[Tamara Croft]

Holly who's gone? You know we all love you and will be there for you so please let us know what's happening.

Holly Dear, Please tell us who's gone.

Helps if you read all of the thread...

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...9&postcount=44

Holly, she'll be back, you're probably stressing about retiring

[wendy68]

just give it some time. She may just need the space for a bit to think and grapple with her emotions. With what you said about your family she should think about the love you a her have shared and be talking to to you soon. --wendy

[Charleen]

Holly, don't sweat it dear. You've been here long enough to know it comes and goes! For the last month and a half I was HIM! TOTALLY! Miserable? Yeah. Scared? NO! I knew I would revert back to the real me. The Journey back started last week and here I am. A little better for the experience as well. I feel a little less conflict inside. I believe it was that conflict that set him off. Specifically the situation at work. It looked to me that they weren't happy with the feminized self I was presenting with the long polished nails, light mascara, ect. Nothing was ever said, but the bad vibes were there. I grew all the hair. They love me in a beard! I am getting more things to do.
This is a long strange journey. For me like a roller coaster ride sometimes as I try to balance living who I am in a world that doesn't understand.
Hang in there girlfriend! When HE show up, I originally thought that was it for Lilyfor a long time. Turns out we girls are pretty resiliant and can't be kept down for long! I'm back in the "right" clothing and feel better for it.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

We understand what you are going thru, the best advice is just to take care of yourself, talk with your wife and sort thru your feelings about Holly, retirement and the future. We are all praying for you. Kim

[janet p]

Holly, you are the one who gave me this site. If any of us say we haven't felt this way we're lieing to our self. If this what you truely want then so be it and I would still like to be friends with you.

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]The break can be a blessing. There are times that I don't feel like dressing. It's good to step back and reassess where we are and where we want to go. Look at it as a sabbatical. Holly may be gone awhile, but she'll be back.

Gennee [/SIZE]

[Holly]

I want to thank everyone who has posted to this thread. I appreciate every one of you. To those of you who took the time to PM and/or call, you'll never know how much those simple acts of kindness meant to me.

I had a long talk with my wife this afternoon. She and I are fine... I want that to be perfectly understood. She is nearly as upset as I am that Holly has "left the building." Holly and HT always have a great time when they go out together.

Let me see if I can clarify what seems to be happening. It feels like part of me died. It's not at all like the desire to dress coming and going... I've been through that a lot and know that feeling well. This is different. It's like a piece of me has gone missing. I almost feel like a foreigner in my own body. It's very frightening because the best parts of me (at least the parts I like the most) have disappeared. Like poof! Gone. I had become so content and happy with who I thought I was and now I'm not that person anymore. I hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of mindless wanderings.

So where's the fairness in learning to love and accept oneself and then having it all snatched away? Could it be stress because of my pending retirement? I'm actually looking forward to it. I have a part-time gig all lined up that will pay me more working two days a week than I make now. The family is happy and healthy so that's not a concern. No stress because of friends so that's not it. So why did it all change so abruptly and so radically? Honestly, I'm at a loss. All I know is that I don't like it this way.

Thanks for listening and for your concern. This is truly a family.

[Kelsy]

[SIZE="3"]Dearest Holly,

You will always be my big sister!

"To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten"

I will await your return

Love Kelsy[/SIZE]

[DAVIDA]

Holly, I am truly sorry for your loss! I can not even imagine what you must feel like. I will say a prayer for you.

[Jonianne]

Holly, have you been for a medical checkup recently? Maybe something else is going on and that is affecting how you feel. You are certainly in my prayers.

Hugs,

Joni

[Megan70]

Dearest, you've never heard directly from me before but I cannot remain silent here without commenting , making observations and adding my
I too have gone through the circular and seasonal on again off again periods where not only do I not feel like dressing but am literally ashamed and embarrassed for myself of what I am, who I am.

What is this TV-CD crap,? why was I born with it.? I'm in denial and putting it away. Now I know this is not the same situation as you because I read you in a part of you being gone... well as a few people here on this thread know that I've PM'd earlier this summer i felt that Megan was "gone" too, but at my own making.

You see Holly in my case and it could possibly be yours I suffer from depression and was born bi-polar, yes nothing I asked for, or am proud of but neither am I ashamed here to admit it, It is well under control through medication, but I am just now coming out of this "gone missing" disgusted feeling. It has to do with one's mind, at least with me.

You are also about to embark on a major life change, retirement and ones mental attitude can really freak-up your head and cause all things to go haywire.
Talk to a therapist, or your doctor, it could be something as simple as a mild depression or could be more serious. You don't have to delve into CDing to get your point across.
As for me to my few close friends here... I'm outta my summer funk and ready for those old fall feeling Again.
Good luck to you Holly and have a Blessed Day hon'.

Megan

[Sheri 4242]

Holly, have you been for a medical checkup recently? Maybe something else is going on and that is affecting how you feel. You are certainly in my prayers.

I second what Joni is saying! Can't hurt. Last November I fell out at a bar-b-q. Next thing you know, I'm on a helicopter heading for emergency surgery!!! For quite some time, "Sheri" has been, in essence, gone -- well, she's there as always, but it has been quite different as I recover. Dressing is way down, although I know I am, as always, part her -- and on here I lurk a lot instead of my previous self of always commenting on everything. This may not be what's happening to you, Holly, but it is worth a checkup with Dr just for your own peace of mind!!!

[victoriamwilliams1]

Been there for a little over 5 years.

[TSchapes]

No matter how well we plan, no matter what we think is going to happen, the advent of change will throw us for a loop. Holly just stepped aside to allow the change to happen, she's waiting for a clearer picture of the future. Once that picture is settled, you watch, Holly will be back more than ever.

Do not fret, Tracy has done the same thing. When change is about to happen, she runs and hides. I can't control that.

Love

[DonnaT]

It could be the result of a TIA, small stroke, that can only be found with an MRI. TIA's can occur in any part of the brain.

When I had one that I felt in my body, the MRI showed that I've had a couple of others that I never felt.

[Kieron Andrew]

Holly, have you been for a medical checkup recently? Maybe something else is going on and that is affecting how you feel

I second what Joni is saying! Can't hurt. it is worth a checkup with Dr just for your own peace of mind!!!

It could be the result of a TIA, small stroke, that can only be found with an MRI. TIA's can occur in any part of the brain.

Holly this is sound advice, go get yourself a check up, even if nothing shows thats one less thing to think about, no?

[Daintre]

Holly, for me personally, you are in an uncharted area. The fact that part of you just left has never happened to me, I have gone through the cycles much the same as most here. I am not here to nag, just not my style, but, seeing your doctor is good advice. Seems to me that you and your dear wife have been going through everything that has been going on in your life and you are coming up empty. A trip to your doctor will help cover areas which you or your wife haven't considered.

You are a special person in my life, I have always looked up to you since I arrived here. Take care Holly, I hope this can be resolved soon.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Holly,

I have only been here a short time,but you have always given great advice. Don't worry,she'll be back. Sometimes we need to take a break from things we like to do. Everything will turn out fine. Its great that you have a very supportive wife.

Also,don't worry about the future. Enjoy the present. The future is only the past that hasn't happened yet. Take care and good luck.

Felicity

[Sarah_GG]

Hello Holly

I've hardly had time to savour the delicious strawberry shortbread you so kindly baked when I announced my arrival on this forum. Your welcome - and your sound advice previously and generously offered - has been gratefully received. I always hoped I'd get to know you better since I hope to be around here for quite a while.

I don't know you anywhere near as well as the other girls on this site who've offered their love and support, but I would like to say that I hope you take the time to do whatever you need to do and what feels right for you. I'm sure it's true what they're saying and you'll soon be bouncing back in saying "she's back!"

Take care and take it easy.

[pamela_a]

Holly. I can only echo many of the thoughts and sentiments here. We can never tell where life will take us. Knowing how smart Holly is I would bet she's just going to let someone else "test the water" on this next stage of life. When she's satisfied it's safe she'll be back and ready to make up for lost time.

Take good care of yourself and know you are loved here and will be missed.

Hugs

-Paula-