We all might want to be "passable", but what if....

[Karen__Starr]

For several months while living in Philadelphia I went to a woman who specialized in teaching males how to pass the best they could as woman. Her focus was not on presentation of the entire package, not beauty but being female like. Coupled with attending support groups once a month I think I did fairly well going out to many straight places. I was very happy especially knowing that my face is not that of a female but with her help the persona changed from afraid to go out to now only being concerned more so with my neighbors knowing than anything else. I can never be passable but happy to at least now be a sore thumb and stick out in a crowd.

When I look at pictures of many here I see much more passables than me.

[NicoleScott]

I have gone out in the past, dressed and made up reasonably modest and passed without any problems. Yes, it was exciting.
The first time I went to a tg-friendly club, I went dressed and made up in the style I much prefer: pretty clothes, nice wig, high heels, and heavy makeup, especially bold eyes with huge eyelashes, and deep red lipstick and long painted nails to match. I love to dress and make up like that. That's how I do when I don't go out. I was greeted warmy, complimented, and made to feel very comfortable there, even though I was an obvious CD. For me, a far more exciting and rewarding experience than successfully passing. I've been back several times.

[Rachel Morley]

I think there's two levels of passing.

1) People think you are a woman.

2) People think (or know) you could be/are a guy BUT because you are giving them lots of feminine signals they "get" what you are trying to achieve and treat you as the gender you are presenting without telling you that they know. (sometimes when this happens some CDers think #1 has happened when in fact it hasn't).

Me, I think I sometimes pass as #1 but only from a distance (I'm a small person). Most other times I get #2. Only a couple of times have I seen a "double take" and once I've been called "sir" in girl mode at restaurant ... and let me tell you it was a real bummer!

It is what it is ..... I do my best and hope it's good enough.

[LeslieSD]

This is a great thread and gets right to the heart of things I think. An interesting thing happened to me over the weekend. On Saturday I went shopping dressed in black jeans, blue blouse and black jacket. I tried to melt in with the background and I didn't get any comments at all (I know what I am, I know others know what I am).

I thought about it over night, it worried me. I want to be noticed, I want people to talk to me, I want to help us all get out that is what we wish. So the following day I wore a dead sexy white mini dress. I stood out from everybody else. I'm lucky to have a very slim figure and very long legs. Lots of people talked to me. I got abuse from some young lads but it was pretty tame and a fascinating discussion with two sets of teenage girls, amongst other things. That was fun.

It was something I would never do as a male but it is now like I'm going out of my way to be noticed and love the attention. I'm not sure how healthy that is but it is the complete opposite of when I started. Interesting times.

Sorry for taking so long!

Great thoughts. To be noticed and not to be noticed, that to me is the question. What is it that makes me dressing? I have constantly thought about that.

I can not deny that a big part of it is to look good. And looking good is being attractive, i.e., attracts attention. That's completely opposite of passing. Do you want to be a plain Jane girl who wears drab jeans that is almost indistinguishable from the boys?

To me, I think there is something more to dressing then simply blend in as a girl. On the other hand, being outrageously red-siren is in reality not something I can achieve, nor is something I would like to do. I guess finding a realistic balance point somewhere is what I tried to do.

[Carly D.]

This is what I've said before.. I would like to just wear pantyhose and skirt and heels and top it off with my favorite shirt and not wear a wig or makeup or ear rings or anything fem like that.. I'd like to just be me and wear what I'm comfortable wearing..

[Kyara]

[SIZE="2"]Good thread. I can pass on passing.....I guess my masculine face leaves me no other choice. Nevertheless, to me it's all about femminity, about the woman within me; if she's happy, I am happier. Feeling and looking the way I choose does the trick.

Of course compliments are nice; some times I get them when shopping ....but I try to believe half of what is said only, the other half I take is said out of kindness.[/SIZE]

[Miss Tessa]

Sherry, I pass most the time in public, but what I have found is similar to the point I think you're trying to make.

That is the way I look at it. Even though I pass almost everywhere I go, I would be satisfied if people just appreciated that I was a great looking Transwoman.
Even if I let someone know I'm a T-girl, I sometimes get a compliment on how good I look. It is very validating...


I always tell myself that even if I do not pass as a GG, at least I look just fine and very beautiful as a TS.



A couple of my friends are like 6'2" tall and have broad shoulders, but other than that they are gorgeous. They get their T read alot, but the thing about them is they act so friendly and cool and look so good, that people still accept them as a Transgender chick who is a really prettie, cool transgender girl even if they don't really blend in as a GG.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

My spouse has recently become a lot more supportive and has told me on numerous occasions that I really looked nice and that my clothing and makeup were perfect. I strive every day to become the best looking girl that I can. However, I know that I will always be a "work in progress". I will never stop trying to improve on my image.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Sarah Martin]

I'm 50 and a size 26. So never mind passing or compliments - it would make my day if no-one ran away screaming

xxx
Sarah

[tanya1976]

I remember being out once and guy asked me for directions. When I didn't answer he called me a 'stupid cow'. Similarly I was walking along the main road once and a guy shouted 'Hey girl would you like a lift? Although both examples were slightly disturbing, I should either go out earlier or perhaps dress less provocatively, I suppose I must've passed. It was late, and dark though, I'm not sure I would've gotten the same response during daylight hours...
Anyway for me the object isn't passing as such, just feeling good within myself...I suppose many of us like to look as realistic as possible but, for me, the illusion gets harder to project, the older I get :-c I've just had to accept it...

[Apple of Eris]

personally, i have a very gender-neutral mindset, so passing as a female isn't my highest priority. but i've gone out in a skirt before, and some girl friends have told me, "oh my god, your legs look better than mine in a skirt. i'm jealous."

and THOSE were probably some of the best compliments i've ever received.

[Nancy (PA)]

I don't believe that I could pass if the person I was trying to impress was blind. That being said, I try to enjoy my pasttime as much as I can without putting myself into those positions where I can be outed.

[Nicki B]

I think there's two levels of passing.

1) People think you are a woman.

2) People think (or know) you could be/are a guy BUT because you are giving them lots of feminine signals they "get" what you are trying to achieve and treat you as the gender you are presenting without telling you that they know. (sometimes when this happens some CDers think #1 has happened when in fact it hasn't).

Isn't that the difference between passing as a cis-woman and a trans-woman?

I don't think people see you as a 'bloke in a frock', they generally understand, are respecting and sympathetic?

[maid phylis]

i will just say that for me to pass i have to ride the new york subway system every time i travel into manhattan to be with my girl friends on wednesday .for me this is my test and i have been doing it for several years and the thrill never wears offphylisanne

[Rachel B]

A few months back I went out shopping in drab with my GF and we started talking about how women were dressed. Then we decided to rate all the women who passed by in terms of how good they were dressed. The results were very interesting, almost all the girls we saw were dressed very poorly (in our opinons ). Only a handful of women actually looked like they cared about how they looked.

This made me think about something this thread has thrown up. Maybe the reason the drag's get noticed is down to the fact we make an effort to look nice! Might not be about being passable at all! If you put one hundred dots on a piece of paper and circled just one of them, which one would stand out?

I dress the way I dress because I like the look and it seems to like me back......If my GF dressed the way I like to see GG's dressed I wonder if I would feel the need to dress?

Anyway, my feeling on this is why does it matter? Surely all we want is to be able to wear exactly what we want without the fear of being villified?

[TommiTN]

"This made me think about something this thread has thrown up. Maybe the reason the drag's get noticed is down to the fact we make an effort to look nice! Might not be about being passable at all! If you put one hundred dots on a piece of paper and circled just one of them, which one would stand out?"

I think you nailed it.

[Marjory]

From age twenty 21 to about 35 I could pass very well. At age 35 I had a severe illness that had a 3 year recovery time and, in order to improve my health, I started lifting heavy weights and I got myself up to 190 lbs from the 125 I weighed when I left the hospital. By age 44 I could bench twice my weight. I would still go out but only in the winter when I could cover most everything. Now, at 66, I'd be more likely to win a Charles Bronson look-alike contest in a evening gown. I still like dressing when I get the chance or like to go out for walks semi dressed (slacks, flats, blouse etc.).