I'm Lost... Please HELP
I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....
What should I do???
Should I stop it definatelly???
Please HELP!
Marcus what have you against Gay people. Live and let live hun. to many people cant except others for who thy are. Get past that hun.
Angie
very hipocritical if you ask me. Your judging someone else cause they like the same sex, and then your doing something that is actually more taboo in todays society and want to judge them and have others not judge you?Originally Posted by marcus8411
I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....
What should I do???
Should I stop it definatelly???
Please HELP!
Again, why hate? There is enough hate in the world today as it is.
Don't complain about not being supported for who you are if you are not capable of supporting others.
Thats about it!!
How can you expect tolerance and understanding from other people if you aren,t willing to tolerate and try to understand other people yourself?
[SIZE=4]First of all welcome to the group![/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Now I believe that you need to sit back and really think about what you say and your CD activities. They are no different than any other activity any other person has. Then realize that this CD activity is not going to go away, it is with you for life and may at some point, attempt to take over your life causing you to see nothing but a pink fog.[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]We are not here to criticize anyone but it sounds like you simply are unaware of the depth of the statement you make about being intolerant. I think you really are very tolerant, just uninformed. Everybody is entitled to their differences, my God, look at us...[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Your sis,[/SIZE]
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[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.
My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com
I have over 2,500 pictures on my Flicker site located at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9315394@N02/
First thing you need to do is learn to love and accept yourself. Without that, you will have a hard time loving and accepting others.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Why stop?
Do what you enjoy and if you want people to accept it then maybe you should be more accepting of others as well.
People in wearing glass dresses shouldn't throw pruses ya know....
Sorry honey,,,, if you can't accept others, don't expect people to accept you and unitl you can accept you, you can't accept others....see it's a cycle of life and living....
If you don't accept a certain group, wouldn't it be easiest just to not talk to them?
Just go about your business and let other go about theirs. That is how I handle things when I don't care for someone.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
I understand that you are havin' a rough time right now, just try to work on one thing at a time. There are many of us hear that haven't told our families and loved ones. That doesn't mean that we aren't loved. True my fam would not like what I do, but I feel that there are certain kin that would. I think right now , you need to focus on YOU.Find out who YOU are, and don't worry about how other people choose to live, I have great hope that in doing this you will become a more accepting person and not judge others for there lifestyle choice. Sorry luv, there is no cure, be happy that you have found an outlet to your innerself. Rather than let it fester in your mind, not knowing what it is that's missing. (I went through that a few years back, and yes it was a great relief to find Hinata tucked in the back of my head just waiting to come and say hi!) You are not alone.
We all love each other here, and support is just a click away.
Hinata
You always tell me that it's impossible / To be respected and a girl / Why's it gotta be so complicated / Why you gotta tell me if I'm hated ?/ So please be carefull with me, I'm sensitive. /And I'd like to stay that way.
Jewel
judge not,lest thee be judged.I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....
What should I do???
Should I stop it definatelly???
Please HELP!
Drink up me heartys,yo ho!
Kate
It sounds to me like you have not fully accepted who you are. You say that you enjoy crossdressing but yet do not approve of another lifestyle that is looked at in the same light as the one that you enjoy. I do not understand how you can feel this way! How can you expect to be accepted when obviously you cannot accept others that are different from yourself. You need to take a good long look at who you are and how you feel about it. I hope that you will do this and come to the conclusion that we all seek acceptance and that it first has to come from ourselves before the rest of society will do it.I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....
What should I do???
Should I stop it definatelly???
Please HELP!
If you want to stop crossdressing, and you can stop it, I believe you should stop it.
Problem is, none of us know how to stop it. Oh, many of us have tried. We did something called "purging" which means throwing away all our feminine finery. We made promises never to crossdress again, only to discover, when we saw a girl wearing something cute, that we couldn't keep the promise we had so sincerely made. We were in an agony of desire until we bought something like what she was wearing, and in an agony of guilt, shame, and fear of being caught until we purged once again. We spent thousands of dollars this way, only to throw it all away. What a waste!
Then we discovered that for us, we were SUPPOSED to live this way! We were supposed to crossdress. Why were we supposed to? Because by living this way, comfortably, and to whatever extent we're comfortable, openly, we carry the message to others who are suffering guilt, shame, fear, and purging, for being the way they are. We carry the message of hope, acceptance, and freedom. Come and join us!
Now if this sounds like I've been reading literature from some self-help group, well, I admit that I'm familiar with a lot of them. But there's no "program" of steps to follow here. The only abstinence required for us is abstinence from purging, from guilt, shame, and fear. Crossdressing isn't a self-destructive compulsion. There's nothing harmful about it. It's rather fun, in fact. That's almost all there is to it.
But there's one more thing. You see, everything that I wrote about crossdressing, a gay person could have written about being gay. They were born that way, just as we were born this way. Trying to fight it doesn't work for most of them, any more than it works for most of us. I've had plenty of gay people tell me this. They don't choose to be the way they are, any more than we do. Their only choice is the same one we have--accept how we are, or be miserable and fight it. Not much of a choice for them, any more than it is for us.
So, I say, live and let live. Celebrate who you are, and who others are, too. Be yourself, and enjoy the diversity of being human!
Sincerely,
Rikki
"Truly accepting yourself, as you exist today, at this very moment, is one of the greatest acts of love and courage on the planet. Once you've done that, you can extend that acceptance to others, as a gift, that can be treasured for life......"
To see the rest of this quote from Dr. Joy Browne, click on the link below.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
You may be having problems accepting yourself as a crossdresser. If you wish to be accepted by others first you must accept yourself for what you are. After you learn to accept yourself you may become more tolerant of others.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
Seek answers to why you are not a tolerant person,maybe its the fear of what you cant understand in others or in yourself.I know our creator wants us to be tolerant in all aspects of life so we can be at peace.People who are unaccepting need not know,so let us not be influenced by intolerant people.
Marcus,
It can be terribly disorienting, finding yourself in a strange place and not knowing how to get back to someplace familiar. We can give you advice, but when it comes down to it, the only one that can find you where you're at is you.
Not too terribly long ago, I was lost, too. I thought I was alone, the only one like me. But then I found a few others, then a few more. When you just look at the number of folks that belong to this forum, you see that there are literally thousands of us. After a lot of prayer and a lot of reading, I started to undestand that being tansgendered is not a curse, not something evil, but rather a gift that can be used for either good or evil. That choice is mine. Once I started to undestand myself, I started to understand others, and become more tolerrant, and even supportive, of who they are.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might still be so far off that you don't see it yet, and you might have to feel your way along. But keep your eyes and your heart open, and you'll get there.
Grace,
Bobbi
Why did you feel the need to say you don't support gay people?
I mean, it has nothing to do with your crossdressing so why bother stating it?
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[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
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Marcus,
A question for you: you ask if you should stop crossdressing, but never really give any clear reasons why you feel you should stop. What makes you feel you should stop?
Is it because you associate crossdressing with being gay, which you disapprove of?
Is it because you worry about your family's reaction?
Is it because you feel that crossdressing is morally wrong for some reason?
Is it because you feel you can't control your desire to dress?
After thinking about those questions, move on to the follow-ups:
If it's because you associate crossdressing with being gay, ask yourself why you disapprove of homosexuality, and ask if that disapproval is rational or a result of unfounded prejudice. Are you aware of any gay friends or family, and if so, do they seem like upstanding folks to you?
If you don't actually know any gay people, on what basis are you disapproving? Are you reacting to the prejudices of your family and community? If you do know some gay people and disapprove because they happen to be jerks, ask yourself if it's fair to judge a whole population on the basis of a few rotten apples.
If it's because you worry about your family's disapproval, ask yourself
if your family really would disapprove if they knew. Reactions of other people are hard to predict, and even if your family did disapprove initially they may come to accept you with time. Ask yourself whether you'd let your family's disapproval be a barrier in other areas of life. How would you react if your family didn't approve of your choice of spouse, or your career?
If you feel that crossdressing is morally wrong, ask yourself about the foundations of that belief? Is that belief rational? Does your
crossdressing harm anyone?
If you're uneasy about being unable to control a desire that won't go away no matter how hard you try to banish the thought, ask yourself if you can find a way to integrate crossdressing into your life in a balanced way. You also have desires for food, drink, sex, friendship, money, and plenty of other things, but they only become problems if you let them take over your life. If you had a problem with overeating, the source of the problem wouldn't be your enjoyment of food, it would be
your difficulty in keeping your desire for food in healthy balance with other considerations.
In case you've not figured it out, my attitude about crossdressing is very positive: I don't think there's any reason at all you should stop, and the only way it could be a problem would be if you let it become a compulsive behavior like overeating or addiction or greed. I'm also very positive about people who are gay, bisexual, or straight; I believe good people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, sexual orientations, colors, and creeds. I've met people from all over the world who are gay, bi, or straight, MTF, FTM, manly men and effeminate guys, girly girls and tomboys, and have found that when you get to know them most people are pretty good folks.
You may not agree with me in these beliefs, and indeed you may never come to agree with me. Nonetheless, I hope you find a way to accept others for who they are, your family for who they are, and most importantly, yourself for who you are.
Kath
I think maybe I can guess where Marcus is coming from. And while I agree with everything that others have said in response to his question, I wouldn't be surprised if he's feeling a little ganged-up on, right about now.
When I was 20 years old, I was horribly ashamed of my crossdressing. I was also afraid that I was homosexual. I didn't have a clear view of the similarities and differences between CDing and being gay. I was frightened of gay men, didn't want to be around them -- basically I was a raging homophobe.
It sounds to me like Marcus may be in a similar place, and just not expressing himself fully or completely enough to avoid causing people to react negatively.
If I'm understanding him correctly, I would say this to him:
Don't worry about the whole gay thing for a while. Wearing a dress doesn't make you gay: The two activities are somewhat different. As you learn more about who you are and what crossdressing is all about, you'll find it easier to sort out your feelings. You'll probably find yourself becoming more tolerant of people who have a variety of different sexual expressions. But there's no need to hurry it.
Right now you're in a Web forum where you can explore crossdressing, and we can help you do that. Many of the people here are heterosexual. Some are homosexual. Some are bisexual. Some are asexual. Some are all over the map. If you stick around long enough, you'll find a zone that's comfortable for you.
***Jenna Lynne***
I just find the choice of "support" to be odd and wanted to know what exactly made the OP use that specific terminology. I think the words we use, mistakenly or subconsciously, answer a lot more about how we are truly feeling than any reflection another can have upon them.
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[SIZE="3"]"We're all born naked. Everything we wear is drag," said Boy George
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It sounds to me like you've got that age old assumption that all crossdressers are gay, & nothing could be further from the truth. I don't know about you Marcus, but most of us are heterosexual, & a lot of us are happily married with kids. You don't have to "support" gay people, ie, go out with a banner saying "come on you gays", or go to every Pride meeting you can find, but you should learn to be tolerant & let people with a different lifestyle from your own get on with their lives. If you do a bit more reading, on this & other forums, you'll learn that gay people are very tolerant of crossdressers, as a lot of gay venues are used by crossdressers as places to go out & meet. You need to learn & live by the old saying, "live & let live".
I live everyday as a male. I love the feel of lingerie. I walk a tightline. Job and Private life must never collide. I have loved dressing all my life. I am a pretty masculine guy in life and work. I know there is a feminine side of me. I want to be feminized. Passible, NO, but I still want to connect with my feminine side, I like it, I want to explore her/me/us/others/share.
Do You Like to Dress? What would you like to do while dressed, remember, be honest with You because this is you. Just be honest with Yourself. I Like to Dress in lingerie, I have thoughts...........but Intolerance is not one of them. The only person you have to make happy is the one inside you. I struggled a long time with that inside me/us/her, but I made it. I am open minded about all things until proven Wrong, I ain't doin nothin wrong, I Am Honest With Myself, All Else Follows.............Honest With Thyself, Honest With Others........
Enough of that bloviating...........
Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged, from the bible somewhere, but still true.
Bye for now all, I have been much too loud tonight. I am about to change clothes for the evening, I'll let you all guess what I am slipping into..........Let Me Know Your Guesses, The Winner Gets A ___________ Fill in The Blank, and we shall see what we shall see........
LoveTo All, Ladies, Gentlemen, and remember, send your guesses to here
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