Do you want to, or do you have to?

[TGMarla]

I'm curious. For the most part, I'm guessing that we want to dress, therefore, we do. But there's also a huge part of us that now dresses because we have to. There's almost never a time when I don't desire to dress, but since I can't dress all the time, like most of us, I make do and dress as opportunity allows. And when I get thos opportunities, I almost always give into the desire.

Why is this, though? I have many hobbies and amusements. I have numerous interests. Why is it that I choose to crossdress above my other interests nearly all the time when the opportunity comes along?

I think that there are many aspects of crossdressing that border on, or even lend themselves to addiction or obsession. We can't not dress. We dress, to some extent, because we have to. On a sliding scale, where does it fall for you?

[trannie T]

I have chosen my hobbies. I do them because I want to.
I did not choose to be a crossdresser. I dress because I have to.

[Nicole Erin]

I imagine the only gender folks who dress cause they WANT to are the drag queens. Nothing wrong with this.

[AllieSF]

I do not do anything I do not want to do, when I have the choice. Therefore, I dress because I want to dress and do not feel that I have to dress.

edit: I am far from being a drag queen, bless there lovely souls.

[Alana65]

trannie T makes a good point but at the same time, my "need to dress" fluctuates from weak to strong.......but not necessarily at the right times........meaning, when I have the TIME to dress, I don't always have the NEED to dress (and vice versa).

So, I guess my answer to the poll would be BOTH ?

[Misfire]

I can't answer that officially because for myself, it's both.

[TGMarla]

I really had meant to include other options, like a one to five sliding scale. Sorry 'bout that. I don't often do a poll, and I guess I blew it. Can the admins help fix it perhaps?

[LilSissyStevie]

I want to so it's irrelevant whether I "have to" or not. If it ever gets to the point that I feel I "have to" it would suck and I wouldn't want to do it anymore.

[2b.Lauren]

Great Poll. I do to vacillate back and forth. I also am the same. When I want to dress I can't and when I really could, I am not feeling that way for whatever reason. So sometimes you just can't win.

[Amy07]

I want to dress.
I have to drink, eat, breathe, take care of myself, provide shelter, clothing, get health care, you know.... stay with the living.
I want to dress Femme as an expansion of the regular stuff. And I love it.

[Marjory]

I have to agree with 2b.Lauren. when I want to I can't when I could many times I don't feel like.
Today I did 3 hours worth of plumbing in the house. All I wanted to do after I finished was slip into something comfortable but the wife as home all day... couldn't do it.

Marjory

[stef]

Reading through pages and pages of posts, year after year, you should start to see an obvious pattern: Keeping tormenting secrets for many years; separations, break-ups and divorces; estranged sons and daughters; purges and purges again; lost friends and distanced families; embarrassment; terminated employment; hidden stashes and lots of money spent; the wicked pain of that god damned Epilady; and on and on and on.

Who would ever WANT this?

But many, I think, want that feeling of being whole and complete through dressing; they want to relax and let the worries and cares of male existence slip away; they want to feel comfortable and at ease, or even sexy or sensual; they want to be that other person or persona; they dress because they want the satisfaction that it brings.

Maybe what I'm getting at is that there is a need to dress because we want the varied pleasures that comes with it. For many of us, dressing fits the description of an addiction, a dependency; with all the classic symptoms like withdrawal, compulsion or even abuse. Like every proper addict who likes those wonderful effects of their habit, their need to do it generally outweighs their want to not do it.

Or maybe I can't speak for others. This is just how I feel, I guess. I need to dress because I want to dress.

- Stef

[Mercedes]

I have to but there are times when I want to as well. Does that make sense?

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Raquel June]

The question's actually very vague when you think about it. Maybe it should be:

Want to
Don't want to but have to

That's a philosophical question. You can ask it about any drive. You could easily argue that it's just semantics, but the reasons behind your answer say a whole lot about you.

Do you have sex because you want to or because you have to?

If it's because you "have" to and you don't want to, do you wish you could stop? If you'e doing something that you don't want to do, you should stop unless there's a positive reason for doing it. If you wish you could stop, are you in serious denial about your motivation?

If you want to stop but you can't, and you don't consider yourself transgendered, you should treat it like any other addiction. You need to get another hobby and seriously consider a 12-step program.

[Kate Simmons]

A lot depends on the person really and their depth of understanding with their feelings. It's mostly about the feelings for myself and who I am as a person. The appearance is merely a reflection of that. Even if the "glitter" is taken away the feelings remain an intrinsic part of myself.

[steang]

both, but i guess i didnt want to for periods, but still had to

[Carin]

I have to agree with you Steff. I believe that I need to express my feminine side (by dressing etc) in order to feel whole and complete. I don't see it in the context of an addiction. My want is to feel whole and complete, to be fully present. If I can not express my femininity then there is a big part of me missing from my presence.

That's just me.

Reading through pages and pages of posts, year after year, you should start to see an obvious pattern: Keeping tormenting secrets for many years; separations, break-ups and divorces; estranged sons and daughters; purges and purges again; lost friends and distanced families; embarrassment; terminated employment; hidden stashes and lots of money spent; the wicked pain of that god damned Epilady; and on and on and on.

Who would ever WANT this?

But many, I think, want that feeling of being whole and complete through dressing; they want to relax and let the worries and cares of male existence slip away; they want to feel comfortable and at ease, or even sexy or sensual; they want to be that other person or persona; they dress because they want the satisfaction that it brings.

- Stef

[Rachell]

If I had to dress it would take all the fun out of it for me and the enjoyment would be gone. I have to dress like a man I choose to dress like a sexy women.

[Suzie S.]

Very good thread Marla. This is a simple and complicated thread all in one. Simply put, for me, I 'want' to dress but 'need' to find more time to do it, lol. Everyone makes good points here, and I can identify with all the replies. I gave up quite a while ago trying to figure out why I cd, I just do it and enjoy it. All I know is that if it became an overwhelming need, I would have to start rethinking my priorities in life. My answer is as clear as mud, isn't it?

[Edwina]

Now I am confused. "Need to" sounded so right when I voted but now, having read the posts I find that "want to" is equally valid. I give up. Both.



Edwina

[Deborah Jane]

Hard question Marla!!
I used to hate the compulsion to dress, but i had to do it anyway. I never asked to be a crossdresser, but as i am i may as well enjoy it.
I don,t do it because i want to or because i have to. I dress because it,s part of who i am!!

Would i like to be able to stop forever?....YES
If i could stop forever, would i?....NO

This is who i am, removing this now would be like losing a limb!!

I am Debs and Debs is me!!

Sorry, i didn,t know which way to vote, so i didn,t.

[Joanne f]

They say that the easiest way to confuse a cross dresser is to put 2 shovels against the wall and ask them to take their pick (and i did not even think about putting blond cross dresser) and this feels like one of those questions , but then i am a bit short of a penny or two .
Want to or have to ,
There are a lot of jobs around the home that i have to do but do not want to so why is cross dressing different , i am wondering if you should add in the desire bit some where because Cding seams to have a dimension of it`s own .
I always seam to have this desire to want to most of the time whatever i am doing , it`s there just hanging around in my head , when can i do it next , then if i do not get a fix in some way it builds up to a" Have to " and oddly enough i do not consider this the best moments as i know it is controlling me because if i do not get that fix i get bad tempered, ( i know i am sad ) for letting it do this but the want to turns into the have to, it does not appear to be something i just like to do it has become something i have to do and maybe that is sad of me to allow this to happen .
From 1-10 want to is around 5+ and have to is 11+

Just curious i know this is about Cding but how would GGs relate the want or have to dress fem question , do they go though a similar cycle.


joanne

[Susan Watersfield]

Maria,

A very interesting question.

I think there must be elements of both answers for most of us.

For me, in the years when opportunities to dress were very rare, I had a very strong desire to do so and so I'd say it was a case of "Have To".

However, these days I can and do dress most days. So the overwhelming need to dress isn't there anymore. As a result all of my dressing is because I "Want To". So that's how I've answered the poll.

Luv

Susan

[Toni Shelton]

I have chosen my hobbies. I do them because I want to.
I did not choose to be a crossdresser. I dress because I have to.

Well Said, Dressing is not my hobby. If it was a hobby, It wouldn't hurt the ones I love and make my wife cry.

[Lora Olivia]

Four years ago now after driving "him" to desperation, despair and deep depression I had to come out. So my answer is easy in this sense. I HAVE to. But darn it I want those new pink bow slides to wear