Bad feelings

[Tal'Aura]

I wonder if anyone of you ever dealed with negative feelings like loneliness, insecurity and depression? I have nobody in my life who will completely accept every part of me, including CD-ing. In the beginning I presumed that only result of this can be annoying but harmless boredom. But I was wrong. Now I am facing with some powerful destructive force which is slowly crushing my mind. I never experienced anything like this before... I don't know how to precisely describe that, but it's similar to going very deep underwater. The pressure will be rising slowly until it kills you. Maybe this isn't the best example, but that's how I feel... Is there any way to stop or neutralize this by myself? I hope this is only a temporary setback, not a deadly trap.

[PamelaTX]

It sounds like clinical depression. You need to see a physician right away. Don't delay. It's unlikely that you'll be able to snap out of it yourself.

[unclejoann]

A Dr can give you some pills that will lighten the load for awhile until you can make other adjustments in your life. Starting the pills is not forever, it is only to get you thru the rough time and it is worth it.

Hugs
JoAnn

[Shelly Preston]

Hi there

I think a lot of us have been in that position at one time or another

You have been given some good advice so far about seeking professional help

Just remember they are trained to help you over any difficulties you may be having

[Raven Wynter Rayne]

I think many here can relate to the feelings like Yours. Please seek help soon, I think I am safe to say WE are all here for You and hope You can (You will) work through this best wishes, remember You are not alone let Us know How You are doing,Raven Wynter Rayne

[kateyliz]

I have dealt with those feelings and defeated them using two basic assumptions: 1 I am a worthwhile human being and 2 All things are temporary. I hope this helps, haang in there Tal. Hugs, Kathy

[charlie]

You are facing depression. What you need is to get out more with people and get to feeling normal. If dressing is the problem, dress and go out to gay/TG bar and meet with other people like us. You will get positive feedback. Go join a church group or car club or any club. Get involved with people that you will be accepted and included with. For every group there are people that will include you and fold you in. Just get your search together and find them.

[Karren H]

No one in my life excepts my crossdressing either except ME!! and hey.... for me at least that's all that counts.... Lifes too short for me to get depressed... I'd rather go shopping!!

[Tracii G]

Do seek a Dr.'s help to clear out those negative emotions.
I have been thru ups and downs in my life and having a clear positive attitude helps a great deal.
Get involved in something hobby, social club whatever maybe a TG group and learn who YOU are inside.
Things will always get better hun we're here for you.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Tal,Aura, i felt pretty much the same as you do now for a while, then things slowly got even worse and i ended up in therapy after an "incident"!
Try and see a therapist as soon as you can, these feelings rarely go away for long and often return even worse.

We,re all behind you sis

[trisha59]

All of the above is great advice. This forum also is of great help. There is strength in numbers. It is good to know that we are not alone

[Jessicaparkson]

Hey there. I've been a manic depressant for 18 years. I've also experienced loneliness, anxiety, and full blown depression and suicidal tendencies. One thing I always hated was knowing that I wasn't complete. I tried to fulfill the void with games, movies, books, anything. The only time I felt complete was when I was committing the "great sin" as one of my friends put it. What he saw as a "sin" was myself. Who I was,and am. Now that I'm not truing to suppress myself I feel alive for once. I know it sounds cheesy but its true. It's amazing what finding yourself can do. My psych has even noticed a difference in my mindset and has significantly lowered my dose. She didn't ask what I did but all she said was to keep it up.

[Tracii G]

Good advice Jessica.We have the power to heal ourselves mentally but it may take a Dr. to help you realize it.

[Kiera]

A day in life winds and twists,
great happiness and deep sorrow interwine our wrists.
When the day first begins and you have prepared so well,
You could stand on a cloud just to hear yourself yell.
But when dreams seem to crumble and the day never ends,
it seems like your life is your own living hell.
So what do you do to get thru the next night?
You just do...
Because you will...
And you have your whole life.

made it up a few years ago.. helps me neway. maybe it can do the same for u...
Hugs,
Kiera

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds like clinical depression. You need to see a physician right away. Don't delay. It's unlikely that you'll be able to snap out of it yourself.

It's normal to feel down occassionally. It's NOT normal to stay depressed or feel that way often.

Tal, if u have been feeling depressed for a long time, U NEED HELP!
Being depressed, u may not feel like seeing a doctor. But that is when u NEED HELP THE MOST!

Please let us know how u r doing! Or we'll worry!

[Virginnia]

I can not make anyone accept me, they have to do that themselves. the depression came when I tried to deny what I was. it is funny but everyone I have told sofar have accepted me yet I still fear telling people. X

[TerriM]

I have dealt with those feelings and defeated them using two basic assumptions: 1 I am a worthwhile human being and 2 All things are temporary. I hope this helps, haang in there Tal. Hugs, Kathy

The above says it very well. Years ago shortly after I told my wife about my femme side, I almost did something really stupid. Thankfully I didn't. I think we all have down times, but knowing that there are people who are going through the same experiences as you helps.

[stormrider]

Are you kidding? I was born in the early 50's in a rural religious community in a rural religious county in a rural religious state. WITH NO COMPUTERS MUCH LESS INTERNET! I had no access to Adult Bookstores, and no way of knowing about transgenders, transesexuals, and transvestites (you just cannot know about how dirty a word that was back in the 60's & 70's in rural Maine). Talk about being alone, I had no clue there was anyone else in the world like me. I was the ultimate pervert. I grew up (and I mean from 8 years old on) knowing I was the only one like me in the world. The kids knew I was different and I suffered because of it. I was well into my 20's before I even knew I was a part of a group of males who dressed like females, much less females born into the wrong gender.
Honey, you first must accept who you are, alone or not. Then you must like yourself. Forget the labels, do YOU like YOU? If not why? If so why? It's logic Dear, make a list, pros and cons, forget the emotion for a minute. Then work to change what you can, accept what you can't change and begin to realize you are a pretty good person after all. Like yourself, and then decide how much of the real you you want to make known to others. Once you have decided that, be who you are in private at your comfort level, and be what you feel your communtiy (friends) can accept of you in public. You don't have to be macho to be accepted as a man. You don't have to be femminine to be accepted as a woman. You do have to be you to be accepted as yourself. If you are so dependent on your friends to be who you are, then you aren't you, you are a conglomerate of their expectations. Believe me I know from whence I speak.
In my community, I think I am known as a nice hard working, but private who is sometimes quite opinionated. Rumor has it, I dress in women's clothes, and I may be gay (but no one knows for sure except those persons who know everything about everything-you know the type). Those that aren't afraid of associating with me do, those that are, don't. That is life in general. Am I lonely? sometimes. Am I unhappy? sometimes. Am I depressed? sometimes. But such is life to all, not just me. The Eagles sang a song called "Get Over It" I LOVE THAT SONG AND HAVE TAKEN IT TO HEART. There are many in this world more unfortunate than Michelle. I, at least have the ability to be who I am without persecution. Ridicule maybe, but not persecution. I am a woman in a man's body, but that doesn't mean I can't be a woman. Call this tough love if you want to but (in the words of Walter Cronkite) "that's the way it is". I empathize with your situation and am available anytime to chat about how to become comfortable with yourself if you want (believe me, I am a very compasionate woman), but ultimately, you are the answer to your own life problems.

Michaelle

[KellyCD]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. This is the same thing that I have been struggling with for as far back as I can remember.

I remember learning in first grade that "the only person I can trust, is me". As I grew older that rule saved me many times from needless pain. I became detached from my emotions, fighting very hard not to feel anything at all. The loneliness, the sorrow, they were my friends. They were always there and they would never leave me, isn't that a friend anyway?

You do have people that accept you, us. But you can't get that real feeling of connection through a keyboard. What you have to keep in your mind is everything is temporary, depression and even happiness. That's the truth. Everyone in the world that tries to "help" you will point out all the good but is completely blind to the dark side. How can you relate to them when all they say is all these "good" things that you can't relate to and they cannot see or even begin to comprehend what your going through?

You may not know anyone out there you can connect to, someone that accepts you for you-ALL aspects of you. They ARE out there but you havn't met or you don't know you have met them yet. They are out there, sometimes you will find them or they will find you. Don't give up on yourself. You OWE it to yourself to find that balance. To find that light to shine on the darkness you've felt.

It's out there. I hope to find it myself someday.