Anyone going through.. the slide?

[Violetgray]

I should explain.

Up until recently everything was quite simple. I was a guy who likes to dress up. I wouln't go just anywhere dressed but I fairly often when out in public as Violet. As time passes, however, I find my femme self bleeding over more into my every day life. Things I'm doing now that I definitely wouldn't have done even 2 years ago include:

• I now keep my eyebrows threaded
• My glasses are women's
• My nails are getting long enough to notice, especially since I keep clear polish on them
• ..and try as I might, I can't bring myself to cut them
• Gettin called "ma'am" more when not in drag

I know that most of these things are unremarkable and many of you can say the same, and yet I feel a slow but definite shift in my behavior, and I wonder where it will take me.. when traveling on the gender train going from masculine to feminine, which stop will I finally get off at? I never plan, I just go where the current takes me, so its hard for me to navigate this one.. Anyone else in this situation, or has been? Where are you now?

[Zenith]

About 3 months into this and it doesn't feel like a slide so much as one of those rides at a water park...wheeeeeeeeee!...loving it so much........never want it to stop...


Oh yah...
1. Eyebrows plucked...
2. Epilate everywhere...
3. Considering laser hair removal...
4. First look at the JC Penny ad women's section in the Sunday paper instead of the Sears Craftsman or Best Buy...
5. Plan on sleeping in a nightie soon
6. Gonna paint my toenails pink...hope I don't have need of an EMT after that...

[bimini1]

Hell I'm trying to fight the slide, go in the other direction. I just won't accept it. Can't accept it.

I am wrangling with it. It is madness to me

[docrobbysherry]

It is indeed a slippery slope we tread! I hope at the end of the ride, I don't suddenly find I'm drowning!

[GINA-CD]

As time passes, however, I find my femme self bleeding over more into my every day life. Things I'm doing now that I definitely wouldn't have done even 2 years ago include:

• I now keep my eyebrows threaded

My eyebrows are also plucked so fem that sometimes I feel someone's going to say something about them (but hasn't happened so far)

... I feel a slow but definite shift in my behavior, and I wonder where it will take me..

When I'm not with people that know me, now I tend to act more feminine, more friendly (kind of gayish), and sometimes I even curl a little bit my eyelashes (although no mascara yet). I feel .... sexy doing this and think someone will notice someday. Don't know what I'll do next.

[nikitataylor0210]

It happened to me a bit, but then my boy side took over, and I ended up cutting my nails, I still keep my eyebrows fairly thinner than before but not that much.

Its good to slide, cause then you sort of figure out where you are in the bigger picture, I sort of swung back to where i started

[Niya W]

Some one put oil on my slide . The boy didnt even know what happened

[Sophie_C]

I think it's just the path of least resistance.

Don't tell me that you wouldn't be even more truly yourself if society wouldn't hold it against you...

[carolinewalker_2000]

Violet, I guess that, to some extent or other, what you are experiencing happens to all of us. For some it is more extreme than others, but as we all explore our feminine side more deeply, it is inevitable that some behaviour traits will bleed over. Go with the flow and enjoy!

[Kate Simmons]

I think a lot of it has to do with developing our full potential as an overall person Violet. Definately not a bad thing, believe me. It gives us a lot more freedom to be ourselves if we go with it.

[mykhelee]

I purged and did not dress for 8 months. I'm back at the top of the slide now, gonna enjoy the ride down. One our sisters told me the bright side of purging was a whole new wardrobe.

[RachelDenise]

I haven't started to slide but I am at the top of the slide looking down. I really want to ride but the family and work thing bring me back. At times I don't know if that is good or bad but it is what it is. Each day I try to find unnoticeable things to do but you can only do so much. Thanks for a good post Violet.

[Sally24]

I very much understand. One of the hardest things for me coming back to boy mode is cutting my nails. When they have gotten very long and have a really pretty polish on them it can take me hours before I force myself to clean and cut them.

3 years ago I thought this was just a curious part of my personality. Now I find that it is a much larger part of me than I ever suspected.

Things I wouldn't have expected I would do:
1. Pierced ears
2. Keep making eyebrows smaller and smaller.....
3. Having electrolysis to permanently remove my beard
4. Going "out" 2 or 3 times a month, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week!
5. Getting a whole circle of "girlfriends" that care about each other
6. Getting very concerned about skin texture, appearance, and scars!
7. Reducing my bikini area, even though no one else sees it!
8. Noticing my voice and hand movements changing in boy mode too
9. Keeping my legs and arms hairfree and hoping the laser fairy comes to my house

It all happens in little increments so it is not dramatic. I have a good idea where I'm going but I've been surprised before.......

[Teri Jean]

Having ears pierced.
Shaving arms cheast and legs.
Wearing mascra and nakeup around the house and nascra to work.
Changing my walk.
Pinky rings
Panties and bras under work clothes, sometimes nylons and garter belt.
The slide isn't so steep but it is an adventure none the less. I find my conversations has shifted to a more feminine nature with the women at work such as yeasturday. A friend had broke up with a guy she was seeing and I found I was relating as another woman and not a man. When the conversation shifted to cooking she said she should get me an apron and I responded with only if it was lace trimmed. I guess you could say the speed is picking up but it is still not a down hill bobsle. Hugs:-) Keli

[Gisele]

I've been on the slide fo some time now. In the past year I have been keeping my eyebrows plucked, Nail long and clear polish on them quite often. I have a regular girl "kim" who I see once every two weeks for my nails. She loves doing my nails. Last time she gave me a pedi she picked "that's hot pink" for my toes.

I have tossed out all guy undies. It's been 1 full year now for that.

I keep legs and bikini and armpits shaved. I use to keep fur on my face all of the time but for the past two years my face has been baby smooth.

My fiance said yesterday that we need to move to another state so I could go full time as Beth. Sigh.......Wish we had the funds to allow us too.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I totally agree Violet. The slide is covered with Teflon and someone keeps pouring oil on it. When you hit the bottom of the slide and think it is calming down you realize it is just the top of the very next steep slide. It never stops, it just becomes more intense. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Trust me... (and I don't say that lightly..)[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Tami[/SIZE]

[Sarah...]

Oh yes! I'm on that slide. My trouble is I know where I want it to end and I think I know where it will end - and those two places aren't the same. Furthermore each place has its advantages and disadvantages. I can't yet see if those places will ever meet, meanwhile I enjoy the ride.

Sarah...

[Violetgray]

Oh yes! I'm on that slide. My trouble is I know where I want it to end and I think I know where it will end - and those two places aren't the same.

This, to some extent is what I was getting at. At this rate, am I going to look up one-day and realize that I've gone full-time? The idea is frightening but also.. exciting? Is that the word? I imagine myself afloat in a barrel that is slowly drifting into the feminine ocean, but there's a subconscious sense of longing that prevents me from fighting the current and paddling back to the middle..

...if that makes sense.

[TommiTN]

This, to some extent is what I was getting at. At this rate, am I going to look up one-day and realize that I've gone full-time? The idea is frightening but also.. exciting? Is that the word? I imagine myself afloat in a barrel that is slowly drifting into the feminine ocean, but there's a subconscious sense of longing that prevents me from fighting the current and paddling back to the middle..

...if that makes sense.

Vi, it makes perfect sense. Since I resumed CDing a few months ago I find myself with the same longings. I has become much more difficult for me to reassume to my male persona. I just have no desire to go back to my boy self. This creates a difficult situation because of the culture where I live. I love the people here, but I know they would ostracize me if they knew. Thus I must drag myself kicking and screaming back to maleness. I hate it, but it is what it is.

[tommi]

Violet it depends on what your everyday life allows and if it allows it and are
you comfortable with it. My everyday life knocked me off the slide a year ago when I was going too fast .
For me it was more important to keep my family and I've accepted that.

[MJ]

I very much understand. One of the hardest things for me coming back to boy mode is cutting my nails. When they have gotten very long and have a really pretty polish on them it can take me hours before I force myself to clean and cut them.

3 years ago I thought this was just a curious part of my personality. Now I find that it is a much larger part of me than I ever suspected.

Things I wouldn't have expected I would do:
1. Pierced ears
2. Keep making eyebrows smaller and smaller.....
3. Having electrolysis to permanently remove my beard
4. Going "out" 2 or 3 times a month, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week!
5. Getting a whole circle of "girlfriends" that care about each other
6. Getting very concerned about skin texture, appearance, and scars!
7. Reducing my bikini area, even though no one else sees it!
8. Noticing my voice and hand movements changing in boy mode too
9. Keeping my legs and arms hairfree and hoping the laser fairy comes to my house

It all happens in little increments so it is not dramatic. I have a good idea where I'm going but I've been surprised before.......

this is so true and before you know it your a full time ts give it two years you'll see

[Angie G]

I do some of the same.
1 My own long hair.
2 nails longer with clear polish Mate finish color on the toes.
3 leg and underarms shaved.
4 Both ears pierced.
5 alway wearing girl pantie when not at work.
Angie

[2b.Lauren]

After reading these replies, I see myself more on the steps. I am climbing up to get to my first slide. I am a few steps forward and then more back. For a long time I wore nothing at all. I had not purged, but just did not dress either. Then I began to buy more stuff, and started wearing panties, cami, and trouser socks most of the time to work and so on. Now I find myself thinking more about wanting to make a trek out dressed. I feel comfortable however and am enjoying the climb up, but the slide OH MY. We will just have to see!

Lauren

[Melani]

intergration. I am taking much better care of my skin, hair, weight and appearance in general. I use mens products mostly, "lab series" not cheap. Which is basically the same as womans skin care just formulated for a man. Have begun to upgrade my male clothing and how I dress in public as a guy. No more sweats and t's , I have to dress well even if it is to the grocery store. I have used my passion for all things feminie and applied to my everyday life. I think they call it "metro sexual". I haven't done any thing like shave my body hair, however I don't have much. I do keep my eyebrow trimmed. I do think I have alittle nature sway in my walk and thats cool. I don't think I will ever go as far as some of you ladies, maybe I shouldn't say never. I believe we all have our own path. The important thing is not deny or repress but do as you feel "and of course is safe". My biggest hope is that I can become a more sensitive, caring, open, loving and happy person. All the things we admire in women.(Even though they'll tell you they fall short as well). If I can attain even a small part of that than I will be complete. And isn't that we are all searching for to be complete within ourselves. For me being able to look my best whether as a guy or in femme has been a big step forward in my journy. I hope to take the best of both of me and make my self whole. In a nut shell be my true self. I don't expect to grow more feminie but just to be the person I should have become if I had not fought those early feeling I had as a child. For the first time in my life I no longer fear my future.

[battybattybats]

Me too.
Though my nails have been long for well over 10 years I keep them longer now, and instead of being black most of the time and occassionally bare they are rarely unpainted now and frequently in purple, silver and red along with the black.
My right ear is even now healing with the matching piercing to my one from last year.
Now I only grab male undies when all my panties are in the wash.

And if it wasn't for my CFS I'd shave more often too.

But I haven't lost my male side, though it has become a lot more regularly androgynous.