A forced coming out?

[Kimberly]

I'm considering what I may have to do in the future to make the best of my home life...

I need to come out to my parents... Basically, I kind of want the luxery of having the space and time to dress at home. I'm not getting as much, because I'm either at college, or they are at home... but there is something else...

Something has come up, which may force me to speak to them: We are currently looking for a house, (my Dad's bored and wants to get back into the countyside,) and as we've sold, but not found somewhere to move to, then we may have to move into rented accommadation anyway... I'm away for the coming months, in London, (away from parents and home,) This means they would be moving without me; moving everything I own... which includes my stash!

I would rather talk to my parents about my CDing, and break them into the "real me" gently, rather than have my mum come across my feminine stuff, and decide in the shock to throw it all away. (It's cost far too much just to do that! )

So... I kind of need to make a decision soon. I think I may have to talk to them...

Thoughts and suggestions of 'tactics' would be greatly appreciated

hugs as usual xx

[Rachel_740]

Kimberley,

Don't let this situation force you into telling your parents if you don't REALLY want to. If you are away from home anyway, they will accept that you need clothes etc and you could move your (gorgeous, treasured) femme things in a bag with your guy clothes. I am obviously assuming here that you would have somewhere to keep them where your staying in London.

Remember, if you tell your parents and they don't accept you, it could ruin your relationship with them.

Sorry to be a bit negative here, I would normally encourage you to tell your parents but just moving house isn't really enough reason to tell them. If there is more to your dressing and (maybe) you would like to come out to your Mum and Dad anyway, it's a different situation.

I hope you understand what I'm saying here.

Anne

[Priscilla1018]

Kimberly,I think Anne gave you some good advice.You should only come out when you are ready to.Keep your stash with you,it will buy you time and you can tell or not tell your parents when you are ready.I'm 55,been dressing for 46 years and my parents don't know,heck the shock would probabley kill them.

[veronica]

LISTEN TO ANNE :shh:

[trinity24]

Rent a small storage unit at some storage place - there's plenty of them around. It's better to lose a few bucks, than go through with the whole ordeal. Just make sure there will be no bills from the place coming to your home while you're away, and just in case have a good excuse why you rented it in case your parents find out (for example you could say you didn't want some of your things to get lost/broken while they were moving while you were away - and just to get things covered keep those things in the storage as well - on top of your other stuff)

[MonaSmith]

Hiya,

Do you want to tell them? Is this just a reason to do something that you feel you need an excuse to do? If not then don't be forced into it.

When I first moved away from home I bagged up all my stuff, both boys and girls stuff in black sacks and just marked them 'clothes' and nobody was any the wiser. Is the issue that you won't be there to do the 'bagging up' of all your stuff? If that is the case then it might be worth trying to tell them, rather than have the stuff thrown away, and try to limit the damage done.

Mona xx.

[Nyx]

If you really can't tell them, I found one of the best ways to hide this stuff is to hide it in computer casings and electronic appliances, or even large tower audio speakers... Places they would never look into. Just one thing, if you ever hide clothes in speakers, make sure to balance them between both, so they don't notice the uneven weight.

You could also carry the stuff piece by piece into your dorm, and progressively move it back once you have the new house.

But well, if your parents are generally open minded... I think you should definitely tell them, or at least try telling them. Just take the time to think about how you're going to tell them, and decide on a strategy (tell mom first, tell father first, tell them both at the same time). A very important thing is to chose an appropriate (calm) moment... You could setupa family meeting for this. If you just take them in a moment they're stressed and bring this up, their reaction might not be as nice.

[trinity24]

A lockable suitcase (depending on the size of your wardrobe), may work as well.

[Kimberly]

hmm..... this is all food for thought. Thanks, girls.

I really don't know whether to tell them or not. It seems I have two options:

1) To tell them: ... would probably mean that they would distance themselves slightly from me, whilst trying to get their head round it. But my parents are fantastic people: both liberal, and very easy to talk to. Being an only child, they've alwasy loved me for me and nothing else... no matter how many stroppy moments I've pulled over the years, and no matter how many times I've confided in them. Once, I was incredibly depressed for about two weeks, (something all teens must go through) and I was just a tearful wreck... my mum came in, and I just told her what the problem was: lack of good friends, bad social life etc.... and she was very loving and supportive. So I don't think coming out to them would be a problem. They must suspect something already... if only that.

or...

2) I pack stuff up beforehand, and make like that if they do move, it's easier for them with regard to my stuff, because I've packed it all away.

It depends where we are in the next month. If it seems pretty impossible we're moving, then I won't worry and my stuff will be packed anyway. I could even ask a friend (who I've come out to) to hold onto some stuff for me - the more clunky items, shoes etc. ... and hide things like tops and skirts in with my clothes that I pack. I could even take some to London. I may need to.

Maybe my options are more open than I thought. Ah well.... life's about waiting - let's just see.

Thanks again for all the advice

[racquel]

I'm considering what I may have to do in the future to make the best of my home life...

I need to come out to my parents... Basically, I kind of want the luxery of having the space and time to dress at home. I'm not getting as much, because I'm either at college, or they are at home... but there is something else...

Something has come up, which may force me to speak to them: We are currently looking for a house, (my Dad's bored and wants to get back into the countyside,) and as we've sold, but not found somewhere to move to, then we may have to move into rented accommadation anyway... I'm away for the coming months, in London, (away from parents and home,) This means they would be moving without me; moving everything I own... which includes my stash!

I would rather talk to my parents about my CDing, and break them into the "real me" gently, rather than have my mum come across my feminine stuff, and decide in the shock to throw it all away. (It's cost far too much just to do that! )

So... I kind of need to make a decision soon. I think I may have to talk to them...

Thoughts and suggestions of 'tactics' would be greatly appreciated

hugs as usual xx

In my humble opinion based on your first and last post,
tell them.Almost always honesty is the best option.They love you not your clothes.Best of luck and have a great time in London,maybe try to meet up with some of the ladies on this site.

[ronna]

Kimberly, I have a similar dilemma,
I am really considering showing my mom pictures of myself, what's odd is that I kind of look like both her and my sisters, I have no idea how she'll react

[Julie]

When I was outed I felt so self conscious I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I wouldn't answer the phone even on my birthday!

Now that I have been to hell and back I realize it wasn't them (take your pick), it was me. I didn't like being TG and it showed every time the subject came up. How could I expect others to accept me if I didn't accept myself?

If you are thinking of coming out just make sure you are comfortable with who you are. What we too often miss is others see us through our own eyes. Confident and happy people are usually well accepted while insecure and crabby people are shunned.

Your world exists between your ears. Don't let anyone control that fine mind of yours. It was given to you for you to develop. Utilize it to its fullest potential and be your own person. But don't enter into a situation where you are unprepared.

[Elysia]

Julie makes a great point. You need to be ready. If you can be open and honest with your parents, that’s great; they sound from your description like people who will be loving no matter how surprised they are. It is very comforting to have people close to you with whom you can be completely honest, assuming they are accepting. If the move is an excuse to do something that you want to do and are ready to do, then fine, sometimes it takes some event with a deadline to build the motivation to act, but don’t let it rush you into something you’re not ready for. You have other options.

[Kimberly]

If you are thinking of coming out just make sure you are comfortable with who you are. What we too often miss is others see us through our own eyes. Confident and happy people are usually well accepted while insecure and crabby people are shunned.

Thanks to this site, and also my deep wanting for acceptance for all us CDs and TGs out there, I am confident in who I am and what I stand for. I would say, about six months ago, CDing was just "my thing" and I didn't really have a sense of the wider picture... Now I know that there are SO MANY girls out there who do the same, I can now find my place and be confident in who I am - both masculine and feminine.

Maybe this is an opportunity, not a forced confrontation, to let them in to this part of me... it may help.

I'll think long and hard, and let you all know what I do.

love and hugs xx

[melissacd]

Kimberly,

Based on things that you have said throughout this post it sounds as though your parents may be more understanding than you may have first thought. It also sounds like you want to come out to them. There is no doubt that at first it will be a shock to them, but I believe they love you enough to accept all of who you are.

Julie makes a wonderful point about personal acceptance and how it will make the rest so much easier.

Good luck on whatever path you take.

Hugs
Melissa