You can run across the occasional gg who is not only accepting of our fashion proclivities, but an active participant. Had one once, years ago. Went the hard A route for a while after my last marriage, yes it was easy to score, but the type of women who want a man who treats them like that kinda turn me off. I have yet to meet anyone within an hour of me who I could hang out and dress with or go out but, hope springs eternal.
This may seem curel and insensitive but stop trying so hard.If you feel alone and desperate you project that image and people read that in you and it turns them off.
Be upbeat,be yourself,go to places you like to go.Do the things that you like to do. People like other people with a positive attitude.
Don't play games and try to be somethinng that you are not. People can see through an act or type of front you put up. If you are honest and just be yourself, others will see your good qualities and be attracted to you.
It's easy to be yourself,just stop trying so hard.
All the best, Brooke
That sounds so untrue to me.
I think you're just not looking for the right women for you.
GG's like me, even when I was living as a boy prior to transition.
I hung out with girls all my life and have never had male friends.
Girls liked me when I was a boy because I was so sensetive and on their level emotionally. (well cuzz I'm a girl inside)
And lesbians like me since I'm a TS girl but the face is they liked me even AS A BOY prior to transition. Especially these two girls that lived with me for a while, one was bi and the other lesbian and they liked me because they knew I was a girl on the inside.
You might be lonely for what seems a long time hunny, but stay TRUE TO YOUSELF... This will pay off like a jackpot when the RIGHT people come along to befriend you or love you hunny.
Stay honest and true to yourself is the best advice I can give.You'll be happier and more compatible with the friends and lovers you EVENTUALLY will attract.
Agree with the above and one thing I also found when you are not looking thats when love finds you.I do not agree that most GG's want someone that fishes and likes sports and so one...yuck....and I think you should tell someone after you are dating and already see you and you like one another...then they will see....it's not a big deal.Originally Posted by Brooke Smith
This may seem curel and insensitive but stop trying so hard.If you feel alone and desperate you project that image and people read that in you and it turns them off.
Be upbeat,be yourself,go to places you like to go.Do the things that you like to do. People like other people with a positive attitude.
Don't play games and try to be somethinng that you are not. People can see through an act or type of front you put up. If you are honest and just be yourself, others will see your good qualities and be attracted to you.
It's easy to be yourself,just stop trying so hard.
All the best, BrookeUnless you meet them here
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Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️
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You're right on the money Zarabeth. And I'll always be grateful that you were (and are) there for me.
I found myself struggling with these very same issues for many years. Thank God I had Zarabeth to talk about this with, because I had some real dark, hopeless periods during my search for that special someone who could accept all of me. I count myself as extremely fortunate to have a sister TG I could turn to.
Make no mistake, finding a lady who will accept cd'ing is a difficult challenge. But it is not impossible and the rewards are well worth the effort. But the effort must be made if you're going to find her.
--Kat
"I never kept up with the fashions. I believed in wearing what I thought looked good on me." --Bettie Page
"This above all--to thine own self be true" --Hamlet, Act I, scene iii
Is Disney a Mickey Mouse operation?
How dare you make that sweeping statement about women
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
Like Stacy and so many others, the only thing keping me from transitioning is the family. I am one of the lucky few who have an SO who is completely accepting. If that weren't the case I would have divorced and set off down the road to SRS long ago. Life is too short after all. Still, without her love and support my life would be infinitely less satisfying and I cannot do something so drastic as transitioning and in the process destroy our relationship. It's a trade off but one I am okay with because life as a female without her in it is a terrible tradeoff. My advice is to keep the faith and keep looking and don't compromise. My grandmother always said girls are like buses, there will be another one along soon. It is possible to have a long term committed relationship and integrate your female side as part of your every day lives. I am living proof of that.
Maybe I should have added, " In my experience." Which has NOT been insignificant. Growing up in a SoCal beach city. Not getting married until after age 45. I've had more than my share of girlfriends and dates. Especially with attractive women, even tho I'm not great looking! I even dated a Playboy centerfold!
How dare you make that sweeping statement about women
Looking back, I realize how I lost some of the wonderful women I knew, including my ex. By being too wimpy, accomodating, and dependable, (predictable). Too nice, too much of a gentleman. Giving in too easily to their demands, and NOT demanding things for myself.
In my recent dating experiences, (with women over the age of 45), I'm still ME on dates. But I don't blurt out my entire history, background, and life experiences, like I used to. I'm more mysterious and intentionally unavailable for some dates. With no explanation. Cancel meetings at the last minute, etc. It now seems they r usually available whenever I have the time and inclination to see them. And now I'm the one breaking it off, when I feel there's no future for us! This has NEVER been the case in MY past!
What I'm talking about is my experience in; how to date, and keep dating women until u get to know each other. Then, I DO feel it's VERY important to let your sensitivity and emotionality show. Once two people get to know each other well, then u both NEED to be who u r! But, I think at first meetings, women expect men to be men!
First, act like a man. After u get to know her, wear your dress!
Jess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 10-30-2008 at 10:18 AM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Isnt that is only natural? If you were an non-CDg hetero male you would want/accept/tolerate a genetic female for a companion who wants/likes/needs to act and dress like a man?
They are just expressing that they want a masculine man. What is wrong with that? And hetero genetic males want feminine women, and what is wrong with that. And I dont think most women 'say one thing but really want another. 'Cuddling' is not exclusively a female thing. But genetic women want to cuddle with masculine men. I do not see any hypocricy in that. And I think it wrong and mysoginistic to say most women 'want jerks'. That is an insult to women.
Put yourself in their place, but from the other side: you are a non-CDg hetero male. You really know very little about CDrs (which is true for a lot of the population, male and female - not because most people are uneducated or stupid but because its just not a very common thing for most non-CDg people to know alot about) and your genetic female wife/girlfriend/SO comes to you one day and says "I have to tell you something about myself. I want/like/need to wear mens clothes and I want to cut my hair very short and have facial hair, and a male physique with muscles (or the appearance of), and want to wear a device that flattens away my breasts, and a device that gives me the appearance of external male genitals, etc, etc, and I want us to pall around like a couple of guys and do [stereotypically] guy things, etc, etc. I want/like/need to act and appear as a masculine male." - how would you feel? Would you be accepting? Remember, this coming from the feminine woman that you wanted, and wanted for her femininity. And now she is telling you - Mr. non-CDg hetero guy - that she wants to act/appear as a male - at least some of the time.
Many CDrs are basically hetero genetic males - I am - and as such we want genetic female companions. But to question why - and you are far from the only one to do so - many/most genetic women want a masculine genetic male companion is in my opinion is an almost a mysogonistic attitude. We want to 'blame' them for not 'accepting' us (CDrs). We (CDrs) want to say "its not fair - you can be feminine but you wont accept us if we (CDrs) want to be also".
There are many genetic women out there who tolerate/accept their CDg male companions. Some even embrace/encourage it. That is wonderful as they love the 'person within'. But to question those genetic females that do not/will not/cannot accept or even tolerate her genetic male companion's expression of 'femininity' is wrong.
I know Im coming on strong - and probably not saying what you want to hear - but its a subject I feel strongly about. I mean no disrespect to anyone here. Everyones point of view is important. This is just the way I see it and I am a lifelong CDr.
Luv and Hugs,
Patti Remick
Last edited by Patti Remick; 10-30-2008 at 11:46 AM.
It's not impossible, but it is difficult. I know that most of the women I was attracted to in my youth were dating the "bad boys". At least most of them changed as they go older and started looking for nice guys.
There are women that can accept crossdressing, there is even a smaller subset of women who really enjoy the crossdressing part of our lives. You have to be both patient and lucky.
I hope things will work out for you in the long run.
Sally
Doc I am a GGJess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
Had a few GG's who've actively sought out a girl like me... You'd be surprised who's out there and just what they dig... Go out with a open mind and you might just find someone to
Der Transsexuellaußenseiter
The lovers have flown...
[SIZE="3"]VENI VIDI VICI[/SIZE]
I'm not Jess but FWIW I agree with part of what you said but not in general with what I think you are saying. Why would you be any different on a date than you are in the rest of your life? Don't you want to meet someone that you don't have to play games with, etc.? Don't get me wrong, there's no reason to air all of our dirty laundry on the first date, etc. But on the other hand I find game playing to be repugnant and am happy that there are women out there who agree...I'm still ME on dates. But I don't blurt out my entire history, background, and life experiences, like I used to...
Jess, if you have had vastly DIFFERENT experiences with women, I'd love to hear about them!
Dianeleah, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. I'm not gay, I'm not wanting to transition, I'm happy in my own skin etc etc. However, I AM married to a fantastic lady who DOES appreciate my sensitive side, who DOES like the fact that I love nothing more than a good cuddle, who LOVES my honesty and accepts me for who I am. I guess this is MUCH more important than the fact that I look crap in GG clothes!
Yes, I am damn lucky, and tell her as much, but there ARE others out there like her. Dont give up looking.
So thats what a sensitive man is!? A whiner?
Tut! There's me thinking it's someone with an ear for listening, who can hold a conversation, and who cares about the feelings of those around him.
TBH, a GG who cried all the time would brass me off too!
Last edited by Sandra; 10-30-2008 at 02:33 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts please use the edit button as multi posting is not allowed
But at some point you realize that you are happy as the person you are becoming, and that if the price of your happiness is the lonliness. Then it's a small price to pay. Carol.
I guess I'm one of the "lucky ones" then, I have a wonderful GG as my wife who is supportive, understanding, and even participates in my dressing.
It's not that nobody wants Us/You... it's just that you haven't happened across one of the many that are out there. I seem to recall a number of GG's on this board who have broken relationships with their CDs because their CD was not being open with them. There are women out there who do appreciate our sensitive, feminine side. We just have to be patient in finding them.
Kandis
Someone once told me "Put on Your big girl panties and deal with it". If they only knew, I WAS ALREADY WEARING THEM.
I wear the bras and panties so my wife doesn't have to.
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Ok, this was supposed to be a quick reply.. and may contain a tad too much information from a newbie anyway, so please ignore if you wish.
Long time ago I lived in hope of finding "the one" (or whatever my mind thought would be "the one"), and as I got older I never did find her, I was ready to throw it all up for meeting Miss Right, dedicate my life to her and have 2,7 children and 1.4 dogs and a picket fence house. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) it never happened. I never met Miss Right, or even Miss Wrong. In most of my relationships it was just too difficult to play the sparring games of "do these pants make me look fat?" or "do you look at other women?" etc.
It became easier to withdraw into a nice sheltered place of my own where I didnt have to try to be somebody else to pander to the whims of another. It became easier to not have to fight the urge to don a frock and potter around. I learnt about comfort, about the place where I am king and queen all in one, I rule the roost and call the shots and wear the pants and the dress in the house. It did mean that my dream of the 2,7 children, 1.4 dogs and a picket fence house did go down the loo. It also means I will one day shuffle off this mortal coil on my own, leaving lots of strange questions about the contents of my wardrobe.
For the sake of my sanity I conciously made the decision that chances are my Cd'ing would offend a large portion of South African men and women anyway, so rather than offend, just withdraw into my own sheltered place and learn to be comfortable with myself and my whims and whoever lives inside of me. I am fortunate that I am not a very outgoing person (or became like that) so can survive reasonably well on my own. I learnt to fight the loneliness, I found ways around the deafening silence that greets me when I get home, and I occasionally haunt places like this looking for answers or assurances but I very rarely expect to ever find a partner or a like minded friend. I do however often live with the regret of what I have become. I know that there are a number of great women out there, and I do not condemn them for what happened to me, the fault was mine, as was the direction I headed into.
The irony is that I was never really a bad person, in fact I was kinda mundane little grey man, I may even have made a good husband or father.
I suspect in a few years time I will be one of those grumpy lonely old men who go around clutching a brown paper wrapped parcel and muttering to myself. But, chances are I will be wearing nice cotton nickers while doing it.
My best advise is to find yourself and make peace with yourself, be aware of the pitfalls of a relationship that are possible when you present a partner with your own life choices, and if need be take the path of least agro and angst and which will help you retain your own sanity. Dont give up if you can, but be aware that dissapointment is always a possibility.
bleh... now I feel gloomy.
I believe that no one wants us/me! I feel I don't fit in anywhere! A lot of us have felt and expressed these same feelings for long periods of time. There is someone out there for you - don't give up.
GG want men who dress and act like men! This is the hardest to figure out of all. They say one thing but after talking to them they really want another! This is when you walk away. Either they don't know what they want or they are not being honest with you or themselves. They run the other way when I'm open and honest about my desires, likes, and dislikes! I've never even gotten to be honest about the fact that I like to wear women's clothes. They are completely turned off by the fact that I like to do the same girly things that they do! Being honest with yourself and with others is best. Only you "have" to live with you. For a some of us having someone to share our lives with is what we really want.
If you are married to a woman who accepts your dressing and feminine side, you should feel very, very lucky! We all should treasure our spouses or SO's. A show them our appreciation often.
The bottom line is that I feel so alone, and don't see that ever changing! I know there are other single girls out there is anyone else feeling the same way? Yes, on many occasions I have felt the same way. All people are very complex and having another dimension to our complexity is a challenge to some women. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
Hugs,
MlleErin, doing volunteer work is where I met my wife now. That was in '99. She approached me and months later when we started getting serious, I told her about my dressing and she was willing to go with me to triess. So from my own personal experience, its OK to be a sensitive male.
Last edited by Jonianne; 10-30-2008 at 05:37 PM.
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
Well said Michelle!!
Jeez! Jess! I, uh--- don't know what to say!Doc I am a GG
Sorry if I pushed your buttons. That was not my intention.
I didn't know!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Dianeleah, Kelly, I've written virtually identical words to yours on many forums over the years. There is still no answer for us. Yes, there are some women out there, somewhere, for us, but there is no way to find them, other than to go one by one, date for a while, then hit them with the news that the otherwise wonderful man they have in front of them is a crossdresser. Between those who might have been interested but are now ticked off at being deceived, and those who wouldn't have been interested anyway, the odds are slim indeed. But what other choices do we have anyway? Absolutely none. And after the disastrous coming out to my ex-wife, I don't know if I'll ever have the courage to tell a woman I'm with ever again. Add to that the feeling that I wouldn't feel right NOT telling her, and I'm back where I started, stating up front that I'm a crossdresser, and getting no interest at all. And I know, I KNOW it's the crossdressing. I've posted ads online which were identical other than mention of the crossdressing. The plain ad gets lots of responses, the one with the crossdressing gets answers from guys and prostitutes. That's it. It seems quite clear that I have a better chance of winning the lottery than ever having a girlfriend again.
About six months after my divorce, I started going into what I refer to as 'affection withdrawal', a craving to hold someone, hug, cuddle, which when not fulfilled, leaves me with a feeling of something constricting my chest (no, I'm not having a heart attack, but I do believe that other people experience this same feeling, and just labeled it 'a broken heart' pain). So since then, I've spent a fortune 'cuddling up' with sympathetic lap dancers, who are usually rather surprised that I'm not interested in the usual squirming about routine that the rest of their customers want. I could have bought a house for all the money I've spent this way, but at least I'm still alive. Without them, I would have killed myself by now. It gets me through the week, hoping, maybe next week I will meet someone. But like tomorrow, next week never comes. It's always today. I haven't given up hope completely, but it's almost completely gone. So each time I wake up, I promise myself to wait at least one more day. One more day.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I'm going throughthe same thing as you, trying to find some one who is comfortable with both sides of me.
On the one hand, look at their side. They want someone who they know will not change on them. Let them know the real you and then add this important part of your life. It's not easy to meet Ms Right even if you aren't a CD. It just makes it a bit more difficult, but not impossible. Have fun make new friends and eventually I think we'll both meet the right person.
Dianeleah, dont give up, I think you need to start making some friends out there, and not be feeling sorry for yourself as if it is impossible to find a woman.
My biggest fear, also, is to end up alone for all my years, regardless of being a CD, it is hard to find a woman to have a relationship with, but I keep trying. I've been looking for the last 16 years, without any luck. I feel the most important thing for me is to find a woman with as strong an interest in the music/entertainment industry as I have and I'm always looking in bars, most times hanging out with a younger crowd in their 20's and 30's (I'm 46, can pass as more than 10 years younger, but dont tend to think much about my age anyway).
Christinedreamer:Each to their own, but I find your comment quite naive, there are plenty of decent down to earth people to be found in bars.Keep looking but look in oplaces where down to earth folks are found, not bars or such.
Janie
[SIZE=4]How often have you been approached by someone who was way too needy? Did you back-peddle as fast as you could to get away from them? Sometimes people tend to attempt to push themselves into relationships simply to prove that they can.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Relax, let life take its course. It may not be with a GG. It could turn out that a young puppy is your best bet. They at least appreciate all of you.[/SIZE]
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