Jordan's Enligtenment

[MsJordan]

I came to a huge realization today - hence the title of my post...
For those of you I chat with on a regular basis, you know my situation and what has been going on with me recently. Over the past year and a half, I haven't had the desire to dress much yet I am still fairly active online and have made several good contacts. Part of my lack of desire to dress is attributed to a major purge I made two years ago. After two years, I have yet to fully recover from the purge. I have slowly but surely reacquired some of the neccessary items to dress again except for a wig and makeup. For some reason, after dressing fully, it has been very difficult of late to simply "half-dress". I have felt insufficient as Jordan and then to see all my girlfriends and others dressing and taking pictures of a regular basis, I was seriously contemplating trying to shut down my feminine side once again. But then I thought about how bad I felt when I purged and I didn't want that feeling again.

For some reason, today seemed to be the day the light bulb went off. I was driving home from work and had a few hours of free time, so I decided to stop in at a local Goodwill. I perused the rack - saw a couple of things I liked but didn't buy. I also stopped at Ross, picked up a couple of things that I almost purchased, but decided I didn't want to wait in the long line.

As I headed out the door - that's when it hit me - THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINE!! No longer am I gonna make excuses for myself or secretly envy those who are farther along than me. I'm gonna do what's best for me. I don't have a wig or makeup but SO WHAT? I'll dress as I see fit. I'm in the process of saving money and gonna buy what I want when I get to that desired amount. No longer am I gonna let "strange looks" discourage me from buying what I want!! It's time for Jordan to SHINE!! It's gonna be a long and tedious process to get to where some of your girls are but I am promising to remain patient and take things slowly!! IT'S MY TIME!!!

I know this is long and I am rambling but I had to get this out and share it with someone. It was so strong on my mind and heart!!

[Karren H]

Yea Jordan!! Good for you!!! Go for it!!! How ya been girlfriend??

[MsJordan]

Doing well girlfriend and feeling alot better about myself.

[Parse Leeve]

I think you've made a major breakthrough today Jordan. It took me several years of going back and forth with my feelings of dressing: from denial to purging. Only recently have I decided to just accept that dressing is a part of me, a special component that makes me who I am as a person and that part cannot be discarded or ignored.

Take your time and save your money. When you feel the time is right-go out there and buy Jordan something nice. She deserves it.

[MsJordan]

You're so sweet Claudia!! Thanks for the encouragement!! This means alot!!

[Sam44]

Cool!

... those who are farther along than me.

I'm not sure there is a "farther along than me" in the sense that there is anything predestined. AFAIK the journey is the goal... I don't know where I'll end up (it depends a lot on my wife's feelings) but like you've discovered perfectionism is quite a trap in itself: I fight it everyday in my work

Also shopping, even without buying, is fun for me too. I was in Lane Bryant today, tried a few things on and since I didn't find anything I liked on sale left without buying anything. Once again I'm amazed that the sales associates or other customers don't blink an eye when a fellow asks for a changing room.