Any trouble making or keeping friends?

[michelle2b]

Hi,

I am a new member here. I have been reading messages out here and I must take my hat off to the courage that all of you have been showing to be yourself regardless of how the rest of the world treats you.

Do you find yourself being reserved with your friends to the extent that you push them away?

As a male, I have had a lot of friends I met through school and work. We had a lot of common interests and aspirations. I enjoyed spending time with them and being there for them when they needed me. However, I have had my crossdressing/transgender secret since very early childhood. I had girly stuff in my room and in my closet. Although my friends wanted to get closer, I did not let them. I was afraid they would find out. I did not want to lose them, but at the same time I was not letting them get too close.

Now I live most of my life, except at work, as a girl. Because I am not out at work, I do not go to places where my colleagues from work might see me as a girl. I still make friends, but I have very little in common with these friends. I can let them get closer to me as friends because they already know that I am transgender, but I am not sure how long these friendships would last, given our differences. So I am afraid to let these new friends get closer too.

Have you been in such a situation? Have you been pushing away your friends as a result of your crossdressing?

M2

[Samantha43]

I have never really had that problem. My friends would never suspect anything. Like you, I have been dressing since I was young. I have always considered it something I must keep secret. A part of my life that is very personal. I am married with kids, so friends kind of take a secondary role of importance in my life.

[Tracii G]

I have work friends and personal friends(long time friends) and I would never come out to them about my hobby.
The last relationship I had knew about my hobby but never understood the drive behind it.
I have met a new GG friend and I came out to her first thing and she is cool with it so maybe it will turn into a nice friendship.
Funny thing I don't hang out with work friends in a social way.The old friends come and go like always.I don't get too close to people in general because I chose to keep to myself.
I can't stand friends that call all the time or have to be around day and night.

[Miss Tessa]

No because all my friends are TG of some kind except for some GG's that know and don't care.

[Deborah Jane]

I never let anyone to get that close to me anymore.
The close friends i,ve had in the past, i,ve lost or drifted away from, over the years and any new friends i make now, i don,t allow them to get too close to me emotionally.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I have a very good circle of friends, considering 3 people. 1 really good GG freind, who is my best friend, her GG friend, and a transexual friend. They are the people I hang out with, confide in and the ones I trust, and the ones who understand me.
But I'm very much reclusive otherwise. No one else knows about me, only mum. Some female friends guess about me, and often question my feminine side, but I've never came out to them.
I seperate my work life, to my private life. I dont get involved with anyone at work at all, and I dont go to work functions or parties. I strictly stay to myself.I have friends at the local RSL who I have a casual drink with, but I make sure I see them there, and not at my place.I dont necasarily push people away. I just play it very carefully.

[Teri Jean]

Over the years it always has been difficult to let people into my private life, dressed or not, but the thing I found is if they cannot scratch the surface no harm is done. Since being on this forum I have met(e-mails) and talked over the phone with some classy gals and hopefully meet them. Although I have an outgoing public life the private on is very guarded. Hurt to many times to let that fence down. Keli

[lynn2c]

Friends will come and go. My dressing is a secret to many of my friends as they would never understand. These people I'm not really that close to anyway. There are a few that know and do not make judgements. They are the true and closests friends. My daughters all know and it has brought us closer. It seems that if I let someone know the lynn side of me, I open up more and let them become close, otherwise, I put up a wall.

[Karren H]

I've never had a problem keepin friends or making new friends....

[MJ]

i have never had a problem keeping friends or making new friends.
best of all i have no secrets therefor no guilt and no shame .
what you see is what you get good or bad...

[Deidra Cowen]

I kind of run half way from being closeted or being out! A huge city like Atlanta and being single allows that. So at work, old friends and most of my family do not know. On the other hand I come and go from my place in boy and girl mode all the time and the neighbors see me. Liberal city...yeap there is a tranny in the building...oh well...lol..thats it they pretty much just leave me alone.

But having straight guy friends....nope does not work. So I gently pushed them away. Quit accepting invites and when guys said they were coming over I would come up with all kinds of excuses. Pretty soon I dropped off the list and my old gang leaves me alone. Sad but hey I like CDing more than running around camping, golfing or doing football games as a guy.

The bad part is that I really only have a few CD/Tgirl/Trans oh u know what i mean friends! The closeted CDs can't meet do stuff. The semi closeted Tgirls have to sneak around and finally the FT Transgirls don't hang out with PTers like me.

I have 2 FT girls...I was really close to them. We stayed together on weekends...heck I even took them out there first times shopping or clubbing. Then a couple of years later they go FT...do the stealth thingy and drop me!

So the moral of the story is that I find it very hard to have very many quality friends as a CD. Tons of girls will say hi to ya and are casual buddies at the clubs...but hardly any real friends. Then I myself was just as bad when I ran off my old straight buddies...so I guess it was Karma!!!

[Ruth]

Only my wife and 3 close friends know Ruth, so I guess they are the true inner circle, of people who know the real me. I have numerous other friendships which are not deep enough for me to open up about everything - they may well think I am holding back, not being totally open with them, I don't know.
I think being a lifetime CDer has restricted the close friendships I might have made, but at least it didn't stop me getting married and having children (and grandchildren!).

[Alice Torn]

Yes, as I get older, and the world gets more hardhearted, and desperate.

[ElaineB]

I do find it very hard to get close to people although I make casual friends very easily. This is how it's always been for me and I don't know if CDing has anything to do with it except that it does not help.

[jennCD]

I've always been very selective with who I would let into my close circle of friends. Those who have made it to that place and are still with me do know know about Jenn and that's fine. Since my family is everything to me, although I would love to have some kind of social life of sorts, it just never seems to work out. I can't remember the last time I just hung out with any friends... for that matter, I can't even remember the last time I got to spend a nice night out with the Mrs either.

Just seems that I tend to hold onto the few close friends I've made and slowly allow others in over time, but I'm generally an introvert who would love to be extroverted (other than when I'm being the center of attention at gatherings,.. cos I just can't help that; it must be the wannabe-entertainer in me) LOL


jenn

[deja true]

Yup, this is the way of it for many of us closeted ones, I think....

But, then again, close friends will always seem to come and go in our lives over time.

Unless you still live in the town you grew up in, do you still hang with your BFF high school friends from 30 years ago? Still in touch with all those kids you paried with in college 20 years ago? Probably not...

But, as many have said, as we get more into our hidden lives, we tend to not even look for new very close friends...and tend to hold new acquaintances at bay.

No, I don't ever want house guests either...and no, I don't work at building relationships with work colleagues either, even if I've known them for years...

The trick though, is to not get too self absorbed and buried by the Fog, eh?

We still need to remain social beings in order to feel ourselves to be part of the bigger world...only through thinking of others can we really become the good, caring people that we all strive to be.

[CD Susan]

I have only three friends that I can call close. They are not aware that I cd but they certainly have noticed my pierced ears and long finger nails. None of these three friends have ever asked if I cd but if they did I certainly would not deny it. I think all three of these friends would be accepting of it but if they were not then they would not be the true friends that I thought they were. I have been able to maintain friendships with both those who know I cd and those who do not and I try to keep the two seperate from each other.

[jina]

No trouble making or keeping friends,.. but many coping mechanisms in the interest of mixing well. I'm starting to be more genuine with people emotionally when it comes to spectrum, which feels good. I don't mean appearance as much as I just mean less uptight about being "different". Being guarded I see now is costly to one's self.

[docrobbysherry]

What is "friends"?

[sometimes_miss]

Well, let's see. The friends that I told about myself slowly distanced themselves from me; they were conveniently always busy whenever I wanted to get together. My ex-wife was mortified when she found out about the crossdressing, and told our therapist that she never would have married me if she had known about it. My sister no longer talks to me in more than short answers, and doesn't initiate any conversations. My mom pretends I never told her; when I remind her, she asks why am I still doing that; she doesn't want to acknowledge to herself that she contributed to my crossdressing by her screwed up child rearing behavior. I still have a couple of friends, but no one really close anymore. I do go out, but always on my own. So, yeah, I have trouble with getting/having friends, because of the CD'ing.

[Joanna-Louise]

Hi,

I am a new member here. I have been reading messages out here and I must take my hat off to the courage that all of you have been showing to be yourself regardless of how the rest of the world treats you.

Do you find yourself being reserved with your friends to the extent that you push them away?

As a male, I have had a lot of friends I met through school and work. We had a lot of common interests and aspirations. I enjoyed spending time with them and being there for them when they needed me. However, I have had my crossdressing/transgender secret since very early childhood. I had girly stuff in my room and in my closet. Although my friends wanted to get closer, I did not let them. I was afraid they would find out. I did not want to lose them, but at the same time I was not letting them get too close.

Now I live most of my life, except at work, as a girl. Because I am not out at work, I do not go to places where my colleagues from work might see me as a girl. I still make friends, but I have very little in common with these friends. I can let them get closer to me as friends because they already know that I am transgender, but I am not sure how long these friendships would last, given our differences. So I am afraid to let these new friends get closer too.

Have you been in such a situation? Have you been pushing away your friends as a result of your crossdressing?

M2

Im kinda having the same problem at the moment, about a week and a half ago i decided to transition, while kim85 and I split we have remaind very close friends and are discussing ways on if a relationship during and after transition is possible. The main problem we have at the moment is her friends still think (along with mine) that we are both still single (this is not the case lol).

Telling friends is a start but more so important from the ts/trsnsitioning front. Obviously to transition you have to live 100% female, working world and outta work world.

It will be a case of you will find out who your "real" friends are, as tbh it doesnt really affect them, other than when your all out as a group, and as long as your outfits are in tune with the rest of the fem social world i can never see a problem (something ive told Kim).

I would say if your happy being a at home girl or going out on your own then is there really a need to tell them, but then if you want too like i said above you will find out what your friends truly think of the friendship.