Odd email - How should I respond?

[meg_dc_00]

A few days ago, I joined plentyoffish.com and I posted a profile and pictures of me en femme. I've gotten a bunch of emails, all positive, except one... a 38 yr old female from Virginia with no pictures posted.

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This was the email:
I am just curious so pardon my question if it seems rude. You still look like a guy when you dress up, is that part of the look you go for, or do you really think you look female? Also, I probably need to explore more about just why men like to dress up as women yet it does not impact their sexuality ( hence, they still prefer women). Seems essentric to me, but my intent it not to judge, I just find it perplexing.
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Anyways, I was just wondering is a response even necessary?

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Sounds like polite curiosity to me. Is perplexed but wants to understand. If you feel comfortable explaining then you might do so.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[victoriamwilliams1]

She wants to uderstand but cannot I would follow what Veronica said.

[ReginaS]

I would probably answer and describe how sexuality and gender identity are 2 different things and dressing is part of outwardly expressing who we are on the inside.
Then ask for a pic and see if she wants to hook up with a sexy babe!

[Dana]

You ROCKED HER WORLD!

That is to say, she curious, interested, and un-informed about our reality. She has problems racking it arouond her head that their are men taht can be "manly-men" yet who have a feminine side.


Were it me I would have explained to her that:

"Its not my intention to fully present, nor appear to the eptiome of a woman, but to satisfy my "emotional need" to enjoy, experience femininity!"

Girls just want to have fun, and being a woman is fun! Its fun to step outside of yourself and your normal day-day routine. Its fun to be someone other than you are in your day-to-day routine. Its fun to be different, and to experience differnet things!

Its fun to smell different smells, taste different taste's, see different things than you would otherwise. To experience the feel the touch of satin, nylon tricot, pantyhose or hose while walking down the hallway?

Women take these things as a "granted" and "given" Because its their "birthright" for such things.

[DanaR]

I’ve had conversations like this with women that asked me similar questions. While trying to explain why I need to do this, I’ll ask them if they like to get dressed up and go out. Most of the time, you can really connect with them by explaining all of the things you go through to get ready. Most guys never get to see this part of their lives.

[Sheila]

you have had some sound advice already hun.


But perhaps leave of the final line in ReginaS post that says ........Then ask for a pic and see if she wants to hook up with a sexy babe! ............. you have a chance to try to explain to somebody who genuinly wants to try to understand, so don't treat it lightly

Jess GG

[Sammy777]

You still look like a guy when you dress up, is that part of the look you go for, or do you really think you look female?

This part left a bad taste. especially the end.

She did sound genuine in the rest of the email & maybe didn't quite know how to convey what she was thinking.

I would send her an open email back letting her know you would be happy to fill in the blanks about all this.

& Yes, I would leave out the pics & hookup part.lol
I'm sure she will be happy to show you a picture if you two hit it off later on.

And above all, be nice, accepting/interested volunteers aren't exactly storming the CD castle gates, lol

[battybattybats]

I agree that her comment was rude, perhaps through ignorance but it's still pretty darn insensitive!

My guess, she is turned on and uncomfortable and confused that she is, hence the rudeishness but genuine questioning.

[Sheila]

My guess, she is turned on and uncomfortable and confused that she is, hence the rudeishness but genuine questioning.

And I think that is one huge assumption

[Lawren]

She is obviously very curious. Enough to open up and ask about CDing. I would treat is as an oppertunity to enlighten one more person about CDing. After all, the more people who know the truth, the more public opinion will change. As for her comment about looking like a man in women's clothes, though it may seem tactless, she may not be well enough informed to perceive it as an insult. My advice; respond with the truth. It may turn into something wonderful for both of you and the TG community.

[Angie G]

I Don't know where she's looking you look alot like a girl to me hun.
Angie

[Samantha B L]

Hi Meg, You may as well talk to her. It all sounds like harmless curiousity to me,the odd email I mean. It sounds to me like she's someone real young who feels like she's got to talk to everybody in the penpal list she's been given and not just to a few likely choices. But she could always make a real nice freind. I was in eharmony over 25 years ago back when it was a "Rock Penfreinds" service and one of my penpal selections was an NYC girl who asked me flat out if I had "Parkinson's Disease" because of my sloppy handwriting. I decided to go with the freindship and she turned out to be a great freind. I still hear from her once or twice a year and on the holiday season.

[Mary Morgan]

From time to time we have the opportunity to take the high road. Since it isn't clear what this women's agenda is, give her the answers that might swing her toward our cause. If it becomes clearer that she is just rude, then just let go. Any negative reaction will just feed her lack of kindness.

[Miss Tessa]

My mom told me the otherday that no matter how many people I try to change their opinions on TS or TG, that I'm never gonna change the world so don't even try.

[TxKimberly]

I agree with what a few have already stated. Yes, her comment was a bit insensitive (probably unintentionally so) but she does appear to be genuinely curious. It's a no brainer - you should answer her honestly. You have the chance to influence the opinion of another "muggle" - take it and run.
You might explain that your disappointed she thought you still looked like a guy as your intent is to look like a dead ringer for Miss America, but we do have to make SOME concessions to the gender and body we were given at birth.

My mom told me the otherday that no matter how many people I try to change their opinions on TS or TG, that I'm never gonna change the world so don't even try.

Not to argue with your Mother (bad form, that) but I think I'd have to disagree with her on that one. Look how far we have come in the last 40 or 50 years. Clearly, the opinion of "the people" IS changing and will probably continue to do so.

[Kayla Shadows]

She wants to understand but cannot I would follow what Veronica said.

I agree

Some people will start off with "Im sorry if Im rude but" or "I don't want to offend you but", because they dont know how to speak to you yet.They might want to really understand but they are new to it.Her message is a lot better then "god hates freaks" or "you will never be a woman",the kind of hit and run attempts I've gotten which the aim is just bringing you down.

[immike]

A few days ago, I joined plentyoffish.com and I posted a profile and pictures of me en femme. I've gotten a bunch of emails, all positive, except one... a 38 yr old female from Virginia with no pictures posted.

----------------------------------------------------
This was the email:
I am just curious so pardon my question if it seems rude. You still look like a guy when you dress up, is that part of the look you go for, or do you really think you look female? Also, I probably need to explore more about just why men like to dress up as women yet it does not impact their sexuality ( hence, they still prefer women). Seems essentric to me, but my intent it not to judge, I just find it perplexing.
-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, I was just wondering is a response even necessary?

Meg-
Don't respond! It's no one's business that you enjoy dressing in womens clothes.I love
to wear womens clothes,and I especially love to wear mothers good clothes,after she
goes on vacation,I spend hours,dressing in her wardrobe,especially her good skirtsuits
and silk blouses&I love to wear her heels

[docrobbysherry]

Obviously, she's a twisted, possibly VERY sick, individual!

Anyone who spells "eccentric" with two s's, is NOT a person that should be trusted with your personal info!

[meg_dc_00]

I suppose her email bothered me enough to post about it here, but I suppose it should probably be expected when you put yourself "out there" whether its dating sites or going out in public or whatever.

I probably won't respond, the tone of her message was a little churlish. However, I would probably take the time if she had a photo in her profile, its no fun to write to someone who's hiding behind anonymity.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts!

[Karren H]

Just reply and tell her how it is... I get those kinds of emails.. and chat on IM with femalse who ask the same kinds of question... Even some of the girls on the makeup site I moderate want to know why... It's a good opertunity to inform the uninformed...

[JaytoJillian]

Obviously, she's a twisted, possibly VERY sick, individual!

Anyone who spells "eccentric" with two s's, is NOT a person that should be trusted with your personal info!

I agree, Doc!!!

[Violet]

I don't know. I think education, or even an attempt at education, is more productive than just ignoring it. And I can see how the email seems insulting, but obviously she's very new to this and doesn't quite know how to handle the situation, or what questions and/or terminology are considered rude.

Before I came here, I didn't understand how sexuality and gender weren't inextricably linked. I still remember the first time I head Eddie Izzard talking about how he liked to dress as a woman, but still liked women only. I was confused and didn't get it at all. I was one of the one zillion GGs who wondered whether or not my SO was gay. I know better now, but only because I took the time to seek this site out and educate myself.

Who's to say that's not what she's doing, and she's just in the very beginning stages? And isn't it better to give someone the benefit of the doubt?

ETA: And even if you answer her questions, you don't have to give her actual personal info.

[Ruth]

I think it was quite a rude opening shot, so I wonder if it will get any better if you prolong the correspondence.
Imagine going up to a GG, who's dressed in a feminine style, and saying: "I think you look like a man in that outfit: is that the look you're trying for?"
You might only get a slap in the face if you're lucky (otherwise a trip to the ER may be on the cards).

[Jill]

I received a similar email on my myspace page except that it was from a male. He wanted to know how I could feel attracted to women if I dress like one. I didn't respond because I didn't really know how to. I thought it might be a good way to try and educate people but honestly, I wasn't entirely sure how to answer...