Does anyone know how to deal with a GG who objects to my body shaving - she says that I am disfiguring my body and that she loves my hair. What should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler
Belle of the Bluegrass
(new member)
Does anyone know how to deal with a GG who objects to my body shaving - she says that I am disfiguring my body and that she loves my hair. What should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler
Belle of the Bluegrass
(new member)
Does she check with you every time she changes her hairstyle or the color of her nail polish? The "disfiguring" you body comment is a bit OTT. Question #1... does she know you are a cross dresser? If not, you have bigger fish to fry first.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Wife knows that I am a cross dresser. She has set body shaving as a boundary. I do not like this boundary. What should I do ?
JoAnne Wheeler
If she doen't know that you dress, that is where to start. I have women who don't know ask me why I shave my legs, I tell them I had a gf in the past who preferred it and now so do I. True story that.
What logical reason can you give for wanting to shave? If it a serious long-term relationship...will she freak if she finds out?
Peace and I wish you well.
The bottom line is that she likes your hair and doesn't want it to go away.
Your decision is all about how important this relationship is to you.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Depends on what your relationship is to her. If she's your SO, then negotiations are needed. If she's not an intimate acquaintance, then she has no business telling you what to do, so do what you want.
Carol
Hi Joann, As for me the only thing I can do is offer a vote of sympathy. I shave my face and I shave my body. I'm 52 and my Mom and Sister still needle me about it. Obviously a Mom and Sister aren't a wife or girlfreind but they do want me to be "all male" and they gripe about stuff like that.
Cheers, Samantha
I agree with Holly. Whenever I hear of circumstance like that, it always seems like the GG thinks they can take ownership of their partners body. GG's like that need to 'get over it' and remember whose body it is, because its extremely unlikely that they would ask first before shaving their body, changing hair color, nails color etc. Its about respecting ones rights, and surely one has no greater right than doing what they want to their own body.
Janie
Is this boundary one that was set unilaterally by her? If so, then it is time to sit down with her and have a long discussion and reach some mutually agreeable arrangements. If this is something that you have previously agreed to, then ask to renegotiate the terms. Some alternatives... seasonal shaving in the winter months, legs and arms only, etc. Discover those areas where you can agree. Best wishes.Originally Posted by JoAnne Wheeler
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
You need to work it out with her. This is not a one way street (Marriage). SO be prepared with something to "give" if you want that boundry pushed...Or if you go there anyways be prepared for the consequences.
You need to talk to her about why you want to shave. She is afraid of what else it will (could) lead too. TALK TALK TALK... u need to commnicate...
Best of luck!
Jen
Hey! Wanna go Dancing?
Hugs,
Jen
Check out my My Flickr page for my pictures: go to Flickr.com and search for Jenee Davis
It can be hard to have someone tell us what we can and can't do. It makes it even harder being as it is your wife, as I'm sure you love her. I don't think it's just the fact that you want to shave, as she most likely sees it as just another step closer for you to something else in her mind that she is terrified of. The only thing you can do is to talk to her. Best of luck!
It's your body. On the other hand, if you want to hang onto her................
Wanna fill us in on a bit more information hun, like how long she has known, what does her KNOWING you are a crossdresser mean in your life and relationship with her, does she participate, or is it a case of knows but wants no part of it
And CDR's need to respect, that while you have had years and years to reach some comfort level with "YOUR CDING", some GG's have had only moments to come to try to come to terms with the change in the dynamics of their relationship, and dang if some don't whinge and whine about how GG's dress or not according to them
Last edited by Sheila; 11-10-2008 at 01:46 PM.
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
Hello JoAnne!
It seems to me that your wife married you thinking that you were her "man" and that you had manly body hair. My wife hates CD, so I do what I can to keep her happy (not leaving me) and dress and shave where she will not complain. If your GG hates shaving and is not supportive of your dressing then you must decide what is most important to you.
Charlie
First off I think you have to be a little offended by her terminology. I assume she shaves her armpits/legs. You are no more disfiguring yourself by shaving than she is.
dis·fig·ure
transitive verb
1 : to impair (as in beauty) by deep and persistent injuries <a face disfigured by smallpox>
But I think we need a little more insight into the situation. Maybe she loves guys with body hair. Maybe you love girls with long hair. You each have the right to do whatever you want with your bodies, but if this is a sexual relationship you're having, it should be a priority to each of you to be healthy and desirable to the other.
You really have to think long and hard about where the relationship is going. Even if she's being totally unreasonable, arguing isn't going to change what she does and doesn't find attractive.
But maybe it's not even about that. Maybe it's more about her accepting stereotypes about feminine guys being weaker or homosexual. So maybe if you talked about it you'd see that you just have to convince her that you can still be a comforting stable protector for her.
Or maybe it's stubble that she finds irritating and unattractive. People don't talk about it that much, but the horrible part about shaving is that you have to do it so often.
Personally, I don't like body hair, but I would actually prefer a girl had hairy legs to scratchy stubble.
You could always try gradually thinning a few areas out with tweezers and see how that goes.
Maybe with a bit of time and with you explaining whey you would like to shave your body. If this is just a friend then i agree JoAnne that its really none of her beeswax but if she is your SO then you have to take into account her feelings BOTH of you are in the realtionship and although to some it may seem unfair for her to set these sort of boundaries maybe she doesnt understand what it means to you. I mustw admit the first time my SO shaved it kinda shocked me but in time i got use to it but thats because i was asked my opinion and it she expalined to me why she wanted to do it commuction is always the key. This next bit mean be a bit mean but only you know if your going to be happy with these arrangements.
At one point i said to my so that i didnt think i would be able to see her in a wig and makeup and now a year on over the weekend we went out her in full makeup and wig to a local meeting with some other girls!!!! All of this because she took into account how i was feeling and we talked every throught yes it can be a slow process but it can be done
Im sorry but this is a bit harsh isnt it when some of us work damn hard to accept the fem side!!!!!! If you are in a realtionship its not just one person its both of you and im sorry but this does effect the realtionshp!!! As Sheila has so greatly put it and beaten me to the punch
It seems that sometimes we cant be accepting enough !!!!!!!
You sold her a person. She bought him.
You want to change the product that was comitted to.
Yet you (and many others) see it as her "controlling" you or telling you what you can or can't do.
If you didn't tell her about your TG desires before the relationship got serious, it's your responsibility to deal with the consequences of that choice. This may be one of those prices to pay.
Would someone please sincerely explain to me why a wife stating her preferences is taken with so much offense? If she speaks up for her desires she's accused of being controlling, unsupportive or narrow minded. And the most mind boggling thing to me is that HER desires haven't changed....they are what they've always been - the male YOU! And now that's a bad thing?
Last edited by Tree GG; 11-10-2008 at 02:27 PM.
Joanne, first off does she know you CD and if so then explain it as the same as her shaving. If not then there is more to discuss than the shaving. I hope it works out for you and you can get to a common gound. She probably scared and does not understand, so talk talk and the talk somemore. Huggs from Keli
I'd like to know that too. And the same from the husband's point of view.
When it comes to preferences it must be just about impossible for two people to set out all of their known preferences (and as yet unknown ones) from the off.
Preferences will always be introduced mid-term. It's human nature.
That said, for every person who says "it's your body hair, do what you want" there's another who says "she expects you to be hairy 'cos that's how you started, so leave it".
They're both right. As are many of the posts above. The answer to this cannot be generalised, or even templated from the experience of others. The two people involved have to work it out between them. As others have said above.
The thread started with a specific question and I'm afraid it must end with a specific answer - specific to this one case only. And I don't think any of us can provide the answer.
Sarah...
Very, very true.
Wow! As a GG, are you sure you want to go with that argument?
Are you committed to never gaining any wight and never cutting your hair short for the duration of any relationship?
GGs are classically much more guilty of "selling" one persona then drastically changing.
LOL......yep, I stand behind that argument because I'm not changing myself 180 degrees immediately and expecting anything and everything I want to be perfectly fine with my partner.
FYI, I'm within 10 lbs of the wt I was when we married - so is he. I asked for his opinion of a potential new hair cut...sometimes he had a preference and sometimes he didn't.
When the trouble started, is when mine (or his) opinion/preferences started be seen as unreasonable or not worthy of respect. When either acted unilaterally with no regard for the other.
If you don't want to share yourself with a partner, that's fine. Then get rid of the partner - don't let them continue to believe you value their position in your life when you don't. I believe several have used the line "...you have to decide which is more important to you...". That pretty much sums it up.
I empathise with your dilemma.
However hair does grow back (annoyingly) quickly, so you could negotiate as others have said.
No objections to my shaving everything south of the waistline from my SO but the upper half is a hairy subject...
To answer the op, communicate. Try and come to a compromise. As Sheila said, you've probably had years of learning about yourself and it's still fairly new to her. If she really says no, then perhaps you have to rethink your relationship and what is more important to you.
I agree with Tree, and that's not just because she's a fellow gg, but when you first met you sold her who you were, were you honest about your cding then? If you were then what I'm about to say doesn't apply, but if you weren't then you hid a whole part of your personna from her. She wasn't allowed in. It IS completely different to changing a hairstyle or gaining/losing weight. My weight has gone up and down, but my personna has remained the same.
Now personally with body hair, I don't mind if my SO is shaved or hairy, it's the stubbly bit in between that I don't like. A stubbly chest is far too distracting when we're getting close.
If we were all the same, there would be no choice.
In that case I agree with you 100%.
These types of threads start up quite a bit. In the end, you have to take a step back and look at the situation honestly. You know your SO finds something unattractive, yet you're doing it anyway, and that says something about the relationship.
If your SO is attacking you, it might be that she's psychotic/borderline/bipolar, but it's more likely a response to what you're doing. Your actions are threatening her and the relationship. You're telling her that you really don't care if she finds you attractive or not.
Of course, if you really do love her, and if she's not just one of those CD wives who's always going to resent what she knows about you no matter what, you might be able to work something out that makes you both happy. But I'd certainly hope that your SO is more of a priority to you than shaving your legs.
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