Should i tell my Girl friend i crossdress?

[Lisa425]

Ok girls i need some help, i have just recently started dateing a women that i have known for several years, we have dated off and on the last five years,i do have feelings for her,the other night she told me she loved me and wants to have a life with me. And i have been crossdressing long enough to know that its not going to go away, it is a part of my life and i like it, but i want to honest with her, she has no idea that crossdress, should i tell her? how should i tell her? and what can i expect, you girls that have been through this i need your help!! any and all advice will be greatly apreciated!!

Thank you

Lisa Lane
myspace.com/lisalane425

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Hi Lisa, texan here too

This is not an easy question to answer, but...

In a nutshell, if you want to have a serious long term relationship with her then you have a LOT of thinking to do.

My take on this is that you should be up front and honest with her about it before you go into serious territory. The Loved ones forum has a lot of anguish in there in regards to betrayal, lies, broken marriages etc.

I'm not saying that will definitely happen to YOU, but having listened to a LOT of sad stories in 12 years has given me a bit of an insight into what probably will happen if you don't.

Thats my two cents worth and I hope it works out.

*** I need to add that when I met my current wife, I laid it all out on the table before we even started dating and we are now going into our sixth year of wedded bliss***


***Uh oh, another edit added! ALSO if you choose to be up front make sure you are REALLY up front. If you dress often or sporadically, dont tell her you dress once a year or mince words. If you are even thinking of transistioning, going full time etc, again give her the full deal. She may go with everything or she may have some conditions of her own. In either case... listen & communicate. You might be very surpised in the end *****
*hugs*
Zarabeth

[Kelly DeWinter]

I told Jeannie right off, before we ever met, I felt it was best, turned out for the best I wanted a relationship buon honesty and respect.

[Clara]

I'm afraid you have to tell her. There are lots of tips on this forum to help you 'plan' how to tell her. If you are lucky she'll be accepting. If she's not your marriage would struggle anyway. And yes, she has the right to know.

[Sandra Dunn]

HI Sis, You should tell her soon. One of the biggest problems she will have if you don't tell her and you all do get married will be the trust issue. The fact that you didn't trust her enoigh to tell her about it at all. The other big issue is the question of are you gay. Both of these are at the top of the list of the wives you just found out about their husband's little secret.

As for the how to tell her, you'll ned to play that one by ear. I would suggest you bring up the subject about TG in reference to a story you heard, movie you saw or anything to get her mind on the subject and begin a dialogue about it. After you get a feel on how she thinks about it then begin to inform her about your other side.

I told my wife about it before we got married, after a while I needed to become more of myself and have allowed her to adjust to me being me. This has helped in so many ways, we even had a wedding with me as the bride.

A sister of mine did not tell her wife about it until it became a problem for her at work and even then the wife didn't find out from her.

HUGS Sandra

[kathtx]

Tell her, but do some research first on how to bring it up. And throughout your relationship be patient, honest, and sensitive to her concerns.

Kath

[melissacd]

yes

[Jilmac]

Lisa, I have been in a relationship with my SO for a little over a year. I told her about me after our third or fourth date. I was totally up front with her and told her that crossdressing was a part of me, that it would never go away, that I tried quitting/purging and nothing worked. I told her I was a package deal and she accepted the package on the condition that I don't dress in front of her. That is an agreement I can live with.

It's best to be honest and play the cards you're dealt. Break it to her gently and try to incorporate it into a normal conversation. Best case scenario, she'll love you for who you are, not for the clothes you choose to wear. Worst case scenario, she'll split. I wish you much success. Please keep the forum posted as to the results.

[sandra-leigh]

yes

Lisa, if you ever wanted a "case study" in how not telling can lead to eventual hardships to both parties, for years on end, despite good will on both sides, then you would do well to read Melissa's past postings.