Feeling silly

[jina]

Since I have joined this forum I'm just amazed at how even my most abstract remote thoughts regarding this self-mystery of mine come up from other people (if i just wait a bit). Anybody ever hear of the "collective unconscious" ? There is a cool book along these lines called "The Holographic Universe". I recommend it. We (CD'rs) must be tied together in a cosmic loop of synchronicity of some kind... but I digress.

I have thought of this very thing. Furthermore, I think even when I wasn't completely honest with myself about my fem feelings, I had a specific phrase rattling around in my head all of these years: "No Practical Application". I've been meaning to start a thread with that title and see if there's any resonance out there. I guess I have always thought that "my thing" had No Practical Application.

My wife argues that the practical application is that I am absolutely wonderful with children (if I do say so myself )... and a empathetic listener and friend. But that doesn't speak to how much I enjoy fem things that don't really work with the rest of my life (IE: makeup, clothes).

I mentioned this "silly" concept just the other day to my wife. Especially, wanting her to participate seems very silly. On the other hand, if she happened to get a lot out of it, i certainly would with her. Kinda strange. I agree with the warnings against purging. I have described to my wife that historically i have "dormant" periods (I also have been prone to cycles of identity crisis over the years).

One more thing: not only is there an ebb and flow to this,... but there seems to be a relationship to my work as an entertainer / musician. A lot of these feelings can be absorbed and channeled through performing and creating music in my case. I don't have it all figured out... but there are definitely some interesting connections in all of this for me. I even have thought about naming my next album: I Wasn't Born A Woman (So I Became a Musician).

[curse within]

I can totally relate...I go through the same feelings but I know that hell smoking is eaiser to give up than x dressing. You just go through an imbalance of hormones or in yours and my case a balance of hormones..Don;t worry they will imbalance again and all will be back to normal.

[noeleena]

hi...like Jina....WOW. it looks like most of you are dressing . yet not all the time .there are things you have in common . in many ways .... it all depends as to how we are wired ..as to how we see our selfs. some have said you are men... the male . just all male yet . theres a little bit that says in side i need to dress as a female . we are not all the same . in when. how. or why. we dress . so if you do then enjoy you . ....if... that is a part of you then accept it dont fight it . other wise it will come back at you . as others have said . for me it is all me as a women nothing like what has been said it was never the dressing . it was me as a women . i live as one. yeap . at 61 & for the rest of my life . may be 20 years . i have had 11 now as that women . would i go back to me as a man . not that i was ... sorry guys . just no way ever ......so we do have things in common just not all the same . this has been interesting what you all have been saying . going along with this how do you think as a male or like me a women or a female this is allso a part of us . when you are dressed on fem . what are you thinking ... thank you .... ...noeleena...

[Angie G]

I did once so I slapped myself out of it and put on a skirt.
Angie

[Joanna-Louise]

Michaella,

As mentioned above its something we all go through. Imyself have stood up, looked in the mirror then proceeded to get changed. (Not because ive not liked the image staring back at me but because I somehow feel "lost")

2 Weeks ago, I decided to bite the bullet and admitted to my family my close friends and more importantly that im a woman trapped in a mans body... While I should be looking forward to going to my GP, starting a new life and looking down the road of transitioning fear has all of a sudden struck over me....

Like your post deep down im feeling lost, feeling at the moment Im neither male or fe-male. This makes it hard when im supposed to be spending my out of work life constanbtly dressed. But its also pushed me to make the appiontment with my GP so I can hopefully start the concilling as quickly as possible.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist, and then talking to them about whats causing the confusion??

Take care hun and I hope you find your way soon

Joanna
xx

[Sammy777]

Think of it like a hobby--many hobbies are totally unproductive, but none-the-less satisfying, stress-reducing, and emotionally satisfying.

I don't like referring to CD'ing as a "hobby" but it works here.

There are things All of us do that take up plenty of time, cost money & that some people will find silly, stupid & a waste of our time & good money.
Does that stop me, you, us, them from doing them? NO

Here is quick list of things people call silly, stupid or a waste of time/money.
Put the pitch forks & torches away, lol.
I'm guilty of doing some of these myself & I'm not trying to be rude with the list.

Watching 37 cars drive in a circle.
Watching 2 cars drive in a straight line really fast.
Fishing, & not even keeping the fish you do catch.
Sitting in a boat vaguely pretending your fishing.
Flying a kite.
Golf.
Building an HO scale small town in your basement.
Owning a boat
Owning a plane
Driving around in the mud
Camping.
Shooting paper targets.
Ect, Ect, Ect..............

Most if not all of these hobbies suck up a lot of peoples time & a lot of their money & give them nothing to show for it but the memory of a good time & the ability to face another Monday.

So where is the harm? Is it such a bad thing?

Obviously you have ODed on crossdressing through us..... so
"Please step away from the computer"... NOW!!!!

I think Karen did it again, lol.
Maybe your time here is like filling up on bread before the main course arrives.

[Michaella]

Thank you everyone. Much to think about. Part of my problem is that I have many many other things I'd like to do -- music, theatre, writing, model railroading, travel -- but the cross dressing is actually getting in the way of them. I suspect too that my current upset may be part of my long-term depression. Seeing my therapist tomorrow. I had planned on going en femme -- I've done that before -- but probably won't. In any event, I have no intention of purging. Maybe I just need to let things go for a while. Thank you.

Michaella

[Sammy777]

Thank you everyone. Much to think about. Part of my problem is that I have many many other things I'd like to do -- music, theatre, writing, model railroading, travel -- but the cross dressing is actually getting in the way of them. I suspect too that my current upset may be part of my long-term depression. Seeing my therapist tomorrow. I had planned on going en femme -- I've done that before -- but probably won't. In any event, I have no intention of purging. Maybe I just need to let things go for a while. Thank you.

Michaella

Well no one said you can't combine it with your other activities.
Many people here play music or write while dressed.
Nothing wrong with letting Michaella getting some travel time in.

[Alex!]

Often, in fact. The novelty wore off a few years ago.

[DeeDeeB]

When I stand in front of the mirror and feel I look really good, I feel so silly I get a big grin on my face and then go on to the evening's activities. It gives me a real boost. And as to other responsibilities and desires, I reran the electric wiring in my garage in a miniskirt a month or so ago. It just seemed right.

I do understand one gets overloaded, though. After a week at SCC, dressed all day and evening for 5 days out in public, I needed a week off after returning home. But the desire to dress is back stronger than ever.

So take a break if you want to, and return to dressing if you feel the desire. Maybe it's silly, but it feels so good.

Dee

[Missy]

the more i think about cd the more i want to be in male cloths

[Lorna]

Silly isn't the term I would use - because, in itself, the dressing is so enjoyable. However, I do resent the time I waste doing it (which actually isn't much because it doesn't happen often). I am very busy doing all sorts of things so nobody complains - only I know that I could do a lot more! The feeling is strongest when I take off my female things and put them away: that's the moment when I would be most likely to say "this is silly, a waste of time, I'll stop doing it". But, so far, I haven't.