male admirers

[Cari]

I've actually had to beat the crap out of a guy for this.

Let me explain.

I was at a trans bar last year and one guy was all up on me and the first words out of his mouth were...

"So how much do you charge?"



[SIZE="4"]EXCUSE ME!?!?[/SIZE]

He would not leave me alone. After about an hour there I got tired of this guy hounding to get in my panties so I decided to go home. As I was about to leave he grabbed my arm and said "Where are you going?" (Not in an angry tone but more of a "you can't leave without screwing me" tone)



I threw with all of my might and hit that dude right in the temple. He dropped like a ton of bricks and his head bounced off the floor. I didn't feel one bit sorry for him either. Creep.


Most admirers I've met are just looking for sex....wait isn't that what MOST guys are after anyway?

I truly feel sorry for GG's, they have to deal with men.

Hope you stepped on him on the way out.
Its just completely rude behavior.
I've never understood why they feel its ok to act like that, or what result they are expecting.

[izzfan]

I have not met any "admirers" but that is probably due to the fact that the times when I am out 'en femme' are few and far between.

However, if I met one and he or she was good looking and friendly then I wouldn't be totally against the idea of getting romantically involved with him or her.

I must point out at this stage that I am bisexual and that I imagine that it would probably be different for straight crossdressers or those already in relationships if they were approached by a male admirer.

I have seen threads about admirers on The Angels and they seem to be quite similar in tone to this one. It might just be me being naive but I can't imagine that all admirers are sleazy and just looking for sex.

I mean, if I am to be honest, the idea of being romantically involved with another CD doesn't exactly repel me. Does this make me an "admirer"? Probably in a techincal sense but I certainly wouldn't see myself as one seeming as I have never knowingly met another CD (if I did, I'd most likely end up talking to them about clothes/CDing or just general non-CD stuff rather than asking them out).

[Tracii G]

Several weeks ago I was out shopping and a very cute young black man was watching me in the ladies section and asked me to help him pick out an outfit for his GF.
I asked him her size and what her tastes were in clothing he told me.As we were looking he said he felt funny buying clothes for her and I asked him if the clothes were for him.
He said sheepisly yes and I said no problem.We talked as we shopped and I could tell he was eyeing me pretty closely I said you know I'm a guy right?
He said he wasn't sure at first but thought I might be.He respectfuly told me he admired my courage going out dressed.
He admitted he was a CD admirer and did ask me out.I declined but thanked him for being a gentelman.
So there are some non-creepy CD admireing guys out there.

[Michelle Hart]

[SIZE=2]After reading this I actually debated responding but felt compelled to offer some insight about "admirerers...."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]I'll use the phrase only as a description since most of them are neither interested, interesting, or actually admire anything about us regardless [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]of where we are on the transition scale.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]I have met hundereds of them and recieved letters from thousands. With rare exception each note is crude and poorly written. Most talk a good game but that is all it is. TALK... The vast majority are utterly terified to make any real comitment to us or put for any noticable effort. Many of them have little or no social skills at all and have absolutly no chance with a natal woman so they think we as a group may be "easier" to get their thrills from. However some actually do want a woman with something more only because they are so deep in the closest that they just can't admit they're gay for whatever reason.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Most see us as what they wish their wives and girlfriends would be. Well dressed all the time and done up to the hilt etc. As a group we project utterly feminine behavior and that is what attracts them because the natal women in their lives have no desire to put in the time we do to look good.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Oddly enough natal women don't actually have the time anymore to do all the things we do. Most guy's who just play dressup spend ALL day getting ready and making sure they look perfect for those few pictures they take and post here or in other places.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Additionally the average natal woman today addamantly refuses to wear corsets or any other style of foundation garments. Watching their figure is just to difficult and time consuming. [/SIZE][SIZE=2]They want comfort first and beauty second. It's just the opposite for the CD or TG.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]So you have men who "admire" us for that reason alone, They admire the feminine image that the TG's or CD's project but they can't reconcile that with knowing we were once just like them or may still be in our daily lives. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]Trust me girls once he sleeps with you, you will never hear from him again unless he is the VERY rare one, and believe me they are rare. the ones who are secure enough in their own identity to be able to apreciate yours whatever it may be.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]For more about the subject see my signiture line below.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]

[Niya W]

Must of the ones I've met in bars have been respectful . I've also meet a few crazy female trany chasers yikes. Scariest one I met was a couple. The husband creeper me out and the wife looked like she wanted to eat me literally.

[kellyanne]

My experience has been we crossdressers are second choice with 99.99 % of these guys.They prefer girls but they are not available to them.

I still think there must be some older gentlemen admirers out there who are more mature and know what they want and are more understanding and interested because of their age and experience rather than their testosterone.

I alway thought it would be very romantic to be with an Omar Sharif hunk type and slow dance with , be kissed and treated like a lady.

... but beautiful thing about being with another CD TV is you know they understand why we are what we are.

)

[Glenda]

While I'll be the first to admit that male admirers can be strange or creepy, what you have to realize is that a lot of guys are just strange or creepy regarless of whether they are seeking sex or not. I don't like to see statistics like "all guys" or "98% of men".....in this world that we live in, there are not 98% of any population who act, feel or think the same way. A lot of people may pretend to but there are all types in the world.

I believe that the number of male admirers will continue to increase for a variety of reasons, a couple of which are mostly valid. One, we CD's as a group are out more now than ever before. Not only are we out, but we are finding acceptance from a large part of the population. Not everyone, but so many more than you might have found 20 or 40 years ago. Believe it or not girls, we are finding friends out there. As we become more accepted, we will also become more desired. That's just the way it works.....in my simple mind anyway.

Two, there are those guys who desire a relationship with a female but who find it very difficult to continue to commit to women after a series of failed relationships in which they do not understand the woman at all. They seek us out as a viable (in their minds) alternative. While we're not really women, we do present as women. This attracts them. They may also feel that we can be more understanding or appreciative of them because we're guys too, right? They think if they had a relationship with us that it would not be as complicated. How naive is that? Some would be good partners, some would not.

Bottom line, I think you will begin to see more mainstream men in relationships with CD's in the future. That's what my crystal ball says anyway.

[deja true]

Good thinkin', Glenda, I agree entirely, especially with this part...

... They may also feel that we can be more understanding or appreciative of them because we're guys too, right? They think if they had a relationship with us that it would not be as complicated. How naive is that? Some would be good partners, some would not.

Bottom line, I think you will begin to see more mainstream men in relationships with CD's in the future. That's what my crystal ball says anyway.

Their naivete about relationships in general is prolly what caused their problems with women in the first place. I can almost relate to that myself when thinking about my early days. And as we all have to admit, we all prolly know plenty of middle aged men who still haven't grown up yet, huh?

[avril findlay]

Must of the ones I've met in bars have been respectful . I've also meet a few crazy female trany chasers yikes. Scariest one I met was a couple. The husband creeper me out and the wife looked like she wanted to eat me literally.

Niya, I met a male/female couple many years ago in a pub when I was dressed and it eventually turned out that the guy wanted to watch me and his girlfriend in bed together in our underwear and he was perfectly serious. I didn't take them up on their very kind offer! They are some very strange people out there.

[Tamera]

I have met a few admirers and each for their own reason. The one that stands out is one that treated me like a lady. He opened the door for me, took me out to eat and we even went a few places. Even for the GG's these men are few and far between let alone having a TG meet one. These are the ones you remember. The others you could care less.
Hugs,
Tamera

[ReineD]

Alice Novic, author of "Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age", is a happily married, bi-sexual psychiatrist living in L.A., and a father. She is in an open marriage and has her wife's blessing to be out with men every week so she can affirm the female part of herself. She has been out on the "tranny and chaser" scene since 1994.

Her website: aliceingenderland.com

She has written quite an essay on the subject of admirers, both from personal experience and a psychological point of view. Following are the highlights of her commentary, "Going on a Manhunt: The Two Types of Men Who Might Be Interested"

1. Deep inside, most admirers are trannies in denial. To prove her point, Alice asks how many CDers have been attracted to other CDers.

2. There are also some straight men who can tolerate TGs. Those who can't will not follow through.

According to Alice, admirers are limited by something, and this is why they are not successful with GGs or they are unwilling to admit they are trans or bi. They tend to be heavier, older, or shorter; they may lack steady jobs, cars, apartments, etc; they may be unhappily married; they may be constrained by psychological baggage, religious guilt, or macho ethnic traditon.

I was fascinated by Alice's site. She seems to reflect many of the views I've seen posted in this forum.

[Rachel M]

This topic has been on my mind as of lately too. I run my femme pic on Hot or not for ego purposes. Currently, my pic has a 7.4 rating. Well, when someone gives you a 9 or 10 you are put on their favorites list. Well, I have the opportunity to see who's put me on their favorites list. Some of the men are creepy looking. This could be biased as I am straight. It is flattering though to know that some find you to be a 9 or 10. I just dont have any desire to look at another man and determine if he is hot. I haven't had too many interactions with men face to face that I felt they were admiring me or even hitting on me.
Rachel

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

In 12 years I have only known ONE male cd admirer that wasn't creep factor #9, and he has always been courteous and fun to chat with every now and again.
The rest, well... they are seriously lacking.. something.

Zarabeth

[Deborah Jane]

Admirers have nothing I'm interested in.
Angie

I agree with Angie, i,ve had a few who,ve tried to chat to me online and i,ve just told them i,m not interested in guys!!

[Jess_cd32]

But you've got to admit that many of us could be called admirers, too (going by the nature of many of the comments in the photo posts...)!....................

True but the difference is we are admiring and complimenting like one GG to another GG, its very different than a male admirer giving the compliment.
I recently asked in a thread about what was meant by others compliments of such pics, most all agreed it was like one GG to another, just a complment.

GG's say things like that's hot looking, very sexy GF etc.. to their fellow GG's and its not taken as a come on, same I feel with us cd's complimenting eachother, totally innocent and harmless w/ no comming on intended.

I would think as for male admirers, their possibly could be a handfull that are OK but I'd agree the majority are after one thing and most likely creeps.

[deja true]

According to Alice, admirers are limited by something, and this is why they are not successful with GGs or they are unwilling to admit they are trans or bi. They tend to be heavier, older, or shorter; they may lack steady jobs, cars, apartments, etc; they may be unhappily married; they may be constrained by psychological baggage, religious guilt, or macho ethnic traditon.
...

...and consequently, aware of their own shortcomings and unsure of their own masculinity, they tend to put on a mask of uber- masculinity...machismo...that they think will be attractive to us. We, after all, are wearing (or trying to wear) a mask of uber-femininity, aren't we?

Personally, were I attracted to men who would be attracted to deja, I'd much prefer a man who was more like us!... outgoing but not obnoxious... rather matter-of-fact but not boastful...and willing to laugh at his own shortcomings as I try to laugh at mine... in essence, a buddy, a friend, not a pursuer!

(And no, I don't like pina coladas or the taste of champagne...LOL!)

[switcheralso]

I think creepy might not be the right term. I chatted with a person last night and they tend to be aggressive which I understand. I politely tell them I’m not interested and remove them from my contact list. I am sure years ago I was aggressive.

Could it be that some guys want to be with a female but understand that genetic females can bring to much emotion?

[MsJanessa]

some "admirers" I've met are quite nice and I've established long term relationships with them--others are ok but only for a single date or two and still others are downright creepy(read aggressive and demanding) and I want nothing to do with them---in this regard I suppose I'm kind of like a GG who runs into all types---I've found the key is letting them know up front what My ground rules are and makeing sure they accept that--any doubts and I walk away. On the whole I'm much more attracted to T-gurls and GGs than guys, but for the right guy--hmm maybe.

[Niya W]

Alice Novic, author of "Alice in Genderland: A Crossdresser Comes of Age", is a happily married, bi-sexual psychiatrist living in L.A., and a father. She is in an open marriage and has her wife's blessing to be out with men every week so she can affirm the female part of herself. She has been out on the "tranny and chaser" scene since 1994.

Her website: aliceingenderland.com

She has written quite an essay on the subject of admirers, both from personal experience and a psychological point of view. Following are the highlights of her commentary, "Going on a Manhunt: The Two Types of Men Who Might Be Interested"

1. Deep inside, most admirers are trannies in denial. To prove her point, Alice asks how many CDers have been attracted to other CDers.

2. There are also some straight men who can tolerate TGs. Those who can't will not follow through.

According to Alice, admirers are limited by something, and this is why they are not successful with GGs or they are unwilling to admit they are trans or bi. They tend to be heavier, older, or shorter; they may lack steady jobs, cars, apartments, etc; they may be unhappily married; they may be constrained by psychological baggage, religious guilt, or macho ethnic traditon.

I was fascinated by Alice's site. She seems to reflect many of the views I've seen posted in this forum.

Hey I think I use to be a chaser before I came out. But I knew it in my heart. Just didn't have the balls to go out.

If you ever get a chance to meet Alice I say do it. It well worth it. She is a very interesting person .

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I like compliments from guys but I make it clear I have no attraction to them.

[Nicki B]

According to Alice, admirers are limited by something, and this is why they are not successful with GGs or they are unwilling to admit they are trans or bi. They tend to be heavier, older, or shorter; they may lack steady jobs, cars, apartments, etc; they may be unhappily married; they may be constrained by psychological baggage, religious guilt, or macho ethnic traditon.

I can think just off the top of my head of five guys - one company director, one senior airline captain, one senior health service manager, one logistics manager and a guy who owns a Ford dealership. Four of them are in steady relationships with transgirls - the other is also a perfect gentleman.

It's really dangerous to assume men are all the same? Long ago, a good female friend told me men always take what is offered. There's wisdom in that too, but surely we ought to be aware that not all men act alike - it's just too easy for a minority to put you off?

I was fascinated by Alice's site. She seems to reflect many of the views I've seen posted in this forum.

You don't believe everything you read here, do you?

[Lisa Golightly]

I find it odd that a number of men who dress as women can't see that there are men, as normal as they are, who are attracted to men dressed as women or transtionals...

TBH, like any dating circle you've got your adorables, your predictables, your ignorables and your downright terribles...

[ReineD]

It's really dangerous to assume men are all the same?

You don't believe everything you read here, do you?

I don't think men, or women for that matter, are all the same, and I am sorry if I offended you or insulted your friends. But, your friends may be in a different category than we are discussing?

I was referring to the types that hang out in chat rooms as the OP mentioned, and that hang out in GLBT bars lasciviously eyeing everyone who comes in. The OP reminded me of personal experiences I have had with admirers on the few occasions my SO and I did go to bars where they were present. On one occasion, one of them sent a suggestive note to us on a napkin. In my naivete at the time, I laughed and wondered which one of us the note was addressed to. But, remembering my SO's discomposure, I have no doubt she knew the admirer was trying to pick her up while she was obviously with me??? I do not believe this person was in the minority.

I had visited Alice's site before and was struck by her forthright, although blunt views about many aspects of CDing, some of which were eye openers for me as they do reflect many of the attitudes I often see expressed here, specifically with regards to sexual fantasy and desire, and actual sexual experience. I googled Alice's name to make sure she wasn't a fraud and saw that she is very active within the trans circles. I remembered reading her take on admirers. It matched my own experience, and I dare say about half the posters in this thread including Michelle Hart above who has received hundreds of communications from admirers. These members also mention the "creep" or other negative factors.

I wish it weren't so. I wish there weren't so many individuals out there feeling so empty they prey on the CDers who perhaps have such a strong desire to experience sexuality from a woman's point of view, they are willing to overlook the reality.

[almalove]

I don't really like to chat with male admirers. They do seem creepy.

it may be nice to get the attention, but I agree with Stacey .

[Nicki B]

Reine,

You didn't offend me - forgive me for using your post to try and make a wider point?