Pink Fog......................................Help

[Clara]

The dreaded Pink Fog has arrived. And I have realized. I am not as balanced as I have thought. Far from it. I want to dress. I want to shop. I want long nails. I want my ears pierced. I want a female haircut. And I feel guilty about it.

I started dressing only recently, a half a year ago maybe? My wife has been accepting. It is not something she would chose but as long as it makes me happy she is fine with it. I have been dressing about 2-3 times a week (apart from sleeping, I sleep in female pajamas, I sleep much better then). I enjoyed my female side. I enjoyed my male side. I was happy. I was balanced. My wife was happy. Everything was great. So why the Pink Fog now? And how to deal with it?

[Cassia-Marie]

I'm with you on this one. I'm so totally hooked right now it really isn't funny. I have an epilator arriving this week then it's goodbye hairy legs, arms, and chest. I just got my new forms this morning (they're AWESOME!!!) so now I have to take the final measurements and go bra shopping. Of course, then I'll have to get matching panties. Then I'll need a pretty skirt and blouse. Then shoes. Then pantyhose. My new wig arrives tomorrow or the next day. Makeup...
All of this and my wife found out I have a "slight lingerie fetish" only this past weekend. *SIGH* At least your SO is (somewhat) fully aware of your dressing (moreso than mine, I assume).
Oh, and don't get me started on what this is going to do to my bank account. I just took on several new side projects so that I can get paid cash and go shopping without a paper trail.

My only advice is to go as slowly as you can. I know it sounds like I'm rushing but I have an excuse for the arms and legs (I'm a cyclist and that's what cyclists do, right?), the forms, wig, and the clothes will stay hidden until such a time that my SO is ready for it, and I've got the paper trail taken care of (for now). It is so addicting, though, isn't it? I look at it this way, though, it isn't drugs or alcohol or anything else that will endanger the lives of others.

As for not feeling balanced, I'd take a look inside and try and see who you really are and why there's a discrepancy between who you truly are and the person who is feeling guilty about it. Guilt can be a funny thing (or, rather, NOT a funny thing at all) and can eat you up inside. I'd take a look at why you're feeling guilty and get to the bottom of that. I've found that some people live their life as if they were on a pendulum - swinging from one extreme to another. In the end, it all averages out. You have to come back the center at some time. I have a feeling that this is one of those times where you're swinging out to one side. Just go with it and be conscious not to let your SO get annoyed. You'll swing back to the center before long.
Good luck!

Hugs,
Cassia-Marie

[yms]

Rather than say you are not as balanced as you thought, think of it as - at this particular period in your life you are not as balanced as you would like to be.

My feeling is that the pink fog is different for different people and how someone responds to it is likewise personal and individual. Some people define it as a positive thing, others find it a problem.

Maybe you should speak to a therapist. Can your wife be of help?

Yvonne

[joanne_mi]

I have a sort of 'off the cuff' question for you. Are you comfortable with yourself? I find (and this is me of course, results may vary from person to person), that the 'pink fog' was a bit of a result of my not being fully accepting of myself. Once I granted myself permission to BE myself, then it became more of a controlled fog. Still there of course, but not something that consumes me. Best of luck to ya dear.

[Shelly Preston]

You have made one good move so far

Many of us don't notice the pink fog but you have seen it

Being aware of it should help you control it or at least explain to your wife how it feels

Try and slow down after all we know its not going to go away but the fog will clear a little

[deja true]

Well, Clara, Shelly's right, of course... It's a good thing you recognized it, given your situation.

If you need, need, need to go forward with some of this stuff, it's absolutely imperative that you let your hunny in on it. Analyzing the "Pink Fog" together will at least let her see that, unlike the past, you're done hiding... And maybe, if she can see the humour in it, you can work out together what to do about it.

But Cassia, despite your good advice to try to slow down, it sounds like you're not following it yourself by doing those couple of surreptitious things and admitting your gonna hide 'em from your newly advised wife! It's a huge step from admittting to a little lingerie fetish (what male doesn't have one!) to all of a sudden going hairless and your wife finding your silicone boobs. That's gonna turn your parking lot fender bender, with an easy recovery, into a 12 car pileup that might result in more than just a little scratched paint!

You shoulda bided your time and introduced these things after a lot of conversation and at least a semblance of concurrence from your wife...

Good luck to both of you!

[Cassia-Marie]

But Cassia, despite your good advice to try to slow down, it sounds like you're not following it yourself by doing those couple of surreptitious things and admitting your gonna hide 'em from your newly advised wife! It's a huge step from admitting to a little lingerie fetish (what male doesn't have one!) to all of a sudden going hairless and your wife finding your silicone boobs. That's gonna turn your parking lot fender bender, with an easy recovery, into a 12 car pileup that might result in more than just a little scratched paint!

You shoulda bided your time and introduced these things after a lot of conversation and at least a semblance of concurrence from your wife...

I know... She actually likes me with smooth legs, arms, and chest, though. I've shaved my legs before for past cycling races and I recently shaved my chest for the fun of it and she went all GAGA over it. I already told her about the epilator and she asked if she could use it on her underarms when I'm done using it on mine (although I think she was kidding about me using it on my underarms but we'll see...). Now the forms and the clothes are another thing altogether... At least I have us going in that direction. Small steps!!!

BTW, nice usage of "surreptitious." Well done!

[Tess]

Clara, I can only relate my own experience. I find the pink fog is like a chronic condition. It ebbs and flows but it never goes away. You may be heading toward a peak and then it may recede to a background kind of issue. I've been tempted to take big leaps when my version of the fog strikes but generally keep it within reasonable bounds, without doing damage to the rest of my well controlled life, until it ebbs once again.

[tricia_uktv]

Is the pink fog good though?

[MarcieM]

I don't know if anyone can competently explain it, but the PINK FOG can be a very dangerous thing. I almost started taking hormones recently due to being completely enveloped by the PINK FOG.
Thank God the PINK FOG lifted before it was too late. I also got both ears pierced while in the PINK FOG, but that's not such a huge issue these days.
At the height of my PINK FOG, I can honestly say that if offered, I would have hopped a plane to Thailand and gladly jumped up on the table for SRS. That's how intense the PINK FOG was for me.
Yes, I still want to explore my femininity to the fullest, but I don't want to make any really drastic permanent changes now without a LOT of thought.
I believe the PINK FOG affects different people in different ways.

[Anna the Dub]

Hmm, think my particular pink fog has lasted now for about 40 years. If I had the money, I would be buying my plane tickets to Thailand as I type this.

[Ronni Seymour]

The fog eventually clears to various degrees for everyone. It nice, though, to have someone in your life to help bring some clarity to the issue. My wife has been a grounder for me, sometimes more than I would like, but, she keeps me level headed when I see various shades of pink. I have found when it comes back, it's less foggy than the previous time and it's better controlled. I still can enjoy it, but I don't have the apprehension of it consuming me.

[Ashley_1962]

Clara, based on my experience the fog will never lift - it may get a little clearer occasionally - but you will always be surrounded by it.

As an aside, not sure if "pink fog" is a good analogy... maybe think of it as a "pink light" (on a dimmer switch.. ). You just need to be cautious about "going into the light", because you can't come back.

One piece of advise would be to share everything you are doing/planning on doing with your SO.. in the long run, you are better off not keeping her "in the dark"...

Ashley

[docrobbysherry]

Clara, don't fite it, that will only make things WORSE!

During Halloween, I dressed 7 out of 10 days, and most of an entire weekend. Talk about your PINK FOG!

During that time, I had some ideas I just HAD TO TRY a week later!

Thot I mite not feel like dressing again until next year. But, we went to see "Australia", last nite! Now, I've just GOT TO TRY some really slim figure looks, like Nicole's!

[CD Susan]

Clara, the "pink fog" is not neccessarily a bad thing. If both you and your wife are comfortable with your dressing then there is no need to be alarmed. Just take things at a pace that is acceptable to the both of you and that "pink fog" will not be a problem. Try to keep that balance of both sides of yourself and you will be fine.

[CLARRISA]

I'm in the middle of it right now..and it will probably last till the end of the weekend..after time you get to learn that it comes and goes and how long it usually lasts etc and what pulls you back, for me, its other hobbies and endeavours,etc that i realise i'm neglecting not to mention my family and freinds.The answer is just go with the flow. If you suppress it when it wants to come back you end up making the fog thicker and end up doing silly things like i did almost a year back like epilating my entire face in the sheer determination to be rid of my beard shadow, god that hurt..never again....The biggest thing that worries me about the fog tho is incase i go out to a club and allow myself to be "picked up"..i think if it ever gets that far then i better get on that plane to Thailand too.

[Kate Simmons]

Like everything else it is a process. There are two choices. Either you control the process or the process controls you. If the process controls you, the results are unpredictable and unreliable. If you control the process, you control the conditions and the outcome. Simple as that really.

[Clara]

Thank you for the responses. I wrote my post yesterday after 'battling' the fog for 5 days. For those 5 days I couldn't think of anything else but dressing. But today it seems I'm turning back to 'normal', that is how I was before these past few days. It helps to know that the fog is something that comes and go.

[emmicd]

I am very feminine as a crossdresser and as a guy I can hold my own. I do very much enjoy dressing in feminine dresses and blouses with girly pants. I am not sure what the pink fog actually means. I do admit succumbing to my emotions and feel better when I wear dresses. Does this have some relation to the pink fog?

Is the pink fog more for TS or can be also considered for crossdressers?

When you are enveloped by this pink fog does this mean you want to be a woman?

emmi

[Clara]

I woke up this morning and the pink fog is gone. I am staying at home today so I put on my female clothes. And it didn't feel right. I have the whole day to myself. I planned on being dressed the whole day. I also wanted to go out in the evening and buy myself some femme clothes. Well, that was the plan. Instead, I changed into my guy's clothes. I'm going to watching football (soccer, the Champions league) later today. And I'm planning on going to 'my' local bar to have a couple of beers. Quite surprising considering that two days ago I wanted to grow my own breasts .

P.S. Don't worry, I'm not going to purge. And I'm still going to sleep in my cute and cozy polka dot Simply Vera pajamas.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Please read my thread that I posted today - shows how the "pink fog" can literally consume us. I have been dealing with it for 8 months. I did not know that it had a name (PINK FOG) until I found this wonderful website and started reading. I have learned so much. However, the PINK FOG can be destructive and can cause us to do things that we normally would not do.

JoAnne Wheeler

[2b.Lauren]

I found that planning my very first trip out in public en femme was like the description of the pink fog. The more I planned and prepared for going out the more involved I found myself in the process. Buying a blouse lead to buying tights, lead to finding perfume, lead to a big purchase of makeup, lead to walking around the mall considering getting my other ear pierced. I am still considering that but it is not as a result of this. I have had one ear done since 1986 and have openly talked to my wife about getting the other done. I just naturally tend to be an overly grounded and relaxed individual, a very wonderful gift. What tends to keep me firmly planted is that I am very financially grounded and frugal, you can call me cheap. I am also poor. My best friend and I when together are affectionately referred to as tight and wad. I am wad.

I am still finding myself in some euphoric state that has lasted all week long leading me to think about and make plans for the next trip. I have also made inquiries to prices for laser treatment for my chin and face. I even think my posting on the site here has increased this week after my trip. It is a process but I think to really find yourself grounded is a matter of acceptance. When I have previously been at battle with my female persona Laruen, I tend to be both miserable and a little bit compulsive. When I am able to accept her, to allow her to live both inside of me and outside of me with the boundaries that I must accept and live with for my whole person, I find myself so much more at ease and able to cope with this more. It is hard to find yourself doing this alone. Aside from this group, I have only two other people that know about my female self. I wish it was my wife, but not now. I have a gg friend in Australia and a male friend here. They are it, so I also think being able get others into your life that can help to ground if you find yourself moving towards the light STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT,,STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT,,goes a long way to just keeping you from making decisions and choices that are not based on what is reality for you in this moment. That is really all we have is the moment and nothing more. So also Stay In the Moment.

Lauren

[Persephone]

"Pink Fog" -- what an excellent image, although I often feel like the pink skies are clear (someone suggested the "Pink Light") and what tries to surround me is the "Blue Fog." I've lived in the Pink Fog all my life and masculinity has always been very misty, even murky, to me.

When I was younger and more closeted, the Pink Fog was more likely to come and go then it is now.

And, of course, Pink is my favorite color!