I feel so silly even to feel the way i do about wanting to dress or wanting to wear makeup. I'm 26! certainly such sillyness should be behind me, yes?
got any words of wisdom?
I feel so silly even to feel the way i do about wanting to dress or wanting to wear makeup. I'm 26! certainly such sillyness should be behind me, yes?
got any words of wisdom?
yup if you have a partner let her know, and enjoy this if it ain't fun then make itOriginally Posted by BobbieCrescent
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
Nope, no partner. The fun is kind of taken away when i get ashamed or feel like i'm doing wrong just because i'd rather be girly sometimes. I haven't yet figured out how to get over that
With only 3 posts so far I'd assume your relatively new here.
As you read more here I think you'll accept who you are sooner than you think.
There's alot of stages alot of us cd's have gone thru, your feelings being one of them. Hope you come to fully accept it sooner than alot of us did, I wouldn't trade cd-ing now for anything. Glad I finally reached that point.
Now just to tell my SO here and (hopefully) enjoy this together, but that may be wishfull thinking.
Well Bobbie, if you've come here to get talked out of doing it, you're in the wrong place. And no matter where you go for that, it's bound to fail, it seems.
As you read through here you'll find a zillion different answers as to the WHY, and you may even find one that fits you! No matter, though, for we are what we are. And hunny, YOU are part of that WE.
Pay particular attention to the posts about purging and denial, as Katie and Jess advise. Note that both of those things have proven to be useless and time wasting, sometimes for years. And then, by doing your research and talking to a bunch of us, you'll find out that this 'silliness' is actually a lotta fun, generally harmless, and most importantly, a good part of you that needs expression!
Meanwhile...ask all the questions you want. Make all the comments you want. We understand your confusion. We understand your guilt. We've all been through it or are still going through it from time to time. But we almost all also know that, despite the apparent 'weirdness', we're also better people for it!
Here's a hug! Here's a pet! Here's a smile and a gentle "It'll be okay, darlin'!"
Really!
Last edited by deja true; 12-11-2008 at 06:55 AM.
Bobbie, at 26 I felt the exact same way. Now at double your age, I wish I had come to self acceptance a lot sooner. I believe it would have been a whole lot less stress on me.
Don't be afraid of finding out who you are and what you want. Knowing that doesn't mean you are going to end up "swinging like a monkey from the chandelier", you can always set prioritys in your life to maintain healthy relationships with others as well as accepting and taking care of your self as a crossdresser.
Having this forum to help sort out our own feelings is a wonderful advantage many of us did not have.
Hugs,
Joni
Joni
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan
Hi -
I so know how you feel. I remember that roller-coaster very well, torn between wanting/needing to do something and regretting it after.
I don't know if there is a series of steps you can take.
But for me it just came down to the fact that one day I got really sick and tired of feeling torn and just stopped. Maybe it just takes time.
Sometimes I wonder if the process of accepting myself as a crossdresser wasn't similar to the grieving for a loss. In a sense, I lost my "self," the person I thought I was, to become someone else, someone who crossdresses. I don't know if anyone else ever felt that way. But grieving is a process that takes time.
For what it's worth, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Yvonne
Bobbie, yes, of course this silliness should be behind you by now. Afterall, the urge started for me during conception into the world, and I have never yet to this day, except for my love of anything automotive, stayed committed to one thing including my first wife. So at 26, you should have long gotten over this.
Now, since I just had my fun at devulging my life to you, let me tell you the real story, probably. You will discover soon, a: It is just a sexual fetish you have for getting your rocks off, b: you willl simply tire of it for extended periods, c: you will continue to learn about who you are and do it more and more and strive to look totally feminine when the desire hits you, d: you will decide that you were born in the wrong body and have a sex change to be who you really are, or E: you will come to understand you are genetically gifted and fall somewhere in between the lines of a fetishist or a true female. The secret, is understanding who you are and accepting it within yourself. There isi no need to question it other than for clarification purposes for yourself. You are who you are, period. Be proud of who you are and you will find your way.
Jill
p.s.: BTW, I'm 54. Today is my 7th day dressed en femme 24/7. Yes, I sleep with my breasts attached in my silky night gown and wig on, beside my accepting gf.
Bobbie, Shame on you ! It's only silly if you want to wear a dress and makeup while rebuilding your car engine. Every girl knows you need trousers and makeup for that.
Seriously, relax and have fun, the mental wear and tear you will save by examining your feelings and talking to others will help you with the stress and anxiety in the long run. Remember urges are like soda in a bottle, shaken and capped you want to exploode, open and examimed in context with your life, they become something you may enjoy. By dealing with them in a positive constructive manner, they will stop being urges.
The first thing I would do is ask myself exactly why I feel silly. Is it silly to try and find out more about the person that you are? Is it silly to desire inner peace with yourself? Is it silly to set aside the things that stress you and embrace those that comfort you? Is it silly to love yourself for who you are? Be happy. So many people die without ever knowing themselves.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
Actually, TWO funny ones!
1. " --- such sillyness should be behind me".
I'm double your age, and didn't start CDing until 10 years ago. From MY experience, I think u should be MORE concerned about the the silliness AHEAD of u!!
2. " I haven't figured out how to get over that, ( CDing)".
Judging from the posts here, there r thousands of CDs who r trying to figure that out also!
If u find out how to quit, PLEASE let the rest of us know how u did it!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
I had exactly those same thoughts and stubbornly held on them well into my 30's. Kellys soda bottle analogy was very true in my case. I've adopted a friends philosophy that its "just the way Im wired" and dont really question it anymore.
I feel silly when I stop dead in my tracks and look around because I heard a great engine or smelled a Cinnabon but I dont question it. I've come to accept that liking machinery, cinnamon and dressing like a woman are all parts of my personality and have been for a long time.
Sure its not an ideal mix: but its all me
Maybe some "outgrow" the desire to dress, I've never met one and have come to accept thats not the case for me. The biggest thing for me was meeting and chatting with other CD's once I knew I wasnt alone the silly feeling subsided. Joining this group and making those 3 posts is a great first step Welcome to the club.
Cari
***I feel so silly even to feel the way i do about wanting to dress or wanting to wear makeup. I'm 26! certainly such sillyness should be behind me, yes?
Excuse me, I like, l-i-k-e, wearing dresses. I really like wearing dresses that fit well and look nice.
What's silly about wanting to do a pleasant thing well?
And, make up?
Make up can just be fun...
"Hooow doooo theeey dooo thaatt?"
I've had dates (of short duration) with people who insulted me by saying things like, "You like mint ice cream? You're weird!"
I think, "Weird to you. But, I do like mint ice cream; that's me - a mint ice cream fan. You, on the other hand, are rude."
Enjoy your silliness - nothing wrong with enjoying life at any age.
Okay - how 'bout you haven't really started, yet?
Trust me, it will only take a stronger hold..
Nicki
[SIZE="1"]Moi?[/SIZE]
I'll bet, the more you dress, the more you visit this forum, the more you explore and grow in your 'silliness', you'll come to feel it's not so silly after all. (Well, maybe sometime. But you'll quickly get over it!)
Hello Bobby!
And welcome to this forum! I'm 59 and have engaged in this sillyness since I was 12! I have had a few sabatticals along the way, but have always returned to dressing. I have come to believe that it is a part of me that won't go away. I have tried to remove this part of me a few times, but the urge to dress always returns. So now I go with it and try to be the best transvestite that I can be when I do dress. I love heels, nylons, outfits and makekup! What can I do? When I see a pretty girl on the street I love looking at her (for the obvious reasons), but also want to be her and look like her. Some would call this a sickness. That seems to9 be society's view. Even the gay crowd believes that we are more then strange. I love dressing and being Charlie! What can I do?
Charlie
Hi Bobby,my thoughts were like that at that age,it was mainly because I was worried what others would think.The thought of anyone finding out terrified me and kept me in that state of mind.I began to feel at ease after soul searching and seeing myself not as a bad person but someone who is unique with something really different to offer,then as far as others are concerned, I had to decipher who was close enough to tell and realize if they couldn't deal with it they missed out on a great deal of me.So I would say, establishing how you feel about it yourself and how others see you go hand in hand in acceptance.Keep in mind,nobody needs to know until your perfectly comfortable with it yourself.
You are absolutely correct crossdressing is silly. It is also harmless. We don't know why we do it and for most of us there is no "cure." Accept yourself for what you are and enjoy life.
It takes a real man to wear a dress.
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