I'm outraged!

[Byllie]

Warning! Rant ahead!

As many of you know, I have a beard, and have no plans to shave it off. I also love wearing feminine clothing, especially of a comfortable nature. Skirts are at the top of the list.

Anyway, as many of you probably do as well, I was surfing the web. I was looking for info on crossdressers with beards. What I found was a definition for Genderf&ck. I found this in several places, and it made my heart sink and my stomach clench. I love wearing fem clothing, but do not feel compelled to shave every hair off my body as well. I love being in the middle, because that's where I feel the most comfortable.

But this definition just confirms my feelings that *most* folk have an issue with someone in the middle. Why do we hate, as a species, the idea of continuums? Why do we strive so hard to create categories, to pigeon-hole everyone? "You do X,Y, and Z? That means your'e a blobble-dooky."

Sorry, juts had to let off a bit of steam, and you folk on this list are the most tolerant I know.

Thanks!
Byllie

[Salene]

"Genderf*ck"...seriously? We need a new name for it. Thats totaly demeaning.

[Angie G]

Well I carry hair between my nose and lip so what dose that make me. Well no matter I don't care what they call me I'm happy the way I am. Who thinks up this s&*t.
Angie

[Tomara]

From time to time I feel the same non acceptance here on the forum , some feel the need to present as the perfect woman , and some myself included are happy and content being where and who they are !
Does that mean we are more or less of a cross dresser ?
Or are we inferior to those who think that everyone who wears feminine clothing should look like the perfect woman ?
ACCEPTANCE ! ..... that is what we all strive for is it not ?
Tomara

[Byllie]

Thanks, folks, I'm glad my reaction to the term seems to have been appropriate. Personally, I feel we need to start using new language when it comes crossdressing. For example, most CDs speak of wearing women's clothing. But we also speak of releasing our feminine sides. So, why can't we talk of wearing feminine clothing, just as females can wear masculine clothing? Does the clothing make the woman? I think not. Is a tomboy any less a woman because she prefers denim jeans and boots to skirts and high heals?

every human being has feminine and masculine qualities, and each of us has a unique balance of the two. That's what makes me "me". The problem, as I see it, is that society expects a man to be masculine and a woman to be feminine. So, if a man acts feminine, that must mean he wants to be a woman, true? Absolutely not! And that, IMHO, is at the heart oif this language dilema.

Labels are for packages and not for people, so let's stop using them on each other.

Toodles!
Bylliee

[CD Susan]

Hi Byllie, I just want you to know you are not alone in your way of thinking. I have been a cd for over 40 years and for half of them I had a full beard too. At that time I had no inclination to shave it off for any reason. I kept my cd'ing to myself and I did not care what anyone else thought about it since they never seen it anyway. Not all of us want to be out so why would we be concerned about facial hair? Cd'ing is a very personal thing to all of us and each of us takes it to a level that we are comfortable with. I hope that you are comfortable with your level of dressing just as I am with mine. I have progressed to going out and that just happens to be what I am comfortable with and does not mean that you should do this too. I do not have any more facial hair but that does not mean that you should not continue to have yours. Just enjoy it because that is what is all about.

[bah-bah-bobbie]

An upper lip warmer has been a trade-mark of mine for over twenty years. Yeah it kind of interferes with things en-femme, but shaving it off would interfere with things in male mode also. Dressing en-femme is something I like to savor and enjoy the process of. Geting back to male mose is something I like to do at at the flick of a switch and the mustache helps. It's something that applies to any one; gotta take the good with the bad, and I am an over stuffed package of both.

[justmetoo]

I don't have facial hair (well, actually I do have a bit right now, but just because I've been lazy and haven't shaved for a day or 2! ), but whether someone else does or doesn't is no business of mine. I like the idea of feminine clothing vs. women's clothing. Some women's clothing is not very feminine (not that there's anything wrong with that!). As I've said before, I often just want to wear some feminine things without trying to appear as a woman. I don't use a female name (although a gender neutral one might've been good if I had been named that way) or have a female persona. I'm just me. "Genderf*ck"? I've also seen the term genderblender. Is that similar, without being offensive, maybe? I guess the F part implies f*cking with people's minds?
Actually I think mixing and matching is closer to what many GGs do. Like wearing heels with jeans, for example. Or the many variations on "menswear" inspired women's wear. Some of it very feminine, some of it much less so.

[Desiree2bababe]

I used to keep one just to throw off everyone, I figured no one would think I was a tv if I had a mustache. In fact, my wife worried when I'd shave it.

[MarcieM]

It's just a term. Nothing more and nothing less.
But if you're looking for some kind of justification for having a beard and cd-ing, I doubt that you'll ever find it. Especially if you want to do this in public, people will just think that you're a freak. If you want to just "do your own thing" then fine, go for it, and don't worry about it.

[goofus]

I've had a beard for several months now...I've just been underdressing and wearing women's clothes around the house. I say, whatever you're most comfortable with, that's what you should do

[Julieanne]

I was refused admittance to a support group once because of my facial hair -- facial hair which my wife liked! Since she has died I go back and forth; facial growth on vacation, hairy legs in the summer when I wear shorts, shaved legs and chest in the winter when I do not.

I am new to this forum so I am not referring to anything that goes on here -- since I don't know what goes on here -- but I strongly agree with Byllie that categorizing people is harmful. We exist as a wonderful spectrum of how we chose to present ourselves, and we are so much richer because of it.

Hugs, Julie

[jamie55]

Hi Byllie: I read this shortly after you posted but decided to wait and see where it went before I responded. I've known of the label you objected to for quite some time now but unlike you I just let it slide. I'm reminded of the childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me". There are other names used also but none really bother me unless maybe it's my SO that uses them and of course she does sometimes. If it makes her feel better about herself then maybe it's worth it. I too am like you and very seldom get all decked out. In fact I can usually be found in a skirt and heels, with a sweatshirt and baseball hat. I understand that most people are thoroughly confused by my attire and in their confusion I can dazzle them with my brilliance. LOL Bottom line Byllie is that labels are sometimes necessary after all If I need an aspirin I want to be sure it's not a cyanide pill, and I don't really care what the label looks like. Let's just start a revolution. Power to the "genderblenders"! Have a great day.

[sometimes_miss]

Why do we strive so hard to create categories, to pigeon-hole everyone? "You do X,Y, and Z? That means your'e a blobble-dooky."

Many people need to put others in a 'category' so they can feel comfortable behaving towards them in certain way. Kind of like lots of wealthy people treat the rest of us as lesser than they are simply because we don't have as much money.

[Salene]

Let's just start a revolution. Power to the "genderblenders"!

+1 Genderblender works and it not so harsh.

[kathtx]

Genderf**k was coined to represent an attitude of f**king with the muggles' binary either/or view of gender. To my knowledge it was never meant to be derogatory to people who mix and match gender features (e.g., beards and dresses). Quite the opposite, actually.

[Tracii G]

IMO you're fine the way you are.

[KarenS]

You are on the mark Byllie.

In todays corporate world the continuum as applied to people is couched in the term 'diversity'. Corporate America has been toputing the acceptance and embracing of diversity for a number of years now... when it seems convenient.

I wear a short bristle brush on my upper lip too. It's naturally almost completely white. Nylon panties, slips, and thigh high stockings are at the top of my list. But I'm looking for an evening opportunity to stroll downtown fully dressed out.

I wonder if anyone will notice the brush above my lip?

[Intertwined]

It's just a term. Nothing more and nothing less.
But if you're looking for some kind of justification for having a beard and cd-ing, I doubt that you'll ever find it. Especially if you want to do this in public, people will just think that you're a freak. If you want to just "do your own thing" then fine, go for it, and don't worry about it.

1st: you are correct, its just a term. As for myself, I think it's quite appropriate: GenderF - refers to the self-conscious effort to "F with" or play with traditional notions of gender identity, gender roles, and gender presentation.

2nd: as for your statement of "people will just think that you're a freak." I do it freaquently, and only on rare occations do I hear something like " what the heck are you ". BUT, I am a " freak ", definition of freak; one that is markedly unusual or abnormal, unusual means rare or uncommon & abnormal means deviating from the normal or average I am a freak and proud of it.

[docrobbysherry]

When u can be both male and female! I just prefer NOT to present as both simultaneously!

The way I CD, shaving isn't necessary.

[battybattybats]

Try GenderQueer or Intergender http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer

[Joanne f]

I have always thought and no doubt always will think that you have the right to be" YOU" in the way you want to be .
I was beginning to think that i do not belong here because i am not one perfect thing at one time then another perfect thing the other time, i just want to be me all the time , so your rant has help me to feel better by making me feel not so alone.
Life is about you being you not you being what people think you should be .

[deja true]

Yeah...like Intertwined and Kath have said..."Genderf*ck" isn't a derogatory term. It's a co-optation of what could have been a bad word to serve as a political statement about presenting a mixed gender message.

Same idea as activist gay folks have in taking back the insult "queer" and using it to get their point across, i.e. Get used to it!

Same idea as CDs here using the somewhat insulting (in North America) word "trannie" when kidding and joking with each other.

Same as the use of the "N" word among young black folks.

Same as teenage mall rat girls using the term "bitch" on each other when they're having fun!

Those who use these words do so as social bonding terms for their groups and know them as positives rather than negatives. They help instill an identitiy among those who feel themselves outsiders anyway. Sure , the words have aggressive and insulting beginnings, but it's just these characteristics that make them attractive to the social "outlaws" that use them.

Not a big deal really... just part of the ebb and flow of culture and language...

If ya really wanted to insult me, these words wouldn't do it...but "Republican'" might! LOL!

[Laura Jane]

From time to time I feel the same non acceptance here on the forum , some feel the need to present as the perfect woman , and some myself included are happy and content being where and who they are !
Does that mean we are more or less of a cross dresser ?
Or are we inferior to those who think that everyone who wears feminine clothing should look like the perfect woman ?
ACCEPTANCE ! ..... that is what we all strive for is it not ?
Tomara

Depends on your own pleasure feedback loop, if just wearing feminie clothes does it for you, great, but I suspect for most CDers there is a visual element where seeing yourself presenting as a woman is very important and facial or body hair gets in the way.

It would be hard for those who crave and need this visual stimulus to understand how you can crossdress with beard etc. It would seem like an half measure!

[DAVIDA]

I had a beard for most of my life until five years ago! I looked like the bearded lady!