Losing my grip on my femme side

[Brandy_Marie]

Ladies,

I'm in desperate need of your advice.

I haven't been on the forum much lately. There are a multitude of reasons for this; some because I've been working on other projects, some because I've been stressed. But the main reason I haven't been around is the reason I'm coming to you all for help.

I've been making a lot of positive changes in my life. I've stopped 'coasting' through life and have rediscovered my thirst for knowledge. I've stopped complaining about the way things are around me and have been actively working to change things instead. My confidence has been growing by leaps and bounds.

However, as my confidence grows, Brandy diminishes. I'm starting to fear that I'm losing her. In the past she's only become a strong part of my life when I was going through hard times. Now I fear that I don't know how to keep her around when things are good.

Just a few weeks ago, I finally brought her to life fully for the first time. I got my first wig and breastforms; I just knew that finally seeing my physical appearance reflecting my inner feelings was going to be euphoric. At first, it was.

I quickly overcame my handicaps with makeup application (although I still have a long way to go); I don't even poke myself in the eye with the mascara brush anymore.

Unfortunately something changed. Now, when I dress, I don't see Brandy; I see a man failing miserably in his attempts to impersonate the artwork that is femininity. I know, deep down inside, that is one factor in my loss of desire to dress. But thats not it alone.

Just a few weeks ago, I told my wife that I wanted discuss with her the possibility of me transitioning. She loves Brandy so much, and I was happier being Brandy; it just made sense. But in the last 2 weeks, I've completely lost the desire to dress. The only reason I do it now is for my wife's sake; I can see the difference in her reactions to me as Brandy compared to the way she reacts to 'him'.

These last few months I've been happier as Brandy, my wife has been happier with Brandy, and my closest friends have enjoyed my company more as Brandy. I don't want her to be a part of me that I use only as a crutch to get through difficult times. At the same time, I don't want to give up the improvements I'm making elsewhere in my life. What do I do?

Confused and a little scared,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Tristen Cox]

Things get there before they return, something like purging then rebounding. Ups and downs. Such a ride we get on, but where we end up is our choice. You just have to bare with it for awhile. But things sort themselves out if you can stand the downs for awhile. I know I was in a low not long ago then suddenly it was gone. It's just your time to become more self aware. Your thoughts may stray just when you least expect it. That's something I've learned for what it's worth. It will return. Give it time, and don't lose site of your goals.

Best wishes

[Donna Delite]

you mentioned that the only reason you dress lately is because you wife asks you to. Although my wife accepts and supports my cd'ing, I can only wish she would come to me and ask me to dress for her.

[Amelie]

First I will be blunt, forget about transistioning right now, you are too confused to make a descision like that.

You have a strange way about you, the more knowledge and confidence you get, the less you need to be Brandy. I would think for most, it would be the opposite, more confident, more at ease with Brandy.

On one hand you are happier as Brandy, then you also say you are losing the need to be Brandy. Isn't being happy a major goal in life? And if being Brandy has made you, and your wife happier then why take Brandy away? You don't have to answer these questions, they are just comments.

Also, you and everyone else must not let looks be a factor in how we should live our lives. There are many people who do not look perfect and they are happy and go about their lives. Everyone on earth is unique in their own way, and looks are irrelevant.

Listen to your last paragraph, you are happy when you are Brandy, this says it all.
Love Amelie

[GypsyKaren]

You know, I've always felt that it's okay to take a break from it all from time to time, I've done it several times over the years. I don't know the reason why, maybe it's the stress of trying to live a dual life. I know when it happens that eventually I'll go back to it, so it doesn't bother me at all. I use the time to relax and recharge my batteries and get caught up on things I let slide when I'm in full femme mode. Maybe that's what you're going through. Having an understanding wife is great, at least you don't have to deal with the added pressure of keeping it a secret from her.
I agree with Amelie, you shouldn't even consider transitioning now. Maybe you should just let nature run it's course. Time has a way of working things out. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Sigrid]

Brandy

I too recently went through a similar transformation with similar results. In early April I decided to fully explore my fem side. I'm a life long CD'er, but had never tried makeup or a wig so never really saw any thing other than a man in a dress... I was quite satisfied with that.

When I made my decision, I went on a shopping binge... makeup, wig, waist cincher, breastforms and clothes. I joined this forum, sought out support groups in the area and on the net.... It was on my mind constantly, to the point of exhaustion. In fact after several weeks of dressing and putting on makeup and trying my hand at photography. I realized that it was starting to become more of a chore for me. I found that I no longer enjoyed dressing as I had in the past.

Knowing that I didn't want to loose this part of me forever, I stopped pushing myself. I had set a goal for myself to attend a public event at the end of May and decided that it was an unreasonable goal. I accomplish in 2 months what should have taken more like a year or more. I can be very impatient sometimes. I simply thought that once I got the makeup down, I could just waltz out into public without a care. I forgot that confidence comes slowly and only with lots of experience.

Once I stopped pushing myself to meet this deadline, I felt my stress level drop. I still didn't dress for a couple more weeks... I am now more relaxed, I am starting to dress more... not as much as I did in April, but now at least as much, maybe more than I did before I started this madness.

If you're feeling stress brought on by CD'ing, like trying to achieve lofty, self imposed goals for yourself, just back off a bit and catch your breath. Try not to worry much what is not going on at the moment (i.e. lack of interest in dressing). In a short while the urge to dress will come back.. it may creep back slowly, or come rushing in, but it will come back.

~Sigrid

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Brandy

I've gone through phases during which I seemed to have no appetite for dressing. I guess it's sort of a shutting down/rebooting kind of thing.

We all get a certain "payoff" (crude term, I knowk but I can't think of a better one just now) from our crossdressing. That payoff can be something as vital as feeling like a whole person, or releasing yourself from repression to some degree -- or it can also be just stress relief.

Now that you're not feeling stressed out, Brandy has no payoff to offer you and this is why you've lost interest. You have to find a new payoff from her, figure out what it is that Brandy does for you when you're not stressed out and begin conducting your relationship with her accordingly.

You might consider doing that by not dressing as Brandy for a long enough period of time that you do begin to miss her (and in all likelihood you will miss her). Look for a time when you're relaxed, but also missing Brandy and pay attention to why it is you're missing Brandy.

It sounds like you have some ideas already -- you seem to have a better time with people, including your wife, when you're Brandy. But think more about specifically why that is. There is a reason for that! The reason is that there's something good Brandy's bringing out of you and you should try to figure out what that is. I'm thinking that, so far, you've only explored one side of Brandy (the side that's good at stress relief). Maybe now it's time to explore the social butterfly side of Brandy.

Hope this helps!

Hugs,
Lisa

[MisterMissy]

I dont' know, Brandy, you might need to let go of it and grab the horn by the balls and forget that you ever wanted to be a gurl.

I hate to say it, but people do go through phases and maybe yours was only transitional.

Good luck, Babe

[Brandy_Marie]

Hello all,

Well, I still haven't been around much; but that's been for a whole different reason, nothing to do with girl stuff. It's always fun to be stuck in the middle of contract negotiations going sour, when both sides make it clear they care less than a crap about the people caught in between....but I digress.

I have rediscovered my desire, and actually have been having a lot of fun lately exploring all of my interests equally. I want to thank each of you for helping me find perspective within myself. I'll still be around; hopefully things will settle enough that I can rejoin the lively discussions here again soon.

In the meantime, I wish you ladies well and will be thinking of you even when I'm not here.

Love,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Tristen Cox]

Good to hear from you again Brandy, hope to see you here again soon

[ChristineRenee]

You'll always have Brandy inside of you hon. Dressing merely externalizes who you are inside. I love to dress, but I don't NEED to dress to bring Chrissie out. Chrissie is who I am and I am comfortable with her...dressed or not. Sometimes, getting away from CD'ing for awhile can help rekindle that spark and desire to dress later on. I hope that is what you are now experiencing Brandy.

Best wishes always and hope to see more of you here in the future!

Love,
Chrissie

[Tristen Cox]

Almost missed it: Happy Birthday!

[Jodeeuk]

I agree you shouldnt transition the Crossdressing can come and go but the cut N tuck is a one way street, what happends if you decide to change your mine, risking your health taking hormones, having a opperation that is exspensive and can be dangerous, not to mention the adverse effects transition can have for your friends family, not to mention your own self esteam when you get clocked as a TS, when you have tried so hard to get exceptance from others, its a rough ride that ive seen friendsof mine devastated when there eceptance in there work place turns from great to bing the weirdo ( playing devils Advacate here) ive seen it, 7 years running a TG support social group, but im sure you have thought about all these things and your decision what ever it will be will be the right one, best of love
Jo

[Wendy me]

that feeling that your fem side is going away , as you get busey and your life changes in a diffrent way .....don't read the last chapter in the book ....what i mean is sometimes as our lives get all fast paced we tend to put parts of it on hold think of just how getting dressed and made up makes you feel think of how mutch joy a new skirt or something pretty makes you get all happy ....do you realy think that is going to just go away for ever????no way...some time some place those cute little pair of heels will wisper to you come on slip us on ......and like a old best freind the feeling willl be back.......

don't push it or rush the feelings thay are just what thay are .........you will be back........