Is it just me?

[Emily Anderson]

Becky,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, and I can relate. I was in this situation about ten years ago, but things have changed since then, and perhaps surprisingly, I still don't go out while dressed. But, I digress.

I guess you need to think about what else you could be doing, and how that would fit in with your current living situation... Inasmuch as whether you want to stir the pot and do something different, or come to terms with what you have now? That's a potentially massive question!

Specifically, I'm sure you have something in mind that you would like to do differently, and perhaps you've even thought about broaching the subject... But, reality dictates that life is all about actions & consequences, so you need to think very carefully about wants versus needs, and only when you have the answer for yourself can you take the next step.

[Jennifer Cox]

God Becky, I wish I had your problems. I'm lucky if I get to dress fully once a year. However, I do understand where you're coming from. If I do get a few days to dress, I soon find I'm bored with being alone in the house - this goes for both guy and girl mode. Consequently, I find I don't always make full use of any dresssing opportunity.

I think you need to beware the "grass is always greener" syndrome and not do anything rash, but also analyze your relationship to see if there's a more general issue.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

First you look to good to be in the closet Becky, dressing twice a week for six years in the closet...... has got you climbing the walls what did you think your closet was going to get bigger......you have out grown your closet Becky
and YOU know it is time to leave.




LA CINDY LOVE

[Danielle Hyatt]

Take your wife out for a romanilc dener make about her and than maybe the next day have nice long talk with her.



Your Pal
Dan

[jina]

Hi Becky,... I wanted to tell you how very lovely you are (those kind of compliments always cheer me up). . Your avatar is one of those that always stands out to me.

Why is it that you can't go see your friends in between Tri-ess meetings ? It seems if you had a friend or two you could visit that would help a lot. Would this be threatening to your SO ? Does she attend Tri-ess with you (ie: has she met the other CDers in the group) ?

I enjoy freecell myself,.. but there are only so many games. There must be a way to make your experience less lonely for you..

hugs,.. jina

[Joni Beauman]

How about a hobby or skill to develop (music, woodwork, photography)? I prefer to be dressed virtually all the time (well, not when cutting/splitting firewood), but can only do so when my wife goes to bed - and usually when daughter is at a sleep over like tonight...or when traveling on the road (usually summer). So when I do dress at home, I make sure I get something done, even if its clean the basement or kitchen before going to personal time. I wonder if the seemingly unproductive time for you (computer card games) might be a source of added friction. We tread such a fine line, sometimes it seems, and adding to the issue can tip the balance. Best wishes, Joni

[Kelsy]

Becky,

My first marriage ended after 25 years because of boredom ultimately. To escape this static life we began to drift apart and my interests went places that I should not have gone. The feeling of time running out was the catylist that set me on paths I should have avoided.

If you want to hold on to your marriage and make it better you need,IMO
to find things you can do together that will take you out of your rut. As far as your dressing and feeding your fem side, you may need to revisit the arrangements you have with your wife. Making and visiting other Cd friends is a good idea. Maybe getting to a CD event somewhere.

I feel for you Hun!!
Kelsy

[jillleanne]

Becky, another thing you might try is having your spouse join you and other couples from Tri-Ess or where-ever, for an outing in drab mode. We for instance will be in Melbourne Fl. this week( 14 of us from all over, ( 7 transgendered males and their spouses) for an afternoon, for a Chinese buffet. It gives the spouses an opportunity to realize we are not a bunch of quacks, but rather, ordinary people with a gender enhancement. It's not just about being enfemme, but rather, being accepted when enfemme. These outings in drab mode help emmensely for some spouses.

[Angie G]

Are you Abel to talk to your wife about how your feeling maybe you can work on this problem together to fix your problem of boredom. doing things with each other may help. Geting out more could be a help. do you shop with your wife if she is up for that try it I love shopping with my wife even if we don't buy anything.
Angie

[Shari]

Becky, all I can say is welcome to my world.
Seems the deeper we go in life and begin to realize that this is "all there is" that it tends to depress you from time to time.
You set a goal for yourself and after achieving it, it soon becomes old hat and you search for something new and exciting to get the blood flowing once again.
We always want to raise the bar, don't we?
I'm out with my wife too, but it seems there's so much more I want and know I can't go there if I want to stay married-and I do. So I have to suppress the thoughts and put them back in the bottom of the box that is my brain.
It's a constant battle for me too.
Take comfort in the fact that the days are starting to get longer and soon the sunshine and warmth of a new spring and summer will burn away the cabin fever you're experiencing now.

[Raychel]

I am so with you Becky, When I do get a chance to dress, and that has not been all that often lately. It is only when my wife takes the kids and leaves me home alone. And then most of the time is restriced to my office behind locked doors. Never know when the oldest one will come home.

Life can get pretty boring sometimes, Sure do need a change.

[BeckyAnderson]

Thank you girls for all of your suggestions. For the record, I have tried everything mentioned.

I spend more time with her now (in guy mode) than I ever did before she found out.

I purposely did not dress on nights that I would normally dress to do things for and with her.

I never let my dressing interfere with family obligations. I've taken her to concerts, dinner several times a month, etc.

I'm constantly calling her from work to see how she's doing.

I do not push my dressing off on her.

Just as a note. She went to the hair dressers tonight after work and I dressed. Of course, I pulled down the blinds, closed the curtains, etc. However, I inadvertently left the blind in my computer room up from the window sill about one half inch. My computer room window is a full 50 feet from the road. It is very unlikely that anyone doing 30mph going past the house or even walking will see anything but a small sliver of light and a shadow. The first thing out of her mouth when she came home was, "You know you can see in the front window!" This just pissed me off......I said to her, "So what would anybody see, the back of the chair I'm sitting in?" "Oh, I forgot for a moment that they are selling tickets to take their turn to peek in our windows!"

I really felt like changing back to guy mode. She just takes the wind out of my sails sometimes. Sheez!

Thanks again for all of your suggestions.

Hugs,
Becky

[Rachel B]

Tick tock, tick tock.......
Time is just a ticking clock.......
We look outside with longing eyes,
were held inside by those that pry.
We long for those we love to say,
now let me see that girl today.
But when they dont we stop and stare,
and time just ticks and tocks nowhere.

I guess you have to ask yourself one question, maybe all of us should do the same, WHO ARE WE LIVING OUR LIFE FOR?

Rach

[Satrana]

Becky

You really have allowed yourself to become overly domesticated and have placed your wife's needs infront of your own. That is fine if she is reciprocating and placing yours in front of hers. Is she?

You seriously need a girlfriend to go out on the town with. If your wife is not interested in joining you then for the sake of your welfare you need to find someone else. Is there not someone from Tri-ess who you could double up with?

You need to break this routine immediately and not have your life wasted due to your wife's paranoia.

[MissConstrued]

I'm constantly calling her from work to see how she's doing.

Ummm... why?

Get a mistress, and call her instead. But not "constantly." How annoying.