Is it just me?

[BeckyAnderson]

Sorry girls.....at this moment in time I need a shoulder. I know, there are a lot of girls here that would love to be able to dress around the house while the wife is home like I do. BUT and it's a big BUT!, I am bored senseless.

I've been dressing twice a week at home now for six years. At first it was fabulous to have this freedom. Now I find myself sitting here bored to tears playing Freecell on my computer for hours on end and drinking gin & tonics while dressed. I feel like I'm about to scream! My wife has the lights low and the shades drawn just as she has done for the last six years and there's very little conversation. I am constantly thinking about going out when dressed instead of sitting here wasting my life away playing a dumb computer card game. At almost 62, life is getting shorter, the nights are getting longer and my dreams more distant. My realization is that my closet has grown in size a bit but, nonetheless, it is still a closet and it's still a very lonely place. I can't visit my CD friends or have my CD friends visit me while dressed. Instead, I only see them once a month at our TriEss meeting. I guess you could call them long distance friends

Sorry for whining like this but I have to unload somewhere. Thank you all for listening.

Anyone else in this boat or is it just me?

Hugs,
Becky

[BobbiJ]

I haven't been out that long to be able to tell you i can relate, but really, if your CD life consists of dressing at home and going to a Tri-Ess meeting once a month, i'm not surprised you feel this way.

Unlike you, my wife doesn't want to see me as Bobbi, so I can't dress at home unless i'm alone. However, we communicate fairly well, so if i'm online playing computer games, it's because that's what i wanted to do that night, not because i'm bored.

When Tri-Ess was my only outlet, it posed a problem with me: Bobbi isn't on a schedule. Just because it was the second Saturday of the month, it didn't mean that i was going to be in a femme mood. (Yes, i do have times when i don't feel girly.) So i needed to find something else that would give me more opportunities to get out if the feeling struck me.

Maybe that's what you need, a more varied "menu" of times and places to go en femme each month. Just work out with your wife a fair number of times per month for you to be able to get out and socialize.

That sounds a little simplistic, but it's the best i can think of.

[AllieSF]

I am not in the same boat. However, last year I was in my own boat. I lived alone and had just started dressing a little over a year earlier. I had freedom to dress when I could. When I got bored, or maybe it was more a desire to be adventurous, I started looking for like minded friends and found this site. I found some out of town friends and would go out when their schedule permitted. But I was just starting out so I could deal with the lack of frequency. That all changed early last year when my number one son moved back in with me, and my freedoms came to a screeching halt. Now I only dress when my friends come into town and they let me dress at their hotel, or when my son let's me know in advance that he will be spending the night somewhere. The point I am making is that wait till you lose the freedom to see how really bored and frustrated you can become. Not trying to lecture, just sharing my experience.

Since I am am optimist most of the time, and it is definitely easier to tell someone else to do the right thing, here is an option to consider that may have some surprising results.

"Hey Honey, this is my dressing night, but I am so bored with dressing and staying home, drinking and playing on the computer, how about I leave Becky in the closet tonight and you and I go out for a quick meal, a movie, a game of pool, drinks and conversation? Are you up for it?"

If you are going to be bored after making a special effort to get dressed, how about turning the tables include your wife in the evening activities in a way that she should have no problem accepting, and going out for some fun. Maybe you could do that for several weeks in a row (share one of Becky's reserved moments) with your wife without Becky. Take the opportunity to explain how you feel (bored and no place to go), how much you care for her and appreciate her acceptance (whatever level that is) and how much you still enjoy dressing and just need some fun associated with it. Maybe through open and friendly conversation, versus confrontational, you can win a few nights out once in a while that do not include a monthly meeting. Just my thoughts. Good luck and thanks for sharing.

[leesametz]

Becky...

i am sorry that you arent able to enjoy going out more often. i dont know what to suggest in terms of expanding your dressed world. i have no where near the level of freedom to dress that you have, since my wife doesnt have a clue and she wouldnt understand if she did...

if you would like to talk more indepth, send me a PM. or three...

hugs

[Teri Jean]

Becky.
I do not have a wife as mine passed a year and half ago but i know the problem of being somewhat isolated or in the closet. I may suggest that, you love your wife dearly(?), that you take her out on a date once an awhile to show her how much you care for her, a real date like set up the arrangements.Then ask her if she would be open to meeting a few of your friends for coctails or an evening out for dinner with a couple friends. This may help her accept your desire to dress and to see and talk with a couple friends that share the same desire to dress as you do. I could be wrong but many women accept on the surface but still harbor thoughts of being rejected for clothing and makeup. I hope you and your wife can find a common ground that works for both of you. Huggs Keli

[MJ]

My realization is that my closet has grown in size a bit but, nonetheless, it is still a closet and it's still a very lonely place.
I can't visit my CD friends or have my CD friends visit me while dressed. Instead, I only see them once a month at our TriEss meeting. I guess you could call them long distance friends



Hugs,
Becky

I'm sorry your feeling this way. but why can't you go visit a friend or go out somewhere ?
hey come visit me up here any time sis
but i hope you get over the cabin fever soon

[beenherelongtime]

i can't help you get out of your boredom while dressed. your avatar looks great, maybe you should cut down on dressing and go out with the wife. you married her because you love her and it seems she approves/tolerates your dressing. show her you appreciate this. to get further into the psych. you could like dressing and just doing things around the house, we all go through ennui(boredom) at times. one of these days i am going to write my full profile and you will see what some others have gone through.

[kittypw GG]

I find myself sitting here bored to tears. I feel like I'm about to scream! My wife has the lights low and the shades drawn just as she has done for the last six years and there's very little conversation. I am constantly thinking about going out when dressed instead of sitting here wasting my life away playing a dumb computer card game.

Anyone else in this boat or is it just me?

Hugs,
Becky

Becky I could have written these words myself. I sometimes sat in front of the TV and I feared that my screams would come bursiting out of me. I could not stand my life. Figure out what it is you really want out of life. Talk to your spouse and communicate whaterver that is. Sadly, for me my communications fell on deaf ears and the only option was divorce. You are right Life IS too short to have these feelings.


Kitty

[ronnie1951]

You are lucky your wife understands. And you are fortunate to have the friends you appear to have. I would really like to meet someone to chat with now and again where I live. Maybe you should use one of your nights to spend more time with your wife. And then the other to go somewhere with the girls.

I used to have a somewhat understanding girlfriend, but I never got over the awkwardness of dressing with her home. Even though she made every effort to understand and accept. I would rather work up the nerve to be with a cd friend than sit around the house. I just couldnt take it. So I didnt do even dress.

Try something new, be with your friends a bit more. Change it up a bit, maybe that will help!

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think any of us r knowledgable enough to advise u! Especially me! But---

I can relate what happened to me. After 7 years of marriage, things weren't working for us any more. Our therapist advised us that my wife had changed, and was making my life difficult as a result!

After we separated, I was sad, but came to realize that I had been in prison the last few years of my marriage. Maybe she felt the same way!?

So, I traded a "prison" for a "closet"! But, it's MY closet, and I'm quite happy now. And free to leave it whenever I like!

[LilSissyStevie]

Hmmm..... I suggest you buy yourself a small farm. Get some chickens, cows, pigs, a big old garden and an orchard, etc. You'll need some trucks and tractors and other equipment that constantly require upkeep. You'll still feel like screaming a lot but you will never, ever be bored.

There's nothing like mucking around in manure all day and then having a nice relaxing bubble bath before getting dressed in some frilly night things.

[Karren H]

Well didn't take me long to hit the bored mark now when ever I dress... I'm going out somewhere... usually shopping... Once you get out, setting at home all dressed up just does nothing for me!!

[MissConstrued]

Twice a week for six years? That's not fun; it's a routine. A perfunctory thing, like going to church every Sunday even when you don't feel like it.

Take up a new hobby. Take your wife hiking or biking or something. However, if you've already tried this, then what you've got is a control freak and a battleaxe. You make it sound like she has a strictly defined set of rules that you must live by, or else. A man begging, pleading with his wife for something should be one of those kinky little games with handcuffs, not a way to live.

The way I see it, you've got two options: stay miserable, or grow a spine.

[Sally2005]

Tell me about it!... Although not CDing related it was unofficially my wife's turn to arrange a date over Chrisitmas and New Years eve and she did nothing! We stayed home and watched movies with our kid (I even had to go rent them!). I felt bad (I can't stand wasting time) and blew up with her over some other stuff... I still can't understand why she sits around waiting for someone else to make the plans and when its not done nothing happens! What kind of teamwork is that! ...anyhow, my point is, do what you need to do and work around your wife's routine or just plain ditch her for a few hours if she is not in to having some fun.

[susie evans]

BECKY i'am kind of like karren when i go to the trouble to get dressed i'am going out at least for a little while life is way to short to let your self get bored

...susie

[Jess_cd32]

Becky.
I do not have a wife as mine passed a year and half ago but i know the problem of being somewhat isolated or in the closet. I may suggest that, you love your wife dearly(?), that you take her out on a date once an awhile to show her how much you care for her, a real date like set up the arrangements.Then ask her if she would be open to meeting a few of your friends for coctails or an evening out for dinner with a couple friends. This may help her accept your desire to dress and to see and talk with a couple friends that share the same desire to dress as you do. I could be wrong but many women accept on the surface but still harbor thoughts of being rejected for clothing and makeup. I hope you and your wife can find a common ground that works for both of you. Huggs Keli

First Keli-H my sympathies for your loss
As for the OP, I like the advice you've given and would try that first, if that fails I'd try some of the other suggestions. If they failed then I'd put my needs first at that point, life is to short to waste it.

[jillleanne]

Hi Becky, well, been there done that.I don't know really how well you both communicate irregardless of your gender self, but I'll assume it's not all that great at any given time. Other than stay home, what does she like to do? Suggest to her you both go do what she likes, but you go ' en femme' , like shopping for instance, or whatever. Otherwise, ask her if she minds if you just go out on your own for an afternoon. If she stays negative about all ideas, you've got a problem with her acceptance of you en femme and will need to discuss all this with her rationally and hopefully, will lead to positive results for both of you.
I'm fortunate my gg accepts me coming and going en femme whenever I feel the desire. Sometimes she comes, sometimes she doesn't, but I always ask her if she would like to join me on my outings.
The bottom line is, you need out and she needs to understand and accept the fact. Work with her on it my talking to her.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

BECKY,

My spouse is still somewhat paranoid that someone might see me, even though we live in a secluded area. She is not as bad as she used to because she now sees how well i can make the transformation. I used to hate it when she pulled all the blinds. So I guess I have made some progress.

I have been out enfemm before and driven over 1000 miles at a time (she doesn't know about that)

Having an accepting spouse who tolerates your dressing up is not all that bad - especially when I read from so many married sisters who still have to dress in secret.

I'm trying to convince my spouse to let me dress when we are on vacation.

Baby steps I guess, but you have to weigh dressing up versus marraige. It is sometimes tough when you try to keep both in balance - my spouce still thinks that I love JoAnne more that I love her - I keep telling her that if I did not love her more, JoAnne and I would have left a long time ago.

Hang in there,

JoAnne Wheeler

[bonniebma]

Becky,

I'm often in the same boat. I love to dress up, but my SO doesn't know about Bonnie, so I only get a chance a few times a year. I just try to be patient.

Bonnie

[Desiree2bababe]

Staying home dressed is a "drag", pun intended. I had to go out in my glory days. But, dressed or not, life does get more boring as I age, especially with the economy the way it is. I just can't afford to have fun anymore.

[deja true]

You do need to get out, Becky....

But it looks like your nominally tolerant wife just won't allow it.

Is there no room in your agreement with her for negotiations....for compromise?

Is she even capable of having a conversation about other 'safe' options for your expression of Becky that might include getting out occassionally? No?

Has she not gone to Tri-Ess meetings with you ever?

Then that's not tolerance at all... It's emotional blackmail.

If Becky is a part of you and is languishng in this relationship prison, then the whole person is, too...

And needs to either plead for clemency from the warden on grounds of good behaviour or make a break for it!

[Rachel Morley]

Last spring my wife told her 17 year old son about me. Up until then I only dressed when we were going out shopping etc or to a CDing event, and when I did I used to sneak out the door and back again so that he didn't see me. Now he knows it all, and he was very accepting (just like his Mom) and you would think this would have opened the door to me dressing at home whenever I wanted to. But in fact, nothing has really changed except for there's no sneaking around anymore.

I did at first dress at home and read books, watch movies, prepare dinner etc all the while en femme but gradually, my level of "at home femme-ness" has tapered off to a what can now only be described as feminized girly guy. I've found that when I get dressed all the way (full makeup, forms, padding etc) I want to wear more feminine clothes like dresses, skirts, feminine blouses and high heels etc ... but if I do this at home I feel all dressed up with nowhere to go. Consequently I rarely dress fully at home nowadays unless I am going out later.

[Phoebe Reece]

Becky, I know exactly how you feel. I worked 20 years overseas in a location where going out dressed simply was not an option. Every other year or so I would go to a Halloween party or be in some amateur drama dressed as a woman, but most of the time my dressing was restricted to the house. I too was bored out of my mind with sitting around the house "all dressed up and nowhere to go". After I retired from that job and my wife and I moved back to the USA, things changed completely for me. Now, I never dress up just to sit around the house. When I change into Phoebe's things, I am quickly out the door.

I have a number of CD friends that also like to get out and I usually have one or more of them wanting to get out with me almost every weekend. I end up turning down almost as many opportunities to get out than I accept. Our Tri-Ess meetings take up most of a weekend every month, with me being out as Phoebe pretty much all day on a Friday and a Saturday. Sometimes if my friends are not available, I'll just go out shopping or to dinner by myself.

My wife does not accompany me in public for fear of running into someone that knows her. I am very happy with the freedom to get out that I have and I do not press my wife on this issue. In non-public settings my wife is quite comfortable being with me and my friends dressed. Most recently we hosted a New Year's Eve party for all my CD friends at our home.

[bredalee25]

Actually for me it's a different situation. My wife accepts my dressing 100% I dress every time we're home together. When we go to the store together i've got a bra and panties on under my guy clothes. Even when we go to work the same and the wife and I work for the same small plant. I've yet to become bored with dressing as my wife and I act the same as we did before I started dressing around her all the time. I guess it depends on the two people involved as to the outcome of how it makes us feel.

Sorry to hear of your getting bored with things. Cheer up it'll get better.

ttfn

[Jacqui]

Hi, Becky, it sounds like your wife is making a concession to allow you to dress privately in your home, but that she is really not thrilled about it. Anything more would be tilting the fulcrum away from her and increase her resentment. It probably hasn't been easy for her and the lack of conversation while you're dressed indicates that.

I think you're at a point where the real desire that you have pent up for a good portion of your life is rising to the surface. I would guess it's not just a matter of being enfemme more often, but, in fact, wanting to be perceived as a woman and do things that women do. It would be nice for her to participate with you and to gradually bring in one or more accepting people. But, unless you can convince her that she will also get something for herself from this experience (a: it might be fun going out with a new female friend; b: give something back to her en mano... a romantic dinner, movie, new clothes,..a 12 second kiss!), otherwise, I think she will look at it as a further loss of the man she married.

Since she has allowed you some leeway, there is potential for more. You know that she is coming from a generation that has had less exposure to our 'little gift' than younger people in their twenties-forties. So you need to come up with a good plan that will not only allow you to go out and satisfy your desires, but will also balance the scale for her.

I hope you can work it out together.

Jacqui

P.S. From your avatar, you are very attractive and don't look anywhere near 62.