Gone but how will you be remembered?

[Karren H]

I have thought about this a few times but it hit home hard this week.... A dear friend and coworker passed away and has really torn our work group up... I'm still numb... But my boss was super busy today so I volunteered to clean out his office and pack up everything to take to his wife. NOT a fun job.... But he did not have a lot of things except a few personal things on his pc... I was burning some of his files to a CD when I came accross a subdirectory with a couple .... x-rated photos I'm sure his wife would not appreciate.. probably downloaded of the web... So I depeted them..

But this made me think... what if I passed away tommorow... what would my coworkers find in my office?

Well... there's a couple bags of fem clothing for those just-in-time crossdressing events including forms and lingerie and skirts and tops ... wigs... heels...... A fem jacket hanging on the back of my door... one of my makeup kits... lots of lotions... nail polish... a couple DVD's and jump drive full of my fem photos... It wouldn't take them a few minutes to completely figure out what was going on.... And if they packed them up and delivered them to my family...... Well I would be gone so I wouldn't care but what impact would that have on my family??

So how about you??

[StacyCD]

Several opportunities in the last few months to serve as a pall bearer at friends funerals has gotten me thinking that I'm getting old!

If I passed today, nothing at work would hint at my femme side. However, my closet in the basement when opened by my SO would shock her as to the amount of stuff I've collected. I have more shoes, panties, and bras than most women (probably more than any three or four women combined) and I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't be pleasantly surprised!

[Lora Olivia]

One of the reasons that I came out to my daughter. Now I know that if SO and I were to die together that my closet would be discreetly cleaned

[DanaR]

Karen,

I've thought about the same thing in the last couple of months, because of what happened at one of my classes.

On and off for the last four years I have been taking bellydance lessons. Several months ago, after a new quarter started and we were into the about the third week, I arrived for the class a little early and there was another student waiting outside for the instructor. She was new and usually talked to me at each class.

I sometimes go to class en femme, but usually with an androgynous look like I was that day. Anyway we started talking and she asked me why I was taking bellydance classes? I told her that I was working on female presentation and movement and her response was, why? Then I told her that I was a crossdresser. She thought for a minute and then told me that she got married when she was young to an older man, who was a crossdresser. She told me that they were married for about fifteen year and had a couple of kids before he died. Then she proceeded to tell me after he died, she had to go through all of his girl stuff.

It was an interesting conversation and I felt like I had made a new friend. That was the last time that I saw her, she started going to a different class.

Sadly enough, there is still a stigma attached to what we do and it is difficult for other to deal with sometimes.

[Alice Torn]

Good topic Karren! I imagine they would have a lot of hockey stuff, too! Seriously, a close friend's wife, who was a friend to me, died, in October, and, last month, my last living uncle died, and, another passed, a few months earlier. Yes, i think about the big sleep everyday, as i am having some issues, and need to write an updated will. I don't know who would go through my stuff. Maybe The Salvation Army, or Goodwill. I empathize your loss. In 1975, a wrkmate where i was working, got electrocuted, fell off a ladder, died there. I was home sick that day.

[linnea]

I've thought about this many times, Karren. The revelations would not come from someone who was clearing out my office; it would come from someone--probably family members who sorted through my closet areas at home. They too would not have to think very long or hard to figure out what has been a part of my life for so long but so secretly.
I've considered telling some key people or giving instructions to a close friend, but no one knows so I think that I've got to face the fact that there will be a BIG revelation or I've got to disclose my crossdressing to family and friends.
Since I am semi-retired, I don't really have job issues to worry about regarding retribution or dismissal from my work. It's all person. I have been working my way slowly over the past year or so, trying to get some family informed. I hope to take of it before I die and leave a mystery behind.

[MissConstrued]

r those just-in-time crossdressing events including forms and lingerie and skirts and tops ... wigs... heels...... A fem jacket hanging on the back of my door... one of my makeup kits... lots of lotions... nail polish... a couple DVD's and jump drive full of my fem photos... It wouldn't take them a few minutes to completely figure out what was going on.... And if they packed them up and delivered them to my family...... Well I would be gone so I wouldn't care but what impact would that have on my family??

Dunno... except for the photos, maybe there was an intern living under your desk?

As for me, well, I don't think I'll care much what anyone finds, after I'm dead.

[Stephanie Stephens]

Well yes, I have thought of this before and the only conclusion I come up with is that I will be dead. That's that.

[AliciaWeb]

Good topic for us older girls. At work there were just some heels and undies, not a problem since my good friend there would "clean up" for me. At home there may be a surprise for a heating engineer if there was a problem in our boiler room which required the floor boards to be lifted.

Oh, can I clear out your office please, I need to re-stock.

[Angie G]

I can't keep things at work and my wife would take care of my things at home so I'm pretty much covered Bhere is a few things I really wouldn't want found.
Angie

[Tasha McIntyre]

Absolutely nothing at work, except for my mini laptop computer full of photos and web pages. My laptop is passwork secured, so unless I croak at work and co workers have a look, I'm pretty safe.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I think that is a concern or should be a concern to all of us is what happens to all our femm stuff when we die - who will have to deal with it -

I always wanted to be buried in my best feminine outfit - have any of you ever thought this way ?

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

[TammyPA]

One of my best friends who has a key and knows where everything is going to take care of things. She will even take care of my home computer. She lives close by and my family lives 100 miles away so I think I'm covered.

[anonymousinmaryland]

But this made me think . . . what if I passed away tomorrow . . . what would my family find in my clothes closet? (I am retired)

Well, there's about two dozen bras, a half-dozen girdles, three or four camis, and a couple pair of nylons in packages. Since I am an underdresser, this is all any one will find. My wife buys for me, and so there are no real surprises. I have about 25 years in underdressing, have never purged (just replaced) and enjoy life's pleasures. I have urges to go further, but don't want to upset the Mrs. I am jealous of many of you.

As you can see, this is my first post, but have read (at least) 5,000 of Karren's posts (and many others). Best wishes to all. AIM.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I won't worry about that, there are far better things to think of so fiddly dee I'll think about that tomorrow. My wife knows all so if I died than I would guess she would conceal all my stuff and then toss them when she gets over the loss. I don't have forms, just me on top so all the rest is clothes, shoes an wigs, which could easily be explained if she chose to.
Good luck girls i hope you all live to be 150 and die in your sleep, thats how I plan to go.

[suchacutie]

My wonderful gf (his loving wife) knows all about Tina so there are no surprises, except maybe an extra pair of panty hose or stockings, and then there are all the shoes she's probably forgotten about! I can see her just shaking her head and smiling!

tina

[Shari]

My sympathies to you Karren on the loss of your friend.
And good thinking to keep some of those things from reaching his family.

For me, my wife is the only one that knows and will take care of the clothing.

All of my pics are either in my private e-mail folders or on this site. I also have my computer set up to delete all visited sites within 24 hours. I have nothing on my work computer at all. I discipline myself to only be Shari on the home machine.

The only thing I can't guard against is if we both go at the same time.
The up side to that is that we're pretty close to the same size, she being an 11/12 and me a 14.

The only other way is to stop completely and there's no way I'm giving that up.

Another thought. What if you died while dressed? Who would find you?
Not much you can prepare for in that regard.

[Cary]

This topic does cross my mind from time to time. I don't have anything at the office, because I'm so worried someone would find out. We have open drawers open computers type office. I'm using my office computer now, but everybodys out. I delete my browsing history several times a day(hope that works). As for home, if I'm dead it wont matter. My brother and sister will go through my closets and drawers and say " Danm, Now I all makes sense" Ther may be alittle shock and alot of laughter, then life will continue.

[2b.Lauren]

It is kind of interesting, but I too have been thinking about this and what the discovery would be like. I do not have anything at work that would let my secret life come to view. I do have a bag of clothes in my car that when unzipped would let on to Lauren and would certainly be a major surprise to my family. I have clothing in my dresser that also would have the same result. Like others I have photos, and links to websites on my personal laptop that would indicate my crossdressing activities.

What this topic has really done is continued to support my aching desire to share with my wife my crossdressing. I have been thinking about this a lot recently as I have read many stories regarding honesty, and to be upfront with our significant others. As I have posted various times my marriage is in a very bad spot, one that I do not think it will overcome, and have allowed it to be my excuse for not sharing. Being afraid that this would be the final card in our relationship. Increasingly, I am not sure if that is really all that important anymore. What is important is to be honest with her, and let the chips fall where they will. I have taken many risks before, and maybe in doing this it will recall her very selective memory to many years ago, when I did share this with her. I could falsely be laboring under the delusion that she is not aware, but does remember my dressing but not to the point I am currently at. I think of talking to her as a personal freedom for me, and am getting very prepared to come out to her.

Karen, thanks for this topic. I am sure that many of us that are in the closet can use this as encouragement to share to whom we are able to, especially those significant others that are not aware of who we are. I know I would be dead, but it would be so terrible for them to have to see this. Having her in the know can really serve as damage control for others. She would not be blindsided and then could be there to clean up things.

Contemplating the unknown
Lauren

[maid phylis]

of course we have all thought of this especially us girls in our 60s.for me my family knows about phylis and all my clothing is in my closet hanging with my wifes clothing.as for business thats another problem as i work for boston market and no one there knows about me so i have to be very carefull when i am driving for them.and when my time comes i will be probably be buried as my real self and maybe they will put a asterick on my stone with my femme name as it was mine if i had been born a female. phylisanne

[Stephanie Kay]

....I always wanted to be buried in my best feminine outfit - have any of you ever thought this way ?

Love,

JoAnne Wheeler

Joanne,

Yes, I have. I have a fantasy of being buried in my favorite feminine outift, too. If there is not a wake or viewing, that might not be any problem since my family all know about Stephanie. If I do have a viewing then the problem might just be with my wife and kids but none of them is embarrassed with Stephanie so that might not be a problem either!! I have many friends who know about Stephanie and they probably wouldn't mind. My co-workers don't know and would be surprised, but so what!!?? They'll never see me again!!

And, by the way, I have no secret stash of anything that my family doesn't know about.

Love,
Stephanie

[SherriePall]

Well, I have shoes hidden all over the place and some clothes my wife doesn't know about. Since she knows about me, I think she would only be irked at the numbers. She will be upset with the pics of me out and about since she doesn't know about that.
She just told me I better not die (underdressed) because she won't be able to get them off me and she will not be embarrassed!
Karren -- This topic is along the lines of one I have been thinking about for the past month. More on that later.

[Jilmac]

Karren, There was never any indication of my dressing at my job but my closets at home are chock full of my femme clothes. I have come out to my SO and several friends but I'm still apprehensive about coming out to my family. I live alone and if I were to die tomorrow, it would probably be members of my family who would be stuck with the task of going through all my presonal belongings. As some of them suspect my dressing, I don't think any of them know how much I am into it. They are all in for a big surprise when they open my closets and dressers and find all my feminine acoutrements.

[Laura Evans]

I've thought about this many times, Karren. The revelations would not come from someone who was clearing out my office; it would come from someone--probably family members who sorted through my closet areas at home. They too would not have to think very long or hard to figure out what has been a part of my life for so long but so secretly.
I've considered telling some key people or giving instructions to a close friend, but no one knows so I think that I've got to face the fact that there will be a BIG revelation or I've got to disclose my crossdressing to family and friends.
Since I am semi-retired, I don't really have job issues to worry about regarding retribution or dismissal from my work. It's all person. I have been working my way slowly over the past year or so, trying to get some family informed. I hope to take of it before I die and leave a mystery behind.

Ditto for me. Work is not an issue (retired) but my children and family don't know, my gf knows and we have an agreement that she would clear my house in that event but I feel she would not get everything and in the event that we both might go at the same time I would be exposed. What if I was in drag at the time, since I am almost 24/7? Coming out to my family and children may be the only option but I find that very daunting. It is true that as the deceased I would not care but I do need to care about those remaining behind. It would shake what they had perceived of their father and brother. Some would take in stride but I am not sure how it would be taken by my sons. Good thought, Karen.

[DonnaT]

I've thought about that. There are a number of TG stories I've saved. Plus all the bookmarks to forums and story sites.

But, my PC is password protected.