Is Narnia really worth it?

[Kelli Michelle]

I have written and deleted countless posts to this thread. There are so many issues here. Just do what you feel in your heart, and be willing to live with your actions. You do have support here, and I am not talking of garter belts either!!

[Nigella]

This thread was never intended as a "coming out" thread, and I am sorry if some read it that way. It was intended as "food for thought" for those who have an unknowing SO and take the risk of having "her" time whilst the SO is out of the house or those who dress away from home.

I went through all the trouble a lot of you have envisioned, my SO was not as understanding and accepting as she is now. We had been together a year before I told her, it was treated as a joke initially, and then "put up with" until we had a "blow out" about it.

It was accepted after we talked about this issue and set some ground rules. So as you can see, it was not all plain sailing for me as some of the posters think it was.

Then and now I personally could not put my SO through the anquish of finding out through such a impersonnal way and possibly from strangers to boot.

I understand and respect that the "need to tell" is personal and that each individual will need to make up their own mind, based upon circumstances, I just hope that this thread has given some of you food for thought.

[Mitch23]

In my limited experience, I think about 10% will up sticks and leave and about 10% will say 'oh great'. I f you are in those relationships you probably know that anyway.

The remaining 80% will feel betrayal of trust is the biggest obstacle to understanding and tolerance. Then you will have the is he gay, does he want to go all the way, how can i tell friends, family, neighbours, kids, ain't i good enough for him. It will take time to go through these issues - some longer than others and some get stuck in them like in groundhog day. With good communication and genuine love, accomodations and compromises will be reached

mitch

[Raya]

Suppose telling your wife would mean the end of your marriage?
A person is not a different person than their wife perceives just because they're a CD. I hate the thought of CD's being pushed into a position where they have to choose between the wife that they love and letting their CD side come out. I believe you're born a CD and it's not something you can repress without consequences later in life. You girls can pound on me if you like, but I'm not convinced that being in the closet to your wife is wrong.
My wife happens to know BTW.

I figure you'll have to get the clothes somehow. Unless you're raiding the wardrobes of your wife (or daughter, or neighbor...), you're going to be spending a significant chunk of significant chunk of time and money. This doesn't include the time and money you'll spend covering up what you were spending all that time and money on. Everything you spend on this is time and money you can't spend anywhere else, like something on the inside of your relationship...

There's more than coming out, there's also being outed. True, being a crossdresser doesn't change who you are, but that's pretty damn irrelevant and you know it. Who you are is very different from who people see you as. If you're hiding this from your partner, you're constantly putting them at risk of the negative consequence of your being outed. You forced them to assume this risk without their consent, and that's very unethical to me.

[Emily Anderson]

I would call it a calculated risk.

For the better players, it's a sure-winning play. For the lesser players, it's a potential loss, depending on how well they wriggle out of the situation.

But less face it, crossdressers are trained from an early age in deceptive techniques, and most go on to survive the bumps they encounter in life.