How much is a good spouse/so worth?

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

[KandisTX]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

YES

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

YES

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

YES

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

YES

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

YES

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

YES

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

None

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

negative at this time, however for a few years it was a "not in front of the children" however children all know now so boundaries are a moot point.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

N/A

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

With current wife I do not have to compromise, but have done so in past with previous wives, and it was NOT a good situation as I was no longer "ME".

[Schatten Lupus]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. I have a girlfriend, we have been together for 15 months.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes. She even encourages my crossdressing. She also knows I am trans, and planning on eventually transitioning after we have kids.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has even signed up here, but feels somewhat ackward posting here, so she hasn't done so.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes. As mentioned above, she encourages it, mainly around the house.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
N/A I do not have any photos.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
A feeling of uncertainty. Which is to be expected.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

The only one is that she wears the dress at our wedding.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Sure can.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I am in a situation in which I honestly couldn't choose between her or transitioning. I love her so much, and she loves me, that I can't leave her for me, yet at the same time, my psycological whatevers are a constant pain.

Also, my girlfriends mom has started refering to me as "she."

[Kelli Michelle]

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. No
6. N/a Havent done so.
7. Too numerous to mention
8. She has tried, and for the most part, I have complied, but her goal is "0" times cding.
9. No
10. It would be worth it, I suppose, if we loved each other. As it is, no, it's not worth the continuation of the marriage, as it is now.

[Deborah Jane]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes, i have an SO
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
I think she may as we met here
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yup, so does she
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes, she knows everything about me and my crossdressing
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes and she does too
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Of course, she,s even been in my albums
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
None so far
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
We are still learning, if boundaries need to decided, we will discuss them
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
I would expect so
10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I would choose my SO over crossdressing every time, but i can,t see it becoming a problem as we met here

I would advise being honest up front in any new relationship regaring crossdressing.
There are accepting GGs out there and without being honest with them you,ll never know if they,re accepting

[debbeelee1]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

It's a long, complicated story, but I have both wife and SO.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yep, and encourages it.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yep, but I don't spend 8 hours per day on this website.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yep

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Yep

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Yep, she helps me pick them out!

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

No problems, just fun for both of us!

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Not really, but WE have our own boundaries.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

My CDing boundaries are no different than our other, everyday boundaries. I wouldn't go out and buy a grand worth of clothes for Debbee, but we will go out shopping together and pick up a few things here and there.

10) Finaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

Our relationship is full of compromises, CD'ing is just one of many.

[Edyta_C]

My So is the greatest. No bragging, but an accepting spouse is probably the greatest joy a CDer could have other than kids. I wouldn't trade mine for all the gold in the world.

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. Very happily.
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes although it was later in our marriage which I don't recommend to anyone like us.
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has seen it asn knows I spend a significant amount of time on it.
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
To some extent. I don't think anyone other than a CD or Ts person can really understand what goes on inside us.
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? Yes.
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes. She has helped take most of them.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? Mostly difficulties in dealing with it initially. We have had many talks. which allowed us to establish our comfort levels.
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? I wouldn't say she has established boundaries for me, we have set up mutual understandings (boundaries if you will).
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes. As we have progressed and her understanding has increased, we have moved the limits. I expect to some extent that will continue to occur over time.
10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? I don't think I could give it up completely. When I was not CDing in the early years of our marriage, I was very moody and depressed. Despite therapy this required medicine to help. When we set our initial limits, the depression lessened. Today I am functioning on less meds and eventually expect to get off the meds.

Of course I will acknowledge that the girls on this forum were a big help to me. More help than the two therapists I have seen or the medicine. The sisters here are the best!

Hugs Edy

[Jacquilynne]

Interesting Q's

My answers to the first 6 Q's are YES. My wife has been supportive and understanding. . .I do love her.

My answer to Qs. 7 and 8 are well . . . well we have 4 children and the oldest is 10. so that makes it a bit difficult. . . she lets me dress whenever I want to still its just that my boundries are that I have to maintain a more stealthy appearance while in front of the kids (by stealthy I mean. . .casual fem clothing. . .no make-up. . .basically a more demure fem appearance. . .). I agree with this as I am still "Daddy" and this would be very confusing to the "little ones". Also I kinda like the more subdued "look" anyhow. Don't get me wrong, I do like my sexy heels and dresses but for them i will compromise on this point.

The only problems I've encountered are that my wife has at times hinted to me that I may want to change into something a bit more "kid friendly" so I've relented and changed. I do think the more I grow into this new freedom, I may develop some added struggles in that I may want to wear more make-up than has been agreed upon so far . . .but I'll have to deal with that when the time comes.

Now to the root Q: Can I live within those boundries. . .To that I can say with a big YES as I do love my wife for all her quirks, faults and struggles just as she unconditionally love me and all my quirks, faults and struggles. . . Dressing for me is one of those struggles. . .it is a part of me that I know now has only grown stronger over time. But ultimately Jacie is a part of me and my wife realizes this and so we just work together to maintain our deep love for each other as quirky beings.

My vows have not changed -- I will love her "till death do us part". And I think if we truely feel this way about our spouses we should be ready to compromise anything. . .no matter how difficult! I agree, if she suddenly said she could not deal with Jacie any longer and asked me to stop dressing for the sake of our marriage -- it would be VERY difficult!

That is the way I feel today and I pray by God's grace that this is the same way I'd feel my situation should ever change.

How much is your love for her worth? Have we placed conditions on our spouses love?

Dressing is inherently a selfish desire and if we are not careful to curb this selfishness with love and compromise our spouses will see that as a threat to our relationship. Once this is ruined the relationship can be difficult to repair.

Living with boundaries can be difficult but for the health of a marriage, living within them is essential although sometimes challenging.

My 2 cents

Jacie

[CharlotteW]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes. Very happily.
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes.
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes. She has seen it.
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes, she knows all that I do, and all that I want to do.
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? Yes.
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes. She has helped take them.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
She sometimes gets worried that I may want to take it further, probably when she get hormonal.
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? Yes, the kids can't see it all and I must remain her husband.
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes. I wouldn't do anything to cause her undue stress.
10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? My wife is all important, She is No.1 in all things.

[SexyLatexSamantha]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
I am married

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes she does

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes she does

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes she does

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes she does

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes she does

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
None. She actually goes shopping and picks out clothes for me

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing?
No

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
There are no boundaries

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I'm sure if she had put boundaries on my crossdressing, we never would have been together. I would not allow it(our relationship) to have gone that far.

[Karren H]

Over three questions and I glaze over... I love my wife.. She loves me.. She hates my hobby.. Life goes on..

[JudeGG]

At the end of the day - it doesnt really matter what people post here does it. Only you know what to do with your life.

i would post that I know about my hubby's CDing - we have severe boundaries which i'm sure he finds hard to cope with but it's the only way I can cope, as I am a non-acceptor ~(or whatever we're known as on here). He has choices as do I - he can live with the boundaries which enable me to live with the CDing, therefore we stay married..........or he can ignore the boundaries which would mean we would divorce.........it's something we deal with day to day. We both have it hard in our own minds.

As said - no amount of questionnaires will help you with your decisions about your life....only you can do that

[Sam-antha]

For # 1 the answer is yes for more than forty five years.
For the rest the reply is NO, except for the final question, where, like the first the reply is a definite YES - although sometimes I do confess to wondering.

~Samm

[Samantha43]

[QUOTE=JoAnne Wheeler;1563923]I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?Yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?Yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?Yes

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?She gets a little tired of me dressing for an entire week when I have vacation.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?Yes

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?Easily

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?I wouldn't trade my wife for the world!!!

Being on this forum for a few years has made me realize a few things. We, as crossdressers tend to be a very self centered bunch. We tend to place our needs over those of our SO's and families. As with everything in life, there is compromise. Without compromise, no relationship would be possible. Speaking for my self, I do dress enough to satisfy me. If I was single, I would probably dress even more. For me, being able to dress more doesn't even come close to the joy I have from having such a wonderful wife. I realize I am one of a fortunate few that has the best of both worlds. There are boundries though, and I can live within them.

It sounds to me like you have a great situation. You have an understanding SO that realizes your needs and allows you to be yourself. You must understand though, that she married a man, and expects you to be a man. The boundries she has set are there to protect her and and keep her in her comfort zone.

You need to ask yourself what is more important to you. The love of an understanding woman or the ability to crossdress whenever and however you want to.

[Sarah...]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

Yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

Yes - and other forums. We both use them.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

Yes

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

The usual you would expect when your spouse finds out you are female and not male. We work through it day by day.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

Yes, they change and become more relaxed and organic from day to day. SRS is a no go.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

Yes. Some days it's difficult, but yes.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

She is my other half. I expect to be together for the duration.

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

I hope this helps.

Sarah...

[Rita D]

For what it's worth; the answer to all your questions for me would be exactly the same as Samantha 43's.
AND if I were as smart and eloquent as she, I would have said the same things she said in her final paragraph. Extremely good food for thought!

Rita D

[CD Susan]

I do not have either a spouse or an SO and would not have it any other way! I love the single life and have no plans to ever change that. I was married once but she would not accept the cd part of me so we divorced after 23 years of marrige. There was always something missing in our marriage and it was directly related to cd'ing. I made the mistake of not telling her before we got married and I urge anyone contemplating marriage to be up front about everything right from the start of the relationship. This will solve problems before they develope.

[Rachel Morley]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? Yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ? Yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ? Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? Yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? Yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? Yes she has her picture here too (click on my avatar).

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? None

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? Crossdressing no, transitioning yes

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? Yes

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

That's a very personal choice that only you can make as it's different when you're already in the relationship. My wife is accepting and encouraging of my CDing so it's not the same for me, but knowing what I know now, if anything were to happen and I were to find myself single again I don't think I could have a relationship with anyone who couldn't accept my crossdressing to the same or similar level that it is now (part-time CDer with no body hair who likes to post pictures online and go out in public en femme) I think I'd rather be single.

[Carroll]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
yes

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your cross dressing ?
yes

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
yes

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
yes

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
yes

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
none

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
At first

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Yep, I did

10) Finally, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your cross dressing OR is your cross dressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose cross dressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
yes....and no

[kristinacd55]

I've been studying this website for about 2 months (that's when I found it) and I know that we are a group that covers a wide spectrum of crossdressing, however, I have some important questions that I need answers to:

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ? MARRIED

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
YES
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
YES
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ? FOR THE MOST PART, YES

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ? YES

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ? I HAVEN'T PUT PICS ON....YET!

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ? SINCE SHE FOUND, MANY

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ? YES, BUT SHE'S BEEN VERY UNDERSTANDING

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ? ABSOLUTELY. I LOVE HER FOR THAT REASON!

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ? WE ARE BOTH COMPROMISING. I'M TAKING IT VERY SLOWLY, I THINK!

I know this is a long thread, but I am so jealous and envious of some of you Sisters and I long for the freedom to express my femininity like you do, YET at the same time I have a loving Spouse whom I have been married to for almost 38 years. We don't always agree about my love and urge and need to crossdress, BUT she has agreed to let me crossdress at home whenever I want and she compliments my appearance as JoAnne and tells me what she thinks goes with what and she asks me to critique her outfits as well - the only problem is that she has BOUNDARIES - boundaries that don't let me shave my body hair and yet I want to look like so many of you - I'm tormented between my love for my Spouse and my love of crossdressing with no boundaries. She really does not like me to spend so much time on this website and she would probaly "flip out" if I posted my picture on this website - which I really want to do - I long to be like you Sisters.

I need advice and help - I'm torn into - a good Spouse or crossdressing with no boundaries (which would mean a divorce) . Should I enjoy the crossdressing that she can live with or should I just say the Hell with it and go live by myself so I can crossdress all I want to with no boundaries and no limits.

I'm so torn by this - please help.

JoAnne Wheeler

I PUT MY ANSWERS IN THE QUOTE, so this should make it good

[Jenny Beth]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Yes
2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes
3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes
4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes
5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes
6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes, and in a couple she’s with me.
7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
None
8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
No not really but I’ve set my own, I don’t buy anything unless we discuss it first. It’s not a money issue, just common courtesy but mainly because it’s fun for us to pick things out together. I have no intention of transitioning and she knows that so I guess you could say I have an unspoken boundary.
9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Yes
10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?
I’ve never had to choose one over the other but if I had to I’d purge. How long that would last is anyone’s guess.

[Debutante]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?
Married to an accepting woman.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?
Yes, I explained it before we married.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?
Yes.

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?
Yes. She encourages it, to get to know myself and deal deeply with its issues...

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?
Yes... I haven't talked much about it.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?
Yes... I told her. seems ok...

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?
She was afraid that "I wanted to be a woman". But she said she would have to accept that. We talk alot about gender and crossdressing issues... she's a therapist, you know! She has trouble with crossdressing and being sexual with it/me.

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?
Just to be careful... to emulate women in a respectful way...

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?
Yes... I feel an inner need to do that, in a deep way... so it is no problem.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

I would always listen to my wife and take into consideration her views, feelings, and boundaries. I would have to work around them; but i love her very much and never would want to lose her!
We work towards a spiritual journey as to crossdressing and the Goddess... she is a Goddess woman of deep devotion, and sees that the Goddess bought us together -- including my CDing as part of it.

[Tess]

I have a spouse who doesn't know about my CD'ing. Obviously that sets up big boundaries to that side of my life. I learned to live with that a long time ago (married 38 years) and consider CD'ing and many many other things far less important than keeping a very good wife and happy family.

[Shikyo]

1) Are you married or do you have a SO ?

Married.

2) Does your Spouse or SO know about your crossdressing ?

It would be hard for her to miss it, as I'm dressed as often as I can. She also knows about my plans to transition.

3) Does your Spouse or SO know that you use this website ?

Yes

4) Does your Spouse or SO know the extent/degree of crossdressing that you do or need to do to satisfy your URGE/NEED ?

I'm a transsexual, so the need is very high. She's also seen how much happier it makes me.

5) Does your Spouse or SO know that you send posts to this website ?

She complains about the typing noise.

6) DOES YOUR SPOUSE OR SO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD YOUR PHOTOGRAPHS DISPLAYED ON THIS WEBSITE ?

No pics of me so far.

7) What problems have you encountered with your SPOUSE or SO regarding the extent of your crossdressing ?

She's used to be afraid that I'd change her for a guy...

8) Has your Spouse or SO established BOUNDARIES for you and her and your crossdressing ?

She asked me to be dressed like a guy, when I first meet her parents.

9) Can you live within those BOUNDARIES ?

I'd get into trouble with the U.S. Immigration officers, so should be rather easy to obey.

10) Finnaly, is having a loving Spouse or SO worth having to compromise the extent of your crossdressing OR is your crossdressing URGE/NEED so strong that you would choose crossdressing over the love of your Spouse or SO ?

This question is rather hard for me to answer, not just because I do not really have to compromise in my situation, but also because of the background we have together. First of all, I doubt we would have never gotten this far, unless we truly love each other.
I'm from Finland, she's from Hawai'i. When I was small, I moved to Germany. We did met through the internet(this is rather long story, so cutting if of), for the first time we met in Japan(another longer story). She ended up moving to Germany, from there we moved to Finland and now we are planing to Hawai'i. So all in all, we've gone through lot's of harder trouble than just cross dressing. Anyway, the answer would be: I'd choose her, if she really could not live with what I am, but I love her too much to give up on her.

[curse within]

Ive have some what been in your shoes, I am seperated living in my own place.. I never really dressed a lot before I really do it about the same now even tho I have full run at it living alone ...

To me it was all about her accepting me!!! Not rubbing my nose in it everytime I was susspected of dressing... No challenging mysexual preferance after 20 plus years of marriage..I explained to her time after time after time it was something I didn't understand or wanted to do, but the insults kept comming even though she never seen me dressed.. It's telling her that a valuable tool was invented ( the internet) a great resource to help aid you into cooping with MY ISSUES and hers with it, but never taking it upon herself to use it...

Yes I am looking forward to a divorce I feel it's better knowing more now about my CDing than I ever have in the past 30 years..Knowing it is harmless and better for her in so many different ways , she choose not to accept. Why? Why is it better? Because in a relationship it should be unconditional she should have loved me for all of me not part of me nor should she wish I was something I wasn't.. She should have tried to work with me on these issues of fabricated fears she self inflicted to herself about CDing.. I can feel good about my end I did all I could to control the curse within..I also accepted her unconditionaly..