An attempt to clear things up

[curse within]

I just wanted to clear some myths ... People who say if you do not enjoy crossdessing WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP DOING IT?? I will have you know that I have stopped dressing going on my third month.. My mind has never been so clear I can focus on being more productive I am happier about myself and with myself, I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

But to think the urges can just be turned off is only fooling myself , I am surprised the amount of people who suggested that and can easily say that! I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

So mock me if you will thats fine I wish nothing but the best for all of you and you will never see me turn your post into a negative Thread ..Please offer me the same respect..


Thanks

C.W.

[LisaM]

I don't mock you Curse Within. I understand your feelings but I feel different. I hope you can find peace. I struggle every day because of the choices I have made--so I understand. I hope this forum can help you understand your inner feelings and even cure yourself if that is possible.

[curse within]

Thank you Lisa, I do appreciate that and best wishes for you and the challenges you have and are yet to over come.

[kristinacd55]

My wife said to me, "if you could be hypnotized to stop crossdressing, would you do it?" So, I said "if you could be hypnotized to accept my crossdressing, would you do it?" It got me to thinking, why don't we both just work at accepting each other's views & forget about hypnotism? I have to admit she's been great for the most part with accepting my cding & my love for her has really grown because of it.

[docrobbysherry]

I was one of those who said if u didn't enjoy dressing, to stop.

But, I didn't mean, or expect u to, stop perminantly!

When u feel u must CD, u will! If u enjoy that experience, you'll continue. If u don't, u won't! I hate to see u agonizing over this!

Please know, that at one time or another, most of the rest of us do, too!

I have, and I know I will again! For me, CDing is like heroin! I get such a hi off of it, but I feel in my heart, it's wrong!

[curse within]

I was one of those who said if u didn't enjoy dressing, to stop.

But, I didn't mean, or expect u to, stop perminantly!

When u feel u must CD, u will! If u enjoy that experience, you'll continue. If u don't, u won't! I hate to see u agonizing over this!

Please know, that at one time or another, most of the rest of us do, too!

I have, and I know I will again! For me, CDing is like heroin! I get such a hi off of it, but I feel in my heart, it's wrong!

Sherry,

No Cding is not wrong , the only thing wrong with CDING is how society accepts it.. Like so many have said if it makes you happy and you feel its wrong then it must feel so good to be wrong..

Thanks Sherry

[Nicki B]

I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

I am really pleased for you.

I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

Do you find coming here still helps you, or does it just make you think about it more?



That question's meant in a spirit of honest curiosity, not aggressively..

[curse within]

Nikki,

Great question I really do feel this place helps me and not in a negative way .. I hope nobody see's this as being negative.. I have gained a lot of understanding here from all levels of Crossdressing and from all levels of GG's acceptance ,to be honest.. I see where I fit in now and where I could fit in down the road ..The down the road scares me , after my wife and I seperated I indulged myself I was heading down that road..

I really had a lot of changing to do because it was a road I did not want to continue..No not because of society acceptance and no not fear of losing family and friends... But yes personal choice I really had to bring it into prospective..I spent time in dressing asking myself is this me?? No it wasn't and all it did was bring me depression and remorse.. Being here reminds me of the last times I dressed , the urges to go out and be seen escape the closet if you may..

The time I spent alone away from the real world being Alice in Wonderland with mirror mirror on the wall ( I didn't act as if I was Alice BTW just a example).. Anyways I was going nowhere fast and it wasn't as important to me as my urges suggested...Now I know I have been doing this for many years they are sure to come back But I also feel good about the amount of knowledge I have gained into getting a better understanding and control..

I hope that helps

Thanks

C.W.

[Billijo49504]

Hi, I got some suggestions for you. First, I would say that if you are not in counciling, I would get there. And second, pretend you are a duck. Let all of the negative remarks run off your back. When the lights go out, you still have to live for what is right for you. So don't let others put you down. But counciling probably would help. Loosing your family and then not being sure who you are, you need some help. And I hope you get it and it helps....BJ

[beenherelongtime]

i don't understand what you are trying to say. could you be clearer next time you post

[curse within]

Billie,

Hey thanks for the suggestions, I am great although I could see the mis understanding in thinking otherwords.. I have seen therapist and if I see another one in 40 years it would be too soon. For me anyways.

My wife and I seperated under mutal agreements and my youngest lives with me, I still have family and we didn't seperate on bad terms we talk almost daily.

But really I can't stress that enough I am great..I know who I am ..I'm a crossdresser and will be for life even if I never dress again.

[sissystephanie]

I just wanted to clear some myths ... People who say if you do not enjoy crossdessing WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP DOING IT?? I will have you know that I have stopped dressing going on my third month.. My mind has never been so clear I can focus on being more productive I am happier about myself and with myself, I am at ease and peacefull. I am not depressed!!

But to think the urges can just be turned off is only fooling myself , I am surprised the amount of people who suggested that and can easily say that! I am only here to support ,NOT Dressing for the most part that isn't a good idea to Not support dressing and don't get me wrong on that..But to support real issues that some members have on controlling the urges to share what works for me as well as friends and family members with lack of acceptance and suggest how to deal with them. I am also still here to continue to learn I know there is no cure for Crossdressing ...YET...

CW, I am glad that you are now happy and at ease. But I do want to clear up what I believe is a misconception you have.

You stated that, "there is no cure for Crossdressing...Yet". Sorry, there is a cure!! It is called STOPPING!! As others have said, it is like an addiction! But addictions can be overcome, if the desire is there! Many smokers, alcoholics, and drug addicts have done so. Note, this only works with CD's if the CD is a true CD, and not a Transsexual hiding under the CD mantle. By true CD, I mean one who dresses merely for the pleasure of wearing feminine garments and no other reason!

As I said, you have to have the desire to stop. And that means totally walking away from any and all aspects of Crossdressing. That would include being on this Forum! I am not trying to mock, or belittle, you in any way. But if CD activities cause you such pain and discomfort as you described, then you should be as far away from any such activities as possible, including this Forum! You said yourself that being on here brings back memories of dressing, so why do it? If you truly don't want to dress, there is no reason to learn more about Crossdressing, is there?

I do hope you stay pain free and in good spirits!

[Maria2222]

Hi CW,
I hope things continue to go well for you. I don't think it's as simple as deciding whether to dress or not. In fact, I don't think any of us really has a choice at all. I think being a CD is inborn in us and will always come back no matter what we do to try to prevent it or ignore it. We can't stop it any more than we can stop breathing.
Given that, we need to accept something that's truly an intimate part of us and learn to live with it and enjoy it.
My

[curse within]

Sissy,

With all due repect no...That is not true, through all I have searched and all I have read no there is no such thing as a CDer stopping as a cure for any reason why one dresses.. Believe me I have searched and searched for answers..

I am staying here to support and continue to learn as I stated , this place has been great at giving me the support to not only continue to stop from how I see dressing to learning what happens and why .. You just don't go cold Turkey , yes you can with smokes and drinking but crossdressing is something most feel you are born with, not a stimulant or addiction.. No you are not only a Trans sexual if you have desires to dress and can't stop ,completely different subject and no I am not a Trans sexual BTW..

I appeciate your efforts in helping I am not in denial, I asked for this post and I am in no way upset over it please don't get me wrong. But it's a myth you can't just stop forever it takes control and understanding and yes will power , That is what I am after... People have stopped for months years and
decades only to return dressing, some say the only way out is death ( no I am not picking that exit)..

I am not asking for any simpthy what so ever no need for anyone to feel sorry for me ..I am doing great I just wanted to challenge how anyone can think that you just snap your fingers and ......poof ...you don't dress anymore..BTW yes I have stopped been done for almost three months nothing new for me tho as I gone years before without dressing or even desires..

Thanks again Sissy and as I said no dis respect intended..

C.W.

[sissystephanie]

Sissy,

With all due repect no...That is not true, through all I have searched and all I have read no there is no such thing as a CDer stopping as a cure for any reason why one dresses.. Believe me I have searched and searched for answers..

I am staying here to support and continue to learn as I stated , this place has been great at giving me the support to not only continue to stop from how I see dressing to learning what happens and why .. You just don't go cold Turkey , yes you can with smokes and drinking but crossdressing is something most feel you are born with, not a stimulant or addiction.. No you are not only a Trans sexual if you have desires to dress and can't stop ,completely different subject and no I am not a Trans sexual BTW..

I appeciate your efforts in helping I am not in denial, I asked for this post and I am in no way upset over it please don't get me wrong. But it's a myth you can't just stop forever it takes control and understanding and yes will power , That is what I am after... People have stopped for months years and
decades only to return dressing, some say the only way out is death ( no I am not picking that exit)..

I am not asking for any simpthy what so ever no need for anyone to feel sorry for me ..I am doing great I just wanted to challenge how anyone can think that you just snap your fingers and ......poof ...you don't dress anymore..BTW yes I have stopped been done for almost three months nothing new for me tho as I gone years before without dressing or even desires..

Thanks again Sissy and as I said no dis respect intended..

C.W.

CW, no disrespect noticed! You are very polite in your responses.

In the over 70 years that I have been alive, I have had many opportunities to talk to many people knowledgeable about Crossdressing. This includes MD's, Psychologists, and trained Therapists. Only a very few did I see on a professional level. But one thing I do remember from my many conversations with them. Virtually all of them were of the opinion that Crossdrssing is NOT something you were born with!! It is, according to them, an acquired desire!
Therefore, it can, like any other acquired desire, be stopped!

Notice, I did not say it can be stopped by snapping your fingers! You said yourself it takes control, understanding and will power! That is very true, just as it is for any addiction. The most important thing is will power! Without that you cannot achieve anything. With it there is not limit to what you can do, except maybe physical limititations. I did stop being a CD for several years, because I wanted to! I only started to dress again because my dear late wife asked me to! If my daughter, or my GGF, asked me to stop tomorrow I would. No question as to whether I can, or not. I know that I have the willpower to do it. Do you??

I understand your desire to learn more, but I think you are putting undue stress on yourself by continuing to read the Forum. If you really want to give up Crossdressing completely, then you need to get as far away from it as possible, as I said earlier.

No disrespect to you, but I think you are in denial! You think you want to stop, but you don't have the will power to do it! See my paragraph above for the reason why I think that.

It is your ball, what are you going to do with it?

[curse within]

Sissy,

Thanks again and with the same respect as before I have to disagree..Believe it or not Sissy I was in total agreement with the way you suggested and I would have stood behind your every word that was not to long ago, but at much to my dismay I was proved wrong again and again.. That was when I was in denial..

I am in total acceptance and will try anything to completely stop , This is a new approach for me due to my old beliefs and years of broken promises to myself.Through out your years of cding a lot was learned many studys and through that time with trial and error also happening.. In my opinion. Due to studys that did take place WERE considered wishy washy by that meaning the SUBJECTS that were studied. Because so much wasn't understood about crossdressing as a WHOLE the studied subjects were found to be in SOME cases Trans Sexuals .. This could have only been a opinion because most people in the beggining of these studies were OPENLY crossdresses not the average closet dresser( makes sence because they were in the closet at that time) Only within the past 15 years has crossdressing been studied into different levels and not as a whole..( closet dresser a little more accepted and willing to commit to such studies)..

I know it's hard in to understand but things have been found differently ,even to this date it is not proven that you were or were not born with the desire to crossdress.. There is no proof and doctors are only stating an opinion if they suggest that..

[cd_britney_426]

If you are the same person I remember, it seems like we've been through this before. I hate to say it but you do seem a little bit preachy and out of place but I could be wrong. It is my understanding that this forum category is to support MTF crossdressers. It is not a 12-step program to stop crossdressing. If you are trying to stop crossdressing then that is up to you but none of what you said makes any sense. The exception is the part where if you don't enjoy crossdressing, then don't do it. However, if you don't enjoy crossdressing and don't crossdress, it makes no sense to be on this forum unless of course you are truly supporting other people who crossdress which I am now a bit skeptical about.

Your username basically tells what you believe about crossdressing. Most of us don't feel it is a curse and I personally find such views a bit offensive. It is who we are. Some of us who have been born male have a feminine side which we like to express. Then some of us were born in the wrong body and wish to transition physically as well. From the majority of the posts I have read here, it is not crossdressing that we are unhappy with but it is the unaccepting attitudes of society towards us when we dress. If you prefer to not crossdress just so you can "fit in" with the narrow view of society that is your choice but some if not most of us would rather be ourselves regardless of what other people think. That is not always an easy step but most of us either have or at some point in the future will come out of the closet to people about our CDing.

I'm not going to argue further with you on this issue. Crossdressing is not an illness that needs to be cured. It is expressing our feminine side and for many of us it is who we are. It is also legal freedom of expression. If you don't CD but want to support us, try not calling CDing a curse or something that needs to be cured or otherwise controlled. Britney

[curse within]

If you are the same person I remember, it seems like we've been through this before. I hate to say it but you do seem a little bit preachy and out of place but I could be wrong. It is my understanding that this forum category is to support MTF crossdressers. It is not a 12-step program to stop crossdressing. If you are trying to stop crossdressing then that is up to you but none of what you said makes any sense. The exception is the part where if you don't enjoy crossdressing, then don't do it. However, if you don't enjoy crossdressing and don't crossdress, it makes no sense to be on this forum unless of course you are truly supporting other people who crossdress which I am now a bit skeptical about.

Your username basically tells what you believe about crossdressing. Most of us don't feel it is a curse and I personally find such views a bit offensive. It is who we are. Some of us who have been born male have a feminine side which we like to express. Then some of us were born in the wrong body and wish to transition physically as well. From the majority of the posts I have read here, it is not crossdressing that we are unhappy with but it is the unaccepting attitudes of society towards us when we dress. If you prefer to not crossdress just so you can "fit in" with the narrow view of society that is your choice but some if not most of us would rather be ourselves regardless of what other people think. That is not always an easy step but most of us either have or at some point in the future will come out of the closet to people about our CDing.

I'm not going to argue further with you on this issue. Crossdressing is not an illness that needs to be cured. It is expressing our feminine side and for many of us it is who we are. It is also legal freedom of expression. If you don't CD but want to support us, try not calling CDing a curse or something that needs to be cured or otherwise controlled. Britney

In all fairness please show me ....would you please show me where I have tried in anyway to stop or preach to any about Crossdressing I would love to see it..This Forum clearly states open discussion to all forms of crossdressing

[ColleenShivas]

I have read many of the threads that relate to your curse, and I have responded in a few of them. But I do not have the time to keep up with all of the exchanges, so please forgive me if I missed something.

Nowhere have I read exactly why you believe that this is a curse. Does it ruin your relationship with your SO and other women? Does its expression threaten your career and livelihood? Does your religion reject such behavior? Does it make you question your own sexuality?

If your reasons for externally suppressing your feminine side are stronger than those for enjoying them, then stop already. You may be able to control the urges, but if you are like most of us, they will not go away.

I prefer to think that it is not a curse, but that I am "gender enhanced." Whether or not I choose the external expression, my interactions with others can have more dimensions than male-male and male-female.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

We cannot turn off the URGE/DESIRE to crossdress. It is so deep within our body and soul that this is just not possible. A lot of us have tried to no avail. I still believe that we are born this way - a way that cannot be changed or stopped. People who tell that we just need to stop and that would be the end of it - just plain don't know or appreciate what we live with or go through - until they have walked in my high heels, don't tell me what I can or should do.
JoAnne Wheeler

[sissystephanie]

We cannot turn off the URGE/DESIRE to crossdress. It is so deep within our body and soul that this is just not possible. A lot of us have tried to no avail. I still believe that we are born this way - a way that cannot be changed or stopped. People who tell that we just need to stop and that would be the end of it - just plain don't know or appreciate what we live with or go through - until they have walked in my high heels, don't tell me what I can or should do.
JoAnne Wheeler

As I told CW in an earlier post, YES you can turn off the Urge/Desire!! If you really want to!! And JoAnne, I have walked in high heels, probably more than you have! CW has said repeatedly that he wants to stop Crossdressing. I have no idea why he wants to stop. But if he really truly wants to stop, he would not be writing posts in this Forum. Yes, CW, the Forum is open to all! But it is primarily a Forum for people who Crossdress!! You don't want to do that so why read about people who do?

I said it before and I will say it again. The ONLY way to turn off any Urge/Desire/Addiction is to get completely away from it!

There may, or may not be any concrete evidence as to whether or not we are born as a CD. But I believe most psychologists and psychiatrists who study gender problems would agree that it is an acquired thing, not something you were born with. CW, your very name and your posts on other threads indicate strong feelings concerning the supposed harm that CD'ing has done to you. As one poster did say, you do come across as a bit "preachy!" That is not meant to be insulting in any way, it is just me stating my opinion! I have no idea what your education level is, but I do wonder how much actual research you have done re: Crossdressing!

If you really want to stop, do it and quit reading this Forum!!

[Cassia-Marie]

Well, CW, I have to give you "mad props" (as the kids today say - hehe) for continuing to bring up very interesting and insightful topics. I don't think you're intentionally trying to stir the pot in a bad way and I'm enjoying the discourses.

I'd like to challenge the notion that crossdressing isn't something with which some people are born. If that were the case, how can it be explained that some people start to crossdress at a very early age? For myself, I remember desiring to dress like a girl as early as 4 or 5 years of age when I first started taking responsibility for dressing myself. I don't consider myself to be a transsexual; I have just always preferred women's clothing and the feelings I have when wearing them. That is to say, I don't want to be a woman, I just want to look like a woman and, hopefully, feel like a woman. I don't see how that can be considered "an acquired thing."

If CW is in the same camp, quitting as some have suggested isn't as simple as some have suggested. Perhaps if he were to move to a deserted island where there's no television or printed media so that he won't see advertisements for female-related clothing or products and where there aren't any women to fuel any desires, then he might have a fighting chance at quitting. After all, like Hannibal Lecter said:

"He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer, now. …We begin by coveting things we see everyday…"

I will agree that CW won't find a way to quit by visiting this forum but he will gain excellent knowledge and insight here. If that helps him to come to an understanding about himself and what crossdressing means to him and that leads to a solution for him that helps him quit, then bravo! My guess is that the more knowledge and understanding he can gain, the better-equipped he is to deal with whatever issues he has with crossdressing.

[tvbeckytv]

And JoAnne, I have walked in high heels, probably more than you have!

I think that just goes to show how much you actually understand what people are saying.

[Kelli Michelle]

Doctors, therapists, etc.... for every one there is an opinion. I also suspect that we don't know if MOST think cding is an acquired thing. I would tend to believe those people more if they had excellent experience with cders. My research indicates that doctors DON'T know WHY crossdressers do it. They have an opinion, perhaps, perhaps learned, but still without enough proof, if any. It is not an addiction imho.

My own personal belief, is that eventually they will find a brain function that is different, or that there was chemical reaction while we were in the womb, etc that affected all of us.

Yes we can keep from doing it but at what cost? Would you quit and be miserable for years and years, when there is not one damn thing wrong with it? It's not illegal, it's not morally wrong (imo), it's only socially unacceptable. Because of that reasoning, it's nothing like drug addiction, alcoholism, or even smoking (which physically damages you and others). Even if we speculate it was an addiction like them, it is hard to imagine how one could stop forever, when the temptation would be there in front of us constantly (movies, tv, catalogs, internet sites, and just women walking around).

Another point, you don't hear people (well not many anymore) say to another group, "...you gays...you can overcome that...it's an addiction that can be stopped... you just have to be mentally tough...you can do it if you really want to..."

If cding is NOT an addiction then I would think that everyone should be fine with it. But, of course, they won't be for sometime

[curse within]

Well, CW, I have to give you "mad props" (as the kids today say - hehe) for continuing to bring up very interesting and insightful topics. I don't think you're intentionally trying to stir the pot in a bad way and I'm enjoying the discourses.

I'd like to challenge the notion that crossdressing isn't something with which some people are born. If that were the case, how can it be explained that some people start to crossdress at a very early age? For myself, I remember desiring to dress like a girl as early as 4 or 5 years of age when I first started taking responsibility for dressing myself. I don't consider myself to be a transsexual; I have just always preferred women's clothing and the feelings I have when wearing them. That is to say, I don't want to be a woman, I just want to look like a woman and, hopefully, feel like a woman. I don't see how that can be considered "an acquired thing."

If CW is in the same camp, quitting as some have suggested isn't as simple as some have suggested. Perhaps if he were to move to a deserted island where there's no television or printed media so that he won't see advertisements for female-related clothing or products and where there aren't any women to fuel any desires, then he might have a fighting chance at quitting. After all, like Hannibal Lecter said:

"He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer, now. …We begin by coveting things we see everyday…"

I will agree that CW won't find a way to quit by visiting this forum but he will gain excellent knowledge and insight here. If that helps him to come to an understanding about himself and what crossdressing means to him and that leads to a solution for him that helps him quit, then bravo! My guess is that the more knowledge and understanding he can gain, the better-equipped he is to deal with whatever issues he has with crossdressing.

Cassia... Big kudos to you my friend for seeing and understanding what my goal is here...

I really can't blame or shake a stick at those who do not, I mean I am the one who has been out spoken here to stop but taken wrong.. I have been a life time dresser and seems to me Cassia you have had simular bouts , just as I did at one time enjoyed dressing.

Thank you once again for understanding..

To answer another post "why do I want to stop".. Yes you are correct I have posted the reason why several times but I really don't mind doing it again.. So here it is..

I believe most everyone has wanted to stop for one reason or another , a time or two in their lives,family, friends or quilt who knows I have been there for those reasons before. I have just found this new desire to stop I have decided that dressing is not for me because of all the grief it has brought me not only in the past , but in recent times..No it has nothing to do with friends , family or society believes and HAS everything to do with me...

I was raised to hate it, to feel ashamed of it and to never expose it to anyone or the fact that it is part of me... for over 40 years!! So in my times of self indulging I thought I was getting happiness only to recieve quilt from my selfishness . It takes me from family and friends as well as being productive to dress alone because that is the only way for me ..THE ONLY WAY..

So yes it may be a sign of weakness or it could be strength either way it is my choice.. Many of us HAVE TRIED to stop for many reasons. I havn't purged yet either and I won't for some time .. I am sorry if my post are disturbing or offend any of you and by all means if you feel that way just look under the title you will see the name of who started the post ignore mine..

I would just like to stay on topic myself not looking for a pissing match just a discussion IN ALL AREAS OF MTF CROSSDRESSING..

Thanks

C.W.