Guy blasted me on Hot or Not!

[Shannon]

I used to obsess over what other people thought of me and would spend so much of my energy trying to please them, I had no idea how to be myself. My therapist had me write this down, and I would read it every morning as part of my daily meditation:

"What other people think or feel about me is none of my business, unless I have wronged them, and if so, I need to make amends if doing so doesn’t result in further harm.
And when I’m working my boundaries, which implies I know what they are and honor them, what other people think of me is more about them and their history than it is about me."

As others have noted, all that hostility is his history, not yours. We can't control how other people behave; all we can control is our reaction to others' behavior.

[Sally2005]

ya, but did he add himself to your wants to meet you list? He probably gave you a high vote then figured out he was attracted to a male...

You might want to respond and just tell him you think he is cute, but CDers arn't gay so you'll have to pass, your just a regular guy, ...etc.etc..

Don't blast the guy, that's what he gets off on.


ps...just saw other post on not controlling others history...I agree, but you might be able to influence their future. Just don't let their history impact your future.

[docrobbysherry]

I agree 100%. I never got the whole thing of hot or not with people on this forum.

I've found I got much better ratings if I listed myself as a GG. And, as being interested in women! All my friends were females! No men at all!

Problem solved!

[MissConstrued]

Simple solution: Don't post pics on Hot or Not, trying to get guys interested.

Aww, that's crazy talk!

[EryLynn]

I think Rachel's comment is spot on!

Ery

[Nicole Erin]

OK I see the photo.
You see, he probably looked, saw nylon legs sticking out of a skirt, liked what he saw, and later after "enjoying" what he saw, read the CD part, got pissed, wrote comment, went back later and "enjoyed" the photo some more.

Men see legs sticking out of a skirt and that pretty much does it for them.

Trust me, regardless of what he wrote, he likes you.

[2b.Lauren]

You look gorgeous in that dress, and as others have mentioned you have sexy legs. I agree with the other posters he is just a narrow minded jerk, that is probably so far in the closet he would come out with the mothballs. I applaud you for taking the risk to post on there. With that risk comes the spoils so you have to be willing to accept the good comments with the bad ones. However this seems more like an attack and that is difficult to deal with.

[Amanduhrob]

I don't get the Hot or Not thing, nor do I understand why a hetero male is trying to attract other hetero males.

Now if you are gay, or bi, and want to attract other guys, why post a pic of yourself in drag?

[Vicki65]

Thing is, if you post pretty much ANYTHING in the public domain, you are inviting opinion and criticism, and not everyone likes what we do.

By the same token, you could have posted that you like red cars and had someone lambast you personally for your terrible taste in colours.

If you dont want negative criticism, dont post pics because as sure as eggs is eggs, for every person that loves you / agrees with you / has the same tastes, there will be another person who completely disagrees, fears you or is sickened by this.

So, your choice is either harden up, or 'stay out of the kitchen'

[Lisa Catherine]

The more I think about it, the more positive I am that he's using anger to hide his own personal issues, jokers like that are best "blown off" and ignored!!

[Lorileah]

I don't get the Hot or Not thing, nor do I understand why a hetero male is trying to attract other hetero males.

Now if you are gay, or bi, and want to attract other guys, why post a pic of yourself in drag?

Because that is who we are. Most people here are not gay or bi but dress, the ones who are gay or bi dress because we like to dress. Honestly most gay men do not want to be with a crossdresser.

Having not ever been on Hot ot Not I don't know exactly the purpose of the web site but if it is a dating site and one is a crossdresser then posting as such to attract a partner is the right thing to do.

[Hali]

He probably thought you looked really cute ... maybe he even had the hots for you, gave you a 10 then he scrolled down and saw you had written that you are a CDer and then got really pixxed off because he's an homophobic a$$!

So funny........really funny, may be he had the hots for u and later figure it out that he was "fooled" by a CDer the private message shows a bit about his concern for u..............u got him baby.

[Alice Torn]

I was not super upset, when i read the note, really wondred why there were not more. Just thought I would make a thread. I have very few friends, and seldo anyone to converse with, so I thought I wopuld start a discussion about it. I think i will change the profile, to how Doc did it, but, like Erin said, just nyloned legs in heels, sticking out of a skirt, will get every guys attention, and they don't think it might be a cd.

[Vicky Perry]

still alot of very small and narrow minded people out there

[Stormgirl]

Just ignore that angry insecure man, he probably wasn't given enough love as a child and wouldn't dare lash out at anybody unless he was behind a computer.

[Anna_kissed]

Could I suggest a different perspective? He has gone to that site expecting to find birth women--on that assumption he finds a person attractive and then finds out the person is not as he assumed. To me its not hard to imagine he might feel tricked and mislead. That doesnt excuse abuse but maybe the source of that is more in hurt than malice?

[danacd96]

I never condone nasty or disrespectfull people. And as we all know there are plenty of those types in this world we live in. However I doubt that many of us would willingly parade down good ole Mayberry USA with a sign around our neck that reads cd or tg girl here, and not expect some sort of negative response. My point is be aware of your surroundings before you proceed. I mean this with all due respect!

dana

[Alice Torn]

Anna, good point. One time, I was in drab at a singles dance, and it was kind of dark. I saw what i thought was a tall lady, and asked her to dance. I sooned learned that she was a cd, or tg, but, finished the dance. I was not angry, just surprised! One friend of mine said he would have decked the person. I can understand why the guy who railed at me was surprised, and even angry some,, and felt he was doing the right thing. In the past, during my more small town, country boy background, I might have been angry too, but not verbally, or physically. I try to put myself in the other person's shoes. I can understand his frustration, because. isn't it difficult enough trying to find attractive birth ladies, that want to date, these days? And when he thought he found one, surprise! It doesn't justify the name calling, viscious verbal attack, though.

[terrinoble]

I had a pic at Hot or Not, it got up to a 9 at times. This was a few years ago and I've forgotten about it since.

The trolls are out there and won't go away. The CD/TG newsgroups on Usenet are all but useless now, since the trolls have carpetbombed them with their hateful screeds, reveling in crossposting from other groups they want to troll.

[MsJanessa]

I agree 100%. I never got the whole thing of hot or not with people on this forum.

Ditto---I really don't see what the attraction is on that site--- the name alone is disrespectful to both GGs and TGs-it kind of implies a meat rack approach. if you are interested in people looking at your photos (and possibly hooking up with you) I would suggest one of the sites that cater to T-Gurls like urnotalone or possibly alt.com---I wouldn't reccomend a site that caters mainly to adolesncent(either in age or in attitude) heterosexual males who tend to use it as a masturbation aid. If you are interested in getting comments and feedback on your photos only with no urge for romantic involvement, I would recommend using the photo section on this site.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

YES, be careful what you post and where you post it - you just might catch a homophobe instead

JoAnne Wheeler

[Kate Simmons]

Just ignore an idiot like that. You're probably more of a man than he will ever be, hell, we probably all are even when en femme.

[Nicki B]

..like Erin said, just nyloned legs in heels, sticking out of a skirt, will get every guys attention, and they don't think it might be a cd.

That's just the way men are wired - they react mainly to visual sexual signals? Whereas women tend to need more variety of stimulation..

I don't get the Hot or Not thing, nor do I understand why a hetero male is trying to attract other hetero males.

Now if you are gay, or bi, and want to attract other guys, why post a pic of yourself in drag?

You don't? It's not about finding someone to get into bed with, it's ALL about 'am I fanciable?', while keeping others at a safe distance. And, given the number of cis-men and women who post photos of themselves, it's a pretty common need?

While, on top of that, we (as trans) have the whole 'validation' thing - can I really look good, as a woman?

[Cheryl T]

As a friend of mine would say....

"So many Dick's, so few Richard's"

[CD Susan]

Personally I would never post a picture of myself on any website that was not cd specific such as this one. I have deleted my profiles on several cd/tg/ts sites because of the trolls messing with me. After a few e-mail exchanges they are easy to spot. This is the reason that I think "guests" on cd/tg/ts websites have too much accessability to bonafide members personal information and pictures. The internet can be a wonderful place but it is also a very disscusting and dangerous place at times because there are so many a$$ holes in the world. There is probably some non cd sympathetic jerk reading this right now and laughing his a$$ off.