? A Dangerous Comfort Level With CDing

[Sheila]

Twice recently on here I have nearly "outed" Debs's Male identiity

Once I nearly added a Pic of HIM & I as my Profile pic and once posted a thread where I used his male name ......... now that one was just after I discovered his Car accident and was posting to let folks know why we would not be in the ark for our engagement do that night ........ fortunately I very quickly realised what I had done ( secs rather than minutes) and immediately changed the Male name to Debs, but it was a close thing.

I did tell debs about both occasions and while neither of us would have been devestated it made me and her realise that there are hidden dangerers in our comfort levels of acceptance.

On other sites I use where I have pics I have very nearly added Debs pics, again caught myself in time .............. but it just goes to show how easy it can be to out your partner and without an ounce of maliciousness in it ..... anybody else come close ?

[trisha59]

I think it shows how comfortable you are with both people. I know that we CDers do not make it easy for you supporting GG's. We all have this secret identity that comes out from time to time and we would like her to be treated as a separate individual. But mention her in front of our friends Makes you appreciate Alfred and Bruce Wayne's relationship

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Shelia - if things don't work out, I'd like to date you

JoAnne Wheeler

[Nicki B]

I think it shows how comfortable you are with both people.

I think it just demonstrates you think of Debs as just one person - and surely, you should?

[beenherelongtime]

i assume you are a GG girl, yes you must be carefule not to out Debs as you call him. How does he feel about the close call. If he is outed, will it be the end of the world for him or just a little(or lot) uncomfortable.

[Kate Simmons]

It's only dangerous if we see it that way Sheila. I prefer to call it freedom myself.

[ggtracy]

Sheila- I have done the same types of things. I am so comfortable with going out with my SO that I often forget he is in femme. so there is the occassional slip where i refer him to by his male name and/or show him manly things while shopping. these things usually don't bother him and he said he actually finds it endearing to think I always see him as one person.

but once I posted a poem I wrote on my yahoo profile which sent him into a brief tailspin. He loved the poem (it was about him/her) but he was afraid that his coworkers might see my profile listed in his contacts, then click on my profile, read the poem and figure it all out. Of course, I deleted it quickly when I realized his anxiety.

[Sheila]

I think it shows how comfortable you are with both people. But mention her in front of our friends Makes you appreciate Alfred and Bruce Wayne's relationship

I think it just demonstrates you think of Debs as just one person - and surely, you should?

yup it is purely because of that comfort level that has nearly caused both slip us on here and on other places

Shelia - if things don't work out, I'd like to date you JoAnne Wheeler

JoAnne not a hope in H**L that this ain't gonna work out

i assume you are a GG girl, yes you must be carefule not to out Debs as you call him. How does he feel about the close call. If he is outed, will it be the end of the world for him or just a little(or lot) uncomfortable.

Sweetie go back and read my original post . Debs and I won't go shouting round about home, but if it were to be discovered we have enough love and security in who we are as seperate individuals and as a couple that it would not matter to either of us, she is out to those closest to both of us that other peoples opinions are incidental one way or the other

[Gabrielle Hermosa]

I applaud your comfort level!

If everyone was this comfortable with crossdressers - there would be no danger left in the matter. I know that's just a dream-world right now, but got to dream/reach high, right?

It seems to me that you were able to quickly remedy the mistakes you made, so no harm done. I'm sure this experience will only help you to be more careful in the future. Maybe it's good that it happened, without incident, and now you're more careful.

Did I mention I applaud your comfort level?

[Jacquilynne]

This is on the same level but a bit different. . .I have started to Sign my name as Jacie and not my male name on different things only to catch myself just in time! Could be difficult explaining who Jacie is in certain circumstances

anyone done anything similar?

Jacie

[Nicki B]

Had you thought of using a unisex name or initial, as a sort of nick or shortened name, so you can just use one all the time, e.g. 'D' (Dee)?

[mykhelee]

My only near outing experiences were exposing my shaved armpits at a friends home who did not know I dressed, and once when my daughter had bought me some boots and brought them down to me in front of some relations who did know that I dressed. As we wear the same size shoe she quickly changed gears to showing me "her" new boots. All is still well.

Sheila,
As you and Debs grow closer you will have to continue to be on your guard.

Peace,
Khelli

[Di]

In the very beginning ....we dated as Sher and Di ( long distance and being together a weekend a month 3 yrs back)....and when I moved here .....Sher had time off and it was Sher and Di for weeks on end....and I rarely saw the guy side...and it felt odd to say the guy name......... then real life was upon us and there was equal time as guy side and Sher...and I called her babe.....cause I was terrified I would say Sher in inapprobiate times....but it's all cool now.
I know how you feel you are proud and want to shout it to the world..and sometimes you are thinking Deb in your mind....when you should be saying the guy name but it will be easier I promise

[Deborah Jane]

Shelia - if things don't work out, I'd like to date you

JoAnne Wheeler

You,re too late JoAnne, we,re engaged to be married on 21st October 2009 Sheila will become "Mrs Debs"

i assume you are a GG girl, yes you must be carefule not to out Debs as you call him. How does he feel about the close call. If he is outed, will it be the end of the world for him or just a little(or lot) uncomfortable.

If i,m outed it,s something i,m prepared to deal with at the time, it will be uncomfortable to start with, but i,m sure it won,t be the end of the world.

[Nigella]

I applaud your comfort level!

... If everyone was this comfortable with crossdressers...

Sheila has reached this level in such a short time. She didn't sit back and say OMG, she researched, asked and "dealt" with things.

If i,m outed it,s something i,m prepared to deal with at the time, it will be uncomfortable to start with, but i,m sure it won,t be the end of the world.

Your'e right Debs, and with Sheila by your side, and others on here who care for you both, you will find all the support and love you will need.

[Emily Anderson]

I don't think there's really a great danger of outing someone on the forum, unless they are a media celebrity or otherwise highly visible person of the general public.

As has been said many times before, if someone found you here, that would beg the question "And what exactly were YOU doing on crossdressers.com?"

Reason for editing: Sorry Debs! I forgot that you ARE a media celebrity!!!!

Reason for editing again: Remember the toilet roll ad? Hint hint.

[Deborah Jane]

Reason for editing: Sorry Debs! I forgot that you ARE a media celebrity!!!!

Reason for editing again: Remember the toilet roll ad? Hint hint.

Of course i do Emily


For those of you who are unsure, i,m the blonde running around on all fours with toilet paper around my neck

[Sheila]

Sheila has reached this level in such a short time. She didn't sit back and say OMG, she researched, asked and "dealt" with things. .

I reached where I am today with a lot of love and support from many people on the forum, SO thanks to all of you who continue to help me and now us.

The fact that Debs is so comfortable with both sides of her has made a huge difference to my being able to be at ease with both of them, there is no huge pull to either side and so I am as relaxed with Debs as I am with her male side

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="3"]Oddly I have a difficult time thinking of Bre in any sort of male mode...

I mean, I've seen her in it. I see pictures of her that way as well.

...but for the life of me, Bre is a woman and I don't see her any other way.

If she has to talk to anyone in her male voice, I've asked her not to be in hearing range of me because it is so strange to hear such a deep, masculine voice come out of my petite girlfriend.

So thankfully I don't have a problem mixing up one mode with the other... only forgetting she ever had a different mode! [/SIZE]

[PretzelGirl]

I don't think there's really a great danger of outing someone on the forum, unless they are a media celebrity or otherwise highly visible person of the general public.

As has been said many times before, if someone found you here, that would beg the question "And what exactly were YOU doing on crossdressers.com?"
.

Depends on how you out the person. If you go ahead and Google your handle, you will come up with posts in this forum. I believe the private forums are no problem, but the public ones get indexed.

Now if you just give up a first name like Bob, it will not likely be an issue. Like I said, it depends how.

[Emily Anderson]

Now if you just give up a first name like Bob, it will not likely be an issue. Like I said, it depends how.

Since when was anyone's real name what they use as an alias in the forum?

I can only assume that if your real name is Emily Anderson and that's what you use as an alias, then yes, there could be a problem, Bob.

[PretzelGirl]

Since when was anyone's real name what they use as an alias in the forum?

I can only assume that if your real name is Emily Anderson and that's what you use as an alias, then yes, there could be a problem, Bob.

I might not have presented that well enough. The discussion was if someone was outed by mistake and it was being said that it wouldn't matter because someone would need to be coming to a crossdressing board to view the message.

My point is that this particular forum does get indexed by Google, so someone doesn't have to come to this site to see the message that caused the outing. It will show up on Google, so it depends on the "how" of the outing and the search terms used.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I don't think there's really a great danger of outing someone on the forum, unless they are a media celebrity or otherwise highly visible person of the general public

I'm self employed in a business that means that a lot of people in the local area know me, but I'm not really that well known in the community overall.

I am fairly out in many ways, and yet people don't see it. I have in-laws who looked at my female profile photo on facebook (it came up in "people you might know" while I was helping my father-in-law set up his profile - think about that ) without recognising me. I've even blogged extensively about trying to work out whether my in-laws have a clue or not. Being outed doesn't really bother me that much as long as it doesn't impact negatively on my family or my work.

I guess that the real issue is how much being outed would impact on your life. If it would cause significant problems, then obviously you need to be careful. If it would have little or no negative implications, it may be better to make the decision to out yourself or be deliberately slack in the hope that people will work it out for themselves.

Alice