Hi Everyone,

I feel like I’m living a lie all over again.

This is one of the most difficult things I have had to do, but because of the comments on my avatar, it is so necessary. I have told my story here, in several posts, about living a lie for 59 years as this facade named Steve. And to my surprise, and sadness, I realize I have done it again, as Denise, with all of you. I have received many compliments on my avatar, about how pretty I am, how “passable”, how easy it must be for me to go out, but unfortunately, it’s a lie. You see, I picked the one picture, out of 150 shots, that made me look my best, pretty, cute, even feminine. Now I realize that most people (most of us) do the very same thing, probably unconcieously and it’s understandable, but in this case it makes me seem like someone I’m not. I think many of you ladies think it was easy for me to venture out, even in a limited way, because I wouldn’t be noticed for the most part. But nothing could be further from the truth, since I knew, from the time I left my motel room for the first time, I would not pass for one moment, but I was accepted, because of my confidence. Gina is a terrific makeup artist, but there is no way to hide 59 years worth of winkles or bags under your eyes. You can make them magically disappear for the movies, or even pictures (if you take enough), but not for personal appearances. So, I have posted the real pictures of me, in the picture gallery, along side my current avatar (which I will soon change) because I cannot live a lie with the best, and only family I have ever known. And for those of you who think you don’t look good enough to venture out, it’s not about looks, it’s about confidence, which Gina gave me. You see, Niki’s right, “passing” doesn’t matter, being ourselves does. I’m not trying to represent any great “causes” here, just trying to make it easier for me, and all of you to leave your houses or apartments without any concern about who you are. I am really sorry for the deception, it wasn’t intentional, just the ego in me; even Denise has one I guess. I always end my posts or comments the same way and I wonder if it becomes so common to become irrelevant. But the thing is, I mean it. Always. I have a feeling the more I hang around this family, the more likely is my goodbyes will soon exceed my comments.

With all my love, respect, admiration, and undying gratitude to you all,
Denise

P.S. Wish I didn’t cry so much, it’s so girlie.