Holy smokes!
the last thing i wanted to do with one of my very few posts was create unrest!
A couple of things. First, I never once said i thought my wife was being selfish in doing what she did with her clothes. My whole point was how far denial had gone.I know at some point in time or another she WILL read anything I post here. She always does, infact she's a member under a name she would rather not tell me in order to have a place somewhat of her own for support. I have no fear in her reading that. This is no bombshell.
Second, those that see my statement as being selfish are absolutely right. In hind sight, I was being selfish. But please keep something in mind here.much like the rest of us, I have NO other place to air these feelings out when I have them. So this is my only outlet for getting set straight when I might need it. There are VERY few among us who havn't needed to be set straight on something or other. And next to NONE of us that hasn't had a selfish feeling spelled out right here on this forum.
i only read the first two pages of responses so far, I didn't really detect alot of people dragging my wife through the mud, but there were a couple that got the impression that she's a selfish such and such. this is not the case. Neither her or i are anymore selfish than anyone else. What we are is a couple of people in some serious need of communication.
To be called "the most selfish person on this forum" by an administrator is very disheartening. But then again, I don't need to be handled with kid gloves. if we want to pull punches like that around here (which I don't ever recall it being that way) so be it. I won't be back.
I look at you all as my friends. I've had a couple of occassions where I've told people here that I disagree with them, but never have I given them a smackdown for what I percieve as there misguided view.
In the end it isn't even about the clothes. At this stage in the game I really do get alot more out of buying my own.
Two years ago when I first came here I was a little more active, there was more continuity to my story so to speak. There's alot left out between now and then. Alot of her ups and downs with it havn't been aired. The fact of the matter is, within about a year and a half of coming out, things were moving to a more accepting situation. We had communication, we seemed to be working towards compromise. At one point she was ok with a small chest with my stuff in it being in our closet. At her strongest point, one time during a conversation about my cding, she even offered me to go into her closet and pick out a couple of things to keep for myself while she looked on.If they happened to be something she doesn't wear anymore they were mine to keep.I was flabbergasted, I was almost in tears. And her old cothes, according to her, were open game.That was early summer '06. The last couple of discussions regarding it were in November '07. Inwhich she no longer wanted to see or hear anything about it. I wasn't pushing it on her any harder, i wasn't forcing the topic. I was dressing 1 time every other month provided there was a time to do so inwhich I had the house to myself.This was per our agreement. But her ability to maintain a tolerence of it had obviously faded. I can't blame her for her feelings.Since then, we've been in limbo.
I still can't help but to think that there was at least a shred of malice in the way she did what she did with those clothes. I just wish we could even talk about it. We've gone from one side to the other. For a short time, i finally stopped hating myself for being a crossdresser. Now i find myself wondering why I have to be such a freak. Why do i have to have these feelings about wearing woman's clothes. I guess that's more what the statement was all about. My own struggles that I once let go of and accepted, and now feel dirty about again.
There's a line in one of my all time favorite songs that goes:
"Cold silence has and tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion"[/I]
that's what it's all about...i guess.
Anyways, thank you all for your input. All angles of it were very helpful. And please let's all try not to get in little tiffs back and forth when throwing our raw feelings out on the table. This computer screen is really all some of us have got here.
