Hi, I joined this site specifically to get input with this issue because I'm afraid to tell anyone, for fear of losing respect and credibility.

I'm transgendered, I live full time as a woman. Came out at sixteen starting living full time at seventeen. Parents were not accepting at all, but I pushed hard. I'm so out of the closet that I have to cover up being born male as opposed to hiding my crossdressing and etc.

Point is, however, that I enjoy most of the same fantasies that transvestites get off on, forced fem, public humiliation, flashy clothes, age inappropriate clothing. I feel like with men I get off more from feeling like a (pardon the chiche) "sissy bitch" than the actual experience. At the same time I don't feel like I have a male bone in my body (pun not intended) and I would never want to live as a man again and if somehow forced to I know without a doubt I would commit suicide. Fortunately such a situation is absolutely impossible no matter how destitute I am or where I might be imprisoned.
As far as sex, I haven't "made love" in a few years and feel like I'm running almost completely on fetishes and bare sex drive. I was involved with a dominant couple while living in a certain midwesternish large city. We never had sex. It was all pain play and mindf**ks (not sure what the profanity policy here is), it made me feel like pain was better than sex.
I feel as though I'm both transsexual and a transvestite, but that of course seems like an oxymoron, and it is. My primary fetishes are masochism and salirophilia, which is like a sexual arousal from filthiness. So consequently I get off looking trashy, whorish, noticably aberrant and taking place in activities that degrade me physically, emotionally, and socially. Everyone knows I'm excessively kinky. Every person I've dated (save for one leech), has said something to the effect of " I thought I was kinky but you're... wow".

So my dilemma when it all boils down is; am I a transgendered woman who happens to have lots of intense fetishes, or am I a transvestite who has taken it to the most extreme level possible?
Either way, I'm not going to change, the way I live is the way I want to. I just want to know.

P.S. don't confront me on my use of the term transvestite as opposed to crossdresser, I know exactly what the difference is and that's why I used it.