So I am on a business trip right now. I'm dressed en femme, and though it feels nice and I like the way I look in the mirror, it isn't stopping the constant nagging like it used to.
I just finished reading "She's Not There" by Jennifer Boylan last night, and was struck by how many similarities there were. Yet another transsexual's life story that matches up with my life story in so many ways. Last week I was investigating 47 XXY and matching things in my own life to the symptoms list. I haven't had my chromosomes tested, but I am in the process of finding out if my insurance will cover it. The more I look at 47 XXY, the more it seems to fit. We shall see, I guess.
This week I had a paper due in my psychology class. I chose gender dysphoria as a topic (I figured it's easier to write about what you know). One of the professional journal articles stated that, "...the terms gender identity disorder, gender dysphoria, and transsexualism are used interchangeably in this article". I felt like crying, especially after my therapist spent half of our last session telling me how well she thought I would pass if I were to transition, due to my build, facial features, proportions, and mannerisms.
I am tired of the constant nagging thoughts, the amount of my waking hours that are consumed by gender. Right now I really wish I was just "normal". Hell, right now I just wish the crossdressing would work. I'm been feeling very condemned recently. More depression recently than I am used to.
Anna
