How high are YOUR "standards" when you CD?

[closetcd17]

Okay,I'll start by describing my own OCD-ness (is that a word,lol) when it comes to me CDing.
I like and feel like I have to look like a girl;passing is my goal,but since I never leave the house,I'm happy enough to resemble a pretty/cute woman with more masculine features (there are plenty of GG's who fit that bill!).

And when I say 'look like a girl',I mean I do almost anything within reason to obliterate my male secondary sexual characteristics (body hair,FACIAL hair,broad looking shoulders,hair styling),and heighten or create female ones via make up (especially for my skin ,eyes and lips).

And,cards on the table...I have felt myself get super bummed out when I can see a shadow on my chin in the mirror,or if an outfit is so unflattering in appearance but not necessarily textures (who can't just love all the textures of women's clothes?).

Sometimes, I get the urge to dress,and say for instance I just shaved my face yesterday morning and its too soon to do so again without consequences (cuts,rashes),I just kinda pout and give up and go about the next hour or so in a bit of a slump:/ I'll just look in the mirror and what ends up happening on those occasions is I'll just get this nagging "inner monologue" in my mind that says stuff like 'yeee-ugh'. 'bearded lady' ,'rocky horror', and 'Dude in Drag'....all of which kind of just makes me feel stupid/ridiculous for wanting to try that day.I just ,like, FEEL too ugly/manly to CD that day/instance and just give up then.

I think sometimes that like maybe I'm still a little embarrassed by how unusual my habit is in comparison to "normal" men.And other times I feel like if I am going to CD,it had better be something "worth the while" (passing or near pass) since I don't want to remind myself more of how much of a "freak" I am by having a goatee ,makeup and a cute woman's outfit when I look in the mirror.
(which again,when I do CD, I SHAVE facial hair off!)
It's almost like I want to fool myself...which is odd when I say that out-loud,lol.

Does anyone else get like this?Or something relate-able?


P.S* If I need to hone down my question it might be this:

"Do you all get upset by what you percieve to be "imperfections" and "giveaways" while you CD so much so that you feel like a fool for even bothering to try?"

P.P.S:These are all just my perspectives,I am NOT hatin' on anyone who likes/enjoys gender-blends,NOT altering there male secondary characteristics and/ or other paths;just FYI!;x