I think after much investigation I can say that I am not attracted to men. I say that because when I was testing the waters, I actually felt... uncomfortable being held by him. And knowing that the possibility of going all the way scares me, maybe it truly isn't for me...
That said, having grown up in a conservative and relatively religious background, it stresses me how dressing can be viewed so negatively... I mean, I'll admit sexual gratification is part of why I do it. But just as honest, I'm quite comfortable lounging around at home just simply wearing yoga pants and a tee from forever 21 while maybe working on a paper.
I know this thought weighs some of us down.. so I guess what I'm asking is.. Is there a way to justify this action? I love my parents/family so much. And it'd kill my heart to see them saddened by me if they ever found out.. I don't mean for this post to be a moral attack if it sounds that way.. I'm jus trying to figure out how I'm going to go about the rest of my life. Is this even a moral issue that I need to concern myself with? Am I overthinking things? Question like: "What if I have kids? Will I be able to hide this?" make me concerned... I still have yet to form any solid conclusion on anything.
I'm just troubled.. I grew up in elementary and high school with the foundation that morality isn't subjective. That it is narrow. Maybe that is why i feel this way. However, in college, everything became relative (at least in my experience). I encountered a wide variety of people.
This post might become a touchy subject, but I can no longer reflect and wonder about it on my own. I need help.
Please lend me your thoughts. <3 If you have any questions about my background, to help me find an answer, or get somewhere, I'll be more than happy to answer them.
Thank you loves...
Additional Info:
- I do feel that dressing as Veronica is a part of me that will never go away. I've accepted her.
