Quote Originally Posted by famousunknown View Post
I already have that. In fact, she accepts it more than I ever have. I still don't accept it, don't want it, don't want to acknowledge it, don't want any part of it, yet...it's there. I want it to disappear forever and be gone. I want to be normal.
Oh sorry, I misread. I took it that you wanted to find a way to be a peace with it, because you were single and concerned about not finding an accepting partner.

If you want it to disappear forever and be gone, it will eventually I guess. Honestly, if you hate it each time you dress then I can't see you dressing in misery the rest of your lifetime, unless you're a glutton for punishment.

The alternative is to allow yourself to express femininity when you feel you need to, and forget about it the rest of the time. My SO had several periods of not dressing at all in past years, and one lasted almost an entire year. He just didn't feel like it and this happens to a lot of people here. People in this forum say that CDers can never stop, but some do. I know someone who lives in my town (the husband of a friend) who hasn't CDed in over 3 years, and this was his decision. His wife and grown children are supportive, as is his church community and many of our friends. He was "semi" out to everyone. Actually, about 10 years ago she thought she wanted to transition. I don't know why he stopped. He had been dressing with his wife's full support for 15-20 years. Then one day he grew a beard and that was it.

Just follow your heart and stop beating yourself up when you do. lol